I have a strange problem, but I am sure that at some point in life, most people deal with something similar. I have been with my partner for about 10 years now (we are not married) and we've lived together for 5 years. I moved to London to be with him (I am from continental Europe), so that was quite a change to begin with. Anyway, the problem here are my partner's parents who seem to have the idea that "my home is your home and your home is my home"....literally! They own a house in London area, but decided to move abroad (12 hours flight away) and rent the house. Since then, they've been visiting about twice a year, staying in between a month and 3 months at the time. When our son was 10 months old, his mother stayed 3 months and needless to say, I was not too comfortable at all. She is a nice enough woman. Not confrontational or in any way unpleasant, but that does not mean I want to live with her lol. She always wants to help with the little one (who is now 2 years old), which I appreciate a lot, but if I had to chose between my privacy and babysitting, I'd chose the former.
This month they decided to come, but nobody ever asked or told me about how long they might be stying. I found it out on the day they arrived.... they have their flight booked 6 weeks after their arrival!! Call me crazy, but in my book, that's a bit much. My main problem is his father, who is a slightly unpleasant man that makes himself feel a little bit too comfortable. By that I mean sitting on the sofa all afternoon and evening, turning the tv on without asking whether anyone else is watching and pretty much invades my living room (and potentially my private sphere) till the minute he decides that he is going to bed. I could handle that for let's say a week or so, but when I think 6 weeks, I want to throw myself through the window lol.
All of my family is abroad as well, but they never ever come for more than 5 days at the time. Call me old fashioned, but I always had that 3 day rule in my head...... with close friends and family I can stretch it to a week, but so far nobody from my side grabbed that opportunity.

I simply wanted to think other people's opinions, because I am not sure whether I am just being unreasonable or is it ok to stand my ground.

No, I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all!  How does your partner feel about it?  I think that  any objection to the situation would be best coming from him as they are his parents!  :)

yes, agree that it's not acceptable, but you and your partner need to be joint in your approach - which needs to come from him to them...

firstly stress that they're welcome, BUT you want notice (you may have had other plans) and you would prefer it if they were going to stay that long that you have 'rules' and that you keep some privacy, only you will know what these are, but they may include them being away for eg 2 days a week with someone else to give you a breather... stress you love the way his mother wants to help but also that it's your home and you need space... is it possible for his father to have a TV elsewhere so he can disappear off (a bedroom, a study etc)

I totally agree with you. Problems with his parents need to be dealt with from his side and likewise I would have to deal with anything that has to do with my family. My partner feels bad and does agree with me 100%, but on the other hand he says "they are my parents, I don't know what to say to them. I can't just throw them out". I Sympathise with him, but still don't see how this should be my problem. I simply want my privacy and as much as I don't mind guests, there is a time limit.
The problem arises because I had invited some friends to stay for a couple of days (at the end of the month). I knew his parents were coming at the start of the month, but never ever assumed they would still be here a month later. Since nobody asked or told me how long they might be here for, I already made plans.

OMG I am completely on your side and don't know how you cope with this.  Have you spoken with your partner about this?  He needs to lay down some ground rules with his parents about their visits, how long they stay with you and house rules for when they are there.  Some people have no consideration for others and just expect everyone to bang to the beat of their drum.

>Have you spoken with your partner about this?

ory has already posted her partners response.  :-)

Yikes, I couldn't put up with that!! I think I would just say 'look, I'm sorry but I have friends coming to stay on xxx date, you didn't let us know you were coming or how long you planned to stay, and I'm afraid I do want my other friends to be able to visit too.' Blimey - I get on well enough with my in-laws, but I couldn't face them turning up unannounced for 3 months at a time! I wouldn't put up with my own parents doing that either, I think your partner needs to assert himself as an adult with his own life a little more. Good luck!!

I feel for you as I have been in a similar situation. I always put up with it to keep the peace but it had to stop.
We only had the one staying which was my father in law , he even insisted staying the night we were married , he had arranged to stay at friends but at the end of the evening returned home in the taxi with us.
He then came to stay not long after having my baby and it was so hard to feed her ( I breast feed ) and he wouldn't move rooms so I could have some privacy !
We were booked to go on holiday last year when I received an email confirmation for flights he'd booked which showed he'd be arriving the day before we went on holiday. My husband called him to say we were away and asked if he could change his flights , he said " No , I will just stay in your house while you are away "
But the thing is my Mam stays to care for my 5 dogs and said she would feel uncomfortable with him around , to be honest he is a bit creepy , and I don't think my dad would be best pleased. So Hubby told him it wasn't possible and we weren't being funny but if he had only asked beforehand as we had made plans this wouldn't of happened. As it turned out he stayed with friends and after we returned from holiday we called to let him know we were home but for the rest of his stay he didn't even call or visit. Which is a shame as you would think he'd want to see his grand children. Since then he hasn't made any plans to visit but if he does just land then my husband will definitely have a quiet word with him to let me have some privacy ( and my tv remote back ) as he takes over when he comes , I got sick of watching how to built a car , bike , campervan , fly fishing etc. :)

Oh dear, I really feel for you, I was in a similar position with my father-in-law a year ago and also posted here for some advice.

He lives close by so we gave him a key for emergancies but he just started coming over every day and letting himself in and was staying 4-5 hours and just seemed to sit there waiting for me to make his dinner!

I had just had a baby and every day he walked in on me either breast feeding or expressing which he seemed perfectly comfortable with.

I was advised it was my husbands responsibility to sort out and although I agreed my DH was ready to explode at him and I thought it better for my relationship to be damaged with him rather than my DH's ( my FIL is very awkward, he's hard to explain but I knew he would choose to be mortally offended even though I was very polite about it).

We now only see him when he is invited, at first he chose to keep making out he wasn't really welcome, after my DH had invited him round he would phone up to get 'permission' from me :sigh: but now things have settled down.

Your partner sounds like he would really rather put up with it than deal with the consequences of a confrontation.  

With the amount of time they are living with you it must be costing you more in utilities, maybe your partner could use this as an excuse for them not to stay as long or ask them to to pay rent as they are living in your home for what looks like up to 6 months out of 12 for free!

Your 7 day rule for family is perfectly reasonable, so one of you has to tell them that this is what you expect from now on.  It will not come as a shock to them as no-one in their right mind would think this behaviour was acceptable, they are relying on your good manners to get away with it.

I really wish you luck with this.
Mel

I'm sorry, but you are all mental!!!(in the nicest possible way;))  My in-laws visit twice a week for a couple of hours at a time and even thats torture!lol.  Why on earth would you let someone invite themselves to your home without asking first? For a long visit which involves flights? You would think it was just common sense to see the timing was OK!  I cannot believe you keep your mouth closed.  Why are you so concerned with their feelings when they obviously have no concern for yours?

I would phone the in-laws and tell them they are welcome to come and stay for a week but they will need to make other arrangements for the rest of their visit as you have your family in a routine and want to keep it that way.  Just tell them you think that a week is long enough for a visit(I think you are a saint!)

My mum was interfereing in my life(about the number of dogs).  I lived with her putting my lifestyle down for years(I'm weird apparently as everyone else is content with one dog) till I snapped one day.  I asked her what she does for me with regards to my dogs.  Does she need to help with care? or walking? or paying bills? NO, well she can butt out and keep her comments to herself.  This is my life and I'll live it how I please.  I pointed out how I don't mention anything about her life I don't agree with but I keep it to myself and she should have the good manners to do the same.  We now have a better relationship as I was able to be honest with her for the first time ever. 
If they can't take the truth, that's their problem.  They are definately taking a loan of your good nature.

> I lived with her putting my lifestyle down for years(I'm weird apparently as everyone else is content with one dog)

That's my Dad, he thinks two dogs maximum is quite enough,  (tried explaining that to maintain a breeding line in long lived breed you had to keep at least 4 - 6) he thinks the retired ones from breeding should be moved on then.

He keeps trying to enlist OH in his campaign and he just laughs, as he says I'd sooner get rid of him than one of the dogs (OH is supportive re the dogs, though does get bored at shows), most of them were here first.

Barbara, we will need to swap numbers to moan about our parents.  Really, I thought that after 15 years of marriage and 4 kids, my mum would see me as all grown up but no, I obviously still need her to tell me how to live!!  Your dad sounds just the same as my mum though.  How can you move on a breeding bitch after all you have went through together?  My fault was keeping the 'duff' ones as my mother would say.  She thought I should move on the ones that I couldn't breed/show through health issues.  Now, I ask you, how can you put a dog through major surgery and nurse him/her through the next month or so back to health and then sell it?? Jeez!  To my mum, they are dogs but to me, they are living things with feelings.  Doesn't really matter what species.

Yep that's me.  He even jokingly said they should have the needle once past their usefulness, and I told him I'd take him along first!

Oh boy, it's a very hard one when family live abroad and just come twice a year to visit, different kettle of fish altogether.

It's a debate my husband and I have often had when we have talked of having a holiday home/life abroad in the USA or Australia as we know family and friends would need and probably want to stay for weeks, I know I would cope great with my family and friends as if they were taking liberties or doing something I didn't like I'd just tell them, and they know my home is my castle, believe me my mother is no push over very domineering and bossy, most people would not cope well with her, but she doesn't mess with my family or home it's the one thing that will turn me into a She Devil. :-D

But with in-laws it is much more difficult, as we naturally are polite and forgiving and more patient, (we just tear our hair out and bite our tongues) :-D by the way you have that wrong blood - family will forgive for getting shirty and saying what's what, daughter and son-in-laws they can bare a grudge against, so hubby has to do any talking as eventually they will get over it. :-)

Firstly re: your friends..... that needs dealing with quickly, they will need to be told that you had no idea they were coming for 6 weeks so for those two days they need to go to a hotel - Premier inns are cheap and nice and they will need to move out for those 2 days at least, it is your home and you want your friends to stay with you they can not go to a hotel as they are coming to spend quality time with you and it is pre-arranged. Be strong and both of you stand together with no backing down this needs to be done. It's not your fault or your husbands that they have sprung a 6 week stay on you.

Secondly get the ground rules in for plenty of notice in future and how many days weeks are appropriate, as you have your own lives, routines and friends.

Your husband needs to pick his father up when he takes advantage of the TV etc, he has to do it, it does not mean he does not love them or want them, but it's your nest, your child, your rules and hubby needs to stand by you 100%, no-one has to be mean, but he needs to speak out if they don't like it they will have to cut their stay short and for goodness sake make sure the two of you get time alone together, go out for meals alone, let them babysit. :-) Take advantage of them being here too, you can all get along great, but you need to establish your roles and hubby needs to step up and tell his parents to respect your home and both your feelings as your guests.

No big speeches that is uncomfortable he just picks them up every time they do something annoying or disrespectful, remember they do not realise they are doing anything wrong, they feel welcome and know no different because you have never implied there is anything wrong, just tell hubby to get politely assertive. :-)

Do they have other friends, relatives, children they can also spread their time in this country with, does it always have to be just your home? 

It's a hard one Ory, very difficult with family, but once you are in charge it will all feel much better. :-) 6 weeks is way too long................... good grief why don't they have a holiday here too and stay in a country hotel or something or spend time at the coast, you know why?

They think you love them staying with you!!! :-D   Be more assertive and make other suggestions too.