I don't know if any one can be of any help. My Nan lives in sheltered accommodation and has suffered from angina and other heart problems for over 20 years (she is 83 now). She has however got a lot worse lately, to the point of having black outs, she has been told by the doctor that she shouldn't go out unless with someone able to cope, thus making her unable to go on shopping trips etc. My parents live an hours drive away and both work but go there once or twice a fortnight, I live half an hour away with 2 small children and the dogs and we only have the one car which the other half uses for work, so I am restricted but will go whenever I can and her brother isn't too far away either but is also 'getting on a bit'.

We are concerned that she is going to black out in her little flat and hurt herself and not be able to call for help, and think this may be the time to start talking about a nursing home, but she is a very proud and independent lady, and it is something she has always dreaded.

Has anyone else been through this, and how did you go about it, how do I find out about nursing homes (and which are the good ones) She didn't own her own home so would presume we are looking at NHS homes

Sorry to ramble, only found out how bad she has got today so I'm still a bit upset, and really haven't got a clue about the whole business

Hayley

Have just a little bit of experience with this as my mother (88) is in a home (120 miles away), my FIL (89) and my aunt (98) also :(

Your best bet is to contact social services to see what help they can offer her. Most social services are very reluctant to put people into homes as it is usually cheaper to provide some help to keep them in their own home. My FIL has severe problems with speaking, walking and eating caused by strokes and it took 8 years to get him into a home and only because Social Services decided that it was just too risky having him at home by himself as he has a risk of choking when eating. They were providing 3 carers a day and taking him to a day centre 5 days a week. Even so, he has still to pay for himself until his money runs out :(

Sorry to be so depressing but I'd talk to the doctor and see if he can recommend that Social Services provide her with some help.

Good luck

Daisy

I work in housing and used to be a community nurse so I can see both sides. Why not have a chat with the sheltered housing officer about home based support and their after hours care services? Most sheltered housing now is gearing up to care for frailer people as those who are just old/lonely tend to stay in their own homes. If social services are struggling to provide home helps/ shopping services there may be a vountary organisation which collects and assists people for shopping. After hours care in sheltered housing is usually an alarm system operated by pull cords in every room or worn as a pendant and when it goes off a callcentre alerts agreed help - often relatives in the first instance, if no response form the person it goes to emergency services. SHOs usually try to stay in touch with their residents in a tactful way and find reasons to pop in or organise social events to catch up with people - does this one?

Nursing homes are very much a last resort in care of the elderly now and the move can be very stressful,(even when the person wants to go, and no matter how excellent the home is) sometimes having adverse health effects. Its about person centred care now with housing adapted to suit the person and services supplied where they live.
Any use?

Thanks Lorelei

That does help a bit. Unfortunately the manager of the sheltered housing she's in is not the most sympathetic of people and has told my Nan 'it must soon be time to ship you off to a home'! I am going to pop over there tomorrow afternoon to help her with a bit of shopping etc so will have another chat to my Nan about what she wants/needs and then see if I can have a chat to the Manager too, see if she is so blunt with me! Also find out if she has a contact at Social Services - she is in a different area to me I think and give them a call

Many thanks for taking the time, we really want to do what is best for her, and my other Nan isn't far away from this situation too so will be good practice! :(

Hayley

Haley

Not sure about any advice but hope all works out OK.

Lucy
xx

The same thing happened with my grandad who is in his eighties a few years ago, which destroyed him as they told him he was not allowed to drive anymore which took away his independance, he also is sole carer for my grandma who has alzhiemers so she needs round the clock care. He is so proud he refuses to have her go in a home. Anyway he kept blacking out and eventually he had a pacemaker fitted and has been fine ever since. My dad bought him a mobile and set it so he could dial one number and get through, and i'm not sure wether he had an alarm fitted it his bedroom that went through to someone. Hope everything gets sorted out for your nan, she is lucky she has all her family around her some old people are just left to there on devices.