I have a Russian Terrier (bitch) six years old - wonderful with other dogs - but if other dogs are aggresive towards her - if push comes to shove she will retaliate back.

My problem is - that 6 months ago my husband died very suddenly in our back garden - our son found him and tried to resusitate him until ambulances arrived - but sadly too late - when my son found his dad - Lola our dog was standing over him.

She has been very skittish and obviously missing her pack leader for quite a while - to be honest I still think she is.

Obviously, I am still grieving and have started to feel very panicky and anxious on our walks - due to quite recently an Alsatian trying to attack her, a Ridgeback and a retriever - all instigated by the other dogs. I have now got to the stage where I am taking her in the car for walks where I feel it is safer - I know this is not the right route to take and feel so incredibly guilty.

I am fine if I am walking with someone/others - but if I am on my own and think another dog might be aggressive - I use avoidance tactics and will even walk back and do detours to avoid the situation.

A few weeks back there was an incidence on our estate where a staffie attacked a Collie in the woods at the back of our house - I was convinced it was our dog - as my son had just taken her out - I went hysterical in the street when I asked a lad what had happened and he said that the staffie had attacked a big black hairy dog - I immediately thought it was Lola.

Unfortunately I live on the outskirts of a very large estate where there are quite a few trophy dogs, owned by complete idiots who do not have thier dog's best interests at heart!!

I am now at my wits end - I have no confidence and just feel everytime I walk with Lola that something awful is going to happen.

I know it is me that has got the problem and that Lola is feeding off my an anxieties.

I just do not know what to do - I am seriously thinking of going to a dog trainer - but not for her - but for me - I need someone to train me to be confident again and to help her feel that she has a proper pack leader. She is totally fine - if she walks with my son's - but will stop and go no further if she hears those bloody awful gas gun bird scarers - which makes me think that she might be noise sensitive also - as she has done this with me also - as no amount of coaxing will encourage her to go further - even if we just walk off ignoring it!!!

Please, can anyone advice me - or help in anyway - or has had similar experiences and found a positive way through in dealing with confidence issues as the pack leader!!

So sorry - that this has been a very long posting - just feeling very desperate at the moment!!!

Apart from needing a very large shot of testerone and wishing I was a male - I don't have any other solutions.

Many thanks in advance.

Sybil

Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. I'm sorry for your loss. Regarding the dog, probably it would be a good idea to have a few training sessions to help you regain your confidence. Just be sure you choose a trainer who is recommenced by others, and uses positive methods. I do hope you will soon be enjoying your walks again. :-)

Wow. What a horrible, traumatic and heartbreaking time it has been for you.... I'm so sorry for your loss.... :(

I'm so glad you took the time and trouble to post here, as there are some lovely people here with knowledge and understanding of kind, modern, non-aversive training methods who can advise.

I would certainly advise looking into getting a behaviourist/trainer in to help both you & Lola get back on track. I feel both of you have lost confidence (not surprising!) and need to find a way to move on and work together again. The best and most suitable behaviourists/trainers, who will come and assess you fully, talk to you and help you work through, will be from the APBC (behaviourists) and/or the APDT (trainers). Depending on where you live, you may even find someone qualified with both. Another good qualification to look for re behaviourists is COAPE.

It doesn't necessarily cost the earth - though of course they don't work for free - and almost all give you a great deal of ongoing support & backup. It's not sending your dog (or you) to a shrink.... it's all about finding a teacher of the right kind at the time you need one.... a guide, if you like.

APDT
http://www.apdt.co.uk/local_dog_trainers.asp

APBC
http://www.apbc.org.uk/help/regions

COAPE
http://www.coape.org/

I hope you find someone right for you from the links above above and come back to tell us how you get on. Hope this helps :)

In the meantime - take a break and relax!
Why not give yourselves a week off from the walks and just play with her in the garden, a week wont do any harm and you need to enjoy her again and take time to get your nerves calmed a bit.

Fun games and relaxed training could do you both the world of good.

Best wishes to you.

I feel so sorry for you. Is there any way that you could find someone to walk with, preferably somone who has a nice dog as a companion for Lola? Putting a notice on the vets board asking for a walking companion might be a way to start or getting to a dog training club with her which might lead to you finding someone with similar interests to walk with.

First of all may I say how awful for you and your son and no wonder you are feeling as you do.

Have you got a local training class you can enrol in? That way your girl can be around other dogs but in a controlled way, where you will feel less anxious.

If you haven't done so why not try to aim for something like the KC good citizens gold- this way you can concentrate on doing training with her- much of which you can do in a garden if you have one. Training will tire her and help the bond between you and bring back confidence all round. Try some scent work too, very tiring for her and fun. I'd start off learning various steps at a class and then practice the lesson at home.

Finally, do you know of any other people near you that own large dogs- you may find there is someone who is confident and knows about dogs and who would be prepared to do walks with you.

As you say, and not surprisingly, this is all about building your confidence, your dog's will grow with yours. You just need some solid support, don't try to struggle on alone. If you can afford it hire in a trainer to walk with you a few times a week.

Take care.

It might also be helpful to find another dog walker to meet up with sometimes, and also to learn about dog body language, so that you can perhaps understand what other dogs may be "thinking" and how they may then behave.

best wishes,
Lindsay
x

if push comes to shove she will retaliate back -quite recently an Alsatian trying to attack her, a Ridgeback and a retriever - all instigated by the other dogs. I have now got to the stage where I am taking her in the car for walks where I feel it is safer - I know this is not the right route to take and feel so incredibly guilty.

I think your taking exactly the right route. You can train your own dog to the best level possible but you can never control the environment & what from you describe 'the' problem is an environmental hazard, whats the problem with driving out somewhere to a safer environment? that solves 'the' problem! if its countryside you're dog should love & free for you to relax.

I wouldnt worry too much about being your dogs 'pack leader' that theory has long gone out of the window and dogs really dont see us in that way :) A lot of people think that they have to fill this 'role' and put themselves under a lot of pressure.  Im so sorry for your loss, you are probably stressed/tired/sad/worried and Im sure that is not helping your feelings when you go out for a walk.  What you have been through is enough to knock anyones confidence.

I would definately go through one of the links posted, they are all positive training organisations who will be able to restore your confidence in yourself and your dog and I would try and find a local training class to perhaps just have a bit of fun together and rebuild that bond.  Im on my own with my dogs and my night out at dog club is the only thing outside working I do.  Im not at all confident to go out and meet people really however when you have got dogs in common its much easier to start a conversation and realise that other peoples worries about their dogs can sometimes be very similar.

Massive hugs x

Im so sorry for your loss. You are obviously trying very hard but have lost some confidence which is not surprising with what you have had to cope with. Its really good that you recognise whats happening so your already half way there!
How about starting her out in a controlled environment like agility, or some kind of 'fun' training for you both? Then you know whats happening so you wont feel nervous and no doubt she will pick up this confidence. Dont feel guilty for driving her to better places for a walk, i often do with my dogs if i cant be dealing with the local idiots with uncontrollable dogs! depends what kind of day im having! Shes still getting a walk which is the main thing, dosnt matter where what or how.
I agree that some sort of positive training would be great for you both. and remember the chances of anything really awful happening is pretty rare, most dog 'fights' are just teeth baring and noise. scary all the same i know. Good luck and i hope you both start enjoying your walks again very soon x

So sorry to hear you are having problems like this. It is not easy to cope with. Where abouts do you live Sybil? Not your address but a general area, maybe one of us is close by and can join you on your walks. You never know where us CD'ers are hanging out LOL
Aileen (South Somerset)

Thank you so much to everyone that has posted with your kindness and advice - it is so very much appreciated.

Firstly, I have thought long and hard about seeking a dog trainer/behaviorist and have been in touch with someone that has recommended a trainer to me - he is not a behaviourist but a dog trainer of 30 years dealing mostly with gun dogs, but has had experience of working with lots of other dogs too. He is not cheap/nor really that expensive - and it seems best that I go to him for the first session - he lives on the borders of Oxfordshire/Buckinghamshire.

I live in Oxford - so it would not be that far for me to go ( but the way I am feeling at the moment just makes me feel under more pressure to have to go there as I feel so anxious)  what I would ideally like is for someone to come to me and walk with me in the area/environment that I would normally use everyday with Lola - to see how I walk with her and also to actually see how I react in difficult situations .

I am now really confused as to what help will actually benefit us both - behaviourist or trainer??

There does not seem to be any dog training/agility classes close by - that I know of and have googled also.

I do have occasions when I can walk with other dog walking friends - but it is very occasional - due to everyone's work commitments - but it is difficult to rely/always walk with someone every day.

I am also looking at counselling for myself after Easter - so I am hoping that will help with my confidence issues also.

Just wondering what all you experts think I should do - should I ring this guy and ask if he will come to me and will he really be able to help with my confidence issues - or should I go down the behaviourist route? although - it won't be Lola's behaviour they need to sort but mine!!!

Sorry for repeating myself and asking the very same question in my first posting - but am totally confused to which is the best way forward.

Many thanks in advance once again

Sybil X

Hi Sybil

It does sound as if you would benefit from talking with someone.  I appreciate that counselling is not for everyone but it appears from your comments that it could be useful for you. If you are able to decide your own counsellor (ie not one found through a GP etc) do have a look at the types of counselling available.  I found a page here - that could help get you started.   I've done some work in this area and it's helpful to find the right style for you or someone who can offer a range of alternatives to suit you. Good luck

In some ways Lola's needs are secondary to your own but I can see that helping her might go some way to helping you too - and vice versa.  Whilst you see what options are available to you can you find a friend to walk with?  You could also just look at a dog walker for her in the short term.  Having someone else on the end of her lead will take the pressure off you to perform.

Truthfully we can probably all identify with some of your worries about your dogs behaviour.  They don't all do what we want!  Many people have posted on here about aggressive dogs and the things you describe really don't seem all that bad to an outsider.  You're not failing and you've no need to feel guilty about any of it.  You are grieving and you need to give yourself permission to do just that.  Lola's behaviour is affected by the loss of your husband but of course so is yours and you must both be feeling it acutely.

If I were giving advice - rather than just offering some suggestions - I'd say carry on walking with a friend or with your son, find yourself some appropriate therapy and don't go to a behaviourist with Lola just yet.  I'd book her and you on a fun training or obedience course in a classroom situation first.  An enviroment like that will give you and Lola a chance to try new things in a safe environment and learn to trust each other.  After you've had someone to talk to and she's had some refresher traning you might both feel ready to tackle the next phase.  Give yourself some time to adjust, 6 months is still very raw.  In the meantime it's ok to put her in the car for a walk too, perhaps you and she can go and breathe some good air up on the Ridgeway this summer.  I grew up in Wantage and if I ever need to visualise a 'good place' it's on the Ridgeway with a view of Didcot power station!!

Sending love and support xxx

Sybil

I live in oxon as well and can give you the name of a very good behaviourist that I can recommend if that would help?

Lucy

Hi Sybil,

Check out the trainer and ask what kind of training methods he uses and if he uses aversives. If he seems okay on that score (that is don't use someone into aversives) then I'd ask him to accompany you on a few walks and see how you get on- as already discussed it does sound like the key to this is helping you feel more confident.

You could also ask him if he knows about tracking and if he could help train her to do seek and tracking games- and any other stuff to tire her brain. You can also ask him if he knows of any obedience classes, I feel there must be something your way- does the vet know of any?

If you don't feel okay about the trainer or don't hit it off, then don't use him-  you are vulnerable and need to work with someone you feel comfortable with. Let us know how you get on. Also, it would be great if one of our forum members who lived close to you could hook up for the odd walk.

These also look good:

http://www.oabc.org.uk/

Training classes are often advertised on the Vets notice boards so asking at the Vets is a good idea.  You can then pop to a class and see how ti is run, what the training ethos is etc.

This will also allow you to train in company which might be better for both of you, as it will aid in giving you perspective (you will see others with their training issues and successes).

My Friend she used to show and compete in obedience when her health was better has for decades run pet obedience classes for which there is a great need.

The cost is minimal on a session basis with a £5 joining fee to help cover her Insurance costs.  There are many training clubs run on a similar basis and it is a chance for the regulars who continue well -past any need to meet up once a week, talk dogs, have a cuppa etc.