Has anyone out there got any tips for how to deal with suddenly becoming dogless and please don't say get a puppy. I had two blue roan cocker spaniel bitches (litter mates) Parsley (my baby) died four years ago, aged eleven, from stomach cancer. I think I was just about coming to terms with losing her, when her sister Holly develped skin cancer. That was managable, but then just over a month ago she developed both liver and kidney disease and within two weeks of being diagnosed had to be put to sleep. She was nearly 15, I had given up work to stay at home with her and we did have 10 weeks together but now she's gone and I don't know how to deal with it. The house is just too clean and quite. I can't put myself through it all again by getting another pup as 14 years is just not long enough. Before the cockers I had a sheepdog cross, who was my best friend. When she died aged 15 I swore I would never love anything again as much as I loved her. Then, 1 year later I got the girls and fell hook, line and sinker - even deeper in. I do not have any children (by choice) and my dogs were my girls. Friends without dogs don't really understand - after all they were only dogs.

I wake in the morning and swear I can hear Holly breathing. Both of my dogs are buried in the back garden, which sometimes helps and at other times doesn't. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, so if you have been through this can you share how you got through it.

Jan

Oh Holly, I am so sorry. Life seems so strange without your dogs, doesn't it? I've never actually been without one - but I have missed all my old boys and girls when they have left us so much. I'm not going to advise that you get a puppy yet - but believe me, in time, you will find that you can. In my opinion, the best tribute you can give your girls is to share their space once again - but it has to be the right time for you.

Just now, you need to grieve - losing Holly has brought back the loss of Parsley, and also your old dog. You've had them for a long, long time - you have lots of lovely memories of them - enjoy those, and remember, you as much love to your dogs, as they brought to you, and at the end, you did the bravest, most loving thing you could do for them. Of course you are sad that they have gone, but be glad that they have been with you - and for so long.

Be brave, think of them with love - and maybe one day, you will find it in your heart to have another.

Love & hugs

Margot

Margot - thank you for that, yes it has been a long time, 30 years in total and I don't feel old enough. I suppose like everything in life changes take a while to get use to, especially when you don't want to make the change. I shall wait a while and see how I feel about another dog, but my husband is adament - no more. could always trade in the husband and fill the house with dogs !!

thanks again for your kind words

Dear Holly,
I'm so sorry to hear about your sad loss. It's so difficult to come to terms with the reality of the loss, isn't it? There's no easy answer.
Cathy.

Hiya Jan,
Ive been wondering how youve been getting on...
I know sooner or later i'll be in your shoes, living life without charlie...
A few years back we (my parents) had to have our old heinz 57 'pep' pts. I was unconsolable...
I missed him terribly.
Then.... when i was in town a few weeks later i found myself in a bookshop.
Thats when i came across 'Goodbye, dear friend' by Virginia Ironside.
It helped tremondously (my spelling is bad today!)
I'll be calling on it soon im sure.
My thoughts are with you...

Donna and Charliex

thanks for your reply - I shall look up the book at the weekend. Hopefully Charlie is Okay at the moment. It was so nice to hear from you again, I have been keeping a low profile over the last couple of weeks, but being on my own tonite found myself on the Message board. It's comforting to know there are people out there who care even when they don't know you - feel like you are a friend.

Plaese give Charlie a hug from me

Jan

Hi Jan,
I am so sorry to hear about your sadness. I too lost both my dogs, only within 3 months of each other, and the grief was terrible, but unlike you I had already started to look for a puppy after my first dog died, a. because I wanted another dobe, but b. in the hope that it would cheer up my other dog. This didn't work as she was diabetic and sadly stopped eating and was pts the day before we collected our pup. However, and I realise you don't want this advice, but I cannot tell you how much getting our pup helped not only me but my children to deal with the grief, I won't say get over it as we were distraught really, but another little face full of mischief gave us all a new focus and reason to rush down in the morning to see her. I am really sorry not to be able to give you any other advice, and I think probably that most people here will tell you the same as we are all dog lovers and none of us would be without our dogs, but get another dog. Not until you are ready maybe, but I honestly cannot think of anything else to advise you to do. No dog will replace any you have lost, but it WILL help. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is instruct my vet to pts both my dogs, but it was the least I could do, to stop their pain, and to thank them for all the love and fun they gave me and my family.
Bev

I feel for you I am really sorry I do hope in time you may be able to consider taking on another dog,you will find your other dogs will come back to you through the new one,give it time.

sending special (((hugs))) from my dogs to you to help you through xx

The power of the dog.

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From Men and women that fill our day
But when we are certain of sorrow in store
Why do we always arrange for more
Brothers and sisters I Bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear

Buy A pup and your money will buy
love unflinching that cannot lie
perfect passion and worship fed
by a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head
never the less it is hardly fair
to risk your heart for a dog to tear

when the fourteen years that nature permits
are closing in asthma or tumours or fits
and the vets unspoken prescription runs
to lethal chambers or loaded guns
then you will find_ its your own affair
but..... you've given your heart to a dog to tear

when the body that lived at your single will
when the whimper of welcome is stilled (how still)
when the spirit that answered your every mood
is gone-wherever it goes-for good
you will discover how much you care
and will give your heart to a dog to tear

We've sorrow enough in the natural way
when it comes to burying christian clay
our loves or not given but only lent
at compound interest of cent per cent
though its not always the case I believe
that the longer we kept 'em the more do we grieve
for when debts are payable right or wrong
a short term loan is as bad as a long
so why in heaven,before we are there
should we give our hearts to a dog to tear.

RUDYARD KIPLING

mattie - thank you for the poem, which as you might expect made me cry. I have also read a story about where to bury a dog, which ends with 'bury it in your heart'. which is what I have done (or at least I am trying to )

Thank you for the 'hugs' from your dogs - how many and what breed ?

Bev - thankyou for your reply. It must of been heartbreaking to lose both dogs within 3 months of each other. I at least had Holly for a further 4 years after losing Parsley. But on saying that I did feel that as they came as a pair, I wouldn't really get over Parsley while I still had Holly. There was still the dog walking, vets visits etc to do, but with only one dog so I was constantly reminded of Parsley.

Now I avoid the dog food isle in the supermarket, and have put the leads and baskets away. Won't take the photos down though.

I have had all three of my dogs pts and hate it. With Holly as she was 15, we hoped that she would die peacefully in her sleep, but in the end the vet said if she was left then she would most probably die in paid, which I couldn't allow to happen.

love

Jan

I lost my first rescue cocker at the age of 16/17 nearly a year ago, after a period of nursing him with disabilities. I cried for week and know how difficult it is when friends don't understand how you feel about it. I found another rehome within a month (it would have been sooner but I wanted a cocker) because life without dogs was not for me. Getting another dog does not mean that that you forget the old one - each one is different. Dogs unfortunately do live much shorter lives than we do, but although we go through the pain of losing them, the pleasure of having them, making them happy and knowing we are giving them a good and loving home (which so many dogs do not have) makes it all worthwhile. I rehomed another cocker earlier this year who unfortunately died unexpectedly with cancer after less than 3 months. I didn't think I could cope with losing another in such a short space of time - but I did, very sad but happy in the knowledge that he had the best couple of months of his life with me. I've now got yet another rescue and am currently fostering (making three cockers in total).

Do consider another dog - the dogs out there need good owners and there are far too few of them.

Oh I'm so sorry for you. :( The last time I was dogless was horrible. The house felt so empty, and I was always looking to see where she was - and of course she wasn't. It was five years before I got another dog, and then I got another, and another..... but of course there'll come a time when I have to stop restocking and let the numbers fall...and one day I'll be dogless again.

Thank God for the loyalty and love they gave, and that you gave them in return. In time you'll only remember the good times.
:)

It is so hard isn't it?

For me, the most important part was to allow myself to grieve. I read the obituaries in dog magazines, made a photo album of my dogs, and kept a lock of their hair along with letters from the breeders, photos. and 2 films we made of them. I still haven't had the cassettes made up into a video yet (or whatever you do) as I am still not quite ready, this is going back some years now, my male was pts in 1996 and my girl in 2000 and it's still very hard.

I had the chance to have a pup while my girl was in her last year and i was so glad I didnt as for me it would have been the wrong decision; I was able to devote myself to her instead and it was wonderful :)

I took both my dogs' bodies to a pet crematorium and the journey helped tremendously.

It took me a year to get another pup, I was determined to wait for the right one and she is the same breed, and even related to both my others so to me it is a little bit like a full circle. You will be ready when you will be ready and not before.

I found a marvellous book too called "Absent Friend" by Laura Lee, it has poems in and practical stuff and helped me very much.

Sending you a hug :)

Lindsay

thank you for your reply. I always wanted to fill the house with dogs but have husband who thought that two was more than enough. I bought a tshirt at crufts which states One can never have too many dogs, and wear it just to wind him up.. I think that he is now feeling like me that a house without a dog is just not a home, but we both need to have sometime out to really grieve for and let Holly and Parsley go. I have hundreds of photo's of them which I can't yet look at and have both of their last collar and leads. I have also had trees planted with the woodland trust in their memory.

love to all the dogs

jan

Thankyou for your reply - I am hopingyou won't be dogless for a very long time. How many do you have at the moment - sounds like quite a few. I found it a stuggle having two puppies together, it's probably better to get one at a time - maybe next time

I do thank God for the loyalty and the love they gave me, they we definately a gift. (just a shame I had to give them back)

love

jan

Oh, Jan, I am so sorry. I feel awful for you. My baby ( golden cocker) died almost 4 years ago at the age of 2 and a half. It was very sudden and happened one day when I was at college. The morning I left, She was jumping up and trying to get to me (we had a baby gate at the time), I shouted at her to "stop"...and "I would be seeing her soon"....I never did and I still cry about it. I never got to say goodbye to her and that is something that I could never forget.
I was in incredible shock, and that night we were due to go to training to get ready for a show that weekend. I had to make the phone call to the woman in charge telling her that we would never be going again because my best friend had just died. I acted very rashly and due to the awful silence of the house, I looked for breeder to get a new one (not a replacement though). We found a lovely cocker spaniel breeder with a beautiful litter of blue roans. We picked one out at the age of 4 weeks and went to southampton every week (from hampton court) to see our new puppy...problem was, when we got her home..I couldnt bond with her, I didnt want to know her. I just couldnt. I felt as though I was replacing my other dog who had only passed away a couple of months before. Looking back though, I am very pleased with my dog millie...But it took a very long time. I think that the loss of a dog is not something that can just be brushed under the carpet or got over in a hurry. I had 2 and a half wonderful years...I just wish I could have had more. Take your time. Think back to the fabulous life that you and your dogs shared. Its the memories which you should be enjoying....but it is tough to do at times.
I really feel for you with all my heart. I hope you can get through this ok.
steph
x

dear steph - thank you for you reply, now I am crying for you as well as myself. If must have been dreadful losing such a young dog and how many times have you gone over the fact that you shouted at her - why do we always remember what we did wrong not all the things we did right. Hopefully you have now bonded with Millie and she is giving you the love your other cocker did. I know time heals and eventually I will be able to remember both my girls and smile until then I shall look in envy at all the dogwalkers. Give Miller a hug from me and I wish her a long healthy happy life

Jan

Thanks jan. Sorry to make you more upset. :( It is so hard but over time it does get easier. To me i dont really see it as any different to losing a member of the family. I love millie to bits now and dont know where I would be without her, which is not something I thought could happen at first. Hopefully, in time, you can allow yourself to find another friend as i did. But dont ever be cross with yourself or think it is replacing, because it isnt. That was my problem...but now I realise that its never replacing....its just new.
Millie sends you a lick..I send you a hug.
Take care and smile. Think of all the brilliant times you shared together.
steph
x

just a thought...but when lady (my golden) passed away, I made up a huge collage (sp?) of her pictures in her memory...When dogs go, you cant have a funeral (in the same way as humans), but you could make up a collage of all the lovely pictures that you have and give it pride of place on your wall....I did it and it helped, because in all the pictures she looked so happy, and that is what you want to remember.
x

Steph - no you haven't made me more upset, it has been a great help knowign that someone else has been thou and understand how you feel. I do wonder why it is that you can get more understanding and sympathy from complete strangers than from friends, but I suppose that's down to a shared love of dogs. I do have a friend, who had two boy blue roan cockers, she still has Elliot aged 13 but has just lost Oliver (her baby) aged 12. why is it the babies that always die first. She is a great help, but put the two of us together and there is always tears. There was only 2 months between her losing Oliver and me losing Holly. I do have a lot of photos of my girls, and my husband had a watercolour painting of them done some years ago, which is framed and hangs at the top of the stairs. Needless to say, I touch it everynight before going to bed. I know in my heart that I loved my girls as much as I possibly could and that they both had good lives, and there was no way I could have kept them any longer. I will always love and miss them, and am grateful that I had them in my life.

Thank you again steph for your kind words - can I borrow Millie for a hug, as I miss the licks ..

Jan

Hi Jan,i decided to log on for just a moment!! before going to bed and read your post ,the one thing i have realised after reading all of the replies is that we all have our own heartbreaking story to tell , and thats what you feel dont you ,like your heart will break when you lose your best friend ,and utter those immortal words "i never want to hurt like that again "i lost my first dog Christa a beautiful Irish Setter aged almost 11 years ,she was poorley one week but seemed to get better,and exactly one week later she collapsed and within 3 hours had died i laid with her until she just ran out of breath,we had been through so much together she helped me through a ,divorce ,re marriage ,and two babies (who she guarded with her life)we(by we i mean John)buried her under an oak tree in the garden i insisted she was buried with her quilt ,poor John was up in the garden for hours making sure everything was as it should be ,i got Chloe a B, Collie X T.T.almost 6 months later and at first it was strange to have REPLACED Christa ,because thats how it felt , it didnt take her long to make her very own mark on our lives ,and a huge mark that was ,we had her for almost 15 years and we had to have her P.T.S.just a few months ago ,i had decided i wanted another dog as soon as i could i am a coward and didnt want to feel the terrible void i felt before ,so with both of my forever pups in my heart we rescued Lola, and having a pup is a double edged sword its wonderful having her to hug and cuddle , but there is not a day when i dont think of Chloe ,and miss her so much it hurts .. but i am so grateful i had her in my life..........and now we have Lola.(sorry to have gone on and on ,it seems when you let these memories surface you realise just how many wonderful memories there are )! love and hugs to you from us Take care and try not to be sad .Regards Sue T.

Dear Sue - sorry hope I didn't upset you too much and ruin your nights sleep. Sometime it just helps to pore your heart out and share it with someone. Having read the replies I have received, I know there are people out there who have gone through a lot worse then me. I have been overwhelmed by the messages and that people can be bothered to spend the time to read your story and reply. The only problem now is that I'm spending hours on this site and beginning to dread my next phone bill.

I'm so sorry to hear about Christa, it sounds like she was a wonderful companion. Both Holly and Parsley are buried in their blankets with their favorite toys, also a letter from my husband (who is an old softy and won't admit to putting them there) I have also planted a Holly bush and some Parsley by their grave so they will never be forgotten.

Love to Lola and I hope she is a good a companion as Christa and Chloe were

Jan

Hi Jan,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am at the loss of Holly. I still grieve for my dogs that have been gone many years. The most painful loss for me was that of my Yorkie last August. Of course, I am in tears now just thinking about her.

But like you, I felt that a house without a dog is not a home. Four months later I brought home a Cairn puppy. I sit here and feel sad about Moxie - but just to the right of my keyboard, on a cushion type dog bed on top of my desk, curled up for her post-breakfast nap, is my Cairn Abby.

When your are ready, there may be another dog to share your life. If I had waited until I was finished grieving for Moxie I would be sitting here without a Cairn next to my keyboard. I would have had to wait out my lifetime not to feel the loss. You will know if and when the time is right for you..

Stacey

Stacey - may thanks for you email. I do hope you are getting as much love from Abby as you did from Moxie. I can just picture Abby on her cushion. Give her a hug from me.
Jan

Hi Jan
That is how I was with a friend of mine. She loved Lady to pieces and I think she was almost as upset as I was.
I do the same with my pictures of lady as you. I always said goodnight to her when she was gone. I think back to the great times that we shared and that is the way I get through it, I try to not let myself feel guilty for shouting at her (even though I always do..and probably always will).
Take each day as it comes, we are all here for you, and if you need to write, or post something, just go ahead, cos it helps to get it out in the open ( you can always mail me... bunnysucker@hotmail.com).
Of course you can borrow millie, she is very loving and has lots of licks. Now she is almost 4. A big girl now.....I think I was afraid of getting close to her when she was young in case she was taken away from me too..but I am getting over that now.
Take care of yourself and it will get better, as I said, I still cry about lady, but I dont think that is necessarily a bad thing. I loved her and it means that I have never forgotten her (or ever will).
steph
x

Jan

So so sorry to hear your story. They do take over our lives and leave such a hole when they leave us. The pain is immense when they go - but I'd always rather feel that pain after having the years of pleasure than go not knowing the pleasure at all.

In time you'll find the pain lessens - you will have your memories and you may feel able to allow another four-legged friend into your life.

I do think it is mainly fellow animal lovers that understand how hard losing your friend is - you are among such people here.

Pam n the boys(also Cockers)

Holly Im glad you liked the poem I read an extract from it once and search all over for it (pre PC Days) and it drove me mad not being able to read it all through then one day when we were on holiday in Devon we found a little second hand book shop (Id been trawling bookshops for it) and I asked the girl about rudyard kipling books and she said we have just taken a box of books from an auction do you want to root in it and I said yes,there was Sam and I on our hands and knees in the shop and we found it :) itwas in a book called actions and reactions by rudyard kipling,you would have thought we had won the lottery LOL (My Husbands as daft as me :) )

We Have in our family Bobby Maltese 12 years Mattie 9 year Labrador,Minnie 3. Ned GWP 11 Months
Sending sloppy licks and hugs and they hope you dont leave it too long to get another friend (Keep wearing the T Shirt)

It was obviously fate that you were meant to find the book. I came across an old dog eared book of poetry - My Dog and Yours by Joe Walker dated 1929. I think I pad £3.00 for it, and it's worth 100 times that. Joe Walker was obviously a dog lover and his poems are wonderful - although a few do bring a tear to the eye.

Give a hug to Bobby, Mattie, Minnie and Ned for me - I' m wearing the TShirt !!

Love

jan

Pammy & the boys, thank you for your reply to my message. All the replies I have received have really helped and is does seem a problem shared .....

I know that in time I will be able to remember my girls and feel happy, I can look back at the time I spent with my first dog who lived to be 15. I would change a thing as having them in my life was very special, it;s just scary how quickly the time goes.

Maybe in time I will have another, but not just yet.

Emjoy the boys, and give them my love

Jan

Jan

It is a very hard time when you loose dogs. They are more than just dogs, more like children.

It will get better in time. I lost my first ever girl Mars Bar back in August and still have as my husband calls them 'Mars Bar moments' where I will think about her and the tears come flowing. I do however have a laugh as well remembering all the good times and will cherish those. We got a puppy to replace the hole she left but not to replace her as they are all very special and individual, she is called MB2 ( Mars Bar2) and she is such a lovely girl and has brought so much fun and love as well as our other two.

Give it time and I am sure you will be ready to let a new little one into your life. You won't regret it !

Lucy
xx
xx

Jan,
I hope that everyday gets easier... Sometimes i think of pep and wonder how i made it through.... I did, well i must of.
I now think of pep and smile. Im sure you do that with parsley and in time you will do with holly.
Ive read your replies with interest and many, many tears.
Tell you what leaped out at me most... bury a dog in your heart... that made me burst in to tears. Charlie noticed and came for a hug and kiss...

Take care Jan!

Donna and charliex

I'm glad Charlie was there to lick up the tears, funny how they always know your moods. Have felt a lot better since reading all the wonderful replies I have received - I just love doggy people.

Who know - one day I may again hear the sound of tiny paws

Love

Jan

Lucy, thank you for your reply. I had dogs rather then children, so it is very hard losing them. Why did you call you dogs Mars Bar - what breed are they.

Love

jan

Hi Jan,just popped on to have a wee peek before going to bed ,(i have just got to get an early night Champdogs is very addictive)i have read and in some cases re read the replies you have recieved! with such a sad subject you would think it would be depressing, but its not!sad ..definatley, but we all have the same sadness in common , yet the one posative feeling i get is however much it hurts to lose our canine friends most cant resist the pull of that unconditional love again,you were right 14 years is not long enough, but i would rather have had that brief time than none at all .When we collected Lola from the Dog Rescue the lady gave her a big hug and told her she was a lucky little girl, its a good feeling that you have given a dog a second chance ,I think somwhere out there (when the time is right )there will be a special puppy just for you ,and he/she is going to be very lucky too ,i hope you keep in contact with us all here so that we can share our ups and puppy/dog downs ,and maybe you will feel like giving your advice ....so until then take care and stay safe Regards Sue T.& Lola.

Dear Sue & Lola - I know what you mean about this site being addictive, I am dreading my next phone bill. I too have read and reread the replies, and have used almost a full cartridge printing them out. It has also takien me an age to reply, but peoply have been so nice and supportive - I suppose there are a lot of people out there who have gone thro how I'm feeling.

I do admire you for taking on a rescue dog - puppies are so cute, and you feel that you never really know what you are getting with a rescue dog. I have in the past thought about going to the resuce kennels, but have been to afraid that I will come home with a car full as I can't resist as sad face.

I hope Lola is happy in her new home, and giving you lots of love and attention and I wish her a long, happy health life.

Don't know much about me giving advice a the moment, but I will continue to read the message board and chip in occasionally.

Love

Jan

Dear Holly,
On reflection, having been "Dogless & Sad" for just over 2 years now, Champdogs' message board has been a great help. Also, now that our situation allows us to have a dog again, we have found a breeder through the board. It just helps to hear about other people's dogs, somehow.

with regards,
Cathy.