My mother in law , had a stroke on news years eve... and has been in hospital ever since.
She is still mobile... at a push but hasnt eaten since it happened.
She also fell out of bed the other day.. poor soul :(
She cant comminicate and it also seems as if she doesnt recognise anyone anymore...
Her family have now decided that having a peg feeding tube inserted so they can feed her... Her older daughter feels as if shes given up...

I have never really got on with my MIL but its so sad to see someone go from something to nothing

When i asked what would you do, i d like to know if force feeding is the right appraoach

Donna and charliex

sorry about your news, i know from personal experience that this is such an awful thing especially for those who have had a stroke, the dignity and confidence takes a dramatic fall and all you can do is keep trying to be there for her regardless if at the time it does'nt seem as though you are getting anywhere.
As for force feeding maybe it is a good thing for a while anyway to give her the nutrients and vits her body will be lacking and hopefully give her strength,My best friends mum had a stroke last year and she just shut herself down, wouldnt try to communicate or feed or move, everyone just persevered and in time she began to come round,she still has a long way to go though with speech therapy and learning how to do things all over again, its like regressing back to babyhood and this in itself can kill your confidence and self respect.
i hope you will find some solice in what i have told you, im no expert but have had personal experiences.
sam

Hi Donna

The alternatives are a drip - only for a short term, naso-gastric tube which is not very pleasant and if the patient coughs or vomits it can come up - I was in Tesco's one day and my daughter was sick and her tube which went down her nose came back up though her mouth and the food was still being pumped though - I did not know what to do first.

Getting back to your question a Peg is an excellent way of feeding someone who cannot swallow or eat for some reason - it is reversable if your MIL improves, it is not force feeding.  If she is getting sufficent nutrition it may give her the help she needs to start exercising and improving

My daughters hole in her stomach looked just like a earing hole, (although it took a while to get like that as she had the operation a few weeks after radiotherapy on the same area) just a little bigger and I had to renew the tube every few months as the ballon would fail but if someone is unable to eat I would not hesistate to recomend this way of feeding.  The meals can be given at times that suit the carer and recipient but as they are fluid based it must be remembered that what goes in must come out so if feeding overnight a "wee-break" may be called for.

Oh that's awful Donnax. I'm sure your hubby and his family are having a really hard time right now :(

I really don't know what I'd do in that position. All I can think is 'if it were me' what would I want? It's so hard to tell if she has any quality of life at all. If I could still see and undertand I think I'd want to be kept alive to see my kids grow up etc but if I couldn't communicate at all then how would anyone know?

It's a heartbreaking decision to have to make when it comes to our pets but it must be immesurably harder when it's a parent.

I'm sure you are doing everything you can to support the family - just remember to take a break yourself and come on here for **hugs**

I thank you all for your kind words and positive outlooks.
I know she has a long way to go, and above all she needs some kind of food as all she has has since new year is glucose via a drip.
Her daughter has said that MIL has said in the past if she ever got to a stage where she couldnt do anything for herself then she wouldnt want to be here... I wonder how true that is when you are faced with such problems.
Today, is our one day off fromthe hospital so i guess bath and early night for  me
I thank you again for your support

Donna and charliex

But the thing is Donna, is it a permanant situation or is this "temporary" saying "I wouldn't want to carry on" is different when you are in that situation as the family is finding out.

I feel for you all, and hope MIL feels a little better when she starts to get some benefit of the food.

Karen

My thoughts are with you and your family. My best friend had a stroke at 29 so I know of some of the effects. 

Oh dear I am sorry to hear this. It is a difficult one to answer as it all depends on how old she is,whether her husband is still alive and whether she had ever discussshe would want if this sort of thing ever happened.

My Dad had a stroke when he was 54 and did survive for another ten good years but he would have been devasted if the stroke had made him unaware of people etc. I know I would not have wanted him to be like that.

It really does depend on alot of factors and is not as black and white but when the dignity goes I think I would find the answer alot clearer.

Lucy
xx

Hi Donna

My thoughts are with you and your family it is a difficult situation and hard to know what to say

Michelle

Thank you again for such kind words!
M.I.L had her peg feeding tube fitted late yesterday so im not sure as yet how she's getting on with it...
I guess the hard thing for her family to do is have to watch everything being done for her....
It is sad, there's no two ways about it...
I really hope she recovers enough to live a fairly normal life... i know this will be a long and rocky road tho :(
Again i thank you all who have replied..

Donna and charliex

Donna, I am sorry to hear about your mum-in-law and I do hope she remains comfortable.

This story just emphasises what I feel is very important and that is for family to discuss what they would like to happen in certain situations.  My dad made it very clear to us all before he went into hospital that should anything happen to him, we weren't to prolong his life under artificial situations.  It was desperately sad but his choice.  We all have a choice and its up to us to have the confidence to discuss our wishes with those around us 'just in-case'.  We have become more comfortable with discussing organ donation with our nearest and dearest and this is no longer the taboo subject it used to be, but how many of us have discussed with our parents what they want to happen to them, or explained to our own children what we want should we become incapacitated, written it down even.

More and more advances are being made in medicine daily, expanding the choices available to us.  It's still up to us though, we just need help to express our choices.

Good luck
Jacky