Out of curiosity how does everyone manage their relationships and if their husbands/partners are not keen and do not support the hobby. It is a constant war for me atm and i am wondering if i am not handling it the right way or being selfish.

Well I divorced him and got another dog! Not a solution that will suit everyone :)

>>Well I divorced him and got another dog! Not a solution that will suit everyone :-)>>

Sounds pretty good to me

> Well I divorced him and got another dog! Not a solution that will suit everyone :-)

Sounds pretty good to me

That's what I did!! Best move I ever made lol.

Similar to what my mum did..lol.. The fatal question was asked ' It's me or the dogs?'...the dogs won!!!

Like you Boody but he babysits our kids as my son doesn't cope with busy places due to him being Autistic.

Nessa

nessa we sound very similar my daughter too is autistic so does not enjoy dogs shows etc..

I am kinda getting the answers i was expecting... uh oh.

Hi,
My husband doesn't like coming to shows (he will at a push if I really badger him!) but he doesn't mind me doing them.
I supported him through years of playing football when the only time I saw him on a Sunday was to feed him at lunchtime and then he was off again with his footie mates.  I was also taxi for dropping off and picking up so that he could have a drink.
So.... this is MY hobby now and (now that he no longer plays football) I am encouraging him to work on his golf so that he's not at home all day when I'm out at a show.

OH and I have different hobbies, he loves the motorbike and I love showing, we both love the girlies. So I look after the girls when he has a bike ride on and he does the same for me if I don't take them both with me. The days I go showing with both dogs he plays with bikes. ( I also left a husband who was too controlling of my time, amongst other things but he liked shows...just expected me to be kennel maid/groomer/mother/wife/and general dogs body to his whims, kept far to many dogs and expected them to be turned out ready for him to step into the ring and take all the glory !!) Now we are both happy. We have been for the last 20 years too. Give and take is what is needed.
Aileen

When I started dating my husband and we got bored of cinema and restaurants I suggested dog and cat shows, and the rest is history. :)

I do not mind at all my husband not wanting to do the shows, i like to go out and about myself but the real bug bear is he doesn't really like the dogs, well he does but is jealous over the way i feel about them and how much time i devout to them. i can kinda see where he is coming from but he has never consulted me in all the things he does/spend, like on his very expensive hobby and all his degrees which he has spent hour after hour doing whilst i am left to just get on with things.
Normally i am very placid but it is really bugging me atm as i know i want more dogs in the future and he definitely does not.

> I do not mind at all my husband not wanting to do the shows, i like to go out and about myself but the real bug bear is he doesn't really like the dogs, well he does but is jealous over the way i feel about them and how much time i devout to them.

Unfortunately that is very much what my husband was like too. He would let me get a dog or cat and then just make my life miserable with his petty harping on about how much time I spent with the dogs or training or showing.

> i can kinda see where he is coming from but he has never consulted me in all the things he does/spend, like on his very expensive hobby and all his degrees which he has spent hour after hour doing whilst i am left to just get on with things.

If that is the case then he really has no right to criticise your hobbys.

> Normally i am very placid but it is really bugging me atm as i know i want more dogs in the future and he definitely does not.

Disagreements over the dogs were no the only reason we split up but now I am single and have been for several years I am happier than i have ever been. It gets very wearing being made to continually feel guilty just because you are interested in something he isn't.

>Disagreements over the dogs were no the only reason we split up but now I am single and have been for several years I am happier than i have ever been. It gets very wearing being made to continually feel guilty just because you are interested in something he isn't

No the dogs were a small but important part of his demise, he was nasty over a lot of things, but being horrible to/about my dogs to the point that one of my girls was getting very stressed around him was the final straw and he had to go. He knew if it was a choice between him or my dogs he would lose every time, he was just to stupid/arrogant to comprehend the fact!!

He thinks i spend more time with the dogs when kids go to school but would have arguments if i went out in the evening when kids in bed. So i never win, have my first show on the 20th April my last was Dec and before then was Windsor champ show, in doing driving lessons and know there will be arguments if i pass as will be at more shows lol x

Nessa

A combination of guilt, emotional blackmail and occasional arguments here! It's a bit better since hubby got keen on bellringing (we have both been ringers for years but since moving here he's found a group to go off ringing all over the district most evenings and weekends) as he's got things to keep him busy too, though I quite liked it when he was at home to look after the dogs that weren't at the show. He also does long distance footpath walking so sometimes I can drop him off somewhere with a couple of dogs, go to the show, then pick him up after. He also has to help me set up the rings for my rally trials 2 or 3 times a year and come to fetch the dogs that I am competing with once they have finished, then I can concentrate on running the trial without worrying about them being bored sat in crates. Not turning him in for another dog as I'm rather fond of him (and need his salary to fund show entries lol)! :-D

> (and need his salary to fund show entries lol)! :-D

That is a good reason for keeping him I suppose. I was better off money wise when we split too as he used to spend everything and kept borrowing more. Since I have been on my own I have bought my own house started my own business and got several more dogs :)

Years ago my husband said "Any more dogs and I'm going."

I looked into 3 pairs of brown eyes and said "And we'll miss him won't we?"

He was very controlling and he wouldn't even allow me to go to a line dancing class with a widow in her 60's who was a neighbour.  Having been brought up in a very controlling household I found it difficult to try and be assertive.  I was used to being dominated.  Then one day I thought why should I be paying the mortgage, phone, gas, electric, council tax, etc. etc.

I didn't know what he earned, and I had never seen a payslip.  I guess that this was intentional on his part.  Once I made it clear that the marriage was over, he wanted to change.  It was too late for that.  Far too late.  I am not well off, and sometimes struggle financially, but my dogs get anything and everything that they need.  I never quibble about veterinary care.  I keep a credit card for vet fees that I can't afford, then work very hard at cutting back afterwards.

My dogs repay me over and over and over.  They are ecstatic when I walk into the room, never mention that my hair looks scruffy because I can't afford to have it cut.  Oh yes, and they think I'm perfect.  I'm not looking for a second opinion.

>and got several more dogs :-)

Atta girl!  :-)  :-)  :-)

REALLY need a like button for this :-D

My parents have separate hobbies and its split evenly as both are expensive, so if dad goes to say 10 motor races then mum can go to 10 dog shows of her choosing. You have to have time appart its healthy, everyone gets to do what they enjoy without feeling guilty or spending way too much.

You have to have time appart its healthy

Indeed, but if you are apart during the day AS WELL when one or both goes out to work, then it instantly becomes a lot less healthy if time off work is also spent apart.

After reading these posts I feel incredibly lucky.

Eddie has never once tried to dictate what animals I have, I'm the one who walks, trains, feeds etc, so as far as he see's it ,they are my choice, and if I felt the need for however many, he wouldn't bat an eye. In fact, I think he'd rather like having a houseful.
The one thing he's not keen on, and which I would like to do, is fostering dogs, he feels he'd get too attached, and it would be too upsetting letting them go.
As to activities, again, he has never tried to stop me doing anything, he'd be horrified at the very thought, he doesn't exactly join in, but would if I asked him .

Relationships are private, very individual, and often not discernible to outsiders.  What works for one pairing, clearly does not work for another...

The only advice I can offer is that you should be as honest as you can be, with yourself and with each other.

If you are unhappy you have the right to say so, but if your relationship matters to you both then you should listen to and work with each other as far as you can.  If you are unhappy together then you have some decisions to make but remember that a relationship really should be a joint affair and mutually beneficial...  We all have to make compromises, it's often a question of which set of compromises we are prepared to live with :)

Sometimes one has to ask the question about 'better together or apart?' but only the two of you can really answer that one.

My husband is fantastically supportive of me and everything I want to do - I have to repay that generosity by not taking advantage of him, not taking him for granted, and remembering to say 'thank you'

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">After reading these posts I feel incredibly lucky.

Believe me Jane you are.  I lived with someone who would come to dog shows with me but he was very controlling, took my self esteem away from me, was jealous of the dogs to the point he would kick or hit them (Even threw one down the garden) when in a rage, hated me even speaking to a male at a dog show etc.  It was horrible.   I would rather be on my own & poor than live with someone who made me miserable regardless of whether we liked the same hobby or not.

:(

Thankfully my husband has been there with me, through owning, showing, breeding and judging.   I do think he'd not have been quite as involved without me!

I had a friend, the breeder of our second hound, who had an ongoing battle with her husband - I remember coming home from a show we'd gone to together to find him in a complete strop about his meal being delayed!!!    The marriage didn't last.   For some relationships, the dog-thing can be a strain.   No doubt but is it any worse than a husband going off to play golf etc.?

My ex hated dog shows. He came to one and moaned the whole time about what a waste of time. He would have preferred to waste it in the pub. However, he did stay at home with the ones I didn't show. I think (after many years apart) that he is maybe coming round as he came to the last show where his pup was place in an AVNSC class. The relationship broke down to other things, but he was controlling, too controlling. I've been on my own for 18 years now and am about to embark on a new relationship with someone who is scared of dogs so will see what happens ;-) He has met the dogs, but is very wary so I think I have a lot of work to do here :-)