Since it looks as though, for non-dog related reasons, we are not going to be able to stay away from home in the future, I wondered....are those of you with many dogs in the same situation - albeit for a different reason - and how do you feel about it?

To expand a bit, I remember my parents had their one week's holiday away each year, and were very content with that.  However, nowadays people's expectations are very different, with so many more opportunities for  travel both at home and abroad. So, one can easily feel deprived and "out of the loop" if one is unable to participate in all these wonderful trips. I would value your opinions :-)

We didn't have a holiday last year nor are we having one this year. Due to family reasons, we had to go away for a few nights three times earlier this year and each time the dogs had to go into kennels (the dogs are very happy in kennels). However, they are 15 and 11 now and we don't want to put them in kennels now unless it is absolutely necessary, so we are not planning any holidays away now until we have no dogs. Both our children are currently in the middle of buying houses with gardens so we hope that, as long as the dogs are well enough to travel, we will be able to spend a few nights at our children's homes. We've never been that bothered about holidays. We used to take them because it was the only way of getting the OH to stop working and spend some time with the children :) :) I never get envious about others holidays - all I'd like really like is to stay at home and relax in a sunny garden with a book and no housework, DIY or gardening to do :) :)

>So, one can easily feel deprived and "out of the loop" if one is unable to participate in all these wonderful trips.

You only feel deprived if you allow yourself to. :-) I went on my first foreign holiday at the age of 25, and I've been on three more in the 30 years since then. And guess what - I don't feel deprived at all!

I wouldn't MIND going on a holiday sometime, but to me it seems too extravagant and I find it hard to justify spending money on something like that, especially regularly -it's not like you are buying an object to keep and use or paying bills or food. Maybe once every ten years or so I could imagine it. We have no problems having a family member stay here and look after all the animals so that doesn't come into it. I've been away plenty of times (visiting my parents, going to world dog shows and similar -i.e. all abroad) but there's nothing I would actually refer to as a holiday since about 1989. I really think I'd feel too guilty. That's despite always going on holiday as a kid -Swedish summer holidays off school is 10 weeks (and adults usually have at least 4 weeks off work in one go during the summer) and we were always away for the full time, first 4 weeks in the coastal town my dad grew up in with both my parents (only went abroad ONCE), then the other six weeks at our summer house with just my mum and grandfather. I guess not having a separate house here for holidays made me never even think about going away with my own kids. Typically Swedish to have a summer house to spend the summer in, in the countryside or the coast. (As in a house with a bit of land as opposed to a static caravan or similar, but a house or cottage not insulated for winter, often without indoor toilet even -maybe not these days, but we didn't even have running water in ours.)

I love my holidays and used to work in the travel industry so was used to 5 holidays a year, now I don't even manage 1 :-(

I miss them as I love travelling and everything that goes with it and of course the hot sun :-)

We usually have a couple of 1 week holidays, both in the UK and abroad. I am lucky to have a few friends who dogsit, as I would hate to put the dogs in kennels. And of course we take some of all of them with us on some of the UK based holidays too. :-)

I used to go camping once a year, but in recent year we havent been able to afford it and family situation hasnt dictated it. Now family situation has changed and we can again go on holiday, we are looking at one next year, but trying to work out the animals. I have alot so will have to either find someone to ome in, and put dogs in kennels for the weeks.but have someone in moring and night to sort other animals out!! I currently have a deaf and blind dog that cant leave the house as it scares him, so if he has not gone by then I will have to deffinatly find someone to live in for the week. But I will not feel guilty as it will be the firt proper holiday(I dont class campig as one, its a break) we will all have had as a family!!!
Lea :)

I took my daughters abroad on holiday (with my sister and her daughter and also my other sisters 2 teenage daughters) for the first time this year. My OH also took holiday time from work but stayed at home and chilled out for the week looking after our dogs :-)
We lived abroad while my OH was in the RAF and travelled a fair bit so didn't feel the need for "holidays" abroad, we were the holiday destination for most of my family for a while and vice versa :-)
We don't feel deprived, it's our choice as we won't put our dogs into kennels.

I'm retired now - every day's like a holiday :-) I especially enjoy Sunday evenings!

Having the dogs is well worth the sacrifice of not being able to afford holidays, after all we have the dogs for the whole year, holidays are just a week or so.

Thanks everyone, some very interesting points. We will enjoy our retirement at home knowing we're not the only ones. :-)

Rarely go away in fact the last one must have been 10 years ago and its not dog reasons. I find it hard to find the money let alone justify spending it, I like my home and being around my family as frustrating as life can be. Yes I occasionaly visit a friend for the weekend on my own and there are things I would do if I had the money however spending it on going away comes a long way down my list.
Esme I envy you and hopefullyi f my redundancy comes through in september I will be able to take early retirement and have those sunday evenings knowing I dont have to go to work on monday unless I decide to find another job in time

> hopefullyi f my redundancy comes through in september I will be able to take early retirement and have those sunday evenings knowing I dont have to go to work on monday unless I decide to find another job in time

Good luck with that then furriefriends, I know I've never looked back since taking early retirement. I'll never be rich though, but who cares :-D

The nearest I've had to a holiday in the last decade was spending 2 nights in a Travelodge when I went to Crufts in March! unless you count the occasion I spent the night in a friend's camper van by the beach when my dog was a puppy.
Now I'm carer fro my elderly mother, I'm feeling the need for a getaway more than ever, so working towards getting on the road and maybe having a few camping weekends away with the dogs, with a masterplan in mind of driving to Scotland for a week next year.

thanks esme, no we wont be rich either but just enough will do me and to be stress free

For me, I think if you feel that you are missing out, then you probably are........ :-)

If you're happy at home and in not having a holiday then you don't need one and shouldn't  feel guilty about it, often it is other people who make you feel like you are missing out and deprived it shouldn't matter what other people think, do what makes you happy.

Personally, I'm used to having a break and always feel like I need one, it rejuvenates me, luckily I have family who care for my animals and in return I do the same, I know I would really miss a holiday. When my mother came to live with us for a few months with her 7 dogs when she broke her leg, it meant I couldn't come and go as I normally do and we couldn't go away, I so missed it and was so happy when we could again. I know I would personally find it hard and feel deprived, I can cope with just one holiday a year as we did last year due to commitments, but need at least one......... :-)

On the flipside, the mother of one of my friends has never been abroad, or had a break even in this country in at least 10 years I know of, never wants to and loves just living for her dogs, her own family even try to make her feel this is wrong saying that she doesn't have a life, well I always say she has and she does.....the life she wants and everyone should live their own life the way they want to, we are not all cut from the same cloth, it's sad how others can make people feel.

There is a big difference though between not wanting to go away and wanting to, but not being able to, of course that would make anyone feel a little down and in that case it might be worth trying to find a relative, good friend or neighbour to look after the dogs just for even a weekend away. :-)

As long as you are happy, that is all that matters........... and you're never bored with a dog, you get plenty of fresh air. :-)

I haven't been for a holiday for 26 years, there are places in the world Id love to see one day, but I'm afraid even if my dog doesn't suffer from separation anxiety, I do ! Lol. I honestly can't stand being away from my pets, canine and feline, sad git that I am.

> However, nowadays people's expectations are very different

It doesn't really matter what other people expect out of their life :)

I only have 1 dog but holidays are not something we do anymore because of the dog. I will not put him in kennels and there are only 2 people I would trust him - dad who is disabled & sis who is ill, which is somewhat limiting. The biggest reason is, I don't like to leave him (it wouldn't be an option to take him with us, for various reasons) - it doesn't bother me if that doesn't  fit in with anybody elses expectations :)

I don't feel deprived by staying home with my dog, I feel deprived without him :)

Must admit if I did not have family to care for my animals, (often in my own home) knowing they are well taken care of and happy being with people they know, I would not properly relax using kennels, so I can perfectly understand why others wouldn't wish to leave their dogs and feel anxious about it, so you're not a 'sad git :-D' at all. :-)

But I will not feel guilty as it will be the firt proper holiday(I dont class campig as one, its a break) we will all have had as a family!!!

With the situation you have gone through, I think this is one case where a family holiday is something that very much is justified, needed and deserved by the entire family! :) I'm still up for house and animal sitting for you as long as there's plenty of notice as I'd have to make sure to have somebody here for my lot -and ideally not miss any really important shows, sad git as I am LOL.

with a masterplan in mind of driving to Scotland for a week next year.

If you need a stop off for a night on such a long drive I'm sure we can somehow manage to squeeze you and dogs in here for a night. (If you can cope with this mad place!)

> If you need a stop off for a night on such a long drive I'm sure we can somehow manage to squeeze you and dogs in here for a night. (If you can cope with this mad place!)

Thanks! :) That's very kind. I have some friends in Keighley (not too far away from you?) I plan to drop in on, but they have cats and nowhere to put me up, so a pitch on your lawn might be a better option! :)

I haven't had a holiday since 2000 and don't feel I've missed out at all.

I've always had a dog or two but once I retired I added a couple more and then a couple more.  The logistics of putting them all in kennels while we went away was more trouble than it was worth so we stay at home.

I don't feel I should be going away for an obligatory week or two just to be like others.  I would rather have the enjoyment and company of all my dogs for 52 weeks of the year than to have fewer in number and go away for a week or two.

> So, one can easily feel deprived and "out of the loop" if one is unable to participate in all these wonderful trips.

It is also possible to feel this way when you feel obligated to visit family.  My elderly parents live in Spain and as nice as Spain is I don't want to have to go every holiday, especially as money is very tight and we can only go every 2 or 3 years. 

My mother is very hard work, complains about everything and always pulling me to the side to tell me I look fat, unattractive in my clothes and should I have eaten whatever I had for lunch. Last time she phoned me several times after to accuse me of stealing her 40 year old duvet cover, a hand towel and some cook book that I apparently would never need due to my lack of skills in the kitchen.

I would love to go to Italy or Scandinavia and have a holiday that didn't leave me stressed, depressed and in tears.  So, I feel deprived of a holiday even when officially I have had one.

Lunamoona, we have one life..............

Go to Italy or Scandinavia, you can phone your mother every week for a chat and probably get more out of it,

Is she capable of using something like Facebook or e-mail, sending photo's and chatting to people in this way as well as the phone makes us all feel close to people even if they are at the other side of the world, and you can say goodbye when you want and have had enough, it is wrong of parents to use the guilt card like that.

Look after yourself hun, sounds like your mum will not be happy no matter what you do, so do what makes you happy, life really is too short to have others run it for us. {{hug}}

I'm in Fife Sue, if you get this far your more than welcome to pitch up at mine :-).

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who hates leaving pets behind, don't feel such a sad git now :)
My friend got round the problem by getting a big campervan, now she just takes her dogs with her.

Yep get a caravan or a motorhome :-) I bought a caravan so I can take the dogs with me on holiday, last year I drove from Scotland to Kent and then later to Germany with the dogs, ok it was for dog shows both times, but it's still a holiday :-)

Our favorite place to go on holiday is Mexico and we usually go once every 3 years as it takes us that long to afford to go (getting the dogs looked after costs a small fortune!) We have got a caravan though and have a couple of week long camping trips with the dogs (Agility holidays!) each year.

we dont go abroad on holiday as we like weekends away with the dogs,we stay in some of the very best hotels,big bedrooms so plenty of room for the four of us,we have found that the better the hotel the more likely to allow 2 dogs,like others say  a holiday only last a couple of weeks,

Sheila

My point was, it's not our dog that's the difficulty. It's my caring responsibility for my daughter, with whom we've just had a very difficult holiday. (She's 44 this month). Thus our conclusion that it's less stressful to stay home. :-( (She has her own house nearby and just wants to stay in it all the time. )

I haven't been abroad for almost 6 yrs....the last time i missed the dogs so much that i swore to never leave them again.  The dogs were staying at our home with a dog sitter whilst we were away but even with that situation i never stopped worrying about them. 
The OH & me have a rough sort of plan for hols/breaks nowadays...he has a few days on some sort of blokey hol, i have a mini break with friends & we take the dogs usually to Cornwall or similar for a week.  This way we all have something to look forward to & the dogs are never left with other people.
My plan for the future (hopefully within 4/5 yrs) is to buy a camper van & just travel with the dogs in the u.k.

Ida....is there not a reliable person that could take over your caring duties for your daughter so you could have a break?

Not at present - we're always hoping! There were people in the past, but they like me have grown older, and it would be too much for them now.

I have been on hols in this country, but always with my dogs. But now that we have some oldies ( including me ) I love being at home, in the garden with the dogs and my kindle, what a great life. I still work full-time even though I am well past retirement age, so a break at home is wonderful.

Not at present - we're always hoping! There were people in the past, but they like me have grown older, and it would be too much for them now.

Oh thats a shame....i hope you do manage to get some sort of holiday in the future. x

> My mother is very hard work, complains about everything and always pulling me to the side to tell me I look fat, unattractive in my clothes and should I have eaten whatever I had for lunch. Last time she phoned me several times after to accuse me of stealing her 40 year old duvet cover, a hand towel and some cook book that I apparently would never need due to my lack of skills in the kitchen.
>

My goodness.  I think my mother came out of the same mold!

Truth to tell, she spent so much time letting me know how inferior I am, that I couldn't cope with it any more.  I haven't seen her, or heard from her for 10 years now,, and I wish I had cleared the problem up many years ago.  I thought I was the only person with a mother who delighted in destroying any shred of self esteem that I may have had long ago.

I haven't seen her, or heard from her for 10 years now,, and I wish I had cleared the problem up many years ago.
Another from this mold, although when she became very ill, I was the one that nursed her every hour of the day and night, and sat and held her hand while she died because after all she was my mum and under  the hurt I still loved her. Yet in her papers found after she had died we found she had written letters to every family member, including grandchildren to say how much she loved them all, but no letter to me. It was as if I was not worth the paper and ink. She still hurt me after she was gone.
Please try and make up before it is too late.

> Please try and make up before it is too late

I would always tend to agree, but it may not always be so simple or successful :(. My MIL had had no contact with her mother or younger sister since the 1940s. She didn't know where they lived (her brother had ben killed during WWII). She wasn't in contact with anybody else in her family because her mother had cut the family off from other relations when her father had died when she was 10. Eventually through a pure fluke, in 1982, my MIL found out that her mother had died 6 months earlier. She had visited the old family solicitors to make a new will and found that they were looking for her (her mother hadn't left her any money - it was something else). She made contact with her sister through the solicitors and found that her mother had kept her sister as, effectively, a slave. She had not been allowed to work, have friends or any sort of life (she only managed to get a radio when her mother became deaf). When she went to visit her (the sister was around 55 at this time) she had made lovely cakes for them, but asked if they were OK as she had never had anyone to tea before !! It's too long a story to go into but my OH's grandmother had ruined his aunt's life. A reconciliation between OH's mother and grandmother wouldn't have been successful and only been extremely upsetting.

Gosh, what a lot of mean mums out there :( 

Is it only daughters that get this treatment?  I know my brother doesn't get it but she does complain to me about him.  My mother is an unsuccessful control freak and this makes her angry and frustrated, I cope with it best by telling myself that she must be mentally ill to behave this way.  It's easy to stay in contact as I get on well with dad, it'll be a lot harder when he is gone.

>  I cope with it best by telling myself that she must be mentally ill to behave this way

It could be the beginning of dementia :( My aunt was very nasty to my sister and I (she had no children of her own) and frequently complained of people stealing things (not my sister or I tho'). I had the police telephone me on several occasions because she had phoned them saying that her pen/book and even her underwear had been stolen by her cleaner etc :( These things usually turned up later :( My aunt developed dementia and it became clear that things that we just put down as eccentricity (she had always been a character !) were the early signs :(

Lunamoona no it isn't only daughters who get this-my dad was a constant disappointment to his mother despite becoming a high ranking police officer at a very young age (she thought this was pointless), and completing a masters degree in his spare time whilst he underwent chemo when he got ill.  When he died in his early 30s she cleared out every trace of him and scowls if people mention him. My mum has always made the effort to keep up contact with them but she has never really had any interest in in me or my brother, and never ceases to take the opportunity to comment on my weight/lack of marital status/not being pretty enough/failure to get a 'proper job' (I'm a teacher) my mums 'inadequate' parenting skills etc.  I think the fact that we are my dad's children means we are tarred with the same brush! My dads sister and her children have the sun shining out of her proverbial even though my aunt sees my nan less than once a year (and her granddaughters havent seen her in over five years) whilst my mum or I take her shopping every week etc.  I gave up a long time ago, some people are just mean! Even my brother who is schizophrenic and bipolar isn't as consistently unkind.

So sorry for those with mean mums - I love my mum very much. It was a very difficult time when my family virtually disowned me when my first marriage broke up (traditionalist Christians etc, it was a big shock to them). I'm so glad over the years we have reconciled and they like my hubby very much now. Sometimes it isn't possible to make up with family, particularly if it is a case of mental illness of some type causing the problems in behaviour, but wherever possible I would always urge people to try their best to make up.