I was talking to a Lady on the phone this morning and she was enquiring about rescue we started discussing our dogs and she told me her beloved GSD died last May of a torsion she said the Vet wouldnt come out as it was bank holiday the Dog was just six years old she was in tears and still very raw and upset about it so much so she couldnt look at any of her photos I was so moved by her story I ended up in tears also having lost a beloved dog last year then in turn thought of all my dogs Ive lost.
Yet Ive been to funerals of dear friends,relatives who I loved and think of them with a good feeling but a dog why do they leave a gaping hole in your heart? do we grieve more for our dogs than we do some people? is it because they are not here long? or do you think its wrong to devote such love to an animal?

( May I say I'm not including loss of a child/children here which would be beyond compare)

Hi Mattie

I think it is because the dogs are our constant companions whereas those friends and slightly more distant relations that we don't/haven't live(d) with are just that bit more distant from us.

(I don't think anything can be as painful as loosing a child - certainly in my experience)

Christine

Hi

I know what you mean... I don't know about comparing it to the loss of a relative, as I haven't lost anyone close to me (thank god), but I do know about devoting love to an animal... and a typical example of how daft I am is that I cried for 3 days when my favourite rat "Druid" died. He was such an affectionate rat, and I was absolutely distraught.

Reading this back they will probably send the men in white coats round to take me away quite soon :D

Chloe

I don't think it's wrong to devote love to an animal. I live on my own with my three dogs, therefore they are MY family. I sleep, walk and talk dogs. Any social life i have (which is hardly worth mentioning) is controlled by the fact i have dogs. Two years ago i lost Snoopy who was nearly 16. I'd had her from 8 weeks old, i was only 12 when i got her. I grew up with her, she was always there. I could not understand anyone who would not be upset over the death of their dog.
The lady you mention had a particularly difficult experience which resulted in the death of her dog and i think it is understandable that she is still grieving. Snoopy was old, and although i still get upset now, i finished grieving along time ago
At the end of the day everyone is different, some people have coping strategies, whilst others just go on the best they can.
But one things for sure, you never forget them.

I agree it is really sad to loose a much loved pet.
However, nothing compares to the loss of a spouse,parent or child. When this happens it all falls into perspective and the loss of a pet seems minor :-(

I think that the more you love, the more you grieve. I don't mourn the loss of our pondfish, however beautiful they are - to me they don't engender "love". I've cried over guinea pigs, and cats, and dogs, and my grannie, and my father. I think if they die "before their time" it makes it worse, than if they've had their "full span". I don't think you ever "get over it" - I haven't - you just learn to cope with the feelings.

That is so true. If a pet or person close to you has had a good life span one of the things that help you is the fact they had a good long life. As you say when they die early in life before they have lived it to the full it makes it harder to come to terms with as you are not only grieving their loss but also the life they did not get to live :-(

I've known my dogs were going to die so I've had them euthanised to prevent any suffering. This was a very sad and distressing time but I was able to spend time with them, hold them and say my goodbyes :( It's still a heartbreaking time and many nights I've cried myself to sleep missing them desperately. But also comes a sense of peace knowing that I helped them to slip away instead of leaving them to suffer at the end and also a sense of closure.
I've gone through a torsion with my dog so I know what an agonising frightening condition it is. Thankfully my dog was operated on and pulled through - but not before I'd seen him crying in pain, hunched over, wide eyed and white gummed with shock :(
I can't begin to imagine the helplessness, frustration and sheer devastation that that lady has gone through watching her dog die knowing that she had tried to seek help and been refused. That vet's behaviour is appalling and inexcusable. It has cost her her dog :( I feel desperately sorry for her.
Lara x

Hi Matty, the feelings I have for my dogs is different from my feelings for my human family. My dogs depend on me for everything, my human family can make choices & can decide what they want to do for themselves. My dogs can`t eat,drink,go out unless I do it for them, can`t get a vet to tend their needs unless I call one. In that way my feelings for them are deeper because they can do nothing without me & they ask for nothing in return. I have a closer attachment to them because of their utter dependency on me.
Christine, Spain.

It is now 34 years since my first-ever dog (a Border Collie called Glen) died of simple old age - he was about 18. Despite the passage of all that time, I miss him still. However, it is "miss" with a smile now, as I am grateful for having known him. I have two BCs now, one is quite like him, the other could hardly be more different. They do not replace Glen, they support him.

Dogs and humans seem just to be a natural combination, and that's something we must never lose.

Snorri
Twilight Zone

Mattie,

How awful for that lady. I really think that vet needs to be put to sleep!

I think you're all right here, losing a pet is heartbreaking, but it can't be compared to losing a child/close relative.

I have 14 animals now, dogs/cats/horses/birds....I would be devastated if anything happened to any of them. Obviously i know one day they'll be gone. I just can't bear to think of it, and hope it's not for a long time yet.

I lost my cat (hit by a car) a year ago this month and I still miss her dreadfully.
It's also very difficult it if they die young, at least if they're old you can say they've had a good life.
But even then the loss of a pet is ONE of the most difficult things to go through.

Lisa

Losing a pet can be compared to losing a spouse/child/parent/loved human.

It depends how much you love and how deeply embedded they were in your life, not whether they are human, or canine, or feline.

Stacey

Stacey
Ditto :D...
Tracey

Stacey
I can understand you love your pets deeply as we all do but have you ever experienced the loss of a child to compare?
I have and trust me NOTHING compares to that in human terms let alone dogs.
I hope it never happens but if it does you will see 100% what I mean. :-)

Staffie,

I understand what you mean about losing a child. My point was that the death of a pet can be compared to the loss of a human being, not that the loss of a pet was equal to the loss of a child.

The point is that how each of us experiences grief is not tied to whether a living being is a human or another species of animal. We are not necessarily going to grieve more over the death of a human being - just because they are human -- than we are over a pet -- just because they are not human.

Stacey

I'd say it's comparable, losing a pet, to losing a child or relative - in some circumstances. I am not particularly close to one half of my family. I will be _sorry_ when that side suffers a loss, but it won't leave any lasting feeling.

On the other hand, if I were to lose one of my three furkids, it would be losing a child for me. My kitties are my kids, and they mean more to me than any human baby might. Before you ask, I do have a basis for comparison.

The only thing about it that I regret is that cats and dogs just don't live as long as people. So I know, in advance, that I _will_ see my 'kids' go before I do.

- Ssthist

I can't agree on that I'm afraid. If my child and my dog were both drowning I would save my child first, and I wouldn't risk my life over any animal to leave my children without a mother.

My children come first and foremost, and if I were to lose one then frankly I am not sure I how I could continue. To lose a pet is very upsetting, but in my opinion cannot possibly compare with the loss of a child.

JMO of course
Chloe

Totally agree with you Chloe!
Maybe some of the posters do not have children. Maybe it is only when you have them that "Maternal Feeling" kicks in???
I lost a child and trust me losing a dog is sad but it comes nowhere near, millions of miles from infact, the loss of a child!

Hi staffie - I can't possibly imagine what you have been through. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hi All

I think the best way that I could phrase it is that the loss of a child would be with me until the day I die and I would never stop grieving. Could I say that about an animal? No, as much as I love them.

To conceive, give birth, nuture and protect a baby through to childhood and adulthood cannot be compared with anything on earth IMHO, let alone losing that child at any point in their life. I have 2 young children, and if anything were to happen to them I know that I would struggle to find the strength to continue.

Chloe

Like you, Chloe, I don't think I could bear to lose my child. It's one of the few things that I daren't even start to contemplate. He pointed out to me the other day that he is now old enough to be called up...I can't bear to think about it. I would rather lose anyone/thing else.....sorry hubby!

It is relatively easy to buy a dog/cat etc and when one dies, although they cannot be replaced as such, most people get another. For some, actually conceiving and giving birth to a child is difficult in itself and as a child is a part of you, there cannot be any comparison to there loss.
Daisy

I think to lose a child is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone in this world
It is every Parents biggest nightmare ,
Mari

I don't have any children and don't want any, but as unmaternal as I am, I think if I had a child that would be more important to me than any animal and if I lost my child it would be the most devastating thing in the world. This comes from someone who sees her cats and dogs as her kids, and who loves her cat Bear more than her parents or boyfriend!! But I think there is no bond like that between mother and child. Which is why I can't understand why there is so much cruelty to kids and mothers who abandon their kids, or let their men abuse and torture them etc.

Bear,
Like you I have never wanted any kids for myself either, although I genuinly enjoy spending time with other ppl's kids.
I get so sentimental about my dogs that even thinking of them dying puts a lump in my throat.
But I totally agree with you on the bonding thing!

I think some people are missing the point and getting caught up in emotionalism about the value of human life vs. the value of pet's life. If I ever had to choose between the death of a pet and the death of a human I would always choose to save the life of a human. * But that has absolutely no relation to the amount of grief I would feel with regard to a pet's death. It depends on the pet and depends on the human.

Stacey

* (Single exception being my x- husband, assuming there were no witnesses. )

Hi JGenie - I know exactly how you feel. I would die for my kids without a second thought.

Chloe

i cant see why anyone needs to compare which grief is the worst..... grief is an individual thing.

Grief also can also be helped by sharing expriences and talking about it ! It is where people don't talk that you get people who suffer more than they need to by not being able to express how they feel. There is no right or wrong way to express grief but sharing other peoples experiences and thought does help !

I lost Mars my beloved Lab girl last August and still miss her so much but talking to people,one which was Glenys definately helped to ease the pain I felt. They give so much when they are with us and have so much dignity and devotion. She helped me through a lot of bad times in my life by being there and listening to me when nobody was there and showing me that at least there was one person who loved me and that was her ! She always had time for me and didn't judge me ! You can't say that about a lot of people !

Lucy