oh dear......after being dead happy and pleased with my pup for what feels like months but can only be days (she's 12 week old cavalier we have only had for 4 weeks!) i am having a worrying day. please can anyone offer advice on hte following things - and sorry if i am being daft, i have never had a dog before and it all feels so new! i worry about the future impacts of actions too much i think, but better that way than not enough.

- trainer: can anyone recommend a good trainer for soft breeds, like the cavalier in or around the stratford-on-avon/redditch/worcester area? we saw one trainer but in retrospect i don't think her methods wree necessarily perfect for such a soft little pup. she has GSDs, collies & a big poodle herself, all of hwich are a v different kettle of fish i imagine to our ruby. i want to be my pup's friend, not just the Boss and she needs & craves a lot of affection i think more than anything else, even games.

- lead: i've been practising with the lead for a week now. she's only really just starting to realise that its a restraint, as well as an essential part of heelwork exercise. if she's in house/backgarden, where she normally runs free, we do heelwork on the lead and its coming along nicely. in the past 3 or 4 days, i started taking her out front on the lead (we've no gates so she can't go there off lead) - but as she wants to explore she realises its a restraint too. now she's started testing it when we do heelwork inside too. when she pulls on the lead, i stand still and am quiet until she calms down - thing is, she looks so sad and scared, then she's loath to come to me unless i show her a treat, which she takes then moves away from me again. i think she hates me for tying her to me! should i just persevere or change my approach? (sometimes when we're in the front garden i just let her explore and so have her on longer lead and kind of follow her round, so she can have a snuffle - think she needs to do that, not just walk glued to my side everywhere apart from the back garden/inside.)

- walks/socilaisation: i wonder if i've made a big cock-up with her socialisation. she's met LOADS of people and loves visitors, but they've all been at OUR house. the only other place she's been really is the vet's (4 times admittedly, and she's quite happy there - the nurses make such a big fuss of her!) her final vaccination takes effect from tomorrow and we don;t reeally know too many other doggy people, which is why she hasn't been to other friends houses - they'd not be too relaxed about possible wees in their houses. anyway - in our excursions out front i noticed she's quite scared of traffic today. she's not been scared before (but it was really nice and sunny on those day so she was playing merrily - she's always a bit more restrained on grey days.) as we live on a main road, with quite a lot of traffic and heavy goods vehicles going past, she has to get used to this or i won't be able to walk her! i don't drive either, so our outings have to start on foot from our house. my tactic's going to be to take her out on our front drive and get her happy out there, not too close to the road at first, then gradually closer. i'll talk to her, be affectionate with her (her major currency!) and play with her. any thoughts?

- how puppies BE: now i know this will sound ridiculous to all of you who are well used to dogs but remember i'm not! ruby's calmed down unbelievably since we first had her - then if she was awake, she was playing. it was quite exhausting! but paradoxically, now i worry about whether she's ok or bored when she's quiet. i can't work cos i'm poorly (lung problem) so i have lots of time to devote to her, which i think confuses me sometimes as i think about what she's up to too much. anyway - when she's quiet, she tends to come and sit by my feet and i usually have her up on my lap while i read. without going over our whole daily routine, i guess what i want to know is, when i'm not playing with her/training/grooming/generally interacting with her, what should i be expecting her to do? should she be playing on her own with her toys (she doesn't really look at them until i encourage her to, then her attention span's @ 1 second) or just sitting and resting or what? do you think i hsould have her on my lap less? i guess i just get worried alternately between thinking i am giving her not enough or too much attention, because i have the opportunity to give her so much (and she needs to learn to be ok without me, as i do periodically have to go into hospital) .

- bad behaviour: the other thing i notice is that if she's just pottering round on her own when i am, say, washing up or baking or sth, she gets into doing mischievious things (chewing bottom valance of sofa/armchairs mainly or attacking newspaper/magazine basket) - i try telling her no and moving her away to play on a proper toy but i think she's learning to do this to get my attention. should i ignore her? but then i think this is why she's doing it in the 1st place, cos she wants attention. also i worry she'll just learn to like whatever she's doing in itself. should i put her out of the room for 30 secs? (that usually results in a v repentant little pup! almost too clingy though.) i think she's worse on bad weather days, as she doesn't like being outside so much. maybe i should keep a special bad weather toy for her!

- eating: ruby's funny about eating. her breeder was someone who kept a permanent supply of kibble available "so the dogs learnt to only eat what they want and not be greedy." We've never done that with her, i've tried to get her into regular mealtimes as i think it suits us all better for a variety of reasons. Thing is, she is NEVER excited about her food (Eukanuba kibbles) and i frequently have to tempt her to her plate, even though i am sure she's hungry. She moves away from her food spot and looks all serious/worried - i try just leaving it there and she'll ignore it. so i generally put it under her nose to let her smell it then when she starts to take an interest, i'll gradually move her to her food spot, where she'll (hopefully) start eating. does anyone have any advice to stop this getting worse? i know this breed can sometimes appear to get by on air alone and she has DEFINITELY grown a lot since we've had her - so she must be eating enough. maybe i should reduce the amount i'm feeding, despite i'm sure she doesn't eat anywhere near the guidelines in the food box.

so sorry for such a long post - i've felt worried about how we;'re doign today :(

First and foremost, please take the time to enjoy your baby while she is so young. They are puppies for such a short time, enjoy it before they have grown up and become sensible.
With regards to her socialising etc. she is still at an age when you should be able to take her out and socialise her with the outside world, alot of people still do not take their puppies out at all until they have finished their injections, and as you have been introducing her to lots of people she should be fine. Make sure you enrol her in a puppy class at the moment, ring round local vets and find out about classes in your area, some vets hold them in their surgerys, she will then get socialised with other puppies, better than joining in a class with older dogs at the moment.
The fear of traffic is simply her testing the water, if she has been fine until now then you have no reason to think that she has a real problem, if you stay confident and don't baby her when she appears nervous she will then assume that all is fine, she takes her leads from you and if you pick her up and tell her no to be scared etc. then you are actually comforting her and she thinks that you must be worried as well.
I won't try and answer all you questions because I think others will offer some good advice, but feel free to keep posting, there is always soembody to help with first time puppy owners, it can be worrying but please enjoy your time together

Firstly, can i say you are doing BRILLIANTLY!!!!!!!!!!

There is SOOOOOO much to think about all the time, and you constantly feel like you might be doing the wrong thing or forgetting to do things ........... so well done, you are aware of pretty much everything.

Socialisation......

Fair enough, she has missed out on a few things, but certainly nothing irreversible, take a big bag of treats, a toy and of course yourself and the pupper, and go sit near a busy road junction.......feed her the treats, play with the toy, but do NOT encourage/reward any wimpyness, resist the urge to cuddle her, etc.....if she walks well on the lead, walk near busy roads at different times of day and night with her to get her used to it.
See if you can take her into local shops and stuff if she is carryed, go take her somewhere where lots of people will pass by and say hello to her, very few people can resist saying hi to a cute puplet. Again, reward praise all the confident behaviour and ignore anything else.

Being alone.......

Although you are home all the time (same here), do get her used to being in a room alone for periods of time....... this is a bit harder if you are using the 'put puppy out of room' method of preventing naughtyness. Its not a method i have used, simply because all my dogs would just find something naughtier to do in the other room! (thats not to say it isnt a useful method)....
Does she have a crate? If not consider getting one, then make it like a cosy little den, with toys and treats and meals happening in there....dont ever use it as a punishment though.....then just leave her with a nice Kong filled with food, just leave her for five minutues, then ten, then fifteen.... She should learn that you will always come back, and that being alone is no bad thing, because you get a cosy den to eat your yummy kong in. If you use this method, dont make a fuss when u leave the room, and dont make too much of a fuss when you come back in...if she is (mostly likely) overjoyed to see you again, just wait until she has quietened down a little before you fuss her....(this is something i battle with....I can walk in my house, no dogs leap on me until i say.....visitors though, and my housemate, get flattened because they wont ignore the dogs until they behave)......

All in all it sounds like you have a well balanced little pup there.......enjoy it whilst it lasts, cos the adolescent stage will come along all too soon.........are u doing training? I used clicker training on Dilly (youngest doglet) from six weeks old, by 8 weeks he could sit and down very reliably, we had a shakey period as he started to mature, but now he is great again.......even when he goes AWOL on walks and tries to run off, that early training has paid off, because he WILL sit when told, rather than run away!

Good luck
Em

I agree, you are doing really well :)

Re the bad behaviour, yes it is very possible she is learning to chew things in order to get your attention.

This is where pup owners need help, because you can't ignore her because A) you will let her think it is OK to chew and B) she may have hold of an electric flex

I have always used distraction onto toys, but clever dogs will manipulate and this is where you need to control what the pup is up to - so yes, invest in a crate, or use childgates to create an area (we have the hall) where there is nothing much for her to get her teeth into.

Also, do use Bitter Apple, oil of cloves or Vicks to smear onto items she may chew, and get her used to chew toys you can stuff such as the Kong, which will get her into the habit of chewing them, and not your home!

Lindsay

we have a crate and she seems well happy in there - i just try and use it though when i am busy elsewhere, like getting dressed or now. and she's fine with that. but i surely shouldn't leave her for HOURS all day just in the crate, adn again shouldn't need to be playing with her for every second she's out of it - otherwise she will get a big inflated alpha-dog head, surely?!?

what i find is the problem is that if she's just pottering around and i'm not DIRECTLY giving her attention (playing with her/letting her sit on my lap) then she tends to start chewing the bottom of the chair where i normally sit & i am sure she is doing htis to get my attention. i think if it gets worse & i am definitely sure its attention seeking, i am going to try putting her out for v short period - that way she will (a) not be achieving her aim, attention from me and (b) will not be learning what a damn good game it is playing chew the chair. but i shall make sure she has good toys to play with to prevent it happening in hte 1st place!

oh and how she loves her kong! we usually give it her while mum's cooking hte tea, to keep her from padding around to the cooking area, investigating smells, too much, which is very very successful. i might start using it more often though - i think it helps get her intersted in eating too, kibble from the kong is clearly much more desirable than kibble from her bowl!

:)

hey! thanks so much for such nice posts. it helps, it really does to hear some stuff from other doggy-people, as sometimes i feel like i have plunged in the very very deep end with no-one to help me... but we're definitely treading water i think!

ruby is definitely a bit quiet/down today but i think its after having all family (another 3 of us) hoem all weekend, she's bored with just me today :( but i have played and cuddled and i htik she has had some fun, as well as being taken out on the nasty lead into scary front garden....!

incidentally - em - if you didn't use put-out-of-room/ignoring method of correcting naughtiness, what did you do? she doesn't respond to 'No!'s nor to being moved away (i would hate to do it with any force and so she just thinks its a big fun game.......!) - ignoring her, or leaving her on her own (but i use body language to tell her i am hacked off w her, ie stomp out, cross arms, big 'No!' before i go - so she doesn't mix it up with when i just have to be elsewhere, i hope) seems to be the only thing htat has much truck with her. [She seems pretty good about staying on her own - i have always made a conscious effort to leave her for the odd hour during hte day, to bath, gett dressed use the computer etc as i know that she has to get used to me not being htere all the time. the thing i worry about more is that if i AM there, she wants my direct attention all the time, she's not v happy just to potter about on her own without being naughty - but i think on balance that that's just her being a puppy and exploring isn't it. i am sure she'll learn just to 'be' much better when she's grown up and sensible, eh. plenty of time for that in the future....!]

we are doing training - not using clicker, just little mini-food rewards (either chopped up commercial dog treats or little pieces of cheese or maybe ham.) She sits really well and comes brilliantly in the house, reasonably in the back-garden and badly in the front on her lead! i think time and continual practice will help that one though. she sits even in the front on lead, so that is clearly well stamped. she also will leave a toy when we're playing (and 7/10 times, a tea-towel or sth naughty she's found!) to 'Leave it!' - and i praise her and treat her every time, as i really really like her knowing that one! Am just starting to teach her 'Down' and 'Stand' - they're coming somewhat slower than the others but i think are on the way... i guess i hsould also be thinking about getting her to stay/wait to be released from a position, but she's only 12 weeks....so i think i'll concentrate on walking and getting her into the posns for now! Oh and she's learning to retrieve pretty well in the backyard (as long as she WANTS to bomb around.)

i think i have just had a big old worrywart of a day - she is gorgeous,lots of fun and sooooo sweet! her favourite thing in the whole world is to come and sit on my lap - i think she would be happy for hours there if only i could sit still that long without needing the loo myself!

thank you :)

Hmmmm, what do i do instead of the 'put puppy out of room'.........welllllll, i dont have such gentle, sensitive dogs as a Cav (she is a cav isnt she, or did i make that up in my head?)......my latest pup is a lurcher, his parents are both workers, he is a whippet x bedlington x greyhound x collie......though to most looks just like a whippet bedlington first cross......that means he has the terrier trouble instinct, and the typical lurcherish theiving thing as well (he steals food, not because he really wants it, but because its a challenge)......

So, to get to my point, I used the very firm NO, followed by removing what he was doing (ie, removing ashtray from his mouth) and stuffing a toy in his mouth....we went through a short period where he tried my patience, looking at me when i said no, adn then doing it again, to see what i would do.....and im afraid that at times, i smacked his bottom (he has a very smackable bottom)......then he would do the 'oh, okay you really do mean it' face, adn go lie down next to me....until he saw something else he could chew, wreck, etc..............

I CERTAINLY wouldnt recommend this for everydog, in fact i would never reccommend anyone i didnt know to smack their dog at all......(and i wouldnt smack my bitch, (ooooo errrrr) she wouldnt respond to it.......i occasionally gave Rocky a smack when he was younger....possibly about 3 times in his entire 'puppyhood'?

I do use other tricks as well, preventing them from doing something wrong is far far better training than a smack, also, being able to kid them u know what you are doing when you arent looking is great....i have a mirror behind the computer, i can tell Dill off for doing something when he thinks i cant see him!.......suprises him, and he is now NEARLY a good boy most of hte time!

As for getting her to amuse herself with appropriate things when you are there,but busy, errrrrrrrr, time???? Try and make sure there is nothing she really cant have, also, try to make sure that the times you want her with you, but quiet, are times she will be tired anyway......other than that, its just something they learn to do, mine all go to sleep if im on the computer, but there was a time, i can well remember, when i thought that three dogs of differing ages would NEVER all settle down at the same time!!!!!!!

There is no reason i can think of why you cant give her all her meals in a kong.......though i personally would keep a small handful of food back to give her in a bowl, the reason being she could decide she doesnt want to eat from a bowl again and there may well be times you cant give her a Kong, but certainly, feed most of her meals in small Kongs, if she will eat fruit and veg, you could give her some of that in a kong as well, (not fattening, so tahts an extra kong to work at without increasing her waistline).....also, you can freeze kongs, stuff them with cream cheese as well as kibble, make them harder to solve!

Good luck, you are doing fine!!!!

Em (aka evil dog beaterer)

Something we found really handy with Minx when she was a little pupster, before she'd learnt what 'NO' meant, and that it really wasn't a good idea to try and chew the plug off the telly, was a 'warning growl'. She's a softy and doesn't like raised voices and really would hate a tap on the bum, so we'd just say "NO', and immediately afterwards, growl at her, just a low, quiet rattle, not a fierce snarl! We'd seen her with her mother for quite a while before we got her, and mum did this when 'the kids' were 'getting on her nerves'. She has never failed to pay attention, although we don't do it much now unless it's an emergency (still works as a very good 'stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW'). In fact, it didn't take too many repeats before she'd got the hang of 'NO' by itself, and made us feel much less mean than if we'd had to physically restrain her :-)

Dunno whether you think you little'un would respond?

Ooooooh yes, id forgotten about that one!

I have used that on Rocky when he was younger...i cant remember what he was doing, but i suspect it was something really irritating, and i just grrrrrrrr and then barked in his face and he stopped straight away and went for an emergency sleep!

Again, use caution, DONT shove ur face in your dogs face and bark at it, it might bite your nose!!! (i think rocky was licking my face to wake me up or something, or eating my pillow)........but a good grrrrrrr sometimes works wonders!

Em

Hi,
Going back to some of your original questions,
Regarding the trainer. What was it that put you off? DId you actually see a class? The trainer may own different breeds of dog but i would imagine most trainers would have experience with all breeds. Fundamentally the training techniques will be the same. I would be weary of any trainer that uses punishment and negative methods. Trainers who use positive reinforcement and prehaps clicker training (I highly reccommend it.) are the best ones. If you really don't like this trainer then i would have a look on the internet for a APDT (Asssociation for pet dog trainers - at least i think that is what it stands for!) instructor in your area (try doing a search). My instructor owns flatcoated retrievers but successfully teaches all breeds and ages. The idea of training classes is to teach you how to effectively train your dog, so definately a good idea - it also gives you more doggy people to swap ideas with, similar to this board. You can be both your dogs friend and her boss. Dogs need love and affection but they also need boundaries, being the boss doesn't mean ordering her around but she has to know that when you ask her to do something she must obey, but that this will result in something good.

Regarding socialisation - most books seem to reccomend extensive socialisation betwee the ages of 6/7 weeks right up to 20 weeks - however i believe socialisation never stops! It is good that your dog has met many people in your home but she also needs to experience other situations. As you have found she is a little scared of cars. So you need to get her out and about to see these things. She won't be able to walk too far to start with but she is probably small enough to carry. Ideal places for socialisation are towns as there are cars, bikes, motorbikes, lorries, People, children e.t.c. It might also be a good idea to let her see different types of animal if you live in a rural area. I live in the new forest so it is vital that my dogs are used to horses as they roam free here. A good book to get is The Perfect puppy by Gwen Bailey. It gives you a checklist in the back ideal for socialisation so that you can check what things you puppy has encountered. It may also answer many of your questions. I have read it countless times but i still go back to it everytime i encounter a new problem. It also gives a planner that gives a rough guide of how to manage your puppy's day.
I wouldn't worry too much about the lead. Once she goes out for a walk it is likely that she will be so interested in everything else going on that she will forget about it.
Hope i have answered some of your questions. It sounds like you are a bit like me - i think and worry about things far too much, just try to relax and enjoy her, as someone said they don't stay as puppies for long!

Some very good advice above so I'll just make a couple of points.

12 week old puppies are NEVER naughty. They know no rules so they are breaking no rules!! They are just doing what they feel like doing. Don't try to put any more into the behaviour than that or you will worry yourself to death! :)

Do not fault train. If a puppy learns that a certain action meets with a particular response from you then it is possible that a bright puppy might use it! Remember, she has nothing to do but watch you. She quite possibly knows you far better than you know her!!!

Dont expect her to be perfect in every detail (That would be boring!!! ;) )

Dont make a big thing about her fears about traffic, it could make her think there is really somthing to worry about. Talk happy and confident to her. If need be, carry her a short distance then put her down and walk her home. (I bet she will be keener to walk home!) When she gets home she will have time to realise that nothing happened to her and her confidence will grow. (It took me nearly a week to get Anna a hundred yards along the road!)

Just a few thoughts, John

You never owned a cavalier then John some are born naughty especially mine :D lol

;)

thanks everyone - some excellent advice there. i agree, hte biggest thing i think i personally need to do is relax, and just laugh at the end of a 'bad' day! and to be honest ruby is FAR from bad, she's adorable its me who's the stresser! :)

i will try the growling at her - we do coincidentally try and say 'no' in a growly voice [$ it definitely gets her attention - she just usually goes back to what she was doing *lol* ])! her litter were taken from their mom at 5 weeks so i don;t think she's oversensitive to growling cos of that - not sure how i feel about that in retrospect. the play-biting was a devil to deal with but she has always been very ready to stay on her own.

the trainer i saw does one to one's and had helped a friend train all her dogs for years. so she doesn't do classes - i am dead chuffed now though as through the kennel club list (no apdt trainer's closer than 1/2 hour's drive :( ) he sounds great for what i want. does only +ve reinforcement and clicker training - the class is a 6 week course, 6 pups per class and he comes for an hour]'s hoem assessment first so he can understand how we live with the pup, who else handles her etc. he recommended i only look at one book, gwen b's perfect puppy which has been my bible so far anyway so i am very hopeful that this should be a really positive thing to do. my dad & i are going to see a class before we start too.

and rube's had a big outing yesterday - went to doggy friend's house & garden, met her cats, her golden retriever & field spaniel and had a big walk & play in field near them. she was marvellous - no scaredy dog & no inappropriate behaviour either so i was delighted. she even barked at me when we were inside & she wanted a pee! its spurred me on to do even more with her.

so i am much happier now - we're working on the traffic - a metre or so further up the road every outing, 3 outing's per day! and thank you everybody for all your advice :)