Hi there everyone! I've been lurking around for a while, but finally had the courage to post! I'm looking for some advice about which breed of dog would be most suitable for our family and lifestyle. So here's some background information... I have 2 fairly boisterous children (boys), ages 3 and 5, the elder has mild Asperger syndrome and can get excited easily which results in him bouncing up and down and flapping his arms, he has a few meltdowns here and there when certain things don't turn out as he expected, but all in all, his main difficulty lies with social interaction. He loves dogs, they do something to him which people just don't, and when he's around dogs he becomes much calmer and more relaxed.
My husband is self employed and only works weekends, so we are both home a majority of the time. We live in a smallish house with a secure garden on the periphery of large parklands and we often drive to woodlands for walks etc. We also several family members nearby who would gladly look after our dog if need be.

So... Which breed of dog would be most suitable to join our family?

Sorry about the long post! Thanks in advance!!
Oriwobbles

Welcome to the forum Would a Labrador Retriever be to big for your situation? Whatever breed you settle on, don't forget to read Champdogs Puppy Buyer Guide before you go and meet some breeders. It will help steer you through the minefield that can sometimes surround buying a pedigree puppy.

Have you read 'A Friend Called Henry' by Nuala Gardner?
I would still recommend you doing lots of research to find the dog to suit your circumstances, but we found this an interesting read.

Absolutely, we are trying to get as much information as possible! We were hoping to meet a variety of breeders to get a first hand experience and greater knowledge of their breeds, to see whether they would be suitable for our family/situation.
We would love a lab, it would be the perfect dog in our eyes, my husband had goldens when he was growing up, but I think our house may be too small. That's the only reason we haven't settled on a Labrador.

Thanks for responding

Thank you, I haven't read it, but I will certainly give it a read. We're in no rush to commit, we're very patient and research is very important to us, we want a happy household for everyone involved, especially the dog.
Thanks for your reply

I would have said either a Lab or a Golden. Both are easy going relaxed dogs and so long as you make sure you get a breeder who breeds for temperment as well as type, I don't think you can go far wrong.
We have a Golden and she happily spends weeks in our motorhome or in the the static caravan and is perfectly happy so long as she is with us, so size of house wouldn't be a huge issue really, but only you can decide on that one. Dogs manage to be in the way however small they are.

I thought Lab too

If a Lab or Goldie is a little large for you, what about a Cocker Spaniel?

I know of a couple that live with special needs children and get on fabulously well.

Haha, That made me chuckle! My husband's Golden used to knock everything over with his tail, including his little sister! He used to try and fit underneath the little footstool like he did as a puppy, much to our amusement! He was a great dog!

I would be very interested to know how much bearing the issue of house size would have for a Lab or Golden, as this was the only reason for not having one already. The size of the dog certainly isn't a problem for us, it's just a matter of how happy the dog would be in a smaller home.

Many thanks for your comments

I like Cocker Spaniels, my husband's not as keen, but we'll look into them, temperament is paramount over anything else. Thanks

In my experience you can have very boisterous Goldens and Labs, specially when puppies. I would say that an older dog could suit you better. Much easier to know the personality as its already formed. All breeds have rescues and several visits could be arranged before taking one home.

Sure, an older dog is definitely a consideration. Thank you, I will look into that too.

Isla wasn't too bad as a pup, she was a bit lively a times, but she learned very quickly how to behave in the motorhome which is 20 foot long (and quite narrow). She understood even at four months when we first took her out in it, that she to be more still and not leap around. Nightimes are funny. She patiently waits whilst we make the bed, which is made into singles to aid nighttime excursions to the loo, then once we are in the beds and have flopped the duvets over us, she dives in the gap between where there is a cosy little den made by the duvets hanging over her.
She is only two years old, yet is very relaxed most of the time, but makes the most of her walks zooming about like mad when the oppourtunity arises.
Do you have a garden? Ours is small and not suitable for playing about in, but it's not affected the dogs we've owned even when we had two. Our house is a reasonable size, but not that big really.

I would recommend a cocker spaniel as well, they are a very adaptable breed. One of my puppies went to a family who's son was blind but also had epilepsy which results in him being unsteady, loud and unaware of where the pup is. The pup has been brilliant with him, he's now 5yrs old and they're the best of friends.
I also let an adult of mine go to a home where the family who's daughter had stability issues which meant she could be rough/knock a dog without meaning it, they had a had a toy breed who had begun snapping at the child (through fear) and had had to be rehomed. Anyway my bomb proof adult cocker went to live with them and it was a match made in heaven. Just to be clear the adult cocker was a puppy I had bred that had been returned through no fault of her own.

We got our first Golden when our youngest was seven or eight and a little timid around dogs (timid is NOT a word I'd use now ), when he first saw her he was convinced she was a teddy and they quickly became best pals. We live in an average sized semi and now have two Goldens (son is now 24),they are allowed access to downstairs throughout, during the day and hall and kitchen at night. If it were down to me, they'd sleep on my bed as they snore at lot less than OH. I find them to be very adaptable. If I have to be doing something static, they'll lie on my feet but are quickly up and about when a walk is in the offing. Lovely dogs, very calm.

I've had both breeds a Labrador  and currently a Cocker! Love both and either I feel would suit. We didn't have a huge garden or house  with our lab and walked daily either woods and or a long pavement pounding walk! Lab grew up with our boys. We went for a Cocker  for a few reasons, we had 2 cats,read up about fab personality  and liked the look of them and we wanted a smaller dog  after two large dogs.
Not regretted  our choice either.
Wishing you luck in your search

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, this is all very helpful and insightful.

I forgot to respond to the garden question, we have a small walled garden, completely secure. It's approx 12m x 5m. 2/3 grass and 1/3 patio.

As you arnt in a rush why not go to do civet dogs at the necessary in march along side cruft
Every bred you can think of will be there and lot of knowledgeable people to speak to discover dogs is exactly for people like you who want to meet different breeds
What ever you do of you go to a breeder please make sure the breeder has done proper health tests for both parents always see mum amd if possible dad.that snot always possible and get a real feeling for the breeder and that they are  responsible .no byb .breed rescue may also be an option once you decide what breed you would like .

As you arnt in a rush why not go to do civet dogs at the necessary in march along side cruft
Every bred you can think of will be there and lot of knowledgeable people to speak to discover dogs is exactly for people like you who want to meet different breeds
What ever you do of you go to a breeder please make sure the breeder has done proper health tests for both parents always see mum amd if possible dad.that snot always possible and get a real feeling for the breeder and that they are  responsible .no byb .breed rescue may also be an option once you decide what breed you would like .

Are you able to get to discover dogs at Crufts in March? It will have all breeds and a perfect place to pick the brains of the owners on the stands. If a gundog is more you're preference you could go on gundog day and meet more examples around the rings and if the owners and breeders aren't about to go in the ring might be willing to speak to you as well

I used to walk my friends Golden and always say I am glad for my curly tails as we don't get beaten up by wagging tails.

I thought a Beagle might be a good option, not over excitable, and easy care coat (sorry I think a cocker might be), and sturdy but not too large.

I grew up with a beagle, she was great.

That's a great idea. Thank you. We'll have a look at which days we may prefer to visit.

after having large dogs for forty years, we decided that our newest would be a smaller easier dog to handle. What a shock, this little Madame is far more trouble than the big ones ever were. She is a live wire who does not know when to stop. Not only this but so noisy. We went to dog shows for over 12 months, talking to all the breeders and felt we had reAly done our research. On reflection you do not get an insight into behaviour at shows, these dogs are all highly trained, on lead and for most of the time in their crates or on the grooming table. Better to see them in their home environment if possible. Trouble is we found that the breeders we spoke to were only keen on you going to their homes if they had puppy's to sell. Our calmest dog in forty years was a Golden Retriever but our daughter also had one and he was a lunatic. You pays your money and takes a chance.

Must vary I much prefer to have people come meet my dogs without distraction of puppies.

Our Labrador weighs only 22 kilos so she's quite small and easy to handle. She is absolutely brilliant with children especially my 4 year old autistic grandson. You will need to go for a working strain. Potential downside is that they are very clever and need mental stimutation. Good luck.

Thank you everyone. This is all very helpful. A lot of food for thought

My friend worked for Dogs For Good, the new name for Dogs For The Disabled. She specialised in doing workshops for families with children on the spectrum looking for a family pet. Looking at their website it appears that this is a very popular request, as their workshops are all booked until 2017!! She now works for Support Dogs https://supportdogs.org.uk/our-work/ who do the same thing. Again, due to demand, their waiting lists are closed.

I have 2 sons on the spectrum (Aspergers) , they find my smaller breed (Swedish Vallhunds) hard work, hate the noise they make and how busy they are. My friend, who owns vallhunds herself, has said to me that the breed is not at all suitable for people on the spectrum. I agree that you need to be looking at a very calm breed and that's why Labs and Retrievers are so popular.

One piece of advice she did give me, when I asked for a relative, was to contact Dogs Trust as they work with these charities or chose a breed you like and see if you can get a re-home through a breeder.

It might also be worth giving these two organisation a call, as someone may be able to give you some advice over the phone.

For me it would be a Labrador not from working lines. If this is the first family dog I wouldn't be going for anything else.
Have you had a look at any of the charities who maybe able to help you find possibly a trained dog or assist with training for your son?
A small home can cater for a Lab providing you can give it the stimulation and exercise it requires. I find smaller dogs harder to train and more noisy. For me cockers are very needy dogs, especially if they are allowed to be this way and not trained to be alone.

That's what I was trying to say until autocorrect changed my post and too late to edit . definitely go to discover dogs you will se lots of breeds and be able to speak to owners.not the same as going to dog shows at all although there is benefit in that too perhaps when u have a better er idea of what you like

Yes, we looked at dogs for the disabled, but they are in such huge demand and I felt it would be fairer for someone of more need to be on the waiting list. However, we're on the waiting list for PAWS training which I felt may be more suitable for our situation.
It would be our first family dog, I think we would like a dog that is on the calmer side inside the house, outside the house we could offer a lot of play etc, on and off the lead. My son likes repetitive play so would throw a ball/frisbee all day for the dog to retrieve it!

Thank you so much, that is great information Biffsmum, I will contact Dogs Trust and seek some advice from them.

Gosh, I'm about to have a litter of working labs next year and there's no way I would home a puppy (of any breed) to someone who has a 3 year old child - full stop. Puppies need toilet training, they want to chew everything, they need socialising on a daily basis with new things outside of the house - it is very hard for someone to fit all that in, if they also have young children.  And the children's needs always come first. 

And especially not a working lab, much too high energy and many of them also have a sensitive streak which wouldn't appreciate rough handling (accidentally) without developing a fear of the person handling them like that.

I agree with whoever posted above about looking for an older and calmer dog which is already well-disposed towards children.  I'd also suggest looking for a much slower-moving breed and also looking around at the breeds which are used in the US as therapy animals sometimes.  For eg:  Bernese mountain dogs.  A goldie isn't an impossibility but some are very high energy, so you'd need to make sure you pick (again) a calm adult dog.

> there's no way I would home a puppy (of any breed) to someone who has a 3 year old child - full stop.

What a shame there is nothing nicer than dogs and children growing up together assuming the parents have the sense to raise both properly.

One advantage is that with small children there is likely to be stay at home Mum, which is why they chose to have a  pup at the time.

Many of my pups are in families that either already had or shortly after having a pup had children including twins when one was just 11 months.  Another had just discovered they were pregnant when picking pup up, after trying for years, and have two lovely little boys, devoted to their canine pal.

All the families and dogs are devoted to each other.

I had my first and second dog when I had toddlers, maybe that s why as long as the couples realise what they are taking on, am more than happy for mine to go to young families.

That said I have also refused some families where I felt they could not manage and did have our Jozi back from people who had unrealistic expectations and the dog was to complete their idea of their complete family.

>especially not a working lab, much too high energy

I'd agree, why I suggested the Beagle, not for nothing are they used as lab animals.  Ok they are not the best off lead, but then can easily be sufficiently exercised on a long line or flexi.

Selling puppies to families with young children is a very individual thing. I was privileged to buy my first elkhound when my daughters were 4 and 3, just after we collected Ellie I found out I was expecting baby number 3. My second elkhound was exactly 10 days older than my 4th child. I think it depends on the individual and their experience with dogs.

Totally agree that any dog coming from working lines could be too energetic, I believe someone has already suggested getting a lab from show lines in a previous post.

I am happy to meet families with children when looking for homes for my puppies. My dogs soon tell me if the parents are suitable carers of my precious babies.

I think, being also a trainer and running a LOT of puppy classes, I see more of what happens once puppies have left the breeder's, than breeders do.  And what I see totally horrifies me.  In the vast majority of cases, the puppy is up against the kids when it comes to time and attention and investment.

And the kids win out, every time.  People can't make it to class because Little Jonny has piano lessons and Sofia has ballet and [insert after school activities every day of the week], and parents are driving about everywhere, when they should be spending quality time socialising and training the puppy.  And when they're not driving about, they are cleaning the house or cooking dinner or meeting up for 'playdates' (with their children and other people's children - not puppies!) and so on.  The puppy is a comparative afterthought. 

Puppies ARE like having an extra child, it's just over more quickly than it is with a child, and unfortunately - beings dogs - they draw the short straw. 

People are SO busy these days, it is ridiculous... :(

I'm sure there are exceptions to this, and the odd families here and there who really could deal well with young kids and a puppy - and I'd overlook this if it were a doggy person who had had any success with dogs in the past, in any field - but to be on the safe side, otherwise, that's where I am with it.

How about a retired Trailhound? (Just to throw something completely different into the mix) Or a trainee hearing dog or guide dog that just hasn't made the grade, but is nevertheless well socialised, used to being handled and familiar with all household noises? There are also literally hundreds of older Staffies and Staffy-crosses that have absolutely brilliant, loving dispositions and are crying out for new homes and would be more than happy to join your family.

Could you and your son volunteer to do some dog walking at a local rescue kennel? That way, you may find your son gravitates towards a particular breed or type? He may surprise you with his choice! You might find he takes a shine to the laid back, sighthound temperament, or decides that an 'ultra-logical' thinking-dog impresses him.

Working-lines labs are best suited to homes that want a working lab to function as a working lab. Once you've seen a lab on the marsh, watching the sky and listening intently and then marking the shot and taking off in the semi-darkness through cold mud and creeks and marsh to get the retrieve; or being sent back for a really challenging 'blind' retrieve, you'll get goosebumps! (If you don't - then it's not the type of lab for you)

I had puppies before my eldest son born and another puppy when youngest aged 4 years.  We went to classes each week as we had committed  to a new member  of the family  be it with paws and fur rather than legs and arms! We knew beforehand  the work needed and time required so yes unusually our sons skipped a cub meeting  or a friend for tea because of puppy needing meals,class lesson or a trip to vet ora little accident needed mopping!
Same when I puppy walked for police I planned meals etc around the outings and socialisation  for pup.
Maybe I'm naive thinking a puppy isn't a toy I can pick up and down when it suits my children/family. I still think puppies and children should grow up together. It's the idle I don't want to put time in every day,every month,I'm bored withe dog now, it's to cold/wet to go out with the dog families that give the minority a bad name. And don't get me started on the eejits that say "my kids can do anything to the puppy/dog,ride it's back,jump on and off and it never snaps  at them etc WRONG so WRONG an accident waiting to happen and I bet they blame the dog not over zealous Johnny.

Facebook Replies:

Jackie Wilson says: Labrador every time

Mandy Davies says:  my springer is fab with children like you son ball and child wonderful to watch

Jayne Stark says:  have you considered a guide dog that did not quite make the grade. Usually very sound animals.

Louise Hay says:  Pug!!!!

Adele Withers says: Springer...!!! My first thoughts were they were mental but not so... Mine has an on/ off switch.... In the car or house she's so quiet and loves to be around the kids, watches them like a hawk ... When out she would chase a ball forever... They do need walks but tend not to be barky or noisy dogs and are very intuitive to how the kids are feeling... Best of luck, think it's a great idea for you guys xx

Jacqui McKenna says: I would definetly steer clear of a puppy. They are too much work (I speak from many years of experience infact we have a 7mth Westie just now ). I think you should consider a quieter breed as someone suggested a lab or retriever. The spaniels sound good but perhaps the larger varities. I have two children with special needs and I know they can forget their own strength. Given the fact that you have lots of potential for big walks these breeds seem best and would stand up to the rigours of children. Good luck. Animal therapy is great for children.

Suez Forsyth says: English bull terrier xx

Barbara Whitehead says: Think with your busy house and life, how about a labradoodle they dont cast and have the temprement you need for your children

Nicole Percival says: Labrador every time!!

Petra Chauffeuse says: Yes, and they have a nice soft coat which is comforting to a youngster who wants to hug his best mate. Plus the fact that they are quite tolerant to be tugged and pulled by kids!

Wow, thank you everyone!

In response to the guide dogs that didn't quite make the grade; we enquired about this, we were told that a lot of the dogs that don't quite make it, go on to different areas of assistance training, which may not be as rigorous a screening procedure, therefore there are fewer dogs available to rehome, those that do become available usually have health conditions some of which can be life limiting.

I think spending time with different breeds of dog would be the best way for my son (and the rest of the family!) to have a first hand experience of the different personalities/demeanours etc relative to their breed. I keep stopping people and talking to them about their dogs, they must think I'm a bit of a fruit loop!

Keep in touch, it will be interesting to know what you decide, and how it works out for your family.
Good luck with your search.

Thank you so very much

Why dont you go for a dog trained for children with Autism..

Why dont you go for a dog trained for children with Autism..