Just recieved this -  :)

   A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married

>couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish"
>
>    "I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband", said the
>wife.
>
>    The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets appeared
>in
>her hands.
>
>    Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said   "Well
>this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once
>in a lifetime.

So I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years

>younger than me".
>
>    The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made
>a
>circle with her magic stick and abracadabra!....
>
>    Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

Men might be ba *** ards.

>
>But Fairies are....................Female! :D :D :D

ROFL! :D

Its brillient!  I love that joke aswell!

Rox

The Space Shuttle is in orbit around the moon with two monkeys and a woman on board. The control centre calls.

"Monkey number one, monkey number one, to the television screen please."

The monkey dangles into view, sits down and listens as he is told to release pressure in compartment 2, increase temperature in engine 4, and add oxygen to the reactors.

So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.

A few moments later, the control centre calls again.

"Monkey number two, monkey number 2, to the television screen please."

The monkey swings towards the monitor, sits down and waits as he is told to add carbon dioxide to room 4, stop the fuel injection to engine 1, add nitrogen to the fuel compartment, and then analyse solar radiation.

So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and analysis of solar radiation.

Some time later the control centre calls again.

"Woman, woman, to the television screen please."

The woman sits down, and just as she is about to be told what to do she says, "I know, I know... feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."

This is an old one but it always tickles me!

A Doberman is in the park with his owner minding his own business sniffing around like you do when he's approached by a British Bulldog.
"Hiya mate, not seen you around here before" says the bulldog.
"I've only just moved into the area" replies the Doberman.
"Oh right, well then you need someone to show you around!" states the Bulldog.
"How can you do that, wheres your person?" asks the Doberman looking round.
"Oh, don't have mine keeping tabs on me, I'm free to come and go as I please! says the Bulldog smugly.
"How do you manage that? asks the Doberman, eyebrows raised.
"Oh I just SH*T on the carpet and I get my nose rubbed in it and then I get put out the door! Works everytime mate. Go home and try it, I'll still be around here somewhere, give us a bark when you come back." says the Bulldog.
"Right, see you later if it works." winks the Doberman.

Sure enough the Doberman follows instructions and joins the Bulldog in the park.  This happens for 3 days running.  However, the fourth day comes and the Doberman arrives in the park with his owner again.

The bulldog runs over when he sees his new pal.
"Hey mate, whats going on. Couldn't you get out on your own today?"
"I didn't try." says the Doberman looking aloof. 
"Why not, didn't we have some good times?" asks the Bulldog
"Well, I weighed up the pros and cons and the fact of the matter is I got to thinking.  Its not pleasant keep having my nose shoved in my Poop and I've been really wondering about something......I know you said you've been doing it for years and well...look mate no offence but I don't want my face to end up like yours so I'll skip your idea from now on and stick to my walks out with my owner, see you around!"

No offence intended to owners of either breed, I love both!

Truely.