Been invited to a wedding - the invitation asking for money instead of gifts. I'm not a fan of this idea at all but whatever, that's what they want. Anyway, it states a 'wishing well' - has anybody been to a wedding like this and does it actually mean there is somewhere to put the cash/cheque or will they expect it in the card ?. Is it an anonymous donation ?. Tricky - I'm not even sure how much they'll expect and I'm finding it a bit awkward.

Most of my friends have done this, its because they have lived together for so long that they have everything so ask for money to pay for the honeymoon .....

I've not heard of a wishing well, I usually just put it inside a separate card, dont make anonymous otherwise they wont know who to thank.  Just give what you would have spent on a present :-)

I've been to one wedding where they had a wishing well, and it really was a wishing well sat on a table, I had already bought them something so i don't know if the money put in was anonymous. Have a google, i'm sure there'll be something to help you.

Quite amazing when something you've never heard of throws up 1.4 million Google hits.
We live and learn.

We live and learn.

Yes, I learnt that when I was searching for a riding machine for a friend ( one of those funny seat things that mimics a horse ride ), to say I was flabbergasted is an understatement :-0 

> flabbergasted is an understatement

I can well image.
I once wanted to get a still from the film Babe...the little piglet one.... and tried Google images........ wow!

Try adults only campsites!! That throws some interesting results.

Whilst I think that it is sensible to ask for money of you already have lots of things it is also awkward for the donator, some would be pushed to give more than they would have spent on a present so as not to feel mean; then again I suppose it's better than 10 toasters :0

> I'm not even sure how much they'll expect and I'm finding it a bit awkward

The more they spend on the wedding, the less I'm inclined to give .......... :) :) :) If they can afford an expensive wedding, then they don't need a lot and we'll have already spent a lot on getting to the wedding anyway :) :) :) :)

Whilst I think that it is sensible to ask for money of you already have lots of things it is also awkward for the donator, some would be pushed to give more than they would have spent on a present so as not to feel mean; then again I suppose it's better than 10 toasters :0

When I got married for the second time, we didn't need anything for the house. The wedding itself (including clothes) cost a total of £500 -I don't see the point in wasting a lot of money on one single day. We gave guests a choice, IF they wanted to give a gift at all (which we pointed out they didn't have to), ether give us food for the animals, or a donation to an animal charity (I gave a few suggestions as well of charities I personally approved of, such as breed rescue!). That way we didn't need to find out how much or little had been spent, and people had a choice. It was a brilliant day and I will never forget people arriving carrying sacks and cans of dog and cat food. And yes there were charity donations too. :)

I must admit my OH and I will be asking for gift vouchers instead of gifts, as I find it so uncomfortable to ask for a particular item or register for them. This way we can buy what we'd like from Argos/Next etc. without upsetting someone, and of course, crediting people like your parents who may give more than others. However, gifts are irrelevant; we're having a very modest wedding, all I'm really excited about is getting married to my OH!

However I wouldn't go for a wishing well, who's to stop someone scooping up the whole lot and walking off with it when the bubbly is flowing and everyone's dancing. Instead we're asking for cards and they'll be handed to my mum or my maid of honour to keep safe. Must admit it's terribly awkward to put it in the invites so we haven't, instead we'll just inform those who ask that 'gift vouchers would be appreciated'.

My friends son got married last year and since they didn't really need anything, they had a link to a site where you could "donate" to various activities on the honeymoon, with prices from £10 to £50, I bought them a couple of spa treatments at the hotel they were staying at. I thought it was a great idea.

> Try adults only campsites!! That throws some interesting results.
>

   

Having bred in the 70's, well before I owned a computer, I had a breeding free time when I got into obedience. 

When I wanted to breed again, I was "modern" and had a computer.  Not knowing how out of date my knowledge was I went to a search engine for help.

How do you do a red faced Jean?  I only keyed in "breeding regimes for pregnant bitches." 
My computer asked me if I wanted to continue as my search had brought up some dubious sites!  You would have thought I'd burnt myself as I cancelled quickly!

When I got my first pc, I had my young grandson to visit.
Asked what he wanted to see on the Internet and he said things about his favourite toy - Action man !!! Ooops that was a mistake haha I had to cancel that so quickly before he saw. There were all sorts of 'action' men most of them not wearing a great deal of clothing. So I modified the search to Action man + toy -- Oh dear that was MUCH worse.

We looked at pages of WWF wrestlers instead haha

The more they spend on the wedding, the less I'm inclined to give .......... :-) :-) :-) If they can afford an expensive wedding, then they don't need a lot and we'll have already spent a lot on getting to the wedding anyway :-) :-) :-) :-)

my daughter is getting married this year and it is myself and the grooms parents NOT the happy couple that are paying most for the wedding. I wish it were!

I wanted a "couple" ... the sort that attaches the dogs so you only need one lead ... so I put into google "dog couple", I was entrigued, up until then I had never even heard of d#gging !!

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">I'm finding it a bit awkward.

<img title="Quote selected text" class="qButton" alt="Quote selected text" src="/images/mi_quote.gif" />

i too would find that awkward. When my cousin got married recently she already had everything she needed in a home she had lived in for 10+ years. She wrote a wedding list but it had a selection of incredibly reasonably priced gifts - soap dishes for example. To be honest, like others have said if you can afford a wedding it is cheeky to ask people to pay for your honeymoon, and even if you already have everything i'm sure we could all replace things if we had the money so why not let others do it for you. A new selection of towels or dining set for example.

For me personally if I am going to a wedding I am happier choosing something from a list that the couple want rather than just giving money.  I am getting married in a couple months time and I think we have decided to do a list for a department store IF people wish to give us a gift...I really don't expect people to and just want everyone to share our day.  The reason for doing a list for us is because we have kind of made do with household items when we moved in together and haven't really had the money to buy things we could do with...if that makes sense!  As long as everyone comes along and we all have a lovely day then I will be happy!

If invited to a wedding, and it is to be a day and evening do, my view is that it costs a fortune per head of guests and it is our job, if we choose to accept the invite, to provide a gift of something of a certain value.
If cash towards a honeymoon or whatever it may be, I have no qualms and happily give £50 a head upwards.
Just our contribution to the whole celebration.

Karen

> my view is that it costs a fortune per head of guests and it is our job, if we choose to accept the invite, to provide a gift of something of a certain value.

Why should people have to spend more on presents because the wedding has cost a lot of money ??? Surely the organisers of the wedding, whether it is the happy couple or their parents, want their friends and family to be there to help them celebrate, not because they might get presents :) :) It often costs people far more to attend a wedding than the cost (per head) of the wedding :) The last wedding we went to in June cost us (I and OH) nearly £300 just in travel and hotel bills - plus weddng present, taxi to/from reception, new (cheap) dress for me etc - why should it be our 'job' to fork out a lot of money on a present on top ?? :) :) (We did buy a present, of course :) :) )

When my son got married, I felt very guilty at asking any of our friends and family as the wedding was several hundred miles away and I knew that it would mean an expensive weekend for them. I was just glad that they turned up - who cares about a present :) :)

> If cash towards a honeymoon or whatever it may be, I have no qualms and happily give £50 a head upwards. Just our contribution to the whole celebration.

That's how I see it too. It's the couple's day and I like to fall in with their wishes - it's about them, not me.

As for cost of the 'do', that's something that the family of the bride/couple often pick up the tab for (at least first time round anyway!) I'm the proud mum of an engaged daughter and I'm saving fast :-)

Ah yes Daisy, I agree with you there as well :)
What I mean is I could turn down the invite, if the cost bothered me. I just see a gift as part of the package that I am glad to accept (or not).

I was never more shocked when a colleague was moaning about the cost of going to her friends wedding and wondered what she could get away with spending on the gift, she was thinking about £5.
This was 3 years ago and it I realised then that not everyone was as happy to share what they have as I am.
I am not wealthy, far from it. My home is small and humble, this same colleague spends on herself and acquiring things for her beautiful large house, her car is always top of the range. and so on. Therefore it seems I will always be less well off, but happy to share somehow.

karen

> Therefore it seems I will always be less well off, but happy to share somehow

You're probably happier than your colleague :) :)

Jumping in on your thread so sorry,
But we are going to a wedding thats very small, At a stately home, high tea after it and no evening do, and they have asked for money to buy something for themselves, no wishing well.
So how do you give cash?? In the wedding card, or do you put it seperatly????
Lea :)

> So how do you give cash?? In the wedding card, or do you put it seperatly????

We've done several things. You can buy special 'gift' envelopes in card shops; or put money/vouchers into a 'gift' box attached to a helium balloon :)

No doubt about it!

Sometimes would really, really like some of the 'finer' things in life, just to 'not bothered' to go throught he hard work of saving and sacrifice.
It does cut both ways, she is a dog lover too, so she will still pass muster ;)

Karen 

Thanks all for your thoughts and ideas.

Still not sure how much to give or what they'll spend it on - my thoughts are that 'being married' is more important than the 'getting married' and if they need the cash to help towards the cost of the wedding/honeymoon then they should be having a small event which they can afford. I'd like to know what they want to buy with the money and that it's an item/items to treasure.................not that we are helping pay off their overdraft !.

We've been to a wedding where there has been a wishing well, people just put cash into it, or a cheque if prefered. 

I feel old fashioned for saying this but I do prefer to give a gift.  When we married nearly 15 yrs ago we had lived together for some time, and as many modern couples had acquired a number of practical items.  We did however still have a wedding list, which covered all price ranges but with nothing extravagent. e.g. nice bedlinen, where all items could be bought individually.  We still have many of the items and can remember fondly the people that gave them.  Surely this is much more personable and memorable than cash.

We were both second time around and quite frankly needed more towels and ornaments like a hole in the head. We stated on the invitations that gifts were not necessary but if they felt a need to bring something then a plant of their choice (even a cutting from one of their own favourites) I now have a large flower bed full of shrubs and plants with memories attached :)

I can appreciate that gifts are more memorable, but there are people like me who are emigrating to Australia in 2013 and simply can't take things with them. This is another reason we're asking for gift vouchers, so that we can spend them on more practical things for us. It would be lovely to have something special from someone but imagine how heartless one might feel leaving it behind as you embark on married life. Personally I feel I have something very personal in my great grandmother's wedding band, and many other material things don't hold much with me as the most important thing is the people in my life. This is one of the reasons we're not having a nice cake made and instead having my brother make cupcakes, my dress is modest and inexpensive, the venue is also modest, we're not having a car drive us, I've made my own tiara (£7 in total!), and my flowers are made out of buttons which have taken me weeks to make but are very cheap too. I've found the cheapest ways of doing things (getting wed on a Sunday instead of Saturday for off-peak bargains, for example!) because we wanted other things more important to us, such as a photographer to capture everyone on the day, or a bouncy castle for the kids as they make up half the guests. Things like that might seem frivolous to others but we've scrimped and saved to have them.

We're funding the wedding entirely on our own, my parents nor his have paid for anything because personally I would feel very uncomfortable accepting such payment; I'm a child of six after all. Not to mention the pressure of having his mum or my mum *insisting* on members of family or family friends being invited, even if you don't like them! At £40 a head that's an expensive polite gesture. Registrars also don't come cheap, nor do church weddings...£425 for a registrar, £480 for a church wedding (and that is JUST the ceremony in both cases!).

Donnabl - same here, we had our own houses when we met so had two of everything but very much 'starter home' bits and bobs. We had a wedding list with a department store and I think it went from £5 up to around £55. We ended up with everything we asked for and were so grateful. Things like our 'best' dinner service and glasses will hopefully be with us throughout the rest of our lives and will always hold special memories. It's lovely to look at items and remember the people who gave them. This was 18 years ago now so sadly some of the guests are no longer with us.

Sassinak - that's a wonderful idea, I love it.

Waggamama - vouchers I can understand, at least the people giving them know you'll be buying something you want, whatever it is.......it's the cash idea I'm not keen on (unless we are to be told afterwards what they chose to buy - at the moment I just feel like I'm paying to be there !).
I agree fully about the expense of a wedding. My Mum and Dad paid for the reception but we saved and paid for everything else - dress, church, cake, photo's etc. They wanted to give us more but we had our day, the way we wanted it.
I'm sure your wedding will be perfect, have a wonderful time. And of course, best wishes for next year - emigrating - fabulous and brave.

Im getting married in August this year, were going to ask for money or vouchers which will be placed in a post box at the reception but we have also started this is optional as were are not a young couple (both mid 30's) and i have 2 children already and there is nothing we really need. The other thing we have decided on doing is half the amount we recieve be it in cash or vouchers we are giving to my breed rescue, as then that way we can help out rescue and maybe have a little something for ourselves as a treat for the family.

So how do you give cash??

In several cultures money is pinned to the bride. I'm guessing that not too many people would still ask for money if you did that!

goodness had no idea of the cost registrar £425 and church ceremony £480. MY first time  admittedly 1973 I am sure it was about £20 for the church ! is that what £480 represents now ?

>church ceremony £480. MY first time  admittedly 1973 I am sure it was about £20 for the church !

In 1984 a full musical church wedding, including organist (choir £6 - £7 extra), was £47. Carpet in the aisle was £2, bells £22, with a donation towards flowers if you didn't organise those yourself. (Mind you, back then £8000 a year was a healthy salary!)

Bells are now £120, youch. So we won't be having them! The £480 includes the choir and church, legal matters, banns being read, etc. basically all of it apart from the flowers (which, to save costs, I will be making myself out of buttons).

We've been to a few weddings in southern Ireland and been asked to donate money instead of a present. The first time we asked a relative about it and she said its the done thing now as weddings are so expensive and should give 60 euros per person attending so really you're paying for your own meal and drinks!

Weddings don't have to be expensive though - the old saying 'cut your coat according to your cloth' springs to mind. Our wedding wasn't cheap but we only did what we could afford to do.

> the old saying 'cut your coat according to your cloth' springs to mind

Too true :) Some people actually take out a loan to pay for a wedding !!! The marriage is often over way before the loan is paid off :( As someone said, being married is way more important than getting married.