
Which bit do i slow down?
When i say i'm not worrying i mean i'm not worrying

I imagine from cold it would be very hard to juggle a home, three kids and a puppy but i was used to the three kids and the home

Luckily (or not depending on how you look at it) my eldest and youngest both have autism (the eldest asperger's, the youngest "classic"), which means EVERYTHING is done on a routine, and it is surprisingly easy to fit the dog into that routine, and i was able to plan it all well in advance. The
main point of my posts is
"i have a puppy and think he's amazing and want to go on and on and on and on about him" 
In answer to your suggestions:
1) we have a playpen downstairs for him (a crate upstairs only for overnight sleeping), i was a bit concerned about just putting him in it to calm down/nap because initially he was howling in distress at being separated from me (if i let him out he would come lie on my feet and fall asleep, he just wanted to be with me). I am feeling for him, having lost his mum, littermates, fellow pups (there were two litters), not to mention his previous beloved humans who must have worked very hard at interacting with him because he is so confident and lovely, all only 2 days ago. BUT after posting this thread i decided he just had to learn it was okay, so i shut him in, lay on the floor next to the pen with my laptop so he could touch me with his nose, and as soon as he nodded off i moved to the sofa. Now i can put him in and just sit on the floor next to the sofa for a minute and he settles down. I do want him to be able to be left alone but i am not a big believer in tough love, and would rather a genuinely confident boy who feels he's okay than one who can tolerate his own distress, if that makes sense.
2) I explained the bells badly, they aren't for him to "get" and use now, they are for the future, when the dog is old enough to ask to go out (currently i am taking him every hour unless he is fast asleep in which case i take him as soon as he wakes). You teach them from very young but i'm not expecting him to indicate with them for weeks, possibly months. We decided to use them because our home is noisy, and also our family is out and about a lot, so no matter where we go we can hang the bells on the door and he can ask, and not have to figure out which is the "right" door to ask at or how to communicate the need in an unfamiliar environment (with a non-verbal child i am a ninja when it comes to using transferable communication cues

)
3) we have no other dogs. I am touching him all over and even plucking the odd hair out of his ears all the time. He is hungry for interaction (he was one of 5) and keen to please me, which seems the perfect circumstance to teach him things to me. I must stress though that my efforts and expectations are at opposite ends of the scale (I am willing to try hard to do everything i can/should to raise him well right now, but i expect him to be a well behaved, well balanced dog most of the time in about 2 years).