Aaargghhhhhhhh!!!!!  Sorry Champdoggers, but have to let off steam!!!!  Our resident Kipper (21) has lost her house key so she phoned earlier this evening and said would I leave the door on the latch.  So I said ok, but don't be late and please be quiet!!! At 3am I'm woken by the dogs (who sleep in the bedroom) woofing and dancing about with glee.  As the Kipper lurched up the stairs, missing every second one by the sounds of it, she started going "shhhhhhh" in what she obviously thought was a quiet voice.  Huh!!!!!!!!! By this time I'm also adding my "be quiets" to the racket!!  Anyway, into her bedroom she clatters, and there's about 5 minutes of the noises of her clearly trying to get ready for bed hampered by the obvious unsteadiness of her "equilibrium", followed by a final clatter and the sound of her landing on her bed.  So, finally settle the dogs and snuggle up again!

Then 5 minutes later, just as I'm about to drop off, wailing and pleading sounds start in the Kipper's room!!  Dogs are immediately up again, ears cocked etc. Listen to this racket for about 30 seconds, and its clear that I'm listening to one side of a wailing phone call to the current boyfriend.  Well, it can't last long I thought, cos if he's as "tired and emotional" as she is, one of them'll hang up on the other before long!  Not a chance, on and on it went, with her side of it varying from weeping, to obviously giving him his character, to appearing to have resolved it, back to weeping.  Enough was enough, so I stormed through to her room (dogs by now going wahaayyyy, excitement, mum's up, maybe walks now!!) and there was a time delay during which I stood snorting and pawing and she continued this conversation until it dawned on her that I was there and she let out a kind of yelp and gulp combined and hung up.  Once she had noticed me, I'm afraid I let rip (cos I'm not good when disturbed from my slumbers ;) ) and I ranted and raved for a bit  (sounding just like my mother and in the way that I once vowed I would never carry on if I had children.  Hah!!! And don't we all learn about that one!) 

By this time there was no way I could get back to sleep, so I rounded up the dogs to go down to make a cup of tea.  The dogs went ahead of me - down the stairs and straight out the front door, which she had left lying open when she came in :o   I was just at the top of the stairs when I saw the second tail disappear through the open door, so I dived down the stairs after them, worried sick that the front gate would be open too!  Phew, thankfully it wasn't and I got them back in, put them in the living room, stormed back up the stairs for Rant, The Sequel, which I have to say was a masterpiece, I didn't pause to draw breath once and all the response I got was a bleary "god, sorrrreeeee, big sigh".  Honestly!

So here I am, on Chamdogs, regaining my composure!  Sorry to have rambled on, but I do feel ever so much better now :D  And all you Champdoggers who have little children who have not yet gone to bed one night and woken up transformed into a Tasmanian Devil, enjoy them now, for this is what is in store for the future :)

Lesley

I would be in her bedroom with a HUGE drum this morning ...and a wet sponge to drop on her head from a very great height

:D

:D  Good idea Melody!  Hubby has just come home from work and have told him to be as free as he likes in making a noise!  But it's worse than described above, having got up after s*d all sleep to carry on with life as we know it, ie dogs to care for, shopping to get, chores to do, and in a very bad mood, I was on the lookout for further infractions, as you do when the fury is upon you!  And have just realised my favourite DVD is missing, and that's after me previously threatening all sorts of hideous sanctions to get back my Fellowship of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ones and her swearing she didn't have any others :o  Now, what else can I uncover..............

She's going to be a very very sorry kipper indeed when she finally surfaces :D

Lesley

GET HER UP!!

You HAVE to make sure that there are consequences for actions .......she woke you up with being inconsiderate ...now you get her up. I would also make her buy another copy of the DVD ...today!

Get tough woman :D

(Thats why two out of three of the grown up kids left home asap :D :D )

I hope that by now "Kipper" is up, awake and scrubbing the kitcvhen floor:D :D

Been there, done that, and got the bags under the eyes to prove it!!!

Funny thing is - on one of the few occasions that Ad & I were out for an evening with friends & came back a little - shall we say - noisy;) - WE got complained about by our KIPPERS!

And I suppose I'll get moaned at two or three times during the next coupld of weeks if I come home late from work on the "Vomit Comet" (yeughhh) at 11.30 - 12 midenight & phone for a lift from the station!!!

At these times Kippers can be useful - as long as I establish which one will (1) walk the dogs and (2) not drink & come & pick me up!!

Margot

Oh boy is Kipper lucky to be alive! Id be giving notice to quit by now! As my older 2 approach Kipper stage Im setting out the rules - do not forget your key as you will be locked out, Dad is not a taxi service and if you bring it up you clean it up. Boound not to work.

Kipper update!!  I did get her up Melody, noisily too I might add, and with venom :D  Confronted her about the DVD, which she denies all knowledge of; yeah right!!!  However, when I told her she would get me a new one, she agreed without hesitation, so obviously she is responsible for its disappearance!  Only trouble is, if she was to go and get it today, I'd have to lend her the money as she hasn't any, presumably because it all went down her throat last night.  Gawd :( Then hubby and I went shopping and she had retreated back to bed again by the time we got back.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!  So having girded loins due to Melody's backup, got her up again and then, I know Melody I'm pathetic, I fed her, cos she looked so miserable and hungover.  Shame on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We are now at uneasy truce stage and she has retreated back to the PIG Pen, but she's not in bed, cos I can hear her rattling about in there, doing god knows what.

But the trouble is she's not even remotely useful like Lokis Mum's Kippers, she gave up learning to drive before actually sitting the test, and she can't walk the boys cos she is a tiny wee thing and they're not and they just know she's a soft touch :)  But yes, heaven forbid me or hubby should make a noise!!!!! Or say we are going out then its "what for, where and when will you be back"!!!!!!!

Lorelei, it won't work, so enjoy them whilst they are still wee minnows before they turn into smoked and pickled Kippers. Melody, you've got Kipper Wrangling down to a fine art, please post more tips for packing them off :D

Lesley

do what i do. wake them up with 2 saucepan lids....2 bulldogs snotting and dribbling over them....blinds open and window as far as it will go.......and for good measure send 5 yr old in with his football whistle.:) :).

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
All day long your motto is, "Never again."
You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"

:D  That just about sums up Kipper's World today Tanni!!!  I can do all of what you do, including 2 slobbering, sliming dogs, but I don't have a 5 year old with a football whistle! Could substitute a constantly miaowing cat though, that might work :D

Lorelei, I forgot you had Stinkfoot, Minibeast and Satan Filly!  I fear you're too late and they're already on the turn :D  I would suggest early remedial action, like moving house one day when they are all out :D

Seriously though, I would never have DARED give my Mum the hassle Kipper gives me!  Oh no, wait a minute, for a start there was the time after I had moved out that I turned up for Christmas Day dinner having had a few festive "eggnogs" before even getting there and spent the entire meal gazing at my plate in an unfocused way and giggling inanely................hmmmmmmm, pot, kettle, black springs to mind.  Erm, I'll shut up now :D

Lesley

Lesley doesn't it become truly awful - you start having a "dialogue" with a female KIPPER - and suddenly it dawns upon you that you know this script......trouble is, YOU are reading your own mother's words and DARLING DAUGHTER has got yours     Then, to add insult to injury..... all those things that you THOUGHT about your Mum but never actually DARED to state...... your own DD does!!!

Retreat of hurt Mum - How could she say that to me - I;d never have dared talk to my mum like that.......;)

There IS light at the end of the tunnel - eventually - and now I'm waiting for 3 year old granddaughter to become the daughter from hell :D :D :D

Margot

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm literally crying with laughter here!!

Lesley, have you ever thought about writing a book or something?  You have a way with words!!

And BTW, I was one of those 'annoying kippers'  but luckily, for Mum and Dad I moved out a long time ago!!  They have a very relaxing life now...especially as my little brother moved out a few months ago too!!  Aren't they lucky??!!

Lisa (Who's never having any kids!)

Margot, that's exactly it, we DO turn into our mothers :D !!!!  Thank God there is light at the end of the tunnel though :)  But I thought Grandaughters remained perfect forever in the grand scheme of things?!  Well, that's what my Mum thinks about Kipper! When I complain about her she says, "Nonsense, Lesley, you really do exaggerate, she's a LOVELY girl"!!!!

Lisa, that's what I said!!!  Right up to the moment they wheeled me to the theatre to forcibly extract her (much in the way we still have to forcibly extract her from the dark moist cave that is her bedroom) I was saying "I'm NEVER having any children". Hmmm, something went wrong somewhere along the lines with that plan :D  Fortunately I came to my senses and stopped at the one!!!

I wish I could write a book, preferably one of those great big fat page turning ones that would sell in its millions!  Then I could pay the Kipper to go away!  I fear I'm much too lazy though to do something like that ;)

Lesley

what really makes my blood boil is that NO-ONE is ever responsible for things being broken, lost, damaged, scratched, LOST etc.  If it wasn't me (and I would remember) then who is it?????  its NEVER them. Innocence personified.  But one look at their bedroom.....

Exactly Dill!!  I know for a fact that Shergar is holed up in my Kipper's bedroom, but I daren't go in to look!!!!

Lesley

The greatest mystery I have with my lot is WHERE do the other socks go .....??
They swear they give me two socks but only one is ever there when they are washed ad guess who gets the blame .... :o :rolleyes:
Kids who'd have 'em   ;)

Hi again Lesley...

I wouldn't mind a child...if I could adopt, and stick it in the kennel at night after feeding time.  It doesn't work like that though does it?!!
Seriously, one day, in the future, i'd love a son or daughter, but i'm under no illusions!!  I've sincerely vowed to my Mom to remember what a brat I was!!  For now, I'm sticking with my dogs! 

And also, I tell you what Lesley...If you were to write a book...I'd read it and be a huge fan!!  You really have a way of writing, even in your posts, that keeps me reading!!
What comes to mind is those funny girly books....that all of us girls can relate to.  I swear, you'd be great!!!

Looking forward to reading more posts!!
Take care

Lisa

Lesley I could murder Satans Filly and Gothboy regularly and have seriously considered leaving home this week except the little rat bags would follow me...........

yes, even if you moved hundreds of miles away they would zero in by some little understood instinctive tracking mechanism and would turn up 3 weeks later, looking grubby and dishevelled, having walked in the dark to avoid predators and having lived on water from puddles and discarded chicken bones from the bins outside Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets.

There really is no escape from our offspring, is there :(  Even I'm off to torment my parents on Sunday :D

Lesley

Wow sounds just like our house  LF

We put up a Cousin of Janes last year, who was notourious for getting blind drunk.
We went out one night and left him in our house, only to find him curled up fast asleep with a litre bottle of Famous Grouse, which had been polished off.
We come back and found he had been sick all over himself and our newly fitted carpets, so Jane being the person that she was rubbed his face in it to try and wake him up to get it all cleaned up (he didnt budge), so her idea of fun for the night (to try and learn him a lesson, after she had cleaned up) was to paint all his nails the brightest shade of cherry red, smeared his face all over with bright orange make up paint (knowing that he would be late for work and rush out the front door without having a wash) and across his forehead in black marker pen read WHAT AM I
And all day he was called a P*at, for reasons unknown to him, until he came home and went to have a shave, to go out for the night.
He never did trust her again, and he never got drunk in our house again.
Dean

Dean, that's a brilliant one!!  Poor bloke, mind you it serves him right :D

Lisa, you've quite made my day with your compliment, :)  Thank you!

Lesley