Hi all, after months of searching at last we have a lovely little dog, Bailey.  He is a 3 yr old cross bred and looks just like a big Cav. He has come from a nice family home and obvioudly very well loved and looked after...spotless, trimmed and chipped. He is settling in well, is very gentle and is very attched to me already and is my constant shadow, I am smitten. but we have one problem that I'd like help with please.

He seems very afraid of men. When we go for walks he is perfectly happy to have OH on the end of the lead, we sit on a bench and he'll jump up for fuss from him. Men walking past are ignored..no reaction.  If we both sit on the sofa he joins us without hesitation and lets Steve stroke him and give him treats which he takes gently,no growling or aggression at all. Son was sunbathing in the garden and he went straight to him and sat down for fuss.
The problem is when they are standing up/walking about. If OH bends or kneels down to stroke/encourage or even when sitting on a kitchen chair, if he tries to stroke him  Bailey flees, very scared. My husband and adult son are very tall, maybe its that? I've said for them to not stare at him or bend down over him but its hard for them to make themselves small! He also barks at OH sometimes. I'm so happy that he loves me to bits already (Bailey, ha ha) but am worried he might be getting over possesive of me? Its also sad for OH, he was looking forward just as much as me to having another dog to love too.
Any advice for me please?

This can sometimes be a problem when adopting an older dog.   We can't know what's been going on in their previous lives/homes.   Best I can offer is let him come to your OH in his own time.  Don't force anything, however upsetting it must be for him to be scared like that.   But never forget that fearful dogs can go to fear biting which obviously is the last thing you or your OH needs.

Hopefully over time, he will settle down with all of you - being clingy could suggest his previous home wasn't as it might have appear to have been which is sad.  Why did they have to rehome him I wonder?

Pockets of treats for oh and son to be dropped with no fuss as they pass him . Only if he isn't  barking or rushing off.
Gradually he should get used to the idea that these rather tall humans arnt a threat at all.
I would also give treats to anyone coming to visit and  tell then to ignore him but drop a treat near by .
It sounds like is lovely dog who needs some reassurance in so e circumstances. After all everything  is very new

So this dog is fine when the men in your life are not mobile?    Again, much as you might try the treats suggestion, (but watch he doesn't start getting FAT!) I still say get your men to ignore him when on the move.   I'd imagine you've not had him for long, right?   So it's early days and the being clingy with you must be because he recognises you as the carer/giver, smart dog.   Eventually once he's into a routine he learns to know and understand, (important, as with kids) all these insecurity behaviours should stop.   I might suggest you contact his previous owners, for at least an idea of his routine, if he had one, with them.   But perhaps not!!   You may not get the truth in any case.   Do you yet know why he was out of his previous home?

Agree I would get then men to ignore as they drop the treat . the idea being the treat a good thing  is being associated with the thing that at the moment appears scary .
If him getting fat is a worry then the treats can be taken from his food allowance so overall he gets the right amount of food just not in his meals .

Thanks everyone. The previous owner was a standard family with a 6yo girl ( they got him as a small pup when she was 3) who he was very gentle with. This is what swung it for me because i have a 4 yr old granddaughter. Then a second baby came along, now 3 months old. They said that the baby had become allergic to him? But I think its more that mum was due to go back to work and granny was having  to look after the kids and 2 dogs and he is quite busy...too much for her? They have a old poodle type as well. It looked like the two dogs were kept in another downstairs room.
I think he has been previously a very well looked after and loved family dog but maybe has had to take a back seat since the new baby arrived. I didnt meet the husband.

We'll try the dropping treats idea and I wont let him get fat! Cant abide fat dogs. I'm getting him into a routine of feed times and walks.
Thank you :-)

I agree with having the men ignore him, and dropping treats in his vicinity unless he's instigated contact in a happy way.  They should also be aware of standing up if he's in front of them as that will put them in a leaning-over position; throwing a treat past him will help with that one if it can't be avoided as he'll then be moving away when they stand up.

If he's still struggling then I'd go a step further and ask them to ignore him completely and you do the feeding, whenever they are moving nearby, to build the association before going back to the above, but I suspect you won't need to do it as he's alright with them most of the time.

Its not getting any better with OH. He is accepting my son and although Bailey barks when son arrives he will approach close and take the dropped treat. He barks at OH and puts himself between us, though no aggression.
Should I tell Bailey to be quiet ( he does obey) when he barks at OH or just ignore the situation?
He is so affectionate  and constantly with me so am a little concerned that he will start guarding me.
Thanks very much for all the help so far

Could you maybe get OH to do all the 'nice' things for him such as walks and feeding so that he builds up a better relationship and isn't so dependant on you.

How long have you had the bitch ? Building a bond with a dog that is of relatively unknown history doesn't happen immediately, it can take weeks & monthly, especially if the dog has a fear of something.

Feeding is a good time to teach the dog to trust your husband/son, being a food provider shows the dog they are rewarders & good to be around. Once given food should never be taken away(unless the dog walks away from food & has obviously no interest in it then out of the dogs eyeshot, the food can be picked up

Make the men a predictor of good things.  So when they appear, food rains from the skies, from you.  They can do mealtimes too, and walks if Bailey can cope with that - if not, don't push that just yet.

With Bailey barking then approaching to get a treat I think they should back off a little with that bit - he shouldn't have to be getting closer to them to get the treats, they should be dropping/throwing treats in such a way that their presence means good stuff, but not that Bailey has to get closer to them to get it.  Otherwise you're mixing fear and reward but not in a constructive way and it can slow things down considerably.  So either dropping treats as they walk past and not hanging around, just keep walking, or throwing them towards him from a little distance away but not facing him head on or leaning towards him to do it.  Chuck treats from being sat an armchair, for example.  That's how I make friends with nervous dogs in a first consultation, because at that stage I don't know the dog or people well enough to directly instruct them on treat delivery for that situation and often, the dog is too busy barking at me anyway.  SO I lob treats in their general direction until they calm down and then gradually inch them closer, throwing further away again if I see that they are unsure (e.g. not taking the treat at all, or stretching towards it to take it while their back feet stay put).

Some friends of mine have recently taken on an ex puppy farm breeding cocker bitch from Ireland. She came to them in February and has the company of their other rescue springer bitch who is a relaxed confident dog. The cocker is nervous of men, any men, which makes you wonder wha happened to her in her former life. She is only two years old and has had at least two litters apparently.
She is improving with the husband (the only man in the family) but is very scared of men when they are out on walks and they cannot let her off the lead in case she spooks and runs for it.
When we met her for the first time a few days ago she just about managed to sniff my fingers but totally avoided my husband. She’s also scared of other dogs but managed to have a sniff at my calm dogs tail before backing off and lying down nearby. At least she is relaxed in strangers company which is a big move forward apparently
It takes along time for scared dogs to regain trust and I can only advise that your men folk let your dog decide when to approach them rather then they trying to initiate contact, it’s hard on them I know. She needs to learn that no one will hurt her now and she is safe and this will take time. As time passes she will become curious about these men in her life who are constant, calm and undemanding and will begin to see them in a more positive light and will start to like them being there.

Give her space and time

> <br />Give her space and time

THIS has to always be my advice, as already said.   Let her come to him, in her own good time - just as with the OP's dog. 

The idea of feeding and exercising being done by the man in the household, at least for now, might be a good one.

Thanks again. :-) Its getting a little better and more a case of training the husband rather than the dog! I've found that if I leave the room for a while..half an hour or so..he will go to him and let him stroke under his chin and take treats. He's always been fine about OH being on the end of the lead and annoyingly for him, Bailey will let strange men bend over and stroke him as long as they move slowly. We'll get there, thanks very much for all the great advice.