My daughter is now 16.

She has me double bluffed over tatoos.

We are very close as a family, she is overseen by 2 brothers in there 20's and has a lovely lifestyle that probably makes her the envy of many of her friends.

So, when I was asked about tatoos, Of course said I with the proviso I would have a matching one with her!

Agh...I am in my 50's....I dont want one really.  She doesn't want  her mother to have a matching tat either,not really.

So months later she is back with a plan, a discreet 50/50 0ne, half on each of us so when we put our hands together it is something meaningful.

So do I go with it, or back out, I so dont want her to have one either ...but... I said yes

I'd pull out. If I'm ever going to get a mark that will stay with me till death do us part, I'd make sure it's one I will love forever. I've wanted a little paw print on my wrist for about a year now and I still don't feel quite ready to have it done, lol!

My husband has lots of tattoos but his one golden rule is that they have to be easily concealed for work. All his artwork can be hidden beneath a short sleeved shirt. Your daughter has to be aware of possible job interviews in the future :)

Personally, I'd say that 16 is far too young to have a tattoo - it may seem like a good idea now, but she may regret it later. As for you, why haven't you had one because YOU want it ?? If you are just doing it because she wants one, then I'd think again :) :) I don't like tattoos at all, but small discreet ones, tucked away are fine for others if they really must :) :) Ask your daughter if she would really want a tattoo showing when she wears a wedding dress ?? :) :)

Of course you pull out. :-D And personally I wouldn't give my blessing or signature to anything, when she is 18 it is out of your hands, but up to that point you can stop her from making impulsive decisions and fancies like this.

Both my sons have mentioned tattoo's (shock, horror) both at round about 15,16yrs (must be a phase :-) ) even down to choosing what they would like which changed every week, they got a blunt no from me and their dad and told to wait until they are 18 if they must, both have become involved in girlfriends, college, uni, jobs, studying, hobbies and travel and tattoos have never been mentioned since. ;-)

Much nicer to get a necklace or bracelet with a split charm for you both to wear than permanently tattoo your bodies, so many people regret it 5-10yrs down the line as the adult you can at least hold off what may turn out to be a mistake or an immature whim of hers. :-)

If she still wants one at 18yrs then it is her choice but I would do my best to influence a small one. :-D

I'm not entirely sure a reputable tattooist would do a 16 year old, and you really really do want to go to good one, some parlours are unhygienic and have poor practices, and the tattoo it's self will be of poor quality. I love tattoo's I have one and would love to get another, but you can bet your life I'll do a bit of research first and make sure I like the art work of my chosen tattooist. Most parlours will have a web site where you can view their past work.

My daughter has 3 tattoos. I'm not sure if the same rules apply now but when she got her first one the law in the UK was she had to be 18 and when we made the appointment she had to prove she was 18 by showing her passport.
I would be very wary of any tattoo parlor prepared to ink a 16 years old!

I think your daughter is far to young to have a tatto and am pretty sure she can't get one under the age of 18 without parental consent (from a reputable tattoist or course, dodgy people will be prepared to break the rules ).

If she is mature then she will see why waiting a few years will be in her best interests, if she only thinks she is mature but really isn't, then she won't see whay she should wait!

I've wanted a tattoo since I was about 13yrs old, sad told me to wait untill I was 18. I met my OH when I was 17yrs, he had a tat but persuaded me to wait for a couple more years. I'm glad I did!! The tattoo I would have chose in my treens would have been regreted by the adult me! I got my first tat when I was about 28, I have 3 now (I'm 34) and planon having more, but getting them done as an adult I chose designs that are less 'faddy' and places for them that are not obvious and easily covered (in fact, only people seeing me in a swimming cossy would nkow I had tattoos).

When I see heavily tattooed folk I think about what they will look like in their 80's,under weight with lots of loose skin, Gran/Grandad trying to explain to the younger generations why they did it.

It is a nightmare trying to find veins for cannulation on arms that are covered in tattoos.

I am not into pain, had one leg waxed once,never again.

You are the Mum!  :)  It is your job to inflict your views on her until she is 18!  :)

> I am not into pain, had one leg waxed once,never again

LOL :)

I just can't see how they are at all attractive, particularly on women :( How ugly it would have looked if Pippa Middleton had had a tattoo showing :(

>So months later she is back with a plan, a discreet 50/50 0ne, half on each of us so when we put our hands together it is something meaningful.

Are you seriously both thinking of getting tattoos on your hands?

Speaking as someone who has several tattoos....DON'T DO IT!!

Firstly, she is underage.  There is a common misconception that it is legal for younger teenager to get a tattoo with parental consent but it is just that...a misconception.  It is illegal to tattoo anyone under tha age of 18.  End of.

Secondly the type of tattoo 'artist' (using the term loosely) that will tattoo hands at all, let alone break the law to tattoo the hands of an underage person, is the sort that you shouldn't let near you with a crayon let alone a tattoo gun.

Good, reptuable tattoo artists will never agree to tattoo body parts that cannot be covered (hands, face, neck) and especially not on young people who have not established a career yet.  Even good tattooists (who are true artists) accept that tattoos are still socially unacceptable in many workplaces and are likely to impact on career opportunities.

I guarantee you that your daughter will live to regret it. 

I found this https://www.alliance-leicestercommercialbank.co.uk/bizguides/full/tattoo/parkes-legal_matters.asp the UK legislation is part way down the page.
At least your now off the hook !.

I have two tattoos. Had them done in my early twenties simply because it was what i always wanted and back in those days, women as a rule didn't have them. It was almost unheard of. I wanted to be different and unique and yes i admit it was a talking point with many folk young and old. These days just about every young lady has tattoos, nothing unique about that. What do i have to show for mine..... a blue grey blob that resembles nothing!

> I just can't see how they are at all attractive, particularly on women :-( How ugly it would have looked if Pippa Middleton had had a tattoo showing :-(

I think it depends entirely on how they are done, and what of.

My sister - who is a beautiful 39 yr old - had a tattoo done a few years ago.  It runs from the side of one shoulder up the side of her neck and stops just below her ear.

It's a cherry blossom branch, and it was done very nicely - it's very delicate, quite pale, the pink on the blossoms is very gentle.  It looks very nice on her and does not detract from her attractiveness at all.  It would actually have looked good on Pippa!

I will have one done probably next year - I am getting tiny pawprints (one for each dog) starting at the base of my spine and again, I'm working on the design so that they are not harsh, but like my sister's, quite delicate and pale.  They won't be the typical solid black paws I've seen so often, but more of a broken outline of the print with slight textured-looking filling.

To the OP - I agree with the others, tell her no, back out and tell her to wait!  I suggest that for whatever design she wants, she should wait at least 6 months to a year to see if she still likes it.  My design is the result of narly 10 years of mind-changing and redesign - originally I was going to get a red-tailed hawk feather on my shoulder!

Tattoos are hideous. Sorry, but that's my opinion.

Someone who used to post on here said that if she ever wanted a tattoo she decided what design she wanted and where on her body, she wrote down the details then waited for two years. If, in that time, she changed her mind on even the smallest detail, the two year wait restarted.

If your daughter is willing to do the same then you know she's serious about it. If not then she's simply defacing her body for frivolous reasons, and she's too important for that.

My only is advice is don't do it and do your best to change her mind. I think they are hideous - personal opinion - but what I would have thought/found attractive at 18, 20 or 29  I don't necessarily now!  One of the major problems of being young is that you can't imagine 10 years on let alone 20 years ahead - we've all been there - it won't happen to us. Eye brows are an example what we find too thick or heavy at 16 we then pluck to extinction not realising that they never really recover - done that!  Bodies head south all to soon & that's hard enough without some wilting smudge of a tattoo.

When I was 21 I decided that I wanted one done, it was a long time ago - before they became so popular but i chickened out.
I am so glad that I didn't do it now !

She can't get ink until she's 18 anyway (as has already been said) so you're safe for a couple of years.  Tattoos on hands will stop her getting pretty much any job where she has to deal with customers and very few bosses in the UK will employ a youngster with visible ink.

I'm exceptionally lucky with my boss - I've got a lot of ink (especially for a woman) and my boss doesn't have a problem with any of it.  The only thing he says is that if I have to go to a board meeting or overseas to meet our suppliers I have to cover it as it's not the image he wants to present for the company.  So once a month I have to wear full length trousers and a shirt with 3/4 sleeves - not easy when you live in Australia and it gets to 40C + in the summer.

My tattooist is always turning away people asking for tats on their hands or their neck - he just won't do it but they always find someone who will and 95% of them find it's affecting their job prospects.  No-one thinks they'll be fired for a dodgy tattoo, or will lose out on a job because of visiable ink but it does happen.  It's just not worth it when there are so many places you can get tattooed that won't be visible under regular work clothing.

The sentiment behind what she wants to do is really lovely, but she needs to find another way of expressing it.  Good luck and don't be pushed into something you don't really want - it's really hard having a tattoo you're not happy with but having it staring you in the face every day will just make you miserable.

To you all, thanks so much for responding to this :)

Unfortunatly we do have different laws here in the islands to mainland UK, and there are a few younger teens with them here with parental consent, in fact there are several ( at least 3 or 4) grown men with full face tatoos REVOLTING and un-nerving. Flesh tunnels are also common.

I was pleased to get my boys through with none,  the elder has 2 piercings, 1 tongue and 1 lower lip. He does keep them out for work even though he is IT and they are in casual clothing for the most part.

I will have a good chat to her and ask her to respect my wishes that she waits as suggested for a minimum of 6 months after deciding the type she wants and then the design, the same..

Wish me luck....she is a really good girl I know I am truly blessed, but she is still 'that age'

Karen

The only thing I can add to lots of good advice imo is yes if you arent sure whatever you agreed sit down discuss again saying you have reconsidered because you think you may have been a bit hasty or something like that...... and put her off for as long as possible
My  extremly strong minded daughter had a small one tatooed on her hip at 14  ! yes illegally and hid it from me for 4 years ( I respected her desire to cover up not let me see her undressed etc) she now wishes she had waited fortunately its tiny and out of sight.
However she has now gone on to have two belly button piercings, her ears done 3 times , her tongue and also 2 tiny diamonte dermols inserted on her wrist  I have never liked other than her ears ( I have my ears done twice) but at least she was over 18 .
I just hope unlike many of her friends she thinks carfeully if she has another tattoo and particularly the issue of employment
With regard to 80 years old with tattoo wronkly skin I guess it will be the norm if tattooing increases like it is around here however never considered the difficulty with inserting a cannula

I think for me the pain of getting your hands done would put me off, and you need regular maintenance on tats and each tme is more painfulthan the last. Trust me I know!! My tattoo is over a bone and it stings!!!!!!!!!! Bloomin stings when i get it reinked to maintain the dark colour. Was going to get another done but backed out.

It's never bothered me having my tattoo as I wanted it thought about it and got it but on my wedding day I got allmy photos retouched to hide it. Even I have to say it spoiled my flowing dress!!  So make sure she thinks about that too!!

Regardless of parents permission/signature etc the LAW states nobody should be tattooed under the age of 18.

I have several tattoos as does my partner but all ours can be hidden. For women especially there are certain occasions where even the most beautiful artwork can totally spoil an outfit. Eg in a stunning dress with a tat on show.

I do have one tattoo that i regret and im sure thats because i rushed into it. When considering any tattoo you need to take time to think about WHAT you have and WHERE you have it.
NEVER EVER go for something fashionable - in years to come it will look hideous and dated.

Although putting your hands together to show a meaningful tattoo sounds lovely it is the invisible bond you have as mother and daughter that means far more than any piece of inking will do.
:-)

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">However she has now gone on to have two belly button piercings, her ears done 3 times , her tongue and also 2 tiny diamonte dermols inserted on her wrist

at least with piercing they can be removed and the hole will heal over. Tattoo removal requires laser surgery which still leaves a mark on the skin.

Yep thats what I have decided :) Have noticed already she is saying she isnt sure about the tongue it bothers her, all I can do is wait, am hoping the dermols will reject on their own which is often the case.
Fortunatley my son (22) hasnt yet done anything he keeps saying he wants a sleeve or at least half sleeve but cant decide what to have and has other things to spend his money on atm

>Flesh tunnels are also common.<br />

I'm obviously old and uncool!  I don't even know what flesh tunnels means.  Could someone explain please?  Sorry to sound such an old fart.

> Sorry to sound such an old fart

Another one here then :) :) :)

Think of a piercing hole that is made bigger (see here: http://www.wellcoolstuff.com/thestore/prods/TFT.html).

Totally hideous IMO!

Urgh! Quite, quite horrid.

> Urgh! Quite, quite horrid

Agree :( :( It's just self-mutilation - what will those ears look like when the person is older and wishes to remove the 'tubes' ???

Thanks Pedlee.  I just didn't know what they were called.  I have seen a couple though, in males. 

Not my cup of tea

Aren't they awful ?. My friends son has one and I hate it. Also, with tattoo's (those in view obviously) and facial piercings, I can't help but wonder if they do make a difference to an employer during an interview. I'm sure in many cases they do.
Tattoo's used to only be found on the forearms of old men who'd served in the Navy, what makes a beautiful young girl decide that they need to 'enhance' their beauty with a tattoo ?.
I know people often refer to their tattoo's as art - well personally I think they'd be better off saving up their money and buying a true piece of art that will increase in value rather than permanently marking themselves with something that they will have to live with all their lives.
I can't pretend I like tattoos, especially on girls, but personally I think 16 is way to young to have one and 50+ is way too old !.

Hi,

I have 2 tattoos, I got my first one at 18 and the second a year or so later. One is tiny, the other a bit bigger but they are both in places where they cannot be seen unless I want them to be. (I didnt want tattoos visible with my wedding dress and it was a bit consideration even at 18!) It is painful but not so painful that I couldn't have another! All I would say is you have to be 100% sure because once it's there its there for good! I have always wanted a third one and knew exactly where I wanted it but have never found anything suitable until recently. Now I know what I want it will probably still take me about a year to get it done as I need to be sure it is done how I want it.

As for your daughter being 16, id try and encourage her to wait a while, she may go off the idea anyway or at least change her mind about what she wants and where she wants it.

> what makes a beautiful young girl decide that they need to 'enhance' their beauty with a tattoo ?.

Who says it's all about looks?  Mine won't be - yes, I want it to be aesthetically pleasing but ultimately that's a sideline (especially as it'll be on my spine so I won't see it!).  Mine is about remembering all the dogs I've had, have now and will have - a memory of sorts that will always be with me, and something I can't lose (unlike material memories which for the best will in the world, could be lost).

>at least with piercing they can be removed and the hole will heal over

Thats what I thought, having 13 piercings in my ears.  Some of them havent had anything in for nearly 15 years but the holes are still very visible :(

Well I kind of guess I will be shouted at.
My daughter is now 18,and like most teenage girls when she was 16/17 she could look physically well older than her years.When she was at school many of her school collegues had tattoos.It was a trend to have'a tramp stamp' as the media called it.Some were truly dreadful,very poor quality tatooing and I am sure will be regretted in later life.When my daughter left school she was still determined to get a tattoo.My fear was that even though she is daughter I am proud of and will do well I am sure in life,with her various friends influences I am sure she would have one behind my and my husbands back.Not wanting her to have awful artwork,or worse an infection eg hepatitis(i am a worrier) we both went with her to a tattoist that is well respected for his talent and safety standards.Oh has a few tattoos on his back and upper arms,I have a small one on my hip.My daughter wasn't asked her age, and we didn't volunter it.I am aware she was under the legal age of 18 BUT she is happy with her tattoo,it is well done and she has had no infections etc.This was our choice and not taken lightly.

I've got 3 holes in my ears - 2 in one, 1 in the other. Don't ask why, madness of a teenager etc! Haven't worn earrings in about 8 years probably, and though I can still feel the thickened skin in those spots, I'm sure I could never get an earring through, and I don't think they're very noticeable either. I would never ever get a tattoo, too scared by the horror stories of infections and deaths - though sometimes I am tempted by the idea of a tiny pawprint or perhaps Cavalier face somewhere discreet!

> My fear was that even though she is daughter I am proud of and will do well I am sure in life,with her various friends influences I am sure she would have one behind my and my husbands back.Not wanting her to have awful artwork,or worse an infection eg hepatitis(i am a worrier) we both went with her to a tattoist that is well respected for his talent and safety standards.

I think you made a very sensible decision. It seems you were sure that your daughter would go behind your back and get one anyway, far better it was done safely with your guidance.

Thank you Mastifflover
I have to own up and say I had a small Malamute tattooed on my right shoulder blade at the same time - but I love it and it is a lasting reminder of the breed I love.

I agree better to work with safely than against.

Loads of the young "dudes" who snow board have the flesh tunnels, some are really large and all I can think of is how do they feel when they board? Ears literally flapping in the wind!! Or they certainly will be when they take them out! Human bloodhounds!! One lad has both ears, his eyebrow his tongue and the middle of his nose pierced. Makes my eyes water just to look at him. Ouch!!

> it'll be on my spine so I won't see it!).&nbsp; Mine is about remembering all the dogs I've had

If you can't see it, it's not likely to help you remember :-)

Oh boy...

NOw it is a flesh tunnel, a small discreet 3mm only of course and you buy do it yourself kits apparently.

So I have said yes to this, so long as it is the last til she is 18 of course.
Meaning tatoos piercings et al

Karen 

> So I have said yes to this, so long as it is the last til she is 18 of course

Sorry - that is real self-mutilation - no way would I have allowed my children to do that :( :( Why is she bothering to ask for your permission ?? :)

Well I have looked at pictures and thought that this was going to be the lesser of evils.
It is fairly subtle, compared to other things.

As I have her promise that it will be it for now. I trust her and am happy with it.

She asks permission as she is a really good girl, who wont do it if I put my foot down firmly and say no.
My parenting is to say yes to as much as possible so that when time comes for a NO she respects it.

She isn't smoking or drinking and doesn't mix with drug takers either.

Karen :)

> Well I have looked at pictures and thought that this was going to be the lesser of evils.
> It is fairly subtle, compared to other things.

When my daughter was a teenager, the 'lesser of evils' was having her ears pierced (once) and dyeing her hair :) :) What will you say to her in ten years time when she no longer wishes to have flesh tunnels and requires plastic surgery to hide the holes from the wedding photographs ??

Sorry - 16 year olds do not always know what they are doing and it's down to responsible parents to be responsible and say a big 'No' - IMO :)

> If you can't see it, it's not likely to help you remember :-)

I don't mean as a memory trigger, more as a tribute/memorial to them (although not quite a memorial as 8 of the 10 so far are still here ;-)).  It's about having them with me in a way.

I may have it elsewhere, I'm still debating that part (another reason I've not done it yet) - I have to bear in mind that as I'm only 29 and have already had 10 dogs it's likely to become quite a long trail LOL!

Do you know what Dogz, due to the fact that your daughter has now had an about turn and is going for a flesh tunnel, seems to me she doesn't really know what she wants, maybe neither, she just wants something 'rebellious' and of some sort of body art, to show to her friends more so than herself I bet that she is cool and growing up by having it, sounds as though it could be anything really couldn't it? And I feel that you just want to be a cool mum and not keep denying her.

I have no doubt she is a lovely girl, you have a great bond and she trusts you and it's fantastic that she values your opinion.

Do you know what I would do, it's completely different, but something that a lot of teenage girls are into here, and all their friends are doing the same which makes them all part of the grown up crowd, we buy them these:

Chamilia bracelets/bangles/necklaces
Pandora bracelets/bangles/necklaces
Linx charm bracelets/bangles/necklaces

They all come with crystals, blown glass beads, silver, gold, etc all individual to make your own. There are also plenty of people doing copies of them too.

It gives the teenage girls a common interest, they all spend time looking at each others bracelets/bangles/pendants, it is something that mum and daughter can also do as you can get the beads and charms that say mum, daughter, family, I love you too, so many choices.

All my nieces have them, my sister-in-laws, myself ;-) no-one has thought tattoo, flesh tunnel or piercing, it detracts from those sort of things.

I think your daughter just wants something to be individual, and every one of those things are made individually for each person, all are different and special to that person.

Might be worth a try?................... :-)

Trouble is I dont think it is an about turn. She is thinking also.

Please if you can, look at some google images for these 3ml ones, they are discreet.

I am hoping that this is my out for the tatoo. Which I think is more of a long term problem.
Bracelets/bangles she is keen on :) That would be a good idea.

Karen

I am sure someone on here will know more about this than I do but I am sure I have read somewhere you can get a temporary tattoo done.

I appreciate that I am the grown up here and she the child, however she is coming to an age where we have to work together on what will be her long term best interests.
I really want her to carry on with respect towards us her parents and I have to weigh up what to put my foot down on.
Karen :)