....and I don't want to be a downer to those nearest and dearest - so I'm downloading on those of you who know me - but who don't know my nearest and dearest - if you see what I mean :(

I've been trying to write Christmas cards - last year I didn't send any as I was in USA with DD and family - but this year, I said I was ok, and could do Christmas here - although I'll be waking up on my own, with only the dogs, on Christmas morning, for the first time in 70 years.   Later  I'll be going over to DS1's family for the morning to see DGD (age 2 now) opening her Christmas presents, then I'm coming back home early as I'll be working on Boxing day morning.  OK - I'm going to be able to choose what rubbishy tv I watch, eat and drink what I want etc etc - bliss - and then on Boxing Dayat lunchtime when I come home DS 3 and DIL3 will be coming ove, so it will be fun .....but now I'm feeling very blue because it just won't be a Christmas that I've been used to :(

What's brought all this gloom and doom about?  Writing all the Christmas cards just from me - and not from me and Ade :(

Pulling myself together, blowing nose and wiping eyes - and wishing you all a very HappyChristmas - cherish it xxx

> now I'm feeling very blue because it just won't be a Christmas that I've been used to

I suspect that's the key though:  Try and make it different enough so that the contrast with previous years won't be quite so difficult to bear

Wishing you lots of love and support this year xx

Life is so hard at times, and coping with change and loss is extremely stressful.  I trust that this "different" Christmas turns out to surprise you with unexpected joy. :-)
thinking of you,
Cathy xxx

(((((((((( Margot!!!! ))))))))))))))))

The Mayan end of the World tomorrow will have nothing compared to the force of the rib busting (((HUG))) winging its way to you now from me!

You silly Mare ( :-P ) no 'pulling ones self together' needed ~ let it out!!
Go on, yes the full snort and snot un glamorous un dignified but MUCH needed weep... And you know we are all here with waterproof shoulders, ready with Kleenex and CD virtual wine and an silent understanding xxxxx

How about we re-open the CD kitchen?? All gather round the table like we used to in the good old days ~ Liberty left me the key to the secret Ribena store, I'll fire up the Aga put the decs up and let's get some of the old gang together!
       We can arrange a time, think of a thread name! 'CD-ers escaping Christmas spirit and drinking it!' And we can all get together and have a good old 'TOG's' moan,bitch and laugh!!!
   I know a few of the oldies who no longer post, that I can persuade/bribe to pop back... So... How's about it!!!
:-D xxxx

I do so understand, since we lost a beloved nephew on Christmas eve we, as a family have never really to be able to celebrate as we used to and now this year his Mother, my sister, died just a couple of months ago and I can't even start to feel like celebrating anything.

Now don't get me wrong I am not miserable just not in a mood to celebrate and I can only say to Lokis Mum you have to do as you feel that is the only honest way and if you can't cope then you have to say so, those who love you will understand.

Big hugs to you.
Even those who are surrounded by family feel can down so dont think the grass is greener and everybody else is having an amazing time when ou may not be. My grandad was the glue in our family and after he went Christmas never felt the same again even though we still got together as a famile. It is happier now as my baby daughter has helped fill some of the void but the dynamics and routine are still not the same.
My friend summed it up the other day when she said that Christmas has changed since her Father died & her & her mum have decided to 'roll with it' because you just have to

I totally get where you are coming from.
This will be my 16th Christmas without my Mum and despite having children since, it has never been the same without her.
I paint on a smile for the present opening, then have a good cry in the shower.

You are not alone X

{{HUGS}} to you all.    I really did think that I could do this - that it would be different enough for me to handle ....I think I probably will come through ok and enjoy the difference - but like everything else one does for the first time, it's just a tad daunting!

And Liv ....if the CD kitchen could be opened and dusted down again - that would be good too.xx

Sending hugs form here too. For me christmas hasn't been the same since I lost my Dad 4 years agoi which still feels like yesterday.  Its such a difficult time of the year for many keep smiling and hope this will be the first of many different christmas,s x

Sorry you feel sad.lots of hugs XX

I lost my Dad just before Christmas 2002.  It's never been the same since.  I leave work Christmas Eve, and don't see another soul until I go back.  Christmas is difficult for a lot of people.

The pressure & expectation at Christmas that everyone should be having a great time, as Jean says makes it difficult for many people. Wishing you all the best, enjoy it as you can & if not cuddle up with the dogs. Best wishes.

How about downloading Free Skype and you will be able to speak to other family members as if they were in the room with you. Someone here in France talks to about 4 different family members and 'joins' in with all the Christmas present opening with the Grandchildren. Not quite the same thing but at least you will feel involved. When I was over in UK recently and staying with friends who I used to see on our local park every day, all the other friends that we used to see came over and we all spoke to my husband in France and it just felt like old times with him being able to join in.

Jolly good idea Liv will try and make the party !

Margot will try and give you a call later x

I'd just treat it as a day off, you can do what you want and just enjoy yourself.  Go somewhere different with the dogs (weather permitting :-P), watch a rubbish movie, that sort of thing.  I've been by myself for the last several christmasses and I like it - it's quite a change from the big family days we had til we all moved our separate ways (my nearest family is now 250 miles away) but if you think of it as a day to yourself for a bit of me-time rather than thinking of what it isn't going to be any more I think it's easier to cope with :-)

I spend the run up to christmas each year now hoping my housemate will bugger off so I can have the time to myself :-P

Margot we forget in our busyness at this time of year that for some it is the hardest time of year. Like you I've always been with someone at Christmas, I couldn't imagine being on my own. Don't worry that you are upset, everyone, especially your family, will understand - and after a Christmas present opening party with a 2 year old you will be glad to get back to peace and quiet with your dogs :-) . Like you say, you will get through it and possibly even enjoy it , the best times are often those we dreaded the most. Sending you a large cyber hug - now do you have one of those electronic hug vests?

love Marion x

I can only repeat Dakkobear's excellent words, Margot, <<<<<<hugs>>>>>> from me :)

xxx

Dear Margot, I shall be thinking of you.
I think these occasions change for everyone over time.  Different relationships, losses of family or friends even age itself but I doubt anything compares to losing your partner of so many years :(
I think the balance of going to the present opening and then coming home to veg out with your own choice of TV is not a bad one at all and maybe a little Skyping or phone calls will help it along too :) 
Fail in that, is it too late to organise a little bunion operation? :)  I have had some lovely Christmases on the wards with small groups of ladies happy to take up empty theatre list places and spend time with over tinselled nurses :)

My mother found it easier to have Christmas as a quiet day after my father died, rather than a bustly family day with a massive empty space. It might help to develop a whole new routine for the day to avoid comparisons as much as possible. Sending you my love to help. xxxx

Until I read your post Margot, I was mumbling to myself how 'I' do everything and 'he' is only happy if he is outside etc. I have now had a re-think and feel humbled by people, like you, for whom Christmas will never be the same again.  Thank you for posting Margot and love and hugs from me too! x

Margot, massive {{{{{hug}}}}}} it's the worst time of year for many people.

Losing your parents is bad enough, but losing your partner, I honestly don't know how you get through this time of year.

My brothers mother-in-law lost her husband this year and everyone has rallied around to help her through this, those who know me know I have everyone at mine for Xmas large family and extended family get together which we all love, we automatically thought that she would join us this year and we would try to help her through, but B's MIL has took it upon herself to book a hotel stay by the coast all on her own, to me it is the saddest thing you could do at Christmas, but for her she just can't face it, the happy faces the couples, it's true what they say you can be in a room full of people and be the loneliest person on the planet.

Everyone has to do what is right for them, although with B's MIL I'm half way going to be waiting for the phone call to say she wants my brother to come and get her.

We always raise a glass to those who have passed and are no longer here to share Xmas with us, I'll be thinking of you too and hope you will get through this and find a way to feel the love of Christmas through your grandchildren, after all it is their little smiles and the wonder and magic that makes it special and I think it's what you need to focus on most along with the happy times you spent together.

So sorry, and hope you will be ok. xxx

> I think the balance of going to the present opening and then coming home to veg out with your own choice of TV is not a bad one at all and maybe a little Skyping or phone calls will help it along too

I agree with Stooge's post, all apart from the bunion op :-D I can't add anything Margot but my thoughts are with you xxx

Lokis Mum, I am very new to CD and I don't know you, but please accept the big cyber hug that I am sending down the ether. Your advice to cherish the time we have with those we love, is priceless and I thought about it a lot last night (awake most of night with tailend of flu).

Take the best care of yourself and be however you need to be. I am sure that the restorative power of seeing your granddaughter open her pressies will be huge.

(Apologies if this is badly written, my head is full of soup....)

This will be the first Christmas since my dad died, and so I can relate to a certain extent -except I don't think anything really is as hard as losing somebody you have lived with. I don't have any easy answers but I feel for you Margot. HUGS.

Indeed to loose your partner must be devastating I can't imagine being without mine nor how I would manage but I suppose you have to find a way but  it must be very difficult. When you lose someone very close it seems to bring so much other baggage with it as well and the mind just will not clear - I know everyone is different but I think that if you can talking seems to help most it is just difficult to find the right person to talk to as you don't want to upset others, what is needed is support and a receptive ear not commiseration; and here am I commiserating.

Just to say I'm thinking of you and sending hugs. Do check in with us here on the day, i'm sure we'll all be around at different stages.

You've done one of the best things you possibly can do... by sharing how you feel.  Talking doesn't change things as such, but it does get it out in the open.  The more open you can be about your feelings, the better.  People grin and bear far too much and it really doesn't help... or work.

Christmas can be a very difficult time and I feel the loss of two people in particular, but I know exactly what they'd tell me if they were still here and that sure as hell kicks me up the backside. 

Don't feel as though you have to cope with all that it throws at you.

I have no advice and no solution but I can listen. And I hear you all and feel for you all if only a cyber hug was possible. Opening the kitchen would be nice I don't post a lot but do feel close to all of you "oldies"

Take care and remember there is always someone willign to give a shoulder and tissue or two.

Margot - I too struggle with Christmas and no longer find it an easy time. I think it's because it is a time when everyone's thoughts turn to families and loved ones and thus the absence of a loved one is so very noticeable. For me it hasn't got any easier, in fact I think it has probably become harder. For the children, although they still miss their dad, their lives have moved on as they rightly should and I am so pleased that they have their own partners and that I now have a grandchild but my life hasn't moved on as such it has just become different - and it's not a difference I would have made by choice.

The first Christmas morning I had all by myself wasn't good but I did get through it and am sure I will get through this one as well. Although I don't like waking up to an empty house I do find comfort in the fact that we managed to raise our children to be strong, independent people who have survived some very tough times. Loving someone and spending your life with them for such a long time and then losing them is very, very hard to deal with but it has also shown my children how precious love is and has enabled them to go out into the world and find good loving relationships for themselves. 

Sending you hugs Margot and when I am walking the dogs early on Christmas morning I will think of you and know that your inner strength will shine through and you will make it through the day and all the others that follow.xx

so sorry Christmas this year is lonely for you, even with family around--little things are bound to bring it all back to you and all of us wish we could make it better for you. Take it hour by hour, spoil yourself with some treats and we are always here if you would like company and a virtual hug xx

I know of a number of people who have lost partners and husbands earlier this year and the run up to Christmas is hard for every one of them. It is also difficult to offer words of comfort because nothing can diminish the pain, I suppose just being able to express what you are feeling rather than having to pretend is of some help, I hope so. You have given a huge reminder to keep life in perspective and recognise the important things. I hope that you are able to find some moments of peace over the coming days.

Thinking of you Margot... I know how difficult it is to be without a loved one at Christmas... sending you great big (((hugs))) and make sure sweet Moana gives you extra kisses xxxxx

dont want to sound doom 'n gloom. but i have been doing this for years. and still am not used to it. but at the end of the day it is only one day out of 365. and i do at least have my beloved dogs with me. without them it would be awful.

Sending special cyber hugs to you Lizzie (Harley), and to everyone else who has lost someone they loved. I wish you all a peaceful Christmas.
Marion xx

Sending Hugs to you,I so do understand,it is so very hard at christmas time without our loved ones,its hard enough the rest of the year.

Sheila xx

Very, very slow to respond to this post, sorry. My hugs are coming your way along with the others and some for Harley too.
I hope I can come into the kitchen where we can raise a glass together.
A tad daunting you say, I say you are a very brave lady, who mustn't forget to hug right back ;)

Karen