Because my son has me worried to death!He first had bad anxiety/panic attacks a few years ago when the company he was warehouse manager of closed, and he was made redundant,scared he d lose his house.His relationship wasnt going well either,and he took a job on nights that he hated from the word go.Hes done it now for 3 years,despite looking for other jobs.
Hes been off work now for about 4 months,with depression,he is on citilopram,but only takes half a tablet as he was constantly panicking and shaking on a full one-hes told his doctor.
His relationship broke down a month ago as he felt he d taken enough from her-I wont go into details but wasnt good
He seems to be over it though he misses her kids-they were together 8 years,and is seeing someone else.
The trouble is ,I think hes getting worse not better.Hes reached the point where he has to go back to the job he hates for financial reasons,and has decided to sell the house he loves to downsize and hopefully take a lesser paid job with less travelling. He often comes to talk to me for hours-says it helps-and it breaks my heart to see him so low,the only help i can give him though ive said,as we both live alone hes welcome to move in anytime(hes 40,by the way)
Ive had txts from him where hes told me hes gone dizzy and collapsed,hes jittery,jiggling his foot as hes talking to you,hes soft hearted and his eyes keep filling up,sometimes hes unable to speak at all.
He went to the docs again but the doctor gave him a counsellors number and still thinks its whats going on in his head.
A while back he called the crisis team,then cancelled,as he was scared as he felt suicidal.He often says hed be better off not here,and says he just wants to hole up and sleep,to escape.
The text i had off him this morning was what prompted me to ask your advice,he d woken with chest pains and anxiety,and among other things,said jokingly(i hope)that he reckoned he was finished and did i know he wanted to be cremated,lol?
I know im his mum and I would say it,but hes a lovely caring person who d do anything and help anybody,and im worried to death! Is this mental illness-cos if it  is,the treatment isnt helping(im on fluoxetine for depression and im fine)or could it be something physical? thanks and im sorry for the long post .

How I sympathise with you.   First of all, I have no real knowledge of mental health illnesses.  Just living with the after-effect of my husband's major bleed stroke, which has left him 'okay' but with cognitive reasoning issues - which means I have to be there 24/7.   Husband or not, this can be very wearing, but which could also be said to be 'part of the job'!!

However, a few years back my brother in law, who was becoming increasingly more 'odd', went to their GP, at my sister's insistence as she was getting seriously worried about him and his out of character behaviour.  He'd had some similar episodes in the past, put down to the stress of his then job (teaching).   Other stressful situations would cause a flare up of this odd behaviour.   He was said to be having thyroid problems.   With the final deterioration, their GP (new - they'd moved by then) referred him to a Mental Health specialist after the GP started talking about vascular dimentia.   The Specialist wasn't convinced to the point he really didn't think there was much wrong with him - he could 'hide' his situation if needed and he refused, it seems, to listen to my sister!   It seemed to me they thought she was more adding to his behaviour, than helping.....     He was put on medication however - I can't tell you what, and my sister has now died.   To me, he's still 'odd', but not having the very strange symptoms he was having.

My best advice is to keep at the GP.   If he'll talk to you of course, because patient confidentially may come into this.  What clearly can't happen is you do nothing and he takes his life.   If it comes to having him move in with you, I'd go for it, although you MUST have back-up to protect your own health.   I think, other medical issues apart, my sister wasn't helped by the stress of living with her husband through all this.

Stress can indeed play a huge part in anybody's overall health ..... I have just gone through a raft of heart tests after having some odd episodes.  Nothing has shown up (at least I can be reasonably sure I'm not going to keel over with a heart attack?)    But what is going on, I don't know.   I do know I'm stressed out most of the time however.   If your son is having heart/chest pain, he/you? needs to call in the Paras.

It sounds very much like he has anxiety and depression.
I would hope that you could leave a confidential message for the GP about your concerns.
A relative of mine is on Citalopram 40mg and it took a few months to fully work. They also had CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy - to help them cope with life. A combination of the two keeps them on the straight and narrow with occasional dips when life gets hard.
I hope he can go and see the GP and explain what is happening, perhaps with you if neccesary.

I deal with this daily, sadly. My sister (who I took my first dog off) has one of the. Bi-polar disorders. I believe everyone goes through episodes like this. It sounds like he is just struggling with life in general. I empathise it is crap when the future you thought you had - your happy ever after is pulled away from you. He sounds broken hearted. I don't mean this in a trivial sense, my life went into free fall suddenly and surprisingly 15 years ago. After 16 years together. I couldn't face another relationship since. I hope he has the courage to do so. My little dog allowed me to love something unconditionally.

My sister also has mental health issues and was sectioned for 3 months at one point.  She is now on medication which maintains her mental health. (She had a near fatal attempt on her life) but she seems stable and happy. Your son is very fortunate he has a mother he can confide in. Personally I didnt find counselling or CBT helpful. That's just me - I wanted answers which he wouldn't give me. Financially I was screwed I had supported him all of our relationship i had to move back in with my parents and let my flat out. - I nearly lost it. It's Awful, heartbreaking.my advice is stay with your GP. ONE DAY at a time (sometimes one hour) it's tough and s**t. You don't get over it, you learn to live with it. He needs help but you are doing everything he is engaging with the services. If he starts displaying erratic behaviour ( hearing voices) excessively paranoid about the people he can rely on ring 999 they will assess him.

On a positive note I manage the tenancies of many people with a wide range of mental health issues from schyscophrenia to anxiety. They live very happy fulfilling lives _ as my sister does.  it is  not a death sentence anymore.  poor man I feel for him but more so for you if I am honest. Don't expect any results soon. It will take time. If he doesn't want to go down the medication route get some St Johns Wort. Because my sister attempted suicide on try- cyclic anti depressants I refused them. St. John's helped me.  

I wish you both all the best if you need to speak to me please pm me I am happy to talk to you or him but am not a professional just a friendly shoulder take care - both of you. (Apologies for any spelling errors)
Tish x

He needs to ask for blood tests, TSH and FT4 for thyroid, B12 and Ferritin.

Extreme anxiety and depression can be mental illness but they are also a major sign of many auto immune diseases, especially thyroid disease. GP's don't like diagnosing thyroid as there are hardly any funding points for them and thyroid patients are entitled to free prescriptions for life.

On the other hand they get high funding points for every new prescription of anti-depressants which is why they hand them out like candy to mask the symptoms of the diseases that are actually causing it. It's a nice little earner.

I hope your son finds the help he needs.

For anyone interested in knowing which medical conditions earn their GP's the most funding this link may be of interest.

http://bma.org.uk/practical-support-at-work/contracts/independent-contractors/qof-guidance

thankyou for your reply, mamabas I feel really helpless because my son lives a long way away-well,to me,i dont drive,and although hes taken me there twice-i dont know the adress!i doubt if i could even find it by myself,also i dont know who his doctor is,or i would ring up and try to speak to him.I would be happy to have him here but hes got a large dog-lovely,friendly animal,but unfortunately mine arent too fond and paul thinks itll be too difficult-tho im willing to try.I will ask if i can ring his doctor,i cant see any other way of getting the number.
I am truly sorry to hear about your husband,i cant imagine how wearing it must be.god bless to you both .

thankyou st domingo.Ididnt know citalopram could take that long to work,i know mine(fluoxetine) takes about 2 weeks-i shall pass that on as it may not have had the time-i think hes been taking itabout 6 weeks.

Hi Tish,thanks for your reply,im sorry you have had a tough time,too,it sounds very similar to what seemed to start pauls troubles.thanks also for the positive bits-one of his moans was hes 40 and no nearer to having the family he always wanted so i told him-40s not dead,you know!and he laughed and said,yes,he knew!

thanks lunamoona!I read similar,about the symptoms an overactive thyroid can cause-lots very similar to what paul had,but when i said,he replied that the side effects of citalopram are about the same,and he didnt know what to do! were only txting at present but he says he feels very confused. i ll try to encourage him to visit his doctor again,or if he ll let me ring him.very interesting,by the way!!

It took 3 weeks before we saw the slightest improvement. 3 months later there was a lot of improvement, and 3 months later still there was more improvement.
He must stick with the medication. If it's not working then maybe he needs an increase in dose or to try a different type.
The most important thing is that he must be honest with the doctor and not feel rushed. If necessary get him to write things down so he doesn't forget when he is in the consultation.

Men can have families right up until their death bed! He is just in a dark place at the moment. I made peace with my ex a long time ago we are on good terms but I would be lying if I didnt get a bit teary every time he posts a new picture of him and his family on fb. Living the life he promised me with someone else. I didnt have kids and only wanted his so I get how tough it is for your son. I am happy now I love my life independent homeowner. Valued at work ( I feel I make a difference)  My dog has changed my life I have made so many friends -hope your son hits the same spot in his life and learns to be happy in his own skin.

It really is worth getting blood tests. Vit B12 deficiency can cause some awfull mental problems, it's frightening when you start looking into it that's it's often missed. B12 deficiency can make you depressed, suicidal, confused feel hopeless make you feel like your going crazy (not to mention all of the other symptoms) It's a simple thing to treat as long as the dr is on the ball (sadly seems like a lot aren't).
I'm b12 deficient, that's why I've not been on the forum much this year, I got so low and so many mental symptoms that I could barely string a sentance together (literally Struggling to speak sometimes). I'm getting treatment now, but wow what a frightening experience. Also it's frightening how it's not routinely checked for even with depression symptoms.
Here is some info

I hope your son is on the road to recovery soon.

Something I have learned recently regarding B12.
A friend has just discovered that he has Celiac disease, this was discovered after he collapsed and a blood test revealed, amongst other things, that he was very low in B12. Celiac disease stops B12 being absorbed. Do you think your son could have an absorption problem perhaps related to celiac disease.

Thank you for sharing this. I bet lots of people don't know or admit to struggling like this. Stay well xx

Lots of good advice here. One thing I would say which is worth doing and that is getting his full address. You never know when you might need it and if he cries for help at least you have it to pass onto the relevant people be it ambulance, police or local MH teams.
Once you have it, it might be worth seeking out local MH hospitals even if it's for advice in your part as to how you can be helping him.
My main concern here is that he's felt suicidal and being alone won't help that, any chance you could get him to come and stay with you so you can help him in person?

I read similar,about the symptoms an overactive thyroid can cause-lots very similar to what paul had,

Indeed - and this is where his GPs went (brother in law) re thyroid.   There was some impovement once on the meds.  However, clearly it wasn't the whole picture by a long way.   At one point, when he was in charge of 5 parishes (he went from teaching to the Church) he was so odd that word went round that he was drinking.   Not so!!   After my sister died in March, knowing who their GP was, I phoned him the next morning to ask if he'd go in to check on my b - in -l .... not the least that he was going to be able to keep up his medication.

And yes, to some extent I have gone to bi-polar with him.   Vascular dementia was suggested, but this usually means a gradual deterioration.  Up to the point my sister died, there was no sign of deterioration although who knows what's going on now!!   As I said, my nephew has 'moved in' (not literally but who knows now!!) and taken over, moved all the goalposts including kicking a very useful (essential in some respects) handyman to the kerb.   He would have been my main contact re how b in l is doing.

Life is hard!!

ps   Absolutely re his home address - you must know this, so if you get really anxious about how he sounds, you can call in the relevant medical help!

So sorry you're going through this Pam  (and anyone else)   as a parent it's awful not to be able to 'make things all better'  like when they were little.

I second getting his home address and phone number (land line too)   If you need a reason,  Christmas is coming up and you may want to send him a present etc  ;-)

He's not daft,  he'll know why you want it, but it may help 'save face'  if that's needed ;-)

I'm sure it would help you both if he lived closer,  is there any way he'd consider a 'holiday'  with you,  with a view to finding work and a place nearby?

Hi colliepam , I have suffered from depression for a very long time. Has your son told his doctor that he feels like that on a whole tablet. I ask this because I was on these tablets and had the same effect on me, they changed my medication. I'm not saying this is the problem but may help, also with feeling suicidal (I was too, but I sectioned myself)he needs to be able to be honest with himself, he may find seeing a counsellor from mental health who can help him understand that its ok to feel like that but learn he's not on his own, I cant handle stressful pressure and have people who can talk me through. Good luck to you both and hope the end of the tunnel is near for you both

Nessa

would just like to apologise for not answering sooner,life kind of got in the way a bit.I failed miserably at getting his doctors number,but he said he d text me his address,i will remind him!at the very least then i can send him anything relevant I find that may be useful.
he went again to the doctors on monday,and the doctor agreed to him weaning off the tablets with a view to trying something else,as paul was convinced hes been worse since being on the tablets.
hes been quite good and upbeat the last 2 days-attended an interview,applied for 2 more jobs and had his"back to work"meeting at his job.,i so hope it continues.
I will suggest b12 to him,there are so many things that can cause his symptoms though,including the citalopram,according to the list of possible side effects!it made me laugh when i found"depression"a possible side effect of fluoxetine!
Thanks again to all of you i really appreciate you taking the time and trouble to help and advise me.Those of you who are having a hard time,i really hope things brighten up for you.Will keep you informed-oh,I forgot to mention-i think-but the doctor thought his stabbing chest pains  was acid?!  thanks again!xxx

A while back he called the crisis team,then cancelled,as he was scared as he felt suicidal.He often says hed be better off not here,and says he just wants to hole up and sleep,to escape.

You poor soul....... no wonder you are worried. Colliepam can he come home to you?  He's not coping bless him.... he needs his mum, he needs you there to watch over him, no matter his age. I know you are there for him, you're worried and you care.... and he comes and talks to you often, thank goodness! You seem to have a close relationship, but if my son was so down...... to even think that........ he'd have to come home.  (It may not be possible, you may have a one bed place, but if it is, I would try to persuade him.)

To me it sounds as though your son is very down about things going on in his life, he may not have depression as in the illness, just in feeling depressed, two different things. He's finding it hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel right now, often those who talk of suicide don't do it, they are just calling out.

Besides the medication and counselling your son needs a fresh start which is why if he were my son, I'd have him home, let him put away any money from the sale of his house, even allow him to leave his job and with no financial worries holding him back, go after a career he really wants, go back to college to learn a new trade or as an apprentice, age doesn't matter, anyone can make a fresh start in a new career. He'll meet new people and his life will open up again.

He won't be able to do those things if he is having to support himself on his own, today most of us cannot just walk out of a job, unless someone is there to prop us up whilst we get sorted again. For me this is the most important thing your son needs if he is not coping.

If it is impossible for him to come home, all you can do is sit down with him and try to work out a future path for him....... the most important thing is to continue to make him look to the future and not the past, everything can change so quickly from one day to another.

I hope he will be ok Colliepam............ just keep being there......you're the one constant in his life, no matter what. {{hug}}

bless you carrington,and thankyou.Yes we are close,and id love him back here to mother,and ive offered continually-so have a couple of his friends-,but hes very independant and says thanks,but hes ok!Fortunately at the moment,he seems to be doing alright,i dont think he s had a panic or anxiety attack since he started to come off the citalopram,I just pray he manages to stay on an even keel.Hes friendly with a nice girl now and i think thats helping-he felt so unloved and unwanted in his last relationship.Hes upbeat enough to be following job leads,too.
(he calls me mrs doyle-from father ted-because he says im continually offering food and drink-maybe thats why he doesnt want to come home!!)
   So-so far,so good.praying it stays that way! thanks again xxx

Friend = became A type schizophrenic - Best Friend (female) = Bi-polar - Sister = ME sufferer - Gran - B12 deficiency gave symptoms like alzheimers - recovered - then got alzheimers
Boyfriend/partner - psychosis and paranoid audio hallucinations - died 2 days before referral appointments arrived

Ive seen quite a lot.  Not qualified in any of it. But.......... your son sounds remarkably like my sister - if you still have concerns about him, perhaps have him and you look at the symptoms and diagnosis on the ME Association website and then ask the doc about it if any of it seems familiar.  Some of the things common with ME/CFS syndrome are:

Emotional lability, mood swings and features of clinical depression.

Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating episodes and even symptoms similar to that of those with low blood pressure such as fainting or feeling as though they are going to faint.

Exercise intolerance and post-exertional malaise, pain/myalgia, fasciculations (visible twitching of the muscles) a feeling of eyelid twitching.

Cognitive dysfunction (problems with short-term memory, concentration and maintaining attention), clumsiness, disequilibrium likened to 'walking on rubber', and word finding abilities.

Symptoms described by sufferer of varying ailments such as sore throats, painful and/or non-focusing eyes, enlarged glands, joint pains, headaches, problems with temperature control and intermittent flu-like feelings - often many ailments not able to be verified as occurring by GP.

Sleep disturbances (often an inability to maintain a full night's sleep), alcohol intolerance (a very characteristic feature, particularly in the early period of illness) and irritable bowel.

They have both 'good days' and 'bad days. The illness nearly always results in a severe reduction in a person's ability to cope with all aspects of normal daily living (i.e. social and sporting activities, employment, household cleaning etc) and a lack of enthusiasm in respect of most aspects of life.

It often went undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as simple depression since some old school GPs didn't consider it a real disease nicknaming it yuppie flu at one stage - now the Dept of Health has recognised it as a very real condition/syndrome and diagnosis is improving but its not necessarily something your son or your sons GP will have seriously looked into maybe.

I hope your son is better and you don't need to look into any more possible causes but if not it wont do any harm to ask about this one.

thank you Tinar,it surprises me how many people suffer with mental problems like these-im very grateful for your reply,and the information. luckily paul seems fine at the moment(says hes back!)Hes got a new girlfriend who seems perfect for him,hes back at his hated job with all its problems but says he ll start looking for another after christmas,as its all temporary jobs at the mo. I cant believe the change in him.its lovely.Thankyou for taking the time to reply,it sounds as if you have had a lot of pain in your life and im sorry. I hope things brighten up for you,too xxxx

You're so welcome Colliepam - I'm so pleased he's doing so well & hopefully he'll find a job he actually enjoys soon - the best medicine of all, it seems, is the love of a good woman :) his new girlfriend and his mum!!
& Don't worry about me honey - I'm tough as old boots and the only thing I ever needed to keep myself strong and happy ...is the wag of the tail of my dogs :) :) :)

thats lovely tina,i struggle sometimes but i really dont know what id do without my dogs,theyre my life!you sound a lovely person,bless you xxx

Hi everyone,just thought id update. He is now living with me while he tries to get a mortgage,it was supposed to just be a couple of weeks but spanners fell into works and it now been 3 months ish-not that im complaining,i like having him here.my daughter who lives next door offered to have murphy his american bulldog,as we were convinced my lot wouldnt take to him-one especially ,doesnt like other dogs much.

however she got fed up after a while so with trepidation he came here as well,i managed to keep the dog factions separate for a while,with a view to integrating them-hes a big soft lump,wouldnt hurt a fly.there have been problems,but its do able,i think my lot are getting used to him(but its early days)

Paul still has bad days but blood tests have come back clear,and he s now thinking of trying counselling-this last week has been great,hes seemed back to normal!
Id just like to thank everyone for the help,sympathy and advice you all gave so freely.We re not out of the woods yet,but things arent too bad!sorry for long post xx

Don't worry, that wasn't a long post....... you'll make the rest of us feel guilty for our essays.

So very pleased for you that things are ticking along nicely, your son sounds like he is finally finding his feet again, and best of all he has his mum for support, G*d bless good mothers, doesn't matter how old our children are, they always need us at some point, so happy you are there for him.

Seem to be doing very well with the dog too, hopefully that will continue to be manageable, always difficult when introducing powerful breeds with others, always that little worry even when they are teddy bears, but, all good. **fingers crossed**

We all love an update especially when things are going well......so pleased for you.

I hope it's the start of a one way road to the light and recovery. For some depression is either named their black dog/cloak/tunnel. It just creeps up and envelopes you in its entirety and leaves you drained, unsure, questioning yourself and others. At times you glimpse the light and follow and almost get there then an event can knock you backwards. Yes early days yet full of promise and hope. I wish you lots of luck and I'm sure your son knows your a mom in a million.