As the title says...im fed up..im 33 i have a 13 year old a 10 year old a 6 year old and a 10 month old baby- a partner and four dogs.
Obviously i stay home now as its just not possible to go 'out' to work now i have katie.although i will do when shes a bit older..but for now i groom from home as and when i can

I am fed up to the hilt! katie dont sleep at night never has and feels like she never will...so im up every say 45 minutes just to give her a bottle or settle her again or whatever..i then get up at 7 am and thank goodness for matt cos he will sort the middle two and get them off to school before going to work until 6 himself..he dont get home until aout 7.i am left at home to tidy and clean and wash and cook and play with kate blah blah blah....
the normal mother day to day stuff...

but my daily routine is boring me to death.
i do the same thing every day, matts started working started to work saturdays and the skips off to football on a sunday leaving me on my own again to ....just do what i do in the week.sod all!!

i hardly get time to have peace and quiet on my own.often i find myself sneaking off to tescos to grab a costa coffee and just being alone...how sad and terrible is that!!
we share the dog walking at night now because im just shattered and dont 'want' to do anything come 8pm i just wanna go to bed...

im not asking for sympathy but it would be nice to be told im normal...my mother says you made your bed now lay in it...very very hard woman not in touch with conversation or feelings at all!!!  my dogs are scruffs and have never been scruffs.i love spending time with my dogs but just dont get the opportunity to have our time anymore...dont mean theyre suffering -theyre not I AM!!

i need something for ME,just me no kids no matt someone save me!!

LOL

Oh Tamara, being a mum is hard work.  I only have one, can't imagine how you cope with three!  You most definitely are normal!  Would your mum not take your youngest one day a week to give you time to yourself?  If that was a push, could she maybe commit to two or three times a month?  If you have no-one that could take her, could you afford to put her in a private nursery for one day a week?

Whereabouts in the country are you?  Do you have friends in a similar situation who you could get together regularly with?  Sometimes just having other grown up people in the same situation to talk to eases the burden.  Or are there any toddler groups you could go to to meet people?  Your doctors surgery may be able to point you in the direction of local groups.

Good luck!

Simone :)

Have some gigantic big hugs from me((((()))))

I am dying to be at home and be a housewife again....but......not with the babies or smaller children that disturb the nights sleep. 

My children have 13 years between first and last and I agree it does go on and on and on compared to the very twee 2.4 children that come over a 2-3 year period.

However my youngest is now 16 and it is just the best ever, honestly trust me the light is at the end of the tunnel :)

You must how ever take a time for you and insist that he takes over for a short spell and try to do something just for you in that time. It might be that you are tired and want to sleep but if you could use it it will make you feel more importanand you are very very very special :) And  I PROMISE this period in your life will be gone in a flash although it just doesn't seem like it now.

Karen

Have you thought about going to see your doctor as it sounds like you maybe suffering from a bit of depression ? If things are getting you down, the lack of sleep is not helping it sounds like a review of you first of all to see if you are ok then a plan of how to tackle the things that are getting you down ( getting the baby into a proper sleep routine , being able to spend more time enjoying and tending to the dogs etc ) are the next priorities.

Even getting a small part time job just to get you out the house in the evening once or twice a week may help.

Also the other members of the house have to start to help you more.they are all very capable of helping with chores ! As for your OH I think you need to have a good chat and be honest about how you feel and say that he needs to make compromises and say have Sunday as a family day.

Unfortunately Tamara, being a Mum isn't playing is it?  It's real life.......... and it goes on and on.

I knew that I wouldn't find it easy (I've always preferred animals to humans! ;) ) which is why I stopped at one!

You do need some time to yourself, if only an hour to soak in the bath and read something adult so that you know more than nursery rhymes!  Perhaps find a childminder for just half a day each week so that you can put your grooming dogs into a regular slot.  Their owners will talk and treat you like an individual human person in your own right rather than a Mum.

With my vast experience (NOT!) of one, I did find that by putting the time into the early years meant that I had a daughter who was easy to communicate with through ans we sailed through what other parents found were the difficult teenage years. :)

I'd certainly say the older two children are old enough to keep an eye on baby while you have a bath, watch a favourite TV program or when hubby is home take the dogs for a walk.

hang in there,it gets better,believe me,I had 4 kids,dogs and cats,a horrible husband who thankfully cleared off leaving me with it all,theyre all long grown,and have their own lives,and now its just me and my animals!But I do remember what its like,never a minute to yourself,not much sleep and the constant tiredness.But,Id have them back ,all small again if I could.Must be a masochist,eh!

Aw, Tamara, I wish you were closer.  We are in exactly the same position!  I'm a SAH mum with 4 kids aged from 10 to 3 years.  My littlest has just started nursery which is a godsend as I feel life is just starting to return to normal.  I think what you need is to get you baby into a routine(easier said than done, I know).  I had to do tough-love on mine as she would cry all night just so I would go into her room and talk to her.  I started by going in once and telling her it was sleep time now then if you need to keep going in, completely ignore her, just keep tucking in and walking back out with no interaction.  It was the supernanny technique I used and although it's hard, one or two nights and it's fixed.  We were fine for ages but the wee one is now going through her 'imagination' stage so I need to fight out monsters all night!!Pah!
Things I did to get time - I started running at night when OH came home.  Just half an hour and I take the dogs.
                                     I go to zumba.  I've made a load of new friends and I feel as if I have a social life and friends again.
                                    Get a social life where you get out with the girls once a month.  Even if it's just to each others house for a cuppa.
                                     Maybe study? Just so you are using your brain, you know? I did distance learning courses paid by ILA.
Thing that bothered me after a while was I felt my brain was melting.  Keeping myself busy helped as did the studying.  I realise if you are tired, you'll not feel like doing anything but get that sleep routine and everything will fall into place.
PS It does end, honestly.  My lot are all at school and now with the little one going to nursery, I have just signed up to go to college after the summer!! Woohoo! There is a light at the end of that tummel and you will have been lucky enough to see all the milestones in your kids life instead of paying someone else for that priveledge. 

Sounds about normal to me.... :-D

You know it gets better as your children get older, the thing that is missing from your life seems to be other people, where are the friends and family to also spend time with whilst you are doing the housework, dog walks, looking after baby that is what makes a huge difference to just being a mother and having a 'life' with other adults in it.

I know today when you have a baby in hospital they get all new mothers to stay in touch with each other, have coffee mornings and of course the same when you start nursery etc, I never joined these groups as I have family and friends over spilling my doorstep, but my sister-in-law who lives a distance away did, she always has a friend to share the mummy stories with and they all rely on one another for support and to get through the tired days.

If you don't know of any already look in your area for them.

People make a huge difference to how we view our lives, you need to laugh, cry and have other people's stories and lives to divert from your own. :-)

Having children can be a real strain, you can easily lose your identity, find it again through a mother group. :-)

Thank you all so much just for replying..i cant belive how many of you understand how i feel...honestly i thought i was being silly(so im told)..

my mum wont have katie for me,she already works all the hours god sends and has my nephew after school so my sister can work.ONE its not fair to ask her to do that for me and TWO she'd say no anyway lol...

i never actaully thought about a private nursery one day a week how clever are you!! i think i will google it cos i feel a bit exited...and the first thing that came to mind was a long  QUIET soak in the bath LOL...

I managed to get all my other babies into a routine when they were tiny but katie was in hospital at just under four weeks with suspected salmonella poinoning she had lumber puncture and drips the lot...i think thats where ive been over worried ect...

when my youngest(mikey whos now v.nearly 6) went to nursery in the afternoon i did go college -hadlow and studied dog grooming...i was going to get a job work hard get a salon ect ect and all was going GREAT until my contraception failed....and heres katie...

im actually on my own.i dont have anyone..absolutly no one.i do need to get baby in a routine and i do need to meet people but being alone so long does weird things to you,its kinda taken my nerve...i dont say boo to a goose...

im going to re read the replys some good things said and ill give them a few reads over so i can feel better
how sad do i sound lol

Not sad ,just a very overworked mum,
Take others advice ,make a friend or 2 ,talking over problems will make them go away or reduce in size,
A good moan to another like minded person to get it off your chest so to speak.
Katie will in time sleep longer although its seems that will never happen.When she is older and more mobile(ie crawling/walking )she will need a nap,try to relax with a magazine or book or just talk to someone on line ,for those few moments.
Also a trip to Drs just to check that you are ok and do not require a tonic .
Keep calm,it will get better in time.
I think most of us have been in the same place at one time or other .Overworked under paid,slave like .
Take time for yourself you deserve it .

> Having children can be a real strain, you can easily lose your identity, find it again through a mother group

Definitely a good idea :) Mum's and toddler group saved my sanity when my children were small :) I had no relatives nearby and a husband that was abroad usually every week and when he was home he didn't get in before 7-8pm. One reason why I didn't have a dog because there was no way I could have walked it (enough). I ended up running the toddler group until my youngest went to school and I returned to part-time work. I met so many other mums through the group and we used to have lunch/coffee as well, also babysitting while going to the dentist/doctor etc - definitely a lifesaver !!! Some became friends until I moved away.

I read your post with tears in my eyes. you are not alone. I am in tears sometimes trying to juggle the family, animals, work and home.
I'm glad you feel better now you have read some of these posts but i also think you need to sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel. He probably has no idea how much you are struggling. If you have to put up with it then theres no reason he cant :-) He can have the kids for a day or an afternoon whilst you get some 'me time'. Now the weathers getting nicer he can go out with the kids on bikes and little un in the pushchair so you can do things at home undisturbed.

I did the same with my second youngest.  He is in/out of hospital with Asthma and has been since he was born but now he's 7, he's spoilt rotten.  Really! I so regret treating him differently as it has made him a worse person for it.  But I know what you mean.
If your OH is anything like mine(who works long shifts), he probably thinks he does enough bringing in the money?  Why should he come home from a long shift and have to deal with the kids too?  Well, I told my OH that if he wanted to keep me out the looney bin, then he would need to pitch in regardless!
You badly need a pal.  A good friend that will realise that you can't always go out or forget to phone for a couple of days but will still be there when you do. Think we all need to think of how you can meet her?  Do you have a close friend that you have lost touch with?(babies, dogs, hubbies do that to friends!) Or have you a hobby?  Do you not have anyone near in your breed that's had kids?  I have a great friend who I met through showing who had a baby too.  We felt like outcasts at shows!lol and we built a great long friendship through that.  Mothers and toddlers groups are great.  And if you are in reciept of tax credits, you will find that nursery places will probably be paid for by them(up to 80%, I think).  Their are also loads of mum forums.  I know it's an online thing but they have groups that meet up for coffees in all different areas for mums just like us who can feel a bit lost.
Honestly, I felt the same last year and even got a bit depressed about it all but you'll get through it but like everything else, we need to help ourselves. ;)

I think at some time most mothers will be experiencing the loneliness and exhaustion you are going through at the moment.

Sorry, I pressed a button and have just been typing a really long reply but the time has expired and I've lost it all!!!!

Will try again a bit later as I've got to take dogs out...

GRRR!!!

Can I add about my last child......I thought I knew about how to manage babies when she came along..........Huh, wrong. 
This 23 hour a day crying/screaming/colic machine, I thought she just hated me sometimes....reason does just go out of the window
I used to rock her in my arms cooing horrible words to her...like; 'you horrible little baby' ... 'just go to sleep' .. I used to feel quite manic, she then turned into  a golden child, the easiest most wonderful little girl and now teen child.

Karen :)

> never actaully thought about a private nursery one day a week how clever are you!! i think i will google it cos i feel a bit exited...and the first thing that came to mind was a long  QUIET soak in the bath LOL...

bless you, that is a lot on your plate.

The nursery might be good for katie as well, being with other wee ones that are not her siblings can help boost kids communication and confidence.

If you can make the figures work a couple of days might be good so you get time with your man as well for yourself and this means he is also still getting his football. if he's working all week he'll need switch off time as well and it is important for you to still be a couple together and not just mum and dad.

> You know it gets better as your children get older, the thing that is missing from your life seems to be other people, where are the friends and family to also spend time with whilst you are doing the housework, dog walks, looking after baby that is what makes a huge difference to just being a mother and having a 'life' with other adults in it.
>
>

This is the problem with modern society, we mother in isolation, not as a society.

This might sound a bit daft but Id love your life. To me, having four beautiful children, a partner, being able to be a stay at home mum and having dogs as well sounds lovely.  Yes at the moment you are running around like a mad thing, however unless YOU make time for you, it wont happen.  Perhaps speak to the Health Visitor about trying different ways to get your baby to settle, at ten months old, having a bottle at night has probably become a habit, then she gets wet, so feels uncomfortable and wakes up etc. Perhaps as others have said join a mums and baby group, go to the library where there is probably a baby reading session, try tumble tots or perhaps even give Homestart a ring to see if they can offer any support.  Do you have any family near that could take the children for tea one night sometimes?  If your partner does all these things of a weekend, have you actually talked about how you dont get any time to your self and how you could work out something so you can.

Id love your life, to me it just sounds like a normal conventional busy family with lots to do, a happy home with lots of possibilities for being able to work/groom from home in the future, children that are close in age, so they can all grow up together and be there for each other. If you need time for yourself then you have to make it, sadly it doesnt just happen.

Your sort of life is the type of one Id always dreamed about tbh, because I came out of a seriously domestic violence situation, my eldest is now 18 and has severe ADHD and dyslexia with violent tendencies. Youngest is 12, permanently anxious because of the life we have led. We had to move overnight to a town Id never been in, many hours from all my life, I left my job, my family and my friends.  I had £50 and a suitcase.  Im trying to juggle work, managing the boys, three dogs, washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, gardening, housework, cleaning the car, doing any DIY, homework, being both mum and dad, good cop and bad cop.  My nearest family is over 350 miles away and I work in a Primary School where we are actively encouraged NOT to make friends with the parents.  Its me that fixes the dripping tap, whilst trying to cook tea, its now 8pm and Ive yet to go food shopping as Ive just done homework with youngest, tidied up the garden after the dogs, walked them in the dark, plus having worked all day too.  Im exhausted but there isnt anyone else to help.

Please kiss all your children and count your blessings and please dont feel fed up, other people would sell their soul for what you have.

Maybe I read this wrong, but I don't think Tamara has a partner, I think she's on her own with the kids, which makes it so much harder for her.  Although Alfieshmalfie, I'm sure you know this more than anyone.  It must be hard when you have no-one to come home at night and give you some support and adult conversation.

Please Tamara look into playgroups and other ways to meet people.  It may all be a bit daunting at first, but other mum's in similar situations are also looking to make new friends and just having other people to meet up with does help you feel more like a proper person rather than solely a mum.

In my area there was a first time mum's group where you went when your baby was tiny for six weeks to swap stories and get a bit of advice if needed.  It's a way they've found to try and prevent post natal depression as the girls tend to keep in touch and go on to socialise after the group has ended.  Four and a half years later I still see some of the mum's I met at there.

Simone yes she does have a partner he just works long hours and then goes out at the weekend when he isn't working :-)

Alfiemash well done to you for being a woman who has taken on the sh*t life has thrown at you and has come out a very strong and brave woman. Well done and hope life starts to give you some big breaks very soon :-) x

Alfieshmalfie, i feel for you because ive been a single mum with two small children BEFORE all this tax credits lark came in and i lived on £69.28 a week...my childrens so called dad was a taxi driver and used to come back to the flat we lived in always drunk around the 3 am mark...after work fall over in the kitchen or living room and start going mental if one of the babies woke..he never hit me he darent but it was horrible and like my mum said u made ur bed so lay in it....so i did.i was 23 and depressed,i used to sit on the end of my bed and cry quietly.i didnt have any freinds i wasnt allowed them!!!

iv been on my own,i wasnt allowed to have a mobile or land line i had to keep the house spotless and quiet....until one day my brother visited and needed somewhere to stay...and my brother i couldnt say no to...after a while he saw what was happeneing and got me a part time job in my local pub.my so called ex,wouldnt dare question my brother...but telling my mum how horrible he was she'd say thats life !!!!
i worked my little tush off i loved it every minute of it.i gave my sister my children to look after and gave her some money as shes unable to work and never claimed the benefit we all say shes entitled to..
i made my way up to assistant manager....

i gave him weekly money to pay the rent and the council tax water rates ect..the gas would always go cos he was never putting on the amount i gave him...he stopped working but still made my sister have the kids....i came home one night to find my home empty.i had carpet and a fridge a kettle ect left he took the lot.INCLUDING 8 MONTHS Of COUNCIL RENT.he left me a pile of letters saying the bailifs were coming to evict me,he left me in £13,000 debt with all the credit he'd taken out in my name....

I know how hard things can be,its taken me just under 10 years to pay off his debts!!i was convinced by his mother that he'd go to jail and how can i do that to his kids....
very clever lady,because i was young and i couldnt do that..

i met matt and he took on two kids at 19...he deserves to play football on a sunday he works hard and he does help around the house... some lol

im not ABLE to stay at home i HAVE to.i cant afford to pay a childminder and work my socks off to then come home to four bored dogs who have [probably ripped up my house....i need to stay at home....
i completely understand what your doing is hard but that doesnt mean its greener on the other side.everyones got it hard in one way or another i spose...theres always someone round the corner worse off yep...im not saying i have a bad life i just am shattered and was airing....

I know what ive wrote is very personal but im not ashamed of how hard ive had to work in life to get what i want..ive never had anything given to me on a plate...so i just want you to know im just saying im bored and i need some time ect
just so u know im not some spoilt brat whos moaning about how tough being a mum is,iv had it rough and turned my kids futures around im motivated and WILL eventually get back out to work and no doubt meet some new freinds but for now im in a huff !!!

LOL LOL LOL

thank you to everyone who cares its so nice to know theres support out there...and admin we need a like button on the forum..SOO many good points i cant quote them all.x

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">I used to rock her in my arms cooing horrible words to her...like; 'you horrible little baby' ... 'just go to sleep' .. I used to feel quite manic

pmsl oh i know its bad but i laughed a bit too loud when i read this ...sorry but thanks lol lol lol

I so, so empathise with you. My situation is a bit different but similar, if that makes sense.
I only have one child who has learning difficulties. My marriage to my sons dad finished when my son was two years of age. My ex husband was a bully, never helped with the baby who only slept for a maximum of two hours at a time. He just screamed not stop 24/7!!

Over the years while being a single mum i have lost many so called friends who didn't want my son in their home while we were visiting. It didn't matter how nice they put it, it hurt me so much. When my son was eight years of age i packed everything up and moved 200 miles north to a place where i didn't know anybody. All i was interested in at the time was finding him a decent education that would meet his needs, something which was lacking where we used to live.

In the past ten years i have ploughed everything into getting my son an education, a circle of friends and i a lifestyle of independence i thought was never possible for him. He is nearly eighteen now and has matured so well, even more so since attending a new college. I can't tell you how proud i am of him and i suppose i should take some credit.

However what i am struggling with now, is my lack of friends, family and social life. I have probably focused far too much on my son and forgotten about me! Childcare for him wasn't an option because of his complex needs so jobs and social life have been non existent for a long time. It's only now that I realise my son doesn't need me anywhere near as much as he used to do and i feel left on the shelf so to speak.
Life has slipped by so quickly. My favourite pass time now is being out with my dogs and going shopping. I still miss my family and i only get to see them two or three times a year. What i wouldn't do to have a girlie chat over a coffee :-( 
Please make time for you, You need it. Even if it is just once a week.

Oh wow super trooper!!

Yes you should be proud and HELL YEAH  you should take most of the credit...

you've put a few things in here i tried quoting some but it would look really silly ..so...

shame u dont live closer i could do with a pal right now...
and there isnt anyone...iv been looking at coffee mornings and gym classess swimming with katie its looking ok...now i just have to book and actually go....we'll see lol

I have a lovely hubby who doesn't shout or bully us.  In fact, he's such a softie, even the dogs know this.  But having a good/bad OH doesn't make life easier if you are having a down spell or feel lost/drowning in motherhood.  I've not had a tough life at all.  My folks are decent and nearby but they work full-time as my mum was a young mum(so they are still working age) so I have no-one to watch the kids.  Funny how that's expected nowadays that granny should bring up your kids while you go back to work? I know that's how most folk I know do it!  I don't think it helps when people tell you you should be grateful for what you have.  That is my mums way! I know I should've been grateful for my loving hubby and healthy kids but that just adds to your guilt.  Depression is a thing you can't help or rationalise!
Good you are getting out there(even if you are still at the talking stage lol).  Seriously, look into the nursery thing as you will find it won't cost you that much at all.  Tax credits pays for most of it.
I take my LO to toddlers where she plays and I natter to other mums, bookbugs in the library where we do artyfarty things and read but afterwards all the mums go for a coffee, and now nursery where I drop her off for 2 hours every day and get a bit of quiet.  Yesterday I sat on the sofa with my eyes closes for a good hour doing nothing.  How guilty did I feel lol?! But it was great to just sit there and not get 'mum, he's touching me' mum, can I get..., mum, mum, mum!! All I could hear was my lovely pooches snoring!!Bliss.

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">Funny how that's expected nowadays that granny should bring up your kids while you go back to work? I know that's how most folk I know do it!

isnt it! i thought it was just me!
although my in laws dont have our kids neither never have...we do it all..and thats not a bad thing cos theyr our children but its just sometimes hard and its nice to be able to air!

P.s booked me n katie in for water works - or whatever its called where we play in the pool together....and ive also booked in a legs bums and tums class..COS I NEEDS IT lol

It was just like a comedy sketch....I suppose I was crying then not laughing....but so can laugh now  too :)

KAren

like like like lol

> Funny how that's expected nowadays that granny should bring up your kids while you go back to work?

After announcing to my in laws that we were expecting a baby they congratulated us then said we are on hand for any babysitting, especially i you want to go back to work :-) We are eternally gratefull. With my partners shift work it would be imposible for me to return to work without their help. We dont earn enough to afford private childcare and there was no option to have any flexibility with my hours. I returned to work after 4 1/2 months. Being at home with the baby was driving me up the wall and the stress of a young baby and financial concerns meant going back to work actually relieved some of that pressure. As strange as it sounds being at work gives me some 'me time' where i am not mum but a fully functioning normal human being :-)
The grandparents love having our daughter and she really thrives from having a couple of hours every afternoon with nan and grandad. I believe studeies show that time spent with grandparents is hugely beneficial for children.

It was never expected that they would have her but there have been huge benefits for all of us from nan and grandad helping out.

I had my 2 eldest Granddaughters when my son's partner returned to work,I finished work myself ,met her in carpark ,I colleted kids from her ,went home sorted food for them ,sorted dogs out  etc etc,
Then when their parents broke up. I continued to look after them,until the mother moved them to other end of country,now I have no access or contact from them at all.
Hopefully one day things will change ,just hope I am still alive to see them again .

Sorry, Fredsmum but I think you've taken me the wrong way(or as usual, I've worded it the wrong way!!).  What I meant was the parents that expect the childcare to be there.  I understand some granparents are fit, able and willing but I was meaning the ones that aren't.  It does just get 'put on' some of them.
I know from experience that my parents were not in the position to be able to help with childcare but my mum has actually told me she is glad.  She said that if she were to be looking after the kids all week it would take the pleasure out of being a grandparent and make her more like a parent having to displine, etc.  She loves being able to spend time with my kids when SHE chooses and for as long as SHE chooses.
This thread was actually started by a lady who is feeling it being home with the kids all day.  We all would love to get back to work and feel 'normal' again.  You are so lucky that you are able.  And as for the money pressure? Our household income dropped by £25,000 when I had to give up my job 9 years ago.  I know money worries, I know stretching your last penny, I have robbed peter to pay paul but I had no choice have 3 kids under 4, the childcare would've been far to expensive.  You are lucky,Fredsmum, and I certainly didn't mean to take anything away from you.  All mothers should stick together as it's hard enough without wondering who is doing it the 'right' way.  Surely we are all just trying our best?

Sorry Cracar. I didnt take you the wrong way at all. Completely understand what you are saying. Just giving a bit about my life to say that sometimes using the grandparents has huge benefits and i think the OP could do with any help at all (even just for a short while) so she can get back on her feet and feel that shes firing on all cylinders.

> You are so lucky that you are able

There are also huge amounts of guilt with returning to work and leaving your child no matter how lucky that family are involved.Its a double edge sword.

> mothers should stick together as it's hard enough without wondering who is doing it the 'right' way.  Surely we are all just trying our best?

couldnt say it better myself :-)