> > > > > >
> > > > > > T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pi**ed
> > > > > > He cussed out the elves and threw down his list
> > > > > > Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
> > > > > > I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I've busted my arse for damn near a year
> > > > > > Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear
> > > > > > The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
> > > > > > The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
> > > > > > Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
> > > > > > And just when I thought that things would get better
> > > > > > Those a**holes from IRD sent me a letter.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
> > > > > > Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause money?
> > > > > > And the kids these days - they all are the pits
> > > > > > They want the impossible... those mean little shits.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
> > > > > > Assembling dolls... their arms, legs and heads
> > > > > > I made a ton of yoho's - no request for them
> > > > > > They want computers and robots, they think I'm IBM!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > If you think that's bad... just picture this
> > > > > > Try holding those brats... with their pants full of piss
> > > > > > They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard
> > > > > > And if I don't smile... their mums think I'm weird.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Flying through the air... dodging the trees
> > > > > > Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
> > > > > > I'm quitting this job... there's just no enjoyment
> > > > > > I'll sit on my fat arse and draw unemployment.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > There's no Christmas this year... now you know the reason
> > > > > > I found me a blonde... I'm going SOUTH for the season!
> > > > > > I'll laze in the sun - into bed I'll get tucked
> > > > > > And those snotty nosed brats... can go and get f*****d.

Natalie

:D :p

MERRY **** CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt ****,
even the mouse.

Mom on the toilet,
dad smoking grass,
I had just settle down
for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the roof
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
to see what was the matter.

Out on the roof
I saw some old prick,
I knew in a moment
it must be St Nick.

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew in a second
the fat **** had fell.

He filled all the stockings
with whiskey and beer.
And a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney
with a thundering fart.
The son-of-a-****
blew my chimney apart!

He swore and he cussed
as he rode out of sight.
"Piss on you all! It's been a hell of a night!"
_________________

Have read these before going to work in a card shop,with xmas songs etc all day long,much appreciated,and will help me deal with all the bad customers today,thanks,sandra.

I like it!! :)

:D

Thats a new take on Christmas Cheer!!

There good and gave me a giggle:D

heres one thats suitible as we're doggy people!!!!

Walkin' in a Doggie Wonderland

Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening'.
It's yellow, not white -- I've been there tonight,
marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I wee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the garden dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."

Boys, eh? :rolleyes: :D