The weather today matches my mood precisely - unpredictably wet windy and cold.

This morning I had a phone call from someone I know slightly - to tell me that she has just found a very dear friend of both of us dead in bed.

This lady - who was in her early 60s, never married, lived on her own, never smoked, drank lightly, but who lived life to the full - was diagnosed with lung cancer in the middle of March and was undergoing chemo every 3 weeks. Another friend accompanied her to the hospital last Friday when she had her third treatment, the consultant was very encouraging, saying that there was a slight reduction in the size of the tumour and that they were on the right road (we all knew that the cancer that she has cannot be cured, but could be kept in check with the right chemo). She had a lovely day with this friend, who took her home, saw her inside her door. She phoned the next morning and spoke to her - said she wasn't too good, but hoped to feel better later. That was the last anyone heard from her - she didn't answer texts nor her phone when she felt rough, but would generally call back later. Nor would she answer the door if anyone knocked - so we all left texts and messages saying we were thinking of her.

I've been away and came back yesterday afternoon, and another mutual friend phoned and asked if I had heard from her - she'd often phone just one of us, and we'd let others know. I hadnt heard either. We were both discussing our concerns that she needed to let someone know if everything was alright when my mobile went - and I was told that she had died.

It seems so unfair - she was a lovely person - she'd lived with her mum and dad and looked after them until they died as well as having her own career. She loved meeting people and used her holidays as opportunities to make new friends. Someone who loved people so much, yet died alone - it just doesn't seem right.

So so sorry, lung cancer is not good. A great friend was diagnosed just before Xmas & so far fortunate that it's shrinking with chemo but secondaries in her shoulder & adrenal glands are not mentioned.
You are a good friend, & those suffering from cancer need them & their support, OH is into his second year of remission which is fantastic but a lot of friends have disappeared presumably as they could not cope.
Remember your friendship & the good times, she may have passed alone but hopefully at peace in her sleep & I can't think of a better way - though no consolation to you. Best wishes, she was fortunate to have you as a friend.

So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend,may she RIP.

Lung cancer seems to cause death so much quicker than other types I encountered over 40yrs as a nurse, it may be that she had a stroke or heart attack if she was unable to summon help in time.

Dying alone is very sad but it happens alot as females tend to out live their male partners or have never married or had children.

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you at this sad time

What a nasty shock for you. She sounds like she was a lovely person. It does seem unfair and I know what you mean. I guess in time you'll be able to remember the good times you shared together. My thoughts are with you.

A very sad time. My thoughts are  with you. May your friend be at peace

So sorry, its a shock and a horrid one at that.

Words can be to easy sometimes so have some cyber hugs ((((()))))  sometimes hugs are what we need, and if you are on your own then you must try and feel the warrmth meant in theses cyber ones coz its the best I can do ;).

Karen

I'm so sorry to hear this, Margot.  It really does not seem fair. 

Sorry, there are no words that will really help.   I know the pain you are feeling, Lung Cancer can be hard to fight.    Perhaps knowing she was spared the worst aspects of the disease may help you as time goes by.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

So sorry to hear this. I have my Mum and 2 good friends with various cancers, mum and 1 friend are pretty stable, the other friend is not doing well. It's a horrible disease. :-(

Oh Margot - I am really sorry :-(

As sad as it seems to others people who are very private often find it comforting to be on their own during difficult times so maybe what seems very sad to us may have been, for her, the preferred situation for her own individual wishes.

She will have known how much her friends cared for her.

I am so sorry for your news. I know your friend died alone however I believe a lot of people who have close family/friends around them say they will be fine or seemingly appear to wait until they leave the room for even a brief moment then pass away.
May your friend RIP it seems from what you have said she lived her life the way she wanted to and left a lot of happy memories and smiles behind.

So sorry to hear that, what a sad way to go. :( I am coming up next week the one year anniversary of my mam's death, she passed away from oesophagael cancer, with secondaries in the lungs, last June after being diagnosed in January and told everything would be absolutely fine and it had just started and was perfectly treatable. She was only 58 and as healthy and active as it gets. It's hell without her. It's an appalling disease.

And as someone said earlier in this thread, be proud of yourself for being a friend. It sounds like the normal thing to do, and i still hope it is, but once my mam got sick  I lost a LOT of friends who have never returned. It's not easy to say the right thing but it's a lot worse to be in this boat and then without a lot of so called good friends.

so sorry for you and your friend, Lokis mum. I know this may not help you right now, but your friend may have known she was not doing quite so well as it seemed to everyone. When my friend was coming to the end of her long battle with cancer we all took turns visiting her in the hospice, even bringing a lamb and her cat in (bless those hospice staff, they are angels). One night three of us were keeping her company--she'd been so amazingly alive and alert the day before, chatting away about all kinds of things, and we were so excited that Geri seemed to be defying all the odds. This evening she was quiet, aware of us talking but not really engaged. The nurse finally took us to one side and told us that Geri was really tired, that she was using all her energy to be there for us, and that she needed what was left of that energy to rest enough so she could finally slip away--and that she wouldn't do it with us there. I think all of us were a little stunned--we couldn't imagine leaving her on her own. The nurses see this every day, though, and they know that there are people who so want their friends and family to be ok that they just cling on to life, even after they should be preparing for their own end.

So while you may feel full of grief and guilty that none of you were there with her, your friend may have needed the peace and solitude to be able to finally leave life. Big hugs to you and your friends, thinking of you all xx

So sorry Margot.my thoughts are with you and may your dear friend rest in peace.

Sheila. xx