This is the season when the food police come out with their wagging
fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without
gaining 10 pounds.

You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating
do's and don'ts.......eliminate second helpings ..... high-calorie
sauces ...... cookies made with butter..... fill up on vegetable
sticks, they say.

Good grief. Is a carrot stick your favorite childhood Christmas
memory? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something
you left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you
follow them, you'll be fat and happy.

So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit
anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on
a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they serve
rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-
malt Scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So
drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?? It's
not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something.
It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than
you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is
to eat other people's food. Lots of it. Hellloo?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies? Apple? Pumpkin? Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
dessert?? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips. Start over.

But hurry!

Cookieless January is just around the corner.

Natalie

Every - days a holiday for Lorelei ...... :D Its the marzipan on christmas cake I go overboard on... Im weak, I have no standards, Im the kind of scum who eats their own children's selection boxes before christmas and the after 8s bought for christmas dinner - twice. ( boo hoo booo hoo ) :D