Really, really hoping for some advice here to either put my mind at rest or get me the tips I need to make this work!
We brought home our new 8 week old puppy on Thursday and our older dog hasn’t taken to him; now, I didn’t expect him to be overly keen straight away but so far, it’s been harder than I thought too. He grumbles at the pup, sometimes because he’s jumped on him but sometimes from the other end of the room. If never goes further than a growl.
The part that has had me in tears though is that the older one seems depressed. He’s off his food and isn’t coming up to us which really hurts, he’s my big baby and he’s always been such a loving, cuddling mummy’s boy and I miss that I’ve been taking him out for walks which he loves, but as soon as we’re back home to the puppy he gets down again. I don’t think it helps that the new pup is very needy and constantly wants attention making it harder to give my older one attention too
Right now I’ve got the pup in the kitchen behind the gate but my older one is still not bothering with me when all I want is for him to come up onto the sofa with me for a cuddle like he usually would
He’s so good with my Mam’s so I didn’t think he’d be this bad. I’m in bits, I want them both to get along but I know that if my oldest can’t except it then the pup will have to go back, but that will break my heart too

Very early days, so persevere for longer before making a decision.

A lot of adult dogs don't like puppies, too noisy, too lively, too in your face, so your older dog is retreating. Keep the pup away from him apart from carefully supervised interactions, are you crate training? It would be a handy place to pop the pup into with something to keep him entertained and give you uninterrupted time with your older dog.
It usually works out to be about three weeks before the older dog starts to get interested in the new puppy and starts to, perhaps, even like having the company.

Yes pup is crated

I just hate seeing my older dog like this and feel so sorry for him, and feeling so guilty that I’ve brought this on him. He has had moments where he’s come up onto the sofa with us but it’s only brief. He’s always been so good and accepting of visiting dogs but it’s like he knows this one is staying?

My oldest dog took herself upstairs when I brought my latest pup home, but when she realised the pup got treats when she was good, soon decided that food was more important than a pesky pup.

She then lay on the sofa, still out of reach of the pup but close enough to hear the sound of treats. A few months later she will play with the pup but still lets her know who is the boss

I have to admit pups are harder work the older I have become, unless I'm only remembering the good parts of past puppies.

He’s starting coming onto the sofa again with us, and a few times he’s even come on to be with the pup just for a minute or two

We’re working on a time-out system for if he grumbles at the pup for no reason (if it’s for manners then we tell pup to leave him alone because it’s understandable) and then praising if he goes nears the pup with no reaction

We were wanting to get another in a few years but right now I’m not sure if that’ll be a good idea or not

I think you are expecting something far too early.  My adult Bearded Collie hid behind the sofa for 2 weeks when I bought a second Beardie pup.  When the second Beardie was an adult I brought home a Yorkie pup.  The second Beardie nearly wet her knickers, and ran away from the pup for weeks. 

I've never interfered with the old ones being boss.  Thinking that dogs know dogs better than I do.  I have 19 dogs, all living in the house, both sexes, and they live together like a family.  I'm head of the family, but I am most definitely not the pack leader.  How can I be?  I'm not a dog. 

I am sure that things will settle down with you.  Just try to be calmer, as it is so easy for dogs to pick up your mood.  Good Luck.

Puppies are a pain in the butt for all the reasons others have said. It's the easiest thing to say and the hardest thing to do, but just try to be your normal self You are clearly worried about your older dog and he will sense this but he will not know why you are worried. He will just know that every time you look at him, approach him you are 'worried' and that is something for HIM to worry about. I would jolly him along and make as much fuss of him, play with him as you always have and try not to change his routine to much. The puppy needs to fit in around you and although that is not so easy when 'meals' and 'toilet training' dictate so much in the first few months, the puppy needs to have time away from you and your older dog - so that normal life can resume. I'd also feed him away from the pup, so that he can eat in peace and not have to worry about the puppy. Stop worrying because in a few weeks (or maybe a few months) you will wonder what you were worried about. It'll be fine

I think it’s because I’m not used to my eldest behaving like this which is making me worry, especially with them both being boys. Obviously pup is currently crated when we’re not with them but in an ideal world, they will eventually be able to be left alone together with no issues. And there was me thinking another boy would be a better idea because he wouldn’t have seasons to get stressed about!

Today is a bit better, mainly telling offs to tell pup not to try and steal food then a couple of times the eldest has just been a bit of an arse, but he’s being our “friend” more again he’s been coming up to the pup for a sniff and at one point they were laying so close together that pup was in his brothers coat!

For starters, don't correct your original dog!!   Correct the puppy.  Adults won't normally attack a puppy but unless your dog sees you stopping the puppy from bugging him, if pushed far enough he could and obviously this is the last thing you want - the puppy could be injured.   Set up a place doe your older dog so he can take a nap without being continually bothered by the puppy.  When he growls at the puppy, STOP THE PUPPY - not him.   Once he sees you are in charge, he should start to make the adjustment from being the only dog with you, to having to share you with another dog under 'his roof'.  

This is early days and too soon for you to make a decision about whether this has been a good idea, or not.   Don't leave them together unsupervised yet (crating the puppy, within reason re for how long, is a good idea), feed them separated, which you may always have to do, and be careful re toys if your original dog is into his toys.    I would just throw one other warning into the mix which provided they do bond, may be ok, but having two males could mean problems once the puppy is into his 'teens' re 'top dog'.   But we had two males first, 10 months apart in age, and for the most part, they were fine together, although mine is a breed who should happily live together - unlike for eg., some terriers.

We’ve been firmly telling the puppy “leave him” when he’s bugging the older dog, which we did with my mams youngest when he was a pup and jumped all over ours. Older dog has always been good at just walking away if he’s not happy with something and keeping things low and has never even shown his teeth (even when he was attacked last year, he just screamed and didn’t try to fight back) but I know that if pushed he could be capable

I’ve been playing with him and then me and OH have both been having one each on the sofas with us so he’s still getting cuddles like he always has and then he’s still getting his walks. I’m trying to keep everything as normal as possible in his daily routine but with house training and crate training pup (who is very needy) I feel bad for my older one because normal to him is 100% of my attention, for nearly two years me and him have done everything together. He’s always been really good with visiting dogs but it is like he knows this one won’t be “going home” at the end of the day like the others do

But if the pup cries then my oldest is straight over there to kiss him and check on him!

> But if the pup cries then my oldest is straight over there to kiss him and check on him!

Perfect!  You are getting there.......

It sounds like things are settling down, I think you will be fine in another week or two. I remember my Henry spent the best part of a week sulking at the bottom of the garden when we bought Ellie, he refused to come in for cuddles or anything. But it didn't take long before they were snuggled up together.

Things are a little better than they were but there’s still grumbling and barking going on

When I got him as a puppy, my mams 2 girls didn’t like him. Her eldest wouldn’t even look at him and would sit there drooling and the (then) youngest would go for him. Their first walk together, she ran after him and bit him! But now they get along

When my Mam brought home her puppy last year, my boy wasn’t that interested in him and would grumble and bark at him but now they’re best friends and walk side by side

I don’t know if things will get better when they can go on walks together maybe? But I’m so worried about when the pup gets to his teenage phase in case things escalate between the two of them. My dream had been for them to eventually be trusted together when we’re not home so they’d be company for one another. I don’t really want them to have to be kept separated for possibly the next 13 years

I know I need to give it time but I’m just finding this so much harder than I expected when I’ve been so used to my eldest being an amazing dog to own and live with, always friendly and cuddly and right now I feel like I miss “him”

As you have a a big age gap (if I remember rightly) with this breed I can't see you having dog on dog issues if you don't have entire bitches to deal with.

Kees is almost 2 as we’ve always believed it’s best to leave a gap of at least 18 months. No other dogs in the house and mums 2 bitches are spayed

I really wish I could upload videos to show how they are! I’m trying to record as much of the behaviour as possible to monitor it but also be able to show to a trainer I trust (debating getting one to one at home with them but pup starts puppy classes next week)

> But I’m so worried

And this is being picked up by both dogs.  Breeeeath! 

JeanSW since your first reply I’ve tried to just let them “get on with”. My eldest has never been the snappy type so I’m hoping that continues! Usually he’s telling the pup off for being an annoying pain in his face which I can’t blame him for, but then the pup can be on the other side of the room or just playing with his toys and my eldest will be grumbling?

Just been out for an hour with him as he had a 6 month health check up and he grumbled getting his teeth checked which is unlike him (he used to be shown so he’s used to it) so I think he’s feeling out of sorts of himself but I’m taking him over my mams later, just me and him, like we always have and go on a walk with her 3

Update

Still some growling and barking going on when the puppy is being jumpy or trying to play but allowing the puppy a bit closer to him now

The best part, he’s started coming back up onto the sofa to have his chew next to me again I’ve used training the pup to get used to being in his pen on his own as time for me and my older dog to have time together either upstairs watching box sets in bed or walking an hour to meet my other half from work

I’m still recording their interactions but my other half says he can see progress but things are still a little overwhelming to me right now