i tell my puppy of for growling at my elderly labrador and i say to her " hey what do you think you are doing?, you don't talk to people like that!!!

That made me laugh..so true.
I'll play...my son was annoyed the other day when I said to my dogs," your brothers here"....oops.

And my one is that I can't stop thinking when.......

I give the dogs a "goodnight" biscuit and I spend the next five minutes thinking that they should really brush their teeth after that biscuit!

What are we like? ha ha

My neighbours laugh at me ALOT! When my dogs go out into the garden and bark I find myself saying "What did mum say about barking?" My neighbours say back over the fence" One day they are going to reply to you!"
Or another one I say is "Mum will be cross if you bark like that won't she?" I can hear them stifling their laughs next door!

I find that when my terriers bark, me shouting at them tends to make them worse. I have however found that if I bark at them it stops them straight away. So my neighbours must think I'm mad barking like a dog

My husband asks for a goodnight kiss off two of the Malinois bitches -but not off me!

have however found that if I bark at them it stops them straight away.

At dog training once I had brought a Papillon puppy for the first time and obviously wanted her to have a GOOD first experience. We were walking behind a black Labrador, who turned around and snapped in the face of my pup. I just acted instinctively and barked right in the face of the Labrador. That stopped him in his tracks. Everyone looked surprised but nobody said anything. The Labrador never came back to class again though!

I also hiss at my cats to tell them off.

Funniest one I heard was my friends neighbour sticking her head out the window and shouting to her dog " now you stay away from that icecream van ! "

When I was just coming home from school school the dogs had moved from the garden to the back porch and I heard my Mom tut and then say to the dogs "you could have told me it was raining" as she pushed out to fetch the washing in. 

Love this thread !

Here are some of my  regulars:

'Wee Wee floor at your age !( exceptions the oldies ) Disgraceful !'

'Have I got a pack of wolves ?'

'Now you've really upset the postman/meter reader etc !'

Funnily enough, it works.

I think you're all mad!  :-)  :-)

I get annoyed with one of my bitches who will insist on loud barking when playing chase up the garden.  I know the neighbours can hear me when I shout Bonnie come here so I can give you a good hiding!  The thing is, and what my neighbours can't see, is Bonnie racing to me, grinning all over her face and wagging her tail like mad.  Obviously petrified of me!

I did feel a total nut though when describing my Border Collie's total control when holding a toy that he wants to pass to me.  I said to my vet "He actually holds the toy in his hands."

When I got home, realising that my dog doesn't actually have hands, I felt a right twit.  I meant that he uses his dew claws, so holding in a way that we would.

Yep, we are nuts aren't we! :-D

I say stuff like 'that wasn't very ladylike' if one of my girls belches. Or 'Lottie, we had this discussion about shrieking with excitement only this morning didn't we?' And of course I always say 'Daddy's home!' when my hubby's car pulls into the driveway. Or 'I'm sorry I'm in a rush this morning but Daddy's taking you on a lovely long walk later I promise'. :-D

if Zuma starts pushing to go through a door i say 'excuse me!'..............he steps back, and when he barks at the door......'yes thank you I did hear it'. other barking .............'who asked you to start shouting!'

They are family and you talk to your family (well some of them anyway )

Yep those are my regular conversations, also (to the youngsters) 'don't be silly and  get all shrieking with excitement' when we see another dog 'that's not the way to make friends'.

It's frustrated greeting as at shows where there are loads of dogs they don't do it, but when walking a group of dogs you don't stop to talk to the single dog being walked as it would most likely intimidate them, and some of them high tail it when they see my lot all together, anyway.

I do find that with the ones brave enough to stop, I just let the youngster go forward to greet, and then the others one at a time, then silly noise making stops.

>It's frustrated greeting as at shows where there are loads of dogs they don't do it

One of mine's just the same; at shows she has wonderful manners when meeting other dogs, but on home turf she's very rude. I find a comment to her "Oh don't be so rude, the nice dog won't like you" puts the other owner more at ease and goes a long way to preventing them getting cross.

Or take today..my hub shouts downstairs.  "Who are you talking to"
Reply. " oh just the dogs"
Reply.."oh ,ok "

Not much on tellie tonight dogs - what shall we watch.  Ok get comfortable it's starting now. It's the adverts, who wants a wee. .....

I find myself saying "excuse me" when she pushes through the door/ate whatever always stops. "Pardon" if we get a body noise....

"sorry" if I accidently tread on her or misthrow a toy.
"Wash your ears out - Did I say get the ragger" when I have asked for the ball etc.
   

And I sing to them  ! Puppies get all the nursery rhymes and songs my children enjoyed as babies. One of my brothers is living with us at the moment -he's a musician and he's in the puppy room playing the piano most of the day -they love it -little faces peeping out over the whelping box all agog ! so sweet.

I sing 'happy birthday' to all mine - that's normal, right? :-D

Well I would say my reputation as mad dog woman is secure around here. A few weeks ago I was out in my garden in pyjamas and a pink dressing gown. It was just after ten pm and I was strolling up the lawn telling the dogs to "do pee pees before bed". Now if the entire population of Ireland didn't pass the house cycling at that moment. Nice!!

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">I also hiss at my cats to tell them off.

me too! she looks deeply affronted!

'No you can't have that, it's pussy cat dinner'

'Come on girlies lets have a quick wee wee then mummy can watch Emmerdale'

'Emmerdale is on so shhhhh'

'Whose just trumped, you stinky beast and don't give me those big brown eyes'
I'm just glad there is not a camera recording all of my conversations with my girls

I sing to my cat, he's called oliver so i sing. " oliver oliver never before has a cat wanted more" or i sing " whats new pussy cat". He loves it ( or is that me just thinking that he loves it?)