I am beginning to lose the will to live....

My boy has been struggling for the last week or so and I put down to a fall he'd had a couple of days ago which resulted in his right front paw knuckling every once in a while. Finally got an appointment with my preferred vet and he thinks it is bone cancer - final stages. An x-ray the week after next will confirm this but he has little doubt. To say I am devastated is an understatement as he was perfectly fit and well until a few weeks ago - when he suddenly started to look 'old'. At 8 he is far from it. Because of his size and arthritis he is not an ideal candidate for amputation and I refuse to put him through chemo and radio.

I have been told it will be a matter of weeks rather than months and I am beside myself. This boy has been there for me through the death of my father, my son and my best friend. I am determined to do what's right for him and be there to the end. I know I will call the vet home for his final journey and that he will be cremated. His ashes will be placed in my coffin when my time comes and we will be cremated together but my heart trembles at the thought of not having him lie next to me or at feet anymore. After my dad, he is the longest male relationship I have had the pleasure of being part of and he too, like my dad, has been my rock.

I cannot bare a home without him and I can't bring myself to say he won't be here or that he has gone. I have worked so hard to keep depression at bay and this year has been little more than a crap bucket for me and hubby - when will the pain stop? When will the powers that be lay off and let my family see happier times? I am so close to saying 'I'm done'.

Oh so sorry to hear this, how awful.

I'm so sorry. You really have had a crap year.

I am very sorry to hear this and somewhat worried. Bone cancer can be a dreadful disease and I think in your place I would be pushing for x-rays much sooner. It's a painful cancer and can result in spontaneous fractures. I trust the vets have given pain relief ? Having just had a friend who made the heartbreaking decision to PTS a much loved dog who also was diagnosed with bone cancer before the pain became too much or the leg fractured I have seen just how difficult it is to know when the time is right. We lost a Bernese some years ago to it and we let her go before it got too far for just this reason. Please try to get x-rays done sooner so you know for certain and then you can make an informed choice as soon as possible. So very sorry for you. xxx

Oh how awful, I'm so sorry. I agree with Merlot though, I've had a few borzoi with bone cancer and always let them go as soon as I got the diagnosis. A friend took her boy home and the leg literately just shattered one day, leaving a dog screaming in pain late one evening and continuing to scream until the vet got there some 40 minutes later. It's a horrible disease

I am sorry to hear this news. I do agree with everything Merlot has said though. If the Vet thinks it is cancer then they should be doing that x-ray now. I went through this a short time ago and the x-ray showed my dog had extensive bone cancer. I was both horrified and mortified at the extent of the damage and even the Vet said they had never seen so much damage to a bone. My dog had hidden it for a very long time. Eventually it showed something was wrong when she stumbled and fell. She limped for a week but it did not get better, but even then you would not have expected the 'carnage' that the x-ray showed. She was given sleep whilst still under the anaesthetic. There was no alternative. I still feel guilty that 'I should have known' but the simple fact is that I didn't. She was still eating and drinking and you would never have known anything was wrong with her until she stumbled.

I can really relate to you as I have lost my father, best friend and beloved dog this year, the pain is awful and ongoing, I know there will be better times ahead but sometimes it's so hard to see brightness in the future.  You will do what is right for your dog and grieve for him while we all send you our sympathy and best wishes.

So sorry to hear this. I too lost a very special GSD to this about 25years ago. He was at a agility training and apparently fine one week, the following week he was knocking all the poles off and didn't seem to be moving right. I took him to the vets who thought it was HD, did Xrays a few days later and diagnosed cancer in his femur. He was on tablets and lived happily for about three months and then one day he didn't look happy so we had to say goodbye. I agree with your decision not to have chemo or radiotherapy, it's not kind to do this. Amputation can cause the disease to spread more rapidly as there may be unseen secondaries in other place. Again my thoughts are with you.

That would be a get the x-rays done asap, from me.   Then you'll know what you have to face, for sure.   I find waiting on the results of biopsy or fine needle aspiration bad enough.   At least if you have the x-rays done, you'll know as soon as your vet takes a look.   Two weeks is a long time to be hanging around, especially if, as can happen with bone cancer, there is a big risk of a break.

I am with you re Chemo - we had a Lymphoma diagnosis on one of our older hounds some years ago now, but with the agreement of our then vet, decided not to opt for treatment and in fact without the diagnosis, from a lump I'd felt which took he into the vet originally, you'd not have known he was in trouble.   In fact during the 6 months he had with us, I went into denial until the day he didn't show up for his second meal with the others and I found him lying outside collapsed.  

Losing anything or anybody you love hurts - we hit a spot with our oldies when we seemed to be losing one everytime we turned round, and then there was my sister in 2014 followed just under 2 years later by her husband.  And then one of my cousins who had been one of my bridesmaids.  None of my immediate family now living (other than my husband!).   Life's a bitch for sure.

I am so sorry to hear this. Poor boy, it's never any easy decision to make. My dad died five years ago, and my beloved first retriever a year later. I like to think they're together, keeping each other company. Please hang in there, things will get better. {{hugs}}

I'm so sorry to hear about your poor dogs illness, you do seem to have had a bad year and I feel for you.
Please keep posting on here, you will have many sympathetic ears and you will need to vent your feelings over the next few weeks whatever happens.
Lots of virtual {{hugs}}

I am so very, very sorry.  Thinking of you.  {{{{  HUGS  }}}}

I would push for the x rays sooner but my preferred vet is away next week and I refuse to let him be seen by some random quack. He isn't very mobile at all at the moment and has been prescribed metacam to keep him comfortable. I shall be watching him like a hawk and if he does take a turn for the worse - then I will have to bite the bullet and have him seen by someone less than ideal.

Right now I am trying to keep things normal for him

You say that bone cancer is already suspected. If it is, then your dog will be in agony. If it were me, I would not be making my dog wait a single second longer than I have too before finding out for sure. I would not care which vet did the x-ray as long as it was done ASAP, so we could get to the bottom of what was going on.

I'm so sorry..... Most be horrendous waiting for x rays. .sending positive vibes and tlc hugs and wishes

I have to agree.  Time is very much of the essence with bone cancer.  It is very aggressive and it is FAST.  It is also incredibly painful so the sooner a confirmed diagnosis is reached and appropriate painkillers are given, if it is that, the better.

I would get those xrays done asap even if it's not your normal vet. you need to confirm this one way or another to get him on the appropriate medication if he's in pain.

I'm so sorry about your boy. Hopefully you'll get more time with him but not let him suffer.
I lost 4 dogs last year, the 4th my heart dog GSD boy. It's been a year now and I still
can't contemplate another he was so special so I understand where you are at now.
Wishing you strength and thinking of you.

So very sorry for your loss

There are not words.

I am so so sorry you are facing this. It is unbelievable what you have had to go through recently. Life is amazingly cruel and unfair sometimes.

I have no comfort, nothing that can take the pain or lighten the load. If I could I would send the strength for one more day. Some times one more day is all I can do too.

Much love to you and yours. xxxxxx

Thank you for your responses. I'm sorry for the lack of response. I haven't been sleeping well, calling out for him in the night and I am coming down with a cold.

He is comfortable and moving about at his leisure. Everything is as normal as it was except that his foot knuckles under him every once in a while. He is eating and behaving normally. If he were in agony - I'd know - he'd tell me. As a breed they are stoic but they are also very vocal and he will 'talk to me' when he isn't happy or feels unwell. I won't be selfish and make him struggle on. If he tells me enough is enough, I will do the right thing by him.

The saddest thing is that he still thinks he is a 3 year old and behaves accordingly - how I were wish it were so.

HUGS

>He is eating and behaving normally. If he were in agony - I'd know - he'd tell me.

Dogs are designed to hide any signs of pain and illness and they are very good at it.

After years in dogs, I had always prided myself that I would 'know' if anything was wrong with my dogs and yes, that they would tell me. One of my main 'guides' for this assumption was that my dogs would stop eating and/or behaving in a set manner. If anything she demanded more food than normal and although, she wasn't playing quite as roughly as normal, she was still playing until the day before she died.

My bitch had always had a high tolerance to 'pain', so I was relying on the 'food refusal' to indicate any problem. Her bone cancer blew my 'eating' theory to bits and I will never make that same mistake again.

I sincerely hope that your dog does not have bone cancer, but please do not make the same mistake I did. Not all 'ill' dogs will stop eating or playing.

My Jozi's Dad had undiagnosed bone cancer. 

He had been to the vet Friday as a bit off,  booked in for x-ray for Monday,  only to find the bone in front leg was snapped clean through, they opted not to bring him round.

Any update? has he been x rated yet? x

He was x rayed yesterday and although the prognosis is not good - it is not as advanced as the vet first believed. There is bone cancer in the shoulder, a soft tumor developing in his armpit which is probably causing the knuckling of the fore paw and possibly the beginnings of testicular cancer too. His chest is currently clear. We discussed letting him go before the x rays but our vet felt that with medication he can be kept comfortable a while longer. He thinks anything from 6 months to a year depending on his response to treatment. I on the other hand, have struggled to get him mobile since collecting him last night and he hasn't been up to eliminate yet. This may be due to being manipulated so much for the x rays to be done. Hubby and I have decided that we are going to give the medication a chance but that if he isn't happy or comfortable through this month, I will give him sleep. We are going away for his sister and brother's double wedding in December and will be away for 20 days. It would kill me to find he has deteriorated while we were gone and the he has been PTS without me or that he has struggled in the kennel and died alone. The last thing I want is for him to be sat in the freezer at the vet's waiting to be collected.

Going by his soreness today I think I might be making that decision sooner than I thought. The vet feels his soreness is due to a greater degree of arthritis and he is now showing signs of ED which will most likely effect his back end and cause HD too. I do not want to put him through prolonged periods of pain. My vet isn't one of those to try to keep making money by selling meds etc so I know he would have said if it were time to pull the plug.

I won't lie and say that I wasn't relieved when the vet said 6 months but I also know that he is walking a path from where there is no turning back. I can only console myself with the belief that when he does go, he will be reunited with my dad and they will walk together again - healed and happy and that he will finally meet my son. Silly to some but great comfort to me.

Not silly at all, I have been struggling to cope with the loss of my best friend in a tragic accident, my Dad and my beloved dog, it gives me some comfort to imagine them strolling in the Summerlands where the weather is always like the best Spring day and the rabbits are not too fast. I am so sorry that you have to face parting with a wonderful dog, you will make the hardest decision but the best one for him. xx

So sorry for you and your special boy.  None of what you say is silly at all.  Whatever gives you comfort in your situation can only be good.

I think you are wise to be prepared for saying goodbye sooner rather than later.  This vicious disease is very painful and can spread horribly quickly.  We lost a very young dog to it (diagnosed in hindleg at just thirteen months of age).  We made sure he was happy and wagging to the end.  As he was so young we gave him a chance with an amputation and he did not care a fig that he only had three legs.  It didn't even slow him down.  He never complained once but of course the wretched disease soon returned.  As soon as we and our lovely vet suspected it was back in a major organ (probably liver or spleen) and he was beginning to feel uncomfortable we gave him sleep.   Devastating.

I am sure you will do the kindest thing for your lad.  As is often said on this forum - "Better a week too soon than a day too late".  Hanging on to that truth was very comforting to us and I never doubted we had done the right thing for him.

I wish you strength at this awful time and hugs to you and your boy.  XX

Me too.  When our Jozi went last year I always like to think she had gone to join my son,  as he was her favorite person all her life.

That's the two of them in my profile pic a few weeks before he died,  she was 13 1/2 then,  and outlived him by nearly two years.

I'm so sorry to read all this, poor dog and poor you, it's a considerable list - any one of which would be painful alone.

> My vet isn't one of those to try to keep making money by selling meds etc so I know he would have said if it were time to pull the plug.

In my experience vets never suggest putting a dog to sleep, but when you say it's time they agree. I guess they feel under pressure to heal your pet and not give up/

So sorry that the x-ray didn't reveal good news.  I have a bitch with cancer so truly understand.  I wish you strength.  xx

I just wanted to update everyone and let you know that my handsome boy, the light of my life, went over the bridge today - where I am sure a little boy and his Granddad were waiting to walk him home...

So sorry to hear this sad news.

So sorry x

So sorry to hear this. Run free pup x

Very sorry to hear your news.{hugs} take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss xxxxx

So sorry to read this.  Well done for doing the kindest thing for your lovely, special boy.  So hard.  I wish you strength.

So sorry GSDowner. Run free, loyal friend. X

It sounds as if, like mine often do in truth, he made this decision for you, especially if you will be away next month!   It would have been ghastly to be away when he had to be given peace.    There is no 'better' of course, but at least what was sadly inevitable, has happened so you can move on, with your memories to sustain.  So sad but all too inevitable, one way or another.  My sympaties, and thoughts.

So sorry.  {{{{  HUGS  }}}}

So sad. My thoughts are with you.

So sorry for you and I cried in sympathy and memory of my own recent losses, hold tight to the happy memories

Thank you for your kind words.

My boy went trusting me, knowing that I only had his best interests at heart. He was beginning to struggle with going in and out of the house and having accidents indoors which was upsetting him so he enjoyed a silver side of beef steak for his evening meal and a roast chicken for his breakfast, a good brushing, I brought him a box full of soft, squeaky toys for him to shred and destroy - which he was happily doing when the vet arrived and both hubby and I were with him when he passed. I shall be bringing him home from the crematorium as soon as the casket is finished and delivered. Needless to say it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am devastated and didn't really get out of bed the first 2 days but I know there are other furries here needing me and I am content in the knowledge that although he may not physically be here - he will always be with me.

Sitting here crying for you and for myself, have lost my beloved boy this morning. All we can do is our best and be with them when the time comes and we have both done that. As you say, there are others needing us so we must go on, and the lovely memories will sustain us in the bad times. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve, it has to get easier in time. My thoughts will be with you.

Sorry for your loss gsdowner and also for your loss samsmum. One of the biggest downsides of dog ownership is having to make that call. It is one of the hardest things we have to do for our dogs and never gets any easier.

Thinking of you too samsmum. Sending hugs your way.

Had an email this morning saying the casket will be with me on monday so hopefully my boy will be home then too.

It's always a difficult time waiting for them to returned home isn't it? I have to go in to the vet tomorrow to pay the bill, he died at home so they couldn't give me a bill there and then, I'm dreading having to go and pay as it makes it so final somehow. This morning was tough as he wasn't there to greet me, and then I went and made his breakfast, force of habit, and that just about finished me. I hope things get easier for you, you are in my thoughts.

My sincere wishes and I'm so sorry to hear samsmum your loss of your boy.... gsdowner the wait for my girls ashes felt too long. When I went into vet and they called my name I half expected to see my beautiful golden girl plodding along nurse not the bag with her boxed ashes.... It's never easy to let go but it does get easier to smile and enjoy fond memories.
I have planned a flower/mini cherry blossom tree in memory of my beloved lost pets. Each spring I love watching them bloom

I'm so sorry for your great loss. I lost my beautiful St bernard two months ago and made the decision to not let him suffer. I still have cry for him but I too have other furries that needed me. It is such a loss that sometimes others don't quite understand.