Hi I’m new on here and was wondering how this all works.
We want to buy our special needs son a friend. We’ve carefully considered all breeds and decided upon a golden Retriever pup. I’ve noticed that there is a huge waiting list for these and they are all reserved before even being born.
The problem we have is that we want the pup to choose our son and we also want to meet the mum at least so we can see the temperament of her.
Has anybody got any ideas how we go about this please?? It looks like we will never get a look in because of our requirements. TIA

Use the breeder section here to find breeders close to you, contact a few of them by email, give as many details as you can, ask to visit them. Be prepared to wait, breeders are just people, some may have jobs, busy family lives and of course dogs take up a lot of time. Hopefully someone will get back to you and you can visit the breeder and meet the dogs, if you like them ask to go on a waiting list. If you find a good breeder reasonably near you, and for a popular breed like goldies this is possible, you should be able to meet the pups several times before bringing one home (assuming covid-19 is long gone by that point). You may not get to choose your pup, but a good breeder will choose the one best suited to your family, and they will know their individual characters better.

I know it sounds wonderful letting the pup choose your son, but whatever pup happens to run up to him first is not necessarily the best pup for you, in a well breed goldie litter all the pups should grow up to have good temperaments, if raised correctly. The breeder will know which ones are the most outgoing/adventurous and which are perhaps a little quieter and be able to choose or guide you towards the one that suits you best. Bear in mind that good breeders breed to have something themselves to continue working with or showing, so they get first choice and others in the same spheres might get priority. But if you find a good breeder first you won't go wrong with any pup.

I've just realised I've used the term good breeder several times, with quantifying it.

For me a good breeder breeds for a purpose, they will show or work their dogs, they take the time to grill new homes, they will want to meet you several times (or in current circumstances video call etc). They will be happy to answer questions from you and talk about their dogs forever. They'll do all possible health testing and be happy to show you results, or give you the dogs KC names so you can check online. They'll offer lifetime support for their pup and probably make you sign a contract saying you cannot sell the pup on to anyone else. Puppies will be born inside and they won't have more than one litter on the go at a time. They won't necessarily have Dad on the premises, because they'll have used the best sire possible and that may have involved travelling a long distance to him, but they'll be able to tell you about him and his temperament.

When I bought my current golden seven years ago I relied on the breeders wife to guide me to which was the best puppy for our circumstances. We are older and didn’t want a lively ott dog, having had several goldens over the years I knew I wanted one with a low prey drive so she wanted to stay with us rather then vanish off after rabbits and above all else, a good temperament.
The breeders wife had spent all her time with the puppies from the moment they were born and knew their characters inside out. What she said about Isla turned out to be absolutely right and we have the dog we aspired to.
Choose your breeder with care and listen to what he/she says about their puppies, they will know them the best

Whilst it's a nice idea that a puppy chooses someone, really, it's only the breeder who can tell if a puppy is the right character for the homes who are applying to have a puppy.  So the one puppy that stands out at your visit, might be the one that's actually asleep a lot more, or only came forward to check out the new smell, kids often smell of food I might add.  So good breeders try to steer people towards the right character puppy for them.  Of course with some breeds there's also a colour or marking preference, but with GRs you've only got the one colour to think about, so you need to research and find a breeder who health tests and is breeding for good temperament and healthy conformation.  And that can take a while, as a lot of breeders are simply bunging two dogs together I'm afraid.

Also bear in mind that collecting a puppy is non essential travel.  A good breeder won't be inviting you in to see their dogs at the present time.

We are not in a particular rush but hard to know how long the waiting lists are for each expectant litter.

Thank you. Thats a great help. I guess our next step it to contact some relatively local breeders and ask some questions.

Be prepared to travel for the right breeder, it'd be nice if they were all close by, but usually they're not just round the corner unfortunately.

Also bear in mind that collecting a puppy is non essential travel.

It is allowed now Jean. Scroll down to "Dog and cat breeders": https://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/health/for-owners/coronavirus/advice-for-animal-related-businesses-and-local-authorities-during-covid-19/

This is what it says:
  DOG AND CAT BREEDERS

There will be many existing litters of puppies and kittens and some will currently be ready to be re-homed.  The ban on third party sales of puppies and kittens (known as Lucy’s Law) came into effect on 6th April 2020 in England.  Purchasers may collect a puppy or kitten by prior arrangement when the sale has already been agreed.  The pet must be at least eight weeks of age and any viewing of them with their mother and litter mates can be achieved remotely.