To make sure you are ready for that new puppy, please do the following:

1)   Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.

2)   Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.

3)   Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, lets go!"

4)   Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.

5)    Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball for hours.

6)   Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.

7)   Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.

8)   Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.)

9)   Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.

10)  Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.

11)  Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver - it's going to get chewed on anyway.

***Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.

I could 'add'

get up at 3am and go outside in the garden whatever the weather

cut up all your electrical and computer cables as pup will chew threw those anyway!

throw all your perfume away! nothing beats the smell of puppy breath :-)

If you don't have immediate access to the great outdoors make sure you have saved up a minimum of 20 cubic feet of newspaper, preferably the Telegraph, which can't be beat for sheer absorptionability (ok I made that last word up, but the rest is true :))

Who could possibly forget

Hand over your credit card and pin number to your vet.

Dig up your lawn and destroy all the plants.
Buy carpet with muddy paw pattern all over it and frayed edges

lawn? plants??? what are they then??? my lot even ate the trees!!!!

lol... yes to the carpet!

Bahahaha! So true!

Not to mention, just go ahead and cancel any social engagements that last more than a couple of hours, and miss Corrie at least once a week, each week, because you'll be at classes when your pup arrives anyway.
Pour puppy food into your cereal bowl, and put your shreddies on the floor in a dog bowl!

Very true (and a bit scary as I'm hoping to pick my baby up on Thursday!). Mind you, my 18 month old is so naughty still it will just be a continuation of what life is already like! :-D

Haha, number 9 I did last night...during eastenders!

what's a social occasion?

> what's a social occasion?

I think they're also known as dog shows ;-)

Plus don't forget as they get older and discover their legs, please develope the love of fox poo aroma and get used to bathing with hair and bits of twigs, plus blocked drains, don't forget your pup will use more of your Pantene than you do and your pup/young dog will look better than you do.

Jay, dog shows, lol! Or the cinema, or a group breed walk, or dinner and date night...!

I must say, I have two pups here from my last litter (boy isn't homed yet) and they've been quite good, not too many accidents and crate training well. Crate...

Start kissing your crate regularly. You will love it more than any other possession soon enough.