Just picking up on another post, someone said folk should please themselves & not care what others think of them (more or less!). Where do you draw the line tho?

I would very much like to go off & do only what I want to but I have responsibilities. To my husband, family, animals & friends & not always in that order either. There is no way I can take myself off & do exactly as I please, no matter how much I want, my feelings & sense of duty are too strong. I made my choices & my own decisions & intend to stick by them, if that means I sometimes take a back seat well so be it, it was my choice & I made them willingly! I also like & enjoy being thought well of & respected by my family/friends & peers, but not to the extent I would compromise my own belief & sense of right.

Christine, Spain.

Hi Christine
I think that if you have made your life so that you have responsibilities to others (whether its a family, spouse, or animal) then you have to take that responsibility seriously. Obviously where animals are concerned they rely on you wholly, but it would be nice to think that a spouse or ones family would be prepared to accept a little "give and take" ;) Perhaps just now & then you can take yourself off & do exactly what you want to do....as long as the others agree to it and are happy to do without you for a day or a week or whatever. Like all these things its about consideration to those whom your actions will affect. Its a shame there isnt a bit more "give & take" in the world today, and I just consider myself very priviliged to be able to do so many of the things in life that I want to do.

Hi
I have 4 children,4 step children(don't live with us) ,3 dogs and of course a wonderful supportive husband.
I ,like you ,made choices that got me where I am today and so my priorities lie with my family and animals.
HOWEVER I am a person and deserve to be an individual.The way I live my life and the way I 'can' look (my husband is a biker and I enjoy the 'bike scene' too) gives no one the right to judge me as a person.I have needs and I deserve to have time to do what I want!I am tolerant and accepting of other people,whoever or whatever they are and expect the same courtesy in return.People should judge me by my attitude,my children(who are well behaved and respectful,attend school regularly and have good manners),the way I treat my animals etc but not my looks.
I found that when I was doing nothing for myself I became stressed and unhappy-now I have ME time and I can enjoy myself and give everyone the best I can.
Archer

I have vague memories of 'me'....:(

Whats 'ME' time, its so long since I had any I've forgotten what it is. :-D

iM sure you'll reap the benefits....a bit later :D

liberty :)

My me time is the time I have to myself.I chose to fill that time with dogs and dog shows!!I consider this ME time (as I believe does Brainless).
When I was going through a 'bad patch' my hubbie asked what was wrong.I said something along the lines of ..I'm a mum,a housewife,a wife,a cook,an office clerk etc but theres no me anymore.And hence the elkies came into the equation!!Now I do my dog shows because I want to -not because its what expected.
Archer

Hi Christine

I thought long and hard before replying to your post: you have a family; be grateful for that and all it entails; After 12yrs of marriage my husband and I are no nerarer having to having a baby then we were all those years ago.......I won't go into the details, but we now have 2 dogs.

liberty.

[deleted]

I think "me time" is managed much better by men, and for men.why else am i downstairs looking after and feeding 4 labs, as well as playing onthe pc, when my hubby is having a lie in cos it's( fanfare of trumpets) "HIS DAY OFF":)

What's a 'day off'? ;)

[deleted]

I was not going to answer this thread because I don't think i'm the right person to do so but I will say that "ME" time is almost non existant! We make our choices, or we kid ourselves that we do but somehow I can't remember when that was.

I know what you are going through Christine and have the greatest respect for you.

John.

Hmm my house too milos.

I'm feeding 3 dogs, sorting out The Small One (3.5)who want a biscuit/drink/poo/to make a cake, cooking dinner and talking to my mum on the phone.

Whats he doing.........watching telly.

I suffered post natal depression which really bought home the need for ME time. My ME time is now either working the dogs in the winter or riding in the summer. That is not to say the dogs don't get walkied in the summer, just that I have to take The Small One with me!!!:)

And if Nanny comes to stay, I get to stay in bed as long as I like:D

I suppose that in an ideal world, if you select a particular life choice you should be willing to stick by it when times are tough. The problem is, our long-term happiness with these choices often depends on the fact that the other people involved (there are inevitably other people involved :) ) keep their side of the bargain. Being human beings with predictably unrealistic assumptions about each other this rarely happens! Personally, I think that the very worst thing you can do is not be honest with yourself about what you want out of life. If you've got a clear idea, then go for it. If you haven't, then stick with it and see what happens. :)

Jo

For me, what it boils down to, is that if my husband, son, and dogs are all happy, then so am I.

Exhausted, despondent, and feeling taken for granted, maybe, but still happy, because I've done my job well.
:)

Well done :) Now have a large drink to reward yourself :D

liberty :)

Done that! That's why I'm still awake having got up at 5.30 this morning.......

At the risk of sounding pathetic, I had my children when I was very young(To young) 3 in 3 years in the belief of youth that they would grow and leave home then we would have our free time, but thing went wrong as they do, and my husband had great heart problems, after months in Papworth he came home only to be admitted again 3 day's later for a month,We now have WE time, away in the caravan, away from our children,but we take our dog's, and our 5 year old grandaughter that we have had care of since she was 2 days old, but we still manage We time,it has taught us to make as much as you can of ever day, because you may not be able to the next

hear endeth the sob story.

I think that's a very important story Britney - sometimes it takes something really bad to happen to make us change our way of doing things. :)

I would say that you should always try and please yourself first. If your happy and not depressed you will pass this on to others. Where to draw the line with pleasing yourself or others first is, are you going to be happy/comfortable with the outcome of your decision/actions. Ultimately you have to live with the consequences of the choices you make. If you are going to be happy with the outcome of your decision, then please yourself. If you wont be happy with it then please yourself again and dont do it. Pleasing someone else can also be very rewarding.

Regards Mick

i too chose to be a wife,mother,cook.cleaner.bottlewasher etc...look after the dogs,do the diy,shopping,wiping tears,cleaning knees...the list goes on.i had my first child at 20 and my 3rd at 23,with 3 loses in between.i feel that i will still be young enough to go out and do as i choose when the family are better able to look after themselves.
my husband at the moment works 8.30am-4.30pm out again same day at 7.30pm-2am every day for 5 days,he also does terratorial army weekends and a fortnight away a year.
i used to get very depressed,and now when we have spare money i go out with my friends usually once every 2 months,and have a laugh and have a drink(that is my ME time)ohh and also when i get the chance to soak in the bath that is also me time.
we make our choices or they are made for us,no matter how busy your day there should always be a little me time.
mel:)

Exactly what I was trying(very badly to say).'Me' time need only be 10 minutes but just because we made a choice in life to be a mother (I had 4 in 4 years),wife etc it doesn't mean we can't be ourselves aswell.
I spent 9 years in an abusive marraige with 4 children and no support.I left and now have a wonderful hubby who encourages me to have time to myself and I know I am a better mother and wife because of that.
I have every respect for people who spend every waking minute doing for some one else but I'm not strong enough for that so we all do what we must.
Archer

Hmmmmmmm, i think i might have said something along those lines!

And yes, for me that is a very very easy thing to say, because im single, and my ONLY responsibilities are to myself and my dogs (definately not in that order)......

Along with that though, i suffer depression (an not the 'hmmmmm, i feel a bit pants' the 'i think it would be interesting to be dead, right now' kind), so i guess i could also be a lil selfish in my views here.

I do fully beleive though, that whilst it is important to keep yourself happy, there can be a lot of joy gained in making other ppl happy.
And, as I think Mick said, if you arent happy, then you cannot make others around you happy, not without causing yourself pain anyway.

I always find, the people who are happy, kind and have fun, seem to attract people to them, whereever they go. The people who must RELY on other people to be happy end up driving others away.

I enjoy making other people happy, and helping them out, (although at times, this is not good for me at all), for instance, i met a guy online, through various friends, and it became apparent that he was not happy in his shop assistants job. So i encouraged him to look for other jobs, and also, fairly importantly, rewrote his CV for him, as he had asked his parents to proof read the original, adn they had said it was fine. Hmmm, it wasnt, it was, basically poop, all good stuff in there but laid out wrongly. So i re-wrote it, he applied, i sat up at all hours of the night listening to him panic about the interviews, and he got the job.
All i gained out of that, was a lack of sleep, several hours word processing, and making him happy, was it worth it, oh yes, even though i had never even met him at the time!
Oh, and i also gained a new friend.

The only thing i have to give my friends, is my time, and an ear. I cannot lavish expensive gifts upon them, take them out for meals, etc, but i CAN be there at the end of a telephone line, at most hours of the day or night, to help, or just to listen.

That makes me as happy as pleasing myself, in fact, more so!

I seem to have rambled on now, ill shut up!

Em (major rambler!)

I think you sound like a bloomin' nice person, Em! :)

oh aye, im a saint me?!!!!!

off now to take the elderly lady next door (loopy as the come, an a great laff) to the library! do i get a medal? heheheheheheheh, gotta do something for someone, since im sitting here on my ass spending my government hand out that you lot contribute to in your tax!

Saint Em (lol)

Heheh. Em, you're making me feel very inadequate. The only good deeds I do are ... actually, I'd seriously struggle to think of any! <shame>

I work for the government so I think I'm entitled to say ... spend it like the hell you want 'cos the powers that be waste millions on zilch every year. :D

Jo

I wouldnt feel inadequate compared to me, dont bother, i cant keep my house in a normal state of tidyness, remember to pay my bills, or give up smoking (the legal and the illegal kind).
I just help out where i can, and taking the mad old moo next door to the library, or doing her shopping is the least i can do really.
But thanks for the go ahead on spending it like hell, now, if there was a way to increase the approx 4-5k a year i live off, i will!!!!! mmm must rush down to the dss for a interest free loan, to spend on tattoos! raaaaaaaar.

Only kidding, oh, and yes the mad old moo next door knows i call her that! i wont repeat what she calls me on here!

Em

Lol. Well, I'm crap at paying bills and even though I've got a cleaner the house is still a mess ... even worse now we've got the pup. Mind you, the kitchen floor has never been so spotless!

I managed to give up smoking a few years ago (but only because I had a really bad dose of flu), but I'm afraid I still chain-smoke when I go to the pub. :(

Oh, to be a good person. :D

:)

:( :(

The only ME time I have is when I'm taking a bath :D - even then the dogs will push the bathroom door open if I don't slide the lock far enough !

Hi All, surprised to see this still active, been to UK to bring my mum over for holiday & only just catching up.
I`m very fortunate to be in a position to give care to my elderly mum [$ help my neices whos mum is in poor health. That gives me a greater sense of achievement than anything else I could imagine wanting to do for myself. What I`m really saying is I wouldn`t be happy pleasing my self & doing what I wanted to do! Don`t get me wrong, I`ve managed to fit in a few things along the way :) but on the whole,I need my sense of duty, keeps me out of mischief & on the straight & narrow :o ]) :D

On a more very tragic note tho, on Monday while I was in UK we had the devastating news that my husbands niece has cancer. She went for on op to see what was thought to be a blockage in the colon. They managed to remove some but it`s very far advanced & there was not a lot more to be done.
She will be 43 in 2 wks, has 4 kids & the youngest is only 7. My priorities at the moment is trying to help my s/in/law to stay strong for both her daughter & her g/children. We are all devasted, it came a s such a shock to all of us.

Christine, Spain.

Hi Christine

So sorry to hear your news about your s/in/law :(

It makes you think :(

liberty

Gosh Christine, what terrible news.

Lucy
xx

Christine, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's niece. It must be very hard for all of you.

If you're interested, there is an excellent book written by a doctor, Andrew Weil, called "Spontaneous Healing". It is a very inspiring book full of practical advice on how to change your diet to promote healing, and methods to encourage the body to heal when the odds seemed stacked against you. I brought it when I was diagnosed with an eye condition and was feeling really pessimistic. I found it really helpful.

Very best wishes.

Jo

What a tragic situation for your niece and her family - and all the rest of you, of course.

A friend of mine has just finished a 7-month course of chemo after surgery for bowel cancer. They discovered it when he was operated on for suspected appendicitis. The scary thing is that he'd had the screening test reguarly, and his last one (which was clear) was only a month before the surgery. So please tell your family that there is probably no way they could have found it any sooner, and not to add guilt to their misery.

Got this from a friend today - especially for us girlies - sorry fellas:D

Women...

>
> By the time the Lord [creator] made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
>
> And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of hands."
>
> The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
>
> But I can't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
>
> The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
>
> She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.
>
> "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
>
> "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
>
> "What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
>
> The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
>
> The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
> everything! Woman is truly amazing."
>
> And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
>
> They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
>
> Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They'll drive, fly,
> walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. Pass this along to your women friends to remind them how amazing they are; because if there's one flaw in women, it is that they tend to forget about themselves.

Thanks all so much for those kind words :)
We are off on holiday with me mum & her friend for 10 days so will see you all when I get back.
Christine, Spain.

Pammy, I think that's lovely. :)