Firstly I apologise if anyone is offended by this but I need to get things straight in my head whilst I am feeling in control. My husband would be horrified that I am asking this but I know when the time comes it will be me that has to say what needs to be done. 

I have a 14 and a half year old dog who has dementia that is controlled by medication, he is fit, enjoys food and walks but has the odd night where he is disturbed. I hope I do not have to make the final decision for a long time to come BUT I am being realistic knowing that he will not go on forever. I can feel that he has some lumps/hardness around his abdomen.

Is it possible to ask the vet to give me a sedative for him before I take him on the final journey, he does not like his front legs touched and when they took blood from him they shaved him and took 6 attempts to get the blood, I do not want him to have any unneccessary distress. I will be taking him to the vets for a check up in a few weeks but I know that if I start talking to the vet about this I will cry. I know the vets are used to people being emotional but I don't want my boy to pick up on my distress.

Thanks. 

I don't think anyone would be offended and I for one am in a similar situation and I feel it helps to plan ahead -even if it also makes me feel guilty. On the day you will no doubt feel stressed  and confused and unable to think straight so having firm plans can help a LOT.

I'm not sure about the vet giving you a sedative to give at home, but all vets I have come across will be happy to give a quick injection with a sedative BEFORE giving the final injection into a vein. It really helps if the dog is worried, and in other cases too. The last dog we had to have put to sleep, my elderly Cavalier at 15, was given this. He hardly even noticed the first injection then laid down on my lap and got very sleepy and when he had the final injection he didn't notice a thing. It was very peaceful.

Thanks Marianne, my first girl was an emergency 9 years ago and she was so poorly that she went very quickly.

I am a planner and I know I will be devastated so I need to be making decisions now not at the last moment. We have only been here a year and I felt so much better when I discovered a pet crematorium that is 5 miles from us, I don't want to be bewildered and uninformed.

I wish they would all just curl up and sleep forever in their beds but I know that is an unrealistic wish :( 

The vet gave one of my dogs a sedative before the final injection, it relaxed her and made it much easier for her. Her heart was strong, but due to a spinal problem she was becoming unable to get around and given her age, 14, it was the best thing for her. The vet came out to the house which made the whole thing more relaxed. It's hard, but you will know when the time is right.

Yes, we have often given owners sedative tablets to give their dogs at home before the vet comes out for the put to sleep. You need to be aware that sedation often lowers the blood pressure and can make finding a vein more difficult. Why not go and talk to the vet without your dog so that you needn't worry about him getting anxious?

When I let Merlot go I knew we would struggle to raise a vein as she had been having blood tests done for 9 months before and it was always hard to find one. Merlot never worried too much just accepted things but I did not want it for her in her final moments so asked for a sedative. The vet came to my house as I wished and gave her a sedative, after 10 mins while we all sat on the floor with her she drifted off to sleep with her head on my knee. It was then a quiet peaceful passing for her and as I expected took a little while to find a vein. Nothing else would have been right for my precious girlie.
A deep sedative does however  shut the system down and does not help to find a good vein but my vet and I knew that and were happy to follow this path.
I think it helps if you are on good terms with your vet. Beth cried  with me as we said our final goodbyes, she had know Merlot as long as me as she was the vet who brought her into the world by C-sect 9 1/2 years before.
I think you are right to make plans now as it is hard to be calm when the day comes and emotions get in the way.
Aileen

My Lisa was attended to by the vet at home on a beautiful sunny day in the garden. She was quite relaxed as being in her own home was unaware  that these people were here to see her.   Much like Merlot she was given an injection and then driffted off to sleep with me cuddling her.
It was very emotional I dont think itcan be any other way and I dont believe Lias was stressed this way at all
thinking of you Karen and I understand the planning thing I am much the same
x

Hi Karen

Everyone and every situation is different but I am like you and need to plan so that when the time comes I can be clear about the difficult decisions which have to be made.  We did this with the young boy we lost recently - talked about it with OH, discussed the 'What if's ... ' of various possibilities, made sure we were in agreement etc.  I also talked a lot with my Vet so that he understood what we did and didn't want to happen.  It helped enormously knowing that he was aware of our wishes and supported us in doing the right thing for our dog at the right time.  I talked to him on the phone and saw him without my boy so that I could discuss it reasonably calmly!

When the time came it was devastating, of course, but at least we had been able to prepare to some extent and we didn't have to agonise about what to do at the last minute.  This took just a bit of the stress out of a heartbreaking situation and helped us to stay calm and reassuring for our lad right through to the end.  Went to pieces afterwards, of course, but he didn't know!

So sorry you are going through this, but if it helps you to plan then it will help your boy too.  XXX 

I think it helps a lot if you can have all your ducks in a line for when the inevitable happens...decide how and where you want it to happen ( emergencies aside of cause  ) , do you want the vet to come to you, do you want to have your pet cremated , who do you want to deal with that....I.E do you want vet to arrange or do you want to deal with it yourself.  Get recommendations for pet crems , (ask vet and friends ) do they do individual cremations, what's there hrs, do the do out of hrs, what days do they collect from your vet ( if you are not happy with pet staying in vets till they collect) .

If you decide to take your pet to the crem yourself , keep phone number handy, and make  sure you know opening hrs..

We all like to think we can arrange the time and place that works best, but sometimes it just does not go that way, so having plans laid down for all eventualities will make it easier...

With my girl who we lost in the summer, like you we knew it was coming, I had made all plans, I spoke to the crem (I  like to take my dogs myself ) knew their opening times, I was hoping to have her done at home, but sadly I ha d to take her in to the vets... as we travelled to the vets I spoke to the crem and informed them we would be with them within the hr....they were ready for us when  we got there, then we picked her up the next morning.

Regards the sedative,it's my one regret, I wish I had asked the vet to sedate her in t he car, because she hates the vet, and  she fought the sedation all the way in the surgery, making her passing difficult, unlike my boy who was PTS at home in his basket....peaceably!

Hope this helps,  being prepared ( as much as you can )  often makes it easier.

Thank you all, I need to take him for a check up for a review as my vet posts his medication so I am going to have a few questions jotted down that I want to ask.

I will also contact the pet crematorium so as I am happy with their arrangements, as I previously stated they are 5 miles away whereas my vet is 28 miles away, I know they collect as they charge mileage.

I do not know if the vet will come to our home as we are that far away and I am undecided if I would want it done here.

Some may find this strange but I have already decided to have a bangle made that has some of his coat in, I have commissioned this now whilst he is still with us.

I feel that making informed choices now will help when the time comes ( hopefully a long time yet) I do appreciate your input and hope that this topic has not caused anyone any upset.    

I would speak to the vet either on the phone to discuss what is possible re sedation etc. Or if you prefer to do it face to face but don't want your dog to pick up on your emotions maybe you could put him out into your car and then speak to the vet or pop by the vet without your dog.
I think planning ahead makes sense as it will make it slightly easier to cope when the time comes knowing what is going to happen. Our local pet crem. will pick up from the vets and also charges mileage. Although some people may prefer to transport their own pets body, I am not sure I would be safe driving after that level of upset.
It is always very difficult letting a much loved pet go but as I have seen people on here say better a week too soon than a day too late.

With my first two oldies I opted for sedation via tablets with their last meal and then our vet came to the house.

It was all very calm albeit very very emotional but they both dozed off and didn't have a clue what was going on.

Having gone through such a traumatic end to my lovely Mooses life at the vets with me holding her down in the middle of the floor in the surgery I would opt for the sedation calm and dignified way anytime.

There is nothing wrong with planning things at all, it just shows how much you love him right to the end x

I am not sure I would be safe driving after that level of upset.

I think like many upsetting and traumatic things we face in life, we find an inner strength and work on auto pilot to do what we have to..

I remember leaving my cat at the vet for them to arrange her trip to the pet crem, it was not till later I realised she was at the vets for 4 days waiting for the crems pick up, that made my mind up that I would deal with it myself....to be honest ( and I can only speak for myself) I found it strangely comforting to know her last trip was with us, wrapped in their favorite blankets and being carried in by us,  with a final kiss goodbye.

Saying goodbye to our  precious   pets is traumatic, and we have to find the best way to deal with this, for me being there at the beginning to the final goodbye helps enormously.

The Pet Crem we use collects pets the day they go to the bridge, whether from the vets or their home. They are lovely when they pick them up & return the ashes in person.

It makes us all think about what we will do when the time comes. As I said before I know it will be me who will have to make the final decision, hence me wanting to get things straight in my head,every time I comment about him being older etc my husband says " he's still a young dog!"

I have heard that some people let their others see the dog that has passed on. I am in two minds about this as we have two sets of two, the oldies are together and the youngsters are together. I do not know if dogs "make sense" of the situation re others that have deceased and would be worried that one of mine might not be gentle if viewing a dog that has been given sleep.

I would be interested to know if anyone has found this visiting/viewing a departed dog helpful to the other dogs. I hope this makes sense.

I've always let my other dogs in the room to see/sniff at the departed one; I don't know whether it helps them or not because for some weeks they'll still look round for the missing one when its name is mentioned. They've never seemed inclined to touch the body, but rather sniff at it cautiously then turn away.

When I had the vet to the house to put the older dog to sleep, I let the other one stay and tried to encourage her to sniff the body which she didn't want to do. She wasn't affected at all by her companion of 12 years suddenly not being there any more. Although they enjoyed each other's company and played a lot even when they were old girls, the younger dog was very imprinted on her people and preferred being with us rather then the older dog so I assume that is why she wasn't too bereft.

when Skye was PTS in June I let Sam in to see her before she was taken away, he sniffed her but didn't seem very interested. However, after a day or two his sense of loss and sadness was heart breaking and I was glad that I had at least given him a chance to understand what had happened rather than leave him not knowing. Unfortunately Sam is an elderly dog and we are now having to face the fact that we will have to make the decision about him fairly soon because his physical and mental health are deteriorating.

I let my other 4 come in after my old lab was PTS at home. My other older bitch and the 2 younger ones did come and look but didn't react particularly, my older male dog was completely oblivious and just walked over the top of her :-/  . TBH I'm not sure it helped at all, the older bitch who was left was still really miserable for a couple weeks, they were closest in age and had always hung around together more than I'd really realised. I must admit until then I'd kind of thought that people saying dogs grieved was a bit humanising but she was so depressed after, she curled up in a tight ball on the sofa and just shook most of the time :-( and she is a pretty typical stoic labrador, not normally the sensitive type at all.
If I had the opportunity again (ie, PTS at home) I'd still let the others see but don't expect it to make much difference.
HTH

Thank you all for your generosity in sharing your personal experiences. It is comforting to know that people understand.

My boy died unexpectedly and I found him in the garden, so presume the other 2 had had the chance to notice him out there, I didn't really think of letting them sniff him as I was too distraught myself. But I didn't notice any pining - they always snuggled together in a heap, but didn't seem to mind that the heap had lost a member!

Some may find this strange but I have already decided to have a bangle made that has some of his coat in, I have commissioned this now whilst he is still with us.

For years already I have been looking at jewellery where ashes are included. (I just wish there was some way to use ALL and not just a small amount.) Again I'd rather have firm decisions. I had a bad experience once, dog was put to sleep suddenly, I said I did not want his ashes back and felt sure. The next day I changed my mind and new I HAD to have his ashes back. By this time he'd already been sent to the pet crematorium for mass cremation and my poor, poor husband had to go there and be let in to search through all the dead frozen dogs to find the right one. :( I will never forgive myself for putting him through that.

Oh dear, your poor husband! I was so grateful to the vet nurse who asked if I wanted a lock of hair, I did but had forgotten to cut it before we took the body to the vets, and I still treasure that lock of hair.

I hate...hate...hate...the thought of having to put our precious friends to sleep...as I'm sure we all do.  I've only done it twice and I was a wreck....the second time was a dog I hardly knew and I was destroyed!
Anyway, I digress....what about a DAP spray? Or some Valerian or something to calm the dog and make it feel relaxed and sleepy?  This could be administered at home hidden in food or whichever way your dog will take meds best? 

My heart is breaking for you but I guess this is part of the responsibility we accept when we have pets.  Sending you hugs xx

Thanks, I am seeing my vet next week when they review him for a further repeat prescription, I will ask to see the homeopath as there was something that he said I could use if he had unsettled nights. In general he is very good and am pleased to say that he has had two really good sleeps. I do use Rescue Remedy if necessary and hadn't thought about moving the DAP diffuser into the bedroom.
Will give it a go.
Thanks for the suggestion.