Aren't there times when you would love to send something like this!!

Dear Neighbour

It was good to meet you and your dog once again this morning. I'm
sorry the circumstances were such that we couldn't have a proper chat,
but I'm afraid that being in a situation where I was restraining my
four agitated and angry dogs whilst trying to ward your dog off with my
foot as he tried to hump them indiscriminately wasn't conducive to chit-
chat.

Unfortunately we have had similar encounters several times since you
moved here a few weeks ago, and as my dogs are neutered males and
spayed females who don't appreciate your dog's relentless advances
things can get a little lively when we meet, so I thought perhaps a
letter might help to break the ice as it were.

I appreciate that your dog ran over two fields and nearly a quarter of
a mile to get to mine, so it was going to take you a little time to get
there to retrieve him. However for next time I'd suggest spending 15
minutes standing two fields away angrily screaming his name possibly
wasn't the best use of your time. It hasn't worked on any previous
occasion and didn't work this morning, so could I respectfully suggest
that next time you cut that part out of the process and come and get
your dog straight away?

Anyway, I was sure as hell pleased to see you after 25 minutes of my
dogs being humped, barged and jumped on. It was a shame that having
finally managed to catch your dog and get hold of his collar you only
let us get a few yards down the path before you released him, so he
immediately came after us and the whole performance started again, but
hey, that's dogs for you - whoever in the world could have predicted he
would do that?

We did talk a little last time about how you could stop your dog
continuously running off and bothering other dogs, and I'll accept that
you have indeed tried 'everything' - except training apparently. Or
rewards, as he 'should' do what you tell him without them. Dogs are
certainly clever animals, but I'd never before realised that they had a
sense of ethics and obligation to do the right thing, I certainly
learned a few things from our conversation. To think of all that time I'
ve wasted with clickers and treats!

On that subject, I'm still I'm not entirely sure how smacking him when
you do finally manage to get hold of him will make him easier to catch
next time - perhaps you could talk me through that one next time we
meet?

We also briefly discussed that neutering might help curb his desire to
streak off into the distance hump anything that moved, but you
mentioned that you were considering using him at stud in due course as
he a Pedigree Labrador with Papers; and he's Chocolate - that's
important apparently.

Now I certainly can't claim to know a lot about Labradors, but if the
standard for the breed specifies a potato-shaped body and short, stumpy
legs your boy is certainly a fine example and it would obviously be a
shame to rob future generations of his genes; and he has Papers. I hate
to break it to you, though - so does my newsagent but that doesn't make
me want to have his babies.

You told me that you'd thought about an electric shock collar to tackle
his tendency to run off, but were concerned about the cost. I'm sure
the fact you didn't also mention any concerns about the effect of
administering electric shocks on your dog's physical and psychological
wellbeing was merely an oversight, but I thought I'd slip it in here
just in case it's an aspect of these collars you may not have
considered?

Anyway, having come home and pondered our mutual problem, I hope you
are as pleased as I am that I have managed to come up with a tried and
tested 100% effective solution that requires no time, input or effort
from you and costs only a few pounds.

There is a handy little gadget that savvy dog owners have been using
for many years to address your sort of problem. It's very simple, a
long strip of rope or leather with a loop at one end you can use as a
handle, and a clever little clip at the other end that attaches to your
dog's collar (you might have seen that metal ring on his collar and
wondered what it was for?). This brilliant device is called a lead - L.
E.A.D. You attach it to your dog, hold the handle and hey presto, you
have control of your dog and he can no longer run away! Most pet shops
sell them - in fact I probably have a spare I can loan you to try, just
let me know.

You can thank me next time we meet. Or better still, if we don't meet
that will be thanks enough.

Very good!  And oh so real!
Thanks for the Monday morning smile :-)

Very good,seen it before though,not sure if it was on Champdogs or not.

loved this, don't we all know that person...:)

Soooo true!  My neighbours are great so I would substitute it for 'Dear eejit in the park'

> seen it before though,not sure if it was on Champdogs or not

Yes it was on here recently but I think it must have been Idle Chat as I can't see it anywhere :)

It was and originated on another forum - I did a reply to it but bleddy well didnt save it and its fallen off idle chat now! Gah!

This bit made me laugh out loud.
and he has Papers. I hate
to break it to you, though - so does my newsagent but that doesn't make
me want to have his babies.