I just had a lovely 20 minutes scamming a scammer from an Indian call centre :-D

The phone rings, it's someone calling from Microsoft to tell me that my Microsoft Computer is at risk as it's sending out viruses and they have picked this up for me.  Not to worry, this can be sorted out very quickly.    there's the sound of hundreds of people all making the same call in the background.

I rubbed my hands in glee and called DS to come listen and then put the phone on speaker :-D

Are you on the computer now?                                               "Yes"  
Are you on the internet?                                                       "No"
Can you look at my keyboard?                                               "It's a black one"
Press the Windows Key and the Control key at the same time   "OK"
What can you see?                                                              "the screen's gone Black!  What have you done to my computer?"
What do you mean the screen is blank?                                  "What I said, the screen is black"
Did you say black?                                                               "yes BLACK!"
Not to worry, just turn the computer off, then turn it on again.   "OK"  I spend 5 minutes just waiting and we can hear the person talking to another and saying about the black screen

What's it doing now?                                                           "It's booting up"
What can you see?                                                              "A house"
NO what can you see on the computer?                                  "A house"
A house on the computer?                                                    "Yes"
A picture of a house?                                                           "Yes, it's very pretty"
Can you see Icons?                                                             "no just a house - no famous people"
Can you see programme icons?                                             "Yes"
What programmes are they for?                                            "Games programmes"
Ok can you see the start button?                                          "yes"
Click on the start button and tell me what you can see            " Um I can see my programmes"
OK what programmes can you see?    at this point I reel off a looooooong list of games programmes :-D   I'm very helpful ;)
Yes those are your games programmes                                 "I know"
What other programmes can you see?                                  " No other programmes"

Is this a computer?                                                            " yes"
What operating system have you got?                                   "Dungeon Siege"     

By this time DS is rolling on the floor with a cushion stuffed in his mouth LOL

Dungeon Siege?                                                                 " yes Dungeon Siege" 
That's a game                                                                   "No it's my operating programme"
That's game - really                                                           " No no it's definately my operating system"
Which microsoft windows programme do you have?                " you tell me"
No you have to tell me, is it windows 3.11, windows 2000, windows XP, Vista or windows 7?    "Well you should know, you called me to tell me about the virus"

Well I don't Know which operating system you have so you'll have to tell me  " No You have to tell me as you know about the virus"

This went on for a minute or so then there was a sound of someone getting up and running off, then some scrambling and the phone went dead :-D

This is the longest I've managed to keep them on the phone - and not one swear word! :-D :-D

I just love tying up their time so they can't call someone else :-D

Love it! Well done on keeping going for so long! *full of admiration*

I seem to be missing out in life. Never had a scammer ring me :(

These people phoned me the other day on my land line. I'm with TPS so i never entertain sales calls anyway and just cut them off. Oh i'm so glad i did now.

I'm with TPS too!  Foreign calls seem to bypass it :(

As far as I'm concerned, anyone cold calling me and trying to scam me is fair game and the longer I keep them talking the fewer vulnerable people they can call ;)  It's my civic duty LOL

Sometimes I do my 'forgetful old lady' routine, but that only ties them up for about 10 minutes.  I tend to keep that one for the banks and mortgage companies  :-D

Of course if I'm busy I just shout "Get off the line there's a train coming"  

What really gets me is that MIcrosoft know about this and have the wherewithal to hunt them down and stop them if they wanted, so why don;t they do it?

Ah its a good job you have a sense of humour!
We had a pay pal phishing trip here this week. It gets frustrating. I also seem to get a lot of chance text messages on my mobile phone suggesting insurance misold etc.

Karen

Amazing! I never get calls like that either, but must admit if anyone tries to sell stuff I just cut into their spiel, say politely but firmly that I'm not interested, and hang up. Same with door to door people. Loved your story though!

LOVE IT! I've had these people call several times recently, and all I've done is say I'm not that stupid and I know they are scammers, and then they put the phone down but it did occur to me to try something next time, like saying I use my American half brother's e-mail address, and it is bill.gates@microsoft.com.

> I never get calls like that either, but must admit if anyone tries to sell stuff I just cut into their spiel, say politely but firmly that I'm not interested, and hang up.
> Same with door to door people

Ditto ! :)

I've had several today, I just do the " How are you today, please excuse me I'll only be a moment!" then leave them on the side whilst playing Queen loudly in the background :) I figure if I am going to keep them hanging on the line I might as well give them some quality music to listen to, it's the least I can do :)

The other day when Johnny called from India and asked how I was I went into detail about my poor feet,back and general aches and pains, he obviously didn't really care how I was as he hung up!

maybe I should try some of these ideas rather than just snarling at them and hanging up.
I do wonder though why I answer the phone when it comes up number unavailable. It is never anyone I want to speak to, but I just don't seem to be able to let it ring.

Good one Dill. My FIL used to put the phone in a drawer for half an hour. These scammers don't bother me when my answer phone is on.

I don't have caller display and can't afford to not answer the phone, it could be business so we wouldn't necessarily know the number anyway ;) or it could be my 86yo MIL or 76yo mum needing us, both are getting frail :(

So when I answer the phone and find it's just a phone scam I like to waste their time in return for wasting mine, stops me getting annoyed and keeps my blood pressure normal :-D  If I could find out their email address I'd send them a very old virus programme :-D   One that was so old their virus programmes wouldn't recognise it straight away, something like Autumn Leaves that could infect their whole system.  Just thinking about their reaction in the call centre makes me smile :-D     I have an 'EVIL' sense of humour, but it only applies to people who target vulnerable people :-D

Well done Dill.  We have caller display and anything that says international just doesn't get picked up.  We still get calls at all times of day - probabally about 5 a week on average - sometimes twice a day.  Sick of it.   Keep them talking - they won't be scamming someone else.

Well done Dill !!..I nearly got caught by them a few months ago and i've been praying for them to phone back so I can wind them up. No luck yet.

Brilliant! lol

I had a similar call around 6 months ago, and did a very similar thing to them.

It amazes me how they ask the most ridiculous questions, such as the 'what version of Windows are you using?' - well you called me, so you tell me!! 
I then completely stumped them when I said, toward the end of the conversation; well I think you've picked the wrong person this time buddy - I have a Mac!  Duh!

I too am on the Australian equivalent of the TPS, yet they still manage to filter through from time to time.

This one though, has to be the scam I have heard about the most.

absolutly brilliant!!! i hate these callers and how come some of you lot dont get them ha?? lucky lot u are

Really had me giggling! :D

HAha Love it!!my friend and I were enjoying a a coffee and a chat the other day when rudely interupted by door to door charity workers wanting money.I will give to charity but refuse to Do anything when they cold call so I simply said I would Love to give them money but I was under 18 and they'd have to wait until my mum was home.I'm 26(and sadly I look it) and was resting my little girl on my hip at the time. The bloke looked me up and down then mumbled his apologies and scuttled off.my friend was sat in the lounge in hysterics.she said 'I can't believe hefell for that' I laughed and said he didn't but he wasn't going to argue lol ;)

Reminds me of when the Barnados people came calling and collecting for the children's homes when I was about 15 and Dad just made redundant.   They asked would he like to make a donation, he replied yes and called all four of us then said they could have us all.  I'll never forget their faces LOL

He's also spend an hour or two trying to convert the Jehova's Witnesses when they called too :-D

Dill, that is hysterical!! Nowadays he'd have the Social Services on to him as soon as he had shut the door. O for the "good old days!"  

>he replied yes and called all four of us then said they could have us all.  I'll never forget their faces LOL<br />

Now that is funny.  I would have roared. :-)  :-)

Although years ago when I was reasonably young and married, I did have Jehova's Witnesses wanting to talk to me about being able to meet my husband in the afterlife.

I just told them that I'd had enough of him in this life, thank you very much.

I must be the only sucker who cannot be rude to JW's, they are always such nice people aren't they? :)

I'm not rude, I just calmly say that I'm fine thanks and close the door, otherwise they are trained to keep talking non-stop! Now RSPCA people I do have a little fun with, again I'm not rude, it's not their fault that the high-ups are idiots, I just say I'm afraid I can't support them as I have mutant freak pedigree dogs, and shut the door on them. :-D

>I'm not rude

That makes two of us then!!  :)  :)

>

I strongly object to the j.w's dragging their kids from door to door.I don't know if that's something they all Do or its just common place where I live but I personally feel the children shouldn't be brought into it and used as some sort of sympathy factor

I don't know if they would see it quite like that, they just take their children with them to do their 'work' I think.

I was told recently that JW's are not allowed to cold call anymore. Don't know if there is any truth to it but I haven't had a visit for well over a year.

I had a pair of JW's last week, politely said I don't discuss religion or politics on the doorstep so they asked to come in! ( my excuse was I had a cold and felt rough!) I then sneezed violently and said I was going back to bed.

It really annoys me when people think they can just call and talk about whatever they want to. The RSPCA got short shift the other day but I did feel a bit mean as they are only people employed to bang on doors and I believe get paid for every sucker that completes a direct debit.
Finally in my moan list is tele sales, if I want new windows I'll investigate them myself thanks!

We have a lot of JW's around here,I was always polite to them even disgusted one lot by telling them I was a blood donor (which was true),but they have given my house a wide berth for many years,since my eldest son  who was a teenager at home alone   told them we were 'devil worshppers' and would they like to join......
Another pet hate of mine is those door to door sellers who make out there is something wrong with them,then you see them with the others acting 'normal' -I do not open the door anymore,I just ignore them.
I also really hate those cold calls,I had an 'out of area' one which kept calling and made one of my dogs keep howling,when I answered it,the indian lady asked for me but I told her I was not available & put the phone down,the others I hate are those solar panel people -if I wanted them I would have looked into it myself & window people.