Sad as it is, you've done the right thing. We're not all the same and sometimes you just cannot know what a situation will be like until you are in it.

I am sorry you had to make this choice but I agree that it is reluctantly the right one for all of you. There will be time in the future to have a puppy don't let this put you off forever.
Hope everything goes back to normal and you can look forward to that time when things are a better stage. 

Agree right thing for you all at this time.

Hi Dungonnell

I am so sorry that you have had such a distressing experience trying to add a pup to your family, especially when you wanted it so much and had planned for it.  You have reached a very, very difficult decision but I am sure it is the right one.

At least you have managed to have a proper talk with your OH and at least he is now being honest about the limits of what he is able/willing to do for the puppy.  This must have helped you come to your decision.

You've done the right thing and the kindest thing for pup and for your family.

I hope things soon settle down for you, your OH and your children. 

All the best.

>So, my little bundle of fun will go home. But it will be so hard.

I give you a pat on the back for making the right decision.  I would be torn 3 ways and more if I was in your shoes. 

I have watched this thread from the beginning so I'm very much aware that you did so many things to research and be ready for this pup.  I don't see that you could have done more, I really don't.  I don't even know you but feel so very sorry that you have to make this decision.  Please remember that you are not the failure here.   In coming back to let us know your decision there is going to be more for dog newbies to ponder.  This can only be a good thing and I commend you for coming back to advise on your very difficult decision.

Good Luck for you and I sincerely mean that.

Same here,

Husband is happy to cuddle or play when he's in the mood, but the dogs are MY responsibility, always have been.  He seems to be a clone of Brainless' husband!  Happy to help with births, but not the sleepless nights or cleaning up after pups, drove me to Ch shows and helped me with heavy stuff, but drew the line at open shows, I had to fend for myself there.  He does love them, just doesn't want the work, and that's fair enough, it's the agreement we made.

Had my first pup when DS was 2 and DD 16 and I fully expected it to be like having another baby but on speed - they are more mobile and much quicker from an earlier age ;-)   Good job as first pup was a lunatic and very bolshy!

I also did ALL the training, and had to train my children and husband at the same time.  Pup was easier to train than the others :-(

Dungonnell, have you considered that your little one's incontinence may be due to urine infection and the timing just co-incidental?   Just a thought.

Re your older child playing up/getting into 'fixes', I would say that has always been my experience, even when just using the phone, suddenly they either need me NOW!  or when little, would instantly get into mischief!  I thought that was normal?

However, you clearly feel you can't cope and that may be because you aren't feeling well at the moment, or maybe just underestimated what having a puppy would be like.

Whatever the reason, you are putting the pup first.  Many people wouldn't do that, and for that you should be commended.  It's a tough and heart-breaking decision.

Give yourself a break.  Maybe, when your health issues are sorted, and the children older, you will be better placed to have a dog.

I went 25 years without a dog.  I was working full time and it just could not be done in a way that would be fair on any dog.  I'm making up for it now, but it broke my heart not be able to have one for so many years.  It was, however, the right decision.

I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to read the above.   How I wish more people were like you (and me) when it comes to wanting it all.   We didn't have a hound until we could afford for me to stop working which I did for about 6 months before going back part time, thinking my pup would be find and that he was housetrained.   I was working for 3 hours, middle of the day, covering the lunch hours.   He went right back to peeing in the house.   As we did need the income, I took him to work with me, leaving him in the car ...... in those days, the summers somehow weren't as 'hot' as they are now, and he was in a really shaded carpark, steps away from where I was working - and the staff used to sit with him, walk him during their lunch-breaks in any case.   He was absolutely fine.  However, as soon as we were in a position for me to quit working completely, I did.   And then our numbers increased - and we hopped the Pond for Canada.

It's very hard when you want to have a dog to share your life, but the circumstances you are in say 'no'.
OP, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, your husband seems to have been unhelpful which has made it worse, but maybe it's just that the time isn't right for you yet.
I grew up with dogs. When one died when I was 19 and still living at home having not yet met my husband, I decided I wanted my own dog and after a lot of perusing various breeds, I bought a lovely Irish Setter and boy was he a handful. Luckily my parents loved him too and my mum cared for him when I was at work. When I later got married, my parents cared for him during the week and he spent the weekends with us. However when he died I made the conscious decision to not have a dog until I stopped working. Then children came along and I decided to wait until they were older as I knew my limits. I couldn't imagine trying to walk and train a puppy with two children in tow. Then my husbands job posted him to West Berlin for three years and as quarantine for dogs was the only way back into the UK, again we made the decision of no dogs just yet. That period of seven years seemed interminable, but that great day came when everything was right, we were moving to to a village in the Yorkshire Dales with great walks on the doorstep, the children were at school, I wasn't working and I had found a great breeder of the dog breed I was keen to get. Finally it had all come together and now there has been dogs in our lives for the last 30 years.
OP, don't despair. I believe your time will come when it will be right for you as a family to have a dog come and join you. At least you have had the courage to return your pup to its breeder and hopefully you have learnt something from all this. Be prepared to wait for that right time, don't think you will never have a dog. It will happen one day if you really want it to.

Seeing the chaos that is the life my brother-in-law and his family lead, I can't begin to imagine having kids & dogs! Perhaps when the kids are grown up you can do some volunteer dog walking or dogsitting to get a temporary dog fix. :-)

I find the dogs are a full time job in themselves (though we do have quite a few more than the average dog owner lol) let alone add kids and an un-cooperative hubby to the mix lol

I really feel for you, it's such a difficult decision.  But I'm sure it's the right one for you and your family, at this particular point in your lives. Above all, the children must come first. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xxxx

Just a thought but does the family dog have to join the family as a puppy?  There are plenty of adult or young adult dogs in rescue who don't come with baggage, that would save you going through all this again.  I've done the puppy thing too - I've raised three now - and I would always, always go for an adult (or a year old at the very least) by choice (puppy #3 was a failed foster).  I hate going through housetraining, bite inhibition training, the chewing etc.

I just wanted to tag on the end and say how brave it is of you to admit defeat and take the pup back. Many others would sell the pup on and not care where it ended up.
Please don't feel that anyone was having a go at you, many people on her are breeders and would be concerned for their pup and for you if it was one of their own puppies. You also sounded very desperate and we just wanted to help.
It sounded like you did everything you could and more to prepare for this pup, but this just wasn't your time.

You sound like a fantastic owner and, perhaps when the children are older and your time becomes your own more, you could try again.

Puppies are hard work, we waited until our youngest was in full time school before getting our first.

Hi,
I'm feeling so down since returning the puppy. Feels like I've given a baby up for adoption.
I really didn't want him to go.
I am very upset with my OH about this as this was a second attempt after we tried 1yr ago and failed. I thought I had made it absolutely clear to OH what needed to happen this time for it to work. He was fully aware if what we were taking on and how he needed to be on board this time around but as soon as I asked him to help me, due to unforeseen illness that I got 2 days before collecting pup, he validated my request and decided I did not need any as it wd hinder his free time! That's where it all fell apart for me. My parents had been with me all day and into the evening after being taken to GP by my dad as I was suffering dizziness, confusion and just wanted to sleep all of the time. The GP checked me for Stroke symptoms and took blood sample to check for infection in my blood. She was baffled by what was wrong and had to consultant a Neurosurgeon for advice. Also give a months supply of meds for middle ear infection incase it might be that.
I was so confused I even sent my dad in the wrong direction to the Gp surgery and had my 'left' and 'right' mixed up. So you can imagine the picture of me being in that state with also new puppy to care for and 3 yr old daughter as older one at school. The least I wd hav expected from OH when he came home from work and after my parents had gone home,  was to put his 'precious' evening walk to the side and help me out until I felt a bit better!

Could it be that your husband just doesn't want a dog ? Maybe this is his way of showing it.
My husband didn't want a dog but was happy for me to get one. I knew that I would have to do all the doggie stuff plus look after 3 kids, shop, cook, housework, garden etc. It turns out that he loves the dog and will walk her when needed (even scoops poop !) and frequently takes her in the garden to play football. He even lets her sleep on the bed !
Perhaps you need to wait until both the kids are at school and they become more independent, this will free up your time for a dog. Don't give up - your time will come !

Oh dear you are going through it at the moment you poor thing. Firstly let me say you did the right thing in returning puppy to your breeder. Much better to return now than a few months down the line when things could have gone from bad to worse. A very sad time for you, being ill and coping with young children and a very bouncy puppy with a selfish hubby to boot. I won't comment much on your hubby other than it's a pity you can't return him to his breeder! Hope you feel better soon.

Hi St.Domingo,
I had made it clear to him that if we were going to have a 2nd attempt at this then he had to want the dog as well because first time around he left it all to me and I couldn't cope. If he had just said 'sorry but I'm not THAT into dogs' then I wouldn't have gone ahead. But he has admitted he lead me up the garden path because he wanted me to be happy?!
I think that since I have a bit of a farming background and am used to living with Border Collies (before marriage n kids) he thinks if I can work on a farm then I should be able to cope with kids and a puppy! NOT SO, for me anyways!

Forgot to say, the first time round OH had no input so I cdnt cope with kids and puppy on my own so I made the decision to return the pup and when I did my OH made my life a living hell because HE didn't want me to return the pup even though he was having nothing to do with the care of it so I was left feeling so guilty for not being able to cope. So he knew absolutely 100% what it was going to require if we tried a 2nd time and he has behaved exactly the same way.

I will only ever have a puppy when I can fully give my all to it. And I wd gladly rehome OH if it was possible but I don't think anyone wd take him due to his behavioural issues :-)

There was a poster some time back now who was having symptoms of panic attacks when they got a puppy and so it was returned.
I am not sure if that was you or not  but it is not worth getting ill or stressing your hubby/family over a dog.

Have you thought about walking dogs voluntarily for a charity such as the Cinnamon Trust or a local shelter, to get your doggy fix and help dogs out at the same time ?
Have you considered getting an older dog next time, so that you don't have to go through the puppy phase ? Many breeders run puppies on, you don't have to get one with an unknown history from a shelter.

I waited for 7 years to get my dog, until my youngest went to school. Now that mine are older I have more 'me' time to devote to the dog.