Hi this it is meant to make prospective Stafford owners think twice before embarking on ownership of this "Fantastic Breed of Dog" I had to say that I own one :D

Before you finally get a Stafford, find someone who already has one and tell them off about their lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their dog to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their dog's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

To discover how the night feels, go to bed at 10pm. Set the alarm for midnight, wake up and throw yourself violently onto the floor. Place a 56lb bag of potatoes on the duvet and attempt to get back under the covers. Reset the alarm for 5.30am and, just as you are awaking, slap yourself in the face with a large wet sponge. Get up, make breakfast, keep this up for 14 years, and try to look cheerful.

Can you stand the mess that dogs can make? To find out first throw 2 gallons of mud onto a newly mopped kitchen floor, smear the excess up the sides of the cooker and kitchen units. Tread a little into the hall and living room carpets. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and rub them on the clean walls. Now, how does that look?

Walk down the road with one arm fully extended; break into a job extending the arm even further. Say, "heel" nicely, several times. Shout, "heel" several more. Scream "stop pulling damn you". Ignore looks from passers by.

Forget the BMW and buy a Ford Sierra. Buy a rawhide chew, a packet of dog biscuits and a large bone. Mash them down the back of the rear seats. Go to the hairdresser's and obtain a week's floor sweepings. Distribute liberally on the seats and carpets. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect!

Practice sitting on not more than 1/8th of the sofa and try out different methods of balancing a hot cup on your knees. When, if ever, you perfect this, try eating a packet of crisps/biscuits silently whilst keeping the packet totally out of sight. Give up and sprinkle crumbly residue down back of sofa.

Tie 2 dinner forks together and put a dog lead on a door hook. Rehearse picking up the dog lead silently. When it rattles scratch yourself very hard down the shins with the forks. Repeat procedure several times. Go to the sports shop and obtain a pair of goalkeepers shin pads.

Always repeat everything you say at least 5 times. Always repeat everything....Always repeat everything.....Oh did I say............. Always repeat everything at least 5 times........Always repeat...

I hope you enjoy it :D

Karen

I'm crying! Crying with laughter. Your life must be hell! The things we do for the love of a pet dog!
Thankfully my dogs aren't quite that bad but i do sympathise with my neighbours, they have two staffords!
I hope that it bacomes easier for you in years to come. I would have hung myself in dispare by now.
I know they are worth it for you though, they always are!

:D :D :D
Karen - made me laugh specially with the bed comment and trying to get back in with a 56kg bag of potatoes on the duvet !!!!
And you havent even met Gus !!!!! :)

Also you forgot to mentoin you have to take the door knocker off the front door as it leads to absolute pandemonium- with racing up and down at 80 mph , and a rather large head poking though your best blinds to see who has come to visit HIM and then tryingto get through a two inch door opening on your own without the big fella getting out and licking the petrified visitor to death :)

LOL...LOL...LOL..
thats great and true as hell i also can relate to the duvet situation i have this every night and get woken up twice in the night to go out bye a 3 stone stafford on top of me licking away!!!! that was great..stafymad

I have read it twice, it's so funny! I have to add my own : get a load of dirty washing [mainly underwear] and scatter liberally in the garden, especially in any muddy patches ... leave to soak overnight in rain, then retrieve and do 100m dash up the garden gripping said underwear tightly under arm, race into the kitchen, make expert rugby dive and throw said underwear into the washing machine - they are now safe. Nicki

rofl......cant see for tears lol...:d: :d: :d: :d:.

Don't forget - stand out in the howling wind and pouring rain (dressed in night attire) for an hour at three o'clock in the morning repeating "wee wee, poo poo" at regular intervals, come back into the house throw a bowl full of water on the floor and then clean it up before going back to bed. :D :D :D

:D :D :D
Can't stop laughing, but you forgot to empty the bin all over the kitchen floor, rubbing th yuckie bits into the living room and hall carpets ;)

Oh yes, and putting something slimy on the kitchen floor so you can step into it in your bare feet before switching the light on to check whats on the floor!!!

Oh Fillis, I just love that one about being out in the middle of the night and then throwing a gallon of water on the floor....I'm crying with laughter...I've got 3 of the little "loves", 2 of them only 10 wks old so that night time experience is so fresh in my mind!

he he ... outstanding - only because its all sooooooo true!