Any thoughts. A member of my staff unfortunately went into premature labour earlier in the week. She had a little girl delivered at 29 weeks who sadly only lived for 9 hours. It took forever to find a suitable card that didn't mention all the 'years of memories you have left' however now I have found one I really stuck what to write in it. I though a nice poem or something but again all the ones I can find seem to be focused more on an adult dying? Even more tragic is they had been trying for 4 years for this baby and combined with the funeral which is next Wednesday and Thursday it's her birthday I just want to make sure what I put in the card is significant to her.

I can't think of anything at the moment, but I feel so sorry for them both. They must be devastated. :(

Oh how sad. :(

I know somebody who lost twins at that stage.

Just say that all are thinking about her and her family and send her lots of love. She will be feeling numb I am sure but will want to talk when she has sort of got her head round it all. One thing that will I am sure help is ask to see a picture of the baby when she comes back to work as I am sure she will have had some taken. She will want to talk about the baby it will help if people talk about the baby and her loss and not just try and ignore the subject. If peopel ignore it she will feel although people do not care.

Lucy

This is so sad. I agree with Lucy. We lost a little girl to cot death many years ago and I remember feeling people ignored her because her life was short. CRUSE have a book called All in the End is Harvest and my favourite quote is " You cannot judge a biography by the number of pages" which I felt sums it up in such cases. We understood people felt at a loss and respected them when they just said " Im Sorry". Let her set the pace when she comes back to work after acknowledging her loss as everyone is different and make allowances for her being angry sometimes. I found the worst thing was othe women not talking about their babies in front of me and was very comforted by holding the babies of understnding friends.

That is so well said. It must have been very hard to loose your baby to cot death. At least you were able to have those precious months together.

It is better just to say how sorry you are rather than nothing at all. You may feel it is not enough but trust me she will be so grateful for those few words.

Lucy
xx

I'll Be There

Daddy please don't look so sad,
Mummy please don't cry,
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and
He sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God,
Don't think He is unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you,
And then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a Special Child,
And I am needed up above,
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
The product of your love.
I'll always be there with you,
And watch the sky at night
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light
You'll see me in the morning frost,
That mists your windowpane.
That's me, in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze,
From a gentle wind that blows,
That's me, I'll be there, Planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
And your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there, giving your heart a hug.
So, daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mummy don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus,
and He sings me lullabies.
~Author Unknown

Think the best way is to say what your feel, that is the easiest to understand.

a little flower
only given
to bud on earth
and bloom in heaven.

Thats so lovely it makes my eyes fill up.

omg Jolin you will never realise how ironic that poem is. I am off work today and Monday so emailed my team about naming a star after her daughter for her Birthday on Thursday. I arranged it this afternnoon over the internet. Whats so hard is I have another team member whose baby is due 4 weeks after and whilst I hold it all together at work for everyone when I come home I just sit and ask myself why.

Thank you Lorelei- the one thing I have toold everyone that works for me is when she comes back we ask to see pictures, we talk about her daughter and do not skirt round any baby talk. She called her Grace such a beautiul name.

Thanks guys.

Lisa I think that's a lovely idea, naming a star after her baby. She sounds very fortunate to have such a good boss.

liberty

I had to have a termination at 20 weeks due to chromosone abnormality. We had my little girl buried. I spent a long time thinking what to put on her head stone.
Many of the verses used were:

A tiny flower lent not given
To bud on earth
And bloom in heaven

I chose to adapt a lovely prayer for Sophie's headstone:

Now I lay thee down to sleep
I pray dear Lord my soul to keep

Having been in the situation of loosing a child without knowing her all I can advise you to do is talk to your friend about the baby she lost. Most hospitals now give you photo's of your baby. I found comfort in sharing those photos with close friends and talking about what had happened, after all she was a baby and did exist and still does in heaven :-)
Don't think your friend will not want you to talk about her as usually people do but they themselves do not bring it up incase the other person feels uncomfortable.
I found I dealt with it in a different way to my husband as he had not felt the kicks inside as I had and your friend will probably find that too.

hi there just thought you might like to know of a fantastic site for people who have lost children they are a great bunch of people on there that will just listern to your friend and there are lots of support groups number for her . And everybody on this site has lost a children regardless of age .
http://groups.msn.com/OurChildrenRemembered/theboards.msnw
this is a relly good group and they relly care hope it helps .

Have looked at "Our Children Remembered" site.
It is heartbreaking and I feel for all those mothers. It is hard enough loosing a child that we did not know (see my previous posting) but I cannot imagine to think of the grief those poor parents must have gone and still be going through. You see the beautiful pictures of those children and it is so hard to believe they are no longer with us.
I don't want to offend anyone her but it really puts into perspective loosing a dog - it just does not compare to that of a child.
It makes you realise seeing those innocent children just how unfair life is, all the bad people out there such as murderers etc and they are healthy as can be yet these poor children taken before their lives have even begun :-(