Hi,  
    I am new to this site so please excuse for any errors. I just had my amazing bullmastiff put to sleep. He had been diagnosed with Lymphoma early May this year. He had swollen nodes to his neck, chest and backs of hind legs. He first responded well to treatment not even effecting his quality of life. Then last week or so he began to show some signs that were a bit rubbish, he snapped at my husband causing him an injury. He had been the most beautiful amazing dog never ever aggressive. His eyes seemd to cloud, he was distant from us, he shivered. He appeared really depressed. We made an appointment to see our vet. We also noticed swelling to his legs and extra nodes up in his groin/abdomen area. We had our appointment yesterday. We chatted at length with the vet who explained the swelling in his legs was edema that was due to the nodes causing fliud to back up. Also there were extra nodes up. She believed he was losing his fight against treatment. She explained in pain he may become unpredictable. We have a son. He had an ok quality of life as he was eating and exercising ok. The vet gave her opinion of 2-4 mths to live. My husband, son and I decided we didnt wish him suffering as we owed him more for been our beautiful best friend for 6 years. We had him put to sleep. The vet did it so well and peacefully, we then had him creamated the same day and brought him home. I cannot get rid of the guilt of euthanasia. I keep thinking I have robbed his life too soon. I didnt want to find him lame one day though or in pain. He looked ok when he was out but so depresssed indoors. Has anybody suffered this anxiety with Lymphoma and can anybody tell me it would have got worse thanks x x

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through at the moment. :-( Please believe me when I tell you that you did exactly the right thing, terribly hard though it was. Your loved boy's terminal condition was not going to improve and so you did the kindest thing and prevented him suffering the inevitable extreme pain that would have come, and for that you you are to be applauded. You were kind and selfless enough to put his welfare ahead of your own natural desire to keep him with you. This terrible anguish and heartbreak you're going through will ease in time and you'll be able to look back at your memories of him with smiles instead of tears. You have my deepest sympathy.

that was a lovely thing to say jeangenie,this post had me in tears, i am sorry for your loss,i think you are an amazing person,you put your dogs health and happiness first over your own feelings,so many others would carry on regardless.god bless you my love,thinking of you in this sad sad time

Having lost a dog to lymphoma i think you have done the exactly the right thing. I chose not to go for the chemo as he was 13 years old but did try steroids,which made him very sick,special diets although he had no appetite,homeopathy, anthing and everything we could think of but he died 6 weeks after diagnosis. The end stages of lymphoma make them feel rotten and if i could turn back time i would have let him go sooner. I think making the decision you did has saved your dog an awful lot of suffering and you should take comfort from that, but i'm still so sorry for your loss xx

I'm so sorry to read about you dog, the feelings you have at this time are totaly natural. However, you made the very best and correct decision for him.

I made the same decision this time last year when i pts my 6 yr old GSD who had Lymphoma. After 2 treatments of chemo (Madison Wisconsin Protocol)
he started to decline, lethargy, lack of sparkle to his eyes and he all of a sudden stopped eating (nothing for 3 days), I tried everything finest steak, even ordered chinese takeaway he loved a little Fu Yung but just walked away from me when i offered it to him. This is when I decided to make that awful journey to the vets.

He to wanted to spend his time outdoors so I let him stay out on the drive and garden all of the time, I don't know whether this was because he wanted fresh air, or because he didn't want to be around me. From diagnosis to death was 1 1/2 Months.

I know you and I both made the right choice for our beloved friends.

Thank you so much for your kind words, Rooney had nine treatments. He was doing so well. He should have had 8 treatments in weekly blocks, then once fortnightly after that, after his seventh treatment his white cells took a nose dive, the vet did not want to persue chemo weekly in fear of killing his white cells altogether, we then went too fornightly treatments, we did two treatments 2 weeks apart. Rooney had lost his sparkle, coming to us just for food and the occasional cuddle. He tired quickly when exercising and spending most of his days alone in the garden or hall. He was a house dog, but in warm weather the back door was never shut giving him the choice to be with us or not. Rooney was not scared at the vets so we chose a vet put to sleep, we discussed this with our son eight, we told him that by putting him to sleep would give angels the permission to take him to heaven, take away his pain and give him a new body, but in return he could not come home, he agreed that pain free and a new body was best. He wanted to be there at the end and we let him. The vet sedated him, we then put him in our car boot which is a berlingo and is large, he fell asleep with his head tucked in my elbow, he snored!! the vet checked on us regular and when he was sleeping adminsered the final injection. He quickly passed. We were so upset, we brought him home wrapped him in my sons favourite football flag, hugged him and drove to the crematorium, we waited for his ashes and brought him home the same day, I felt relieved yesterday but the house is so empty today and I wonder if I did the right thing, your kind comments are helping thank you so much xxx

I am so sorry for your loss but it is the greatest act of love that we can do for our dogs, I personally believe that we should be able to do this for our human loved ones. You have put aside your feelings of wanting to keep your friend with you here on earth and have set them free of any pain. I did this 6 years ago for my girl and am crying as I type this as I understand what you may be feeling, but I have never questioned that I did the right thing for my girl.

Remember the good times.

Absolutely the right choice for Rooney, having had to do this myself last night, and that was our 3rd dog in 5 months i truely understand the feelings you are having but they are all a normal part of the grieveing process.

You should be proud of yourself for putting your dogs feelings before your own, to carry on and 'try' would be for you so to let him go peacefully and set him free is the kindest choice and the last gift we can give them.

Thinking of you all
God bless Rooney.....Run free x

Please don't feel guilty Rooney, you put the dog first which is exactly right. From your post you are a true dog lover and I hope another puppy will be lucky enough to have you as an owner in the future.

Thank you to you all, your own experiences really help, Mandyc you must be feeling really sad, but thank you for finding the time to tell me that you too were in the same position last night, the quietness is terrible, even if it was just his collar chain thumping on the floor as he lay down, I have removed my stair gate as I dont need it now but i was still closing it behind me, a neighbour knocked last night to offer her support, I held my knee by the door as if he were goin to gush out, i went out today to visit a friend, I felt positive when out the house but sorry when i am in it, I use carrier bags for rubbish, i also used them as my poo bags, if the dog heard the bags he would run to the kitchen and wait for his lead, i used to sneak them out quietly for rubbish, today i was still sneaking them out the drawer really quiet then the bolt hit me, i am dreading sat and sunday as they were special days, family days including the dog, i have just got an allotment and hope it will distract me, Mmmmmm new puppy you can never say never but at the moment my tummy aches with pain and i hope i can do it again, Rooney was my own first ever puppy, id always inherited dogs in the past, I remember giving him his new bed which id made the breeder allow his mum to sleep on for a week, a tin of rice pudding and a ticking clock on his first night with us, been the amazing dog he was i never slept a wink but he never woke once!! x x x

I lost one of my girlies to Lymphoma last April she had exactly the same as your lad.
She was 7 and a week prior to her being diagnosed she had been running round the field
like nothing was wrong.I noticed it early with her swellings in her neck and chest and back legs.
The morning I took her to vet I knew I wouldnt be coming back with her.She had been sick the night before , as this cancer is very agressive and quickly attacks their vital organs I made the decision not to let her suffer, I wanted her to go with dignity.Strangley enough I took her down to vet in my Berlingo.I still miss her very much but I know I did the right thing for her.On the bright side though she became a great grandmother last month, shame she hadnt held on
a little longer to of seen them.Thats her in my photo....

Hi Paxo,
           Thank you, She looked beautiful, mind i think all bullies are beautiful, there would never be another breed for me, I was thankful for Pet plan, apart from the excess on the anniversary of the policy they paid all his treatment no questions asked, before lymphoma he began with severe skin allergies at 1yoa, then he sratched his own cornea resulting in eye surgery, then the opposite eye, then he jumped the garden fence and did his cruciate ligament, I hoped the swell on his leg was maybe a result of the leg op last year, but the vet pointed out that all his feet were swollen, we believed over the years he had suffered enough, my sis in law has a bullie, she is never ill thank god, just as well she not insured, but makes you wonder why some get it and some dont, my boy wasnt made right, though he looked amazing, what is hard is that he still loved food and he could still exercise, he didnt vomit or have diahorrea like some sites mention, he appeared ok to them that did not know hiim, the receptionists at the vets were shocked when i come out with his collar. Thats the hard bit, when its too early but when you have left it too late, some sites mention edema is a sign of kidney failure, hope I got it right, i didnt want more tests or chemo, he just looked so tired x x x

It isnt really known why some Bullies get lymphoma and some dont...In the 30 years I have owned Bullmastiffs she was the first one who ever had it....She had never had an illness in her life.I do know that it is not hereditary though.

Rooney I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I'd like to share this with you. To begin with, I have always had no time for the supernatural etc. Didn't believe in it. Still dont know if I do but here's what happened. When I was ten years old, in 1990, my younger sister was obsessed with dogs with long ears. A good friend of my mothers bred golden cocker spaniels, and when her dog gave birth, she rang to say that she would like to give us a puppy as a gift. To say we were excited would be an understatement! We crossed off the days until we went to collect our pup. Sitting in her kitchen was this chubby happy little beautiful solid golden cocker pup. I was completely smitten!! We named him Sam and took him home. He spent his first night and every one after at the foot of my bed. He quickly decided I was his whole world. I abandoned my bicycle and walked everywhere with my boy beside me. When I was ill he lay beside me. He was my comfort in bad times. My shadow for almost 14 years. When I left home for college, he was terribly depressed. But I came home every weekend to my boy and we learned to adapt. In 2005, Sam was diagnosed with heart failure. After 3 months, he had a heart attack and my vet put him to sleep as he lay on my lap. I was completely overcome with grief. My best friend was gone and I was on my own. I returned to work after the weekend. Some understood, most didn't. He's only a dog. But he wasn't to me. I work in healthcare and was working one night 5 days after Sam died. I was with a young patient who looked at me and said "You have a strong presence following you". I told her I didn't believe it that but she said that it wasn't human, but a dog. She said it followed me everywhere and that she felt that he wasn't ready to leave until I was stronger again. She had a deck of cards with names on them and she spread them out in front of me. I picked out one and it had Samuel on it. I was a little upset by now. She said he would go when he knew I was ok but that I should know he was ok and would be waiting for me when that time came. That I had done the right thing letting him go, and that he could breathe now. I went home and that morning, I slept for the first time since he died. I dont tell many people that but you may find comfort in it at some level.

Your post has brought to the surface the pain we all feel when we lose a beloved pet for whatever reason, and I really am so sorry for your loss.

Like Kate H I know without a doubt all my dogs are still with me even those that are over the rainbow bridge. On many occasions my 'now' dogs look past me supposedly at nothing, and wag their tails with ears back as if welcoming an old friend and I have seen a shadow move out of the corner of my eye and know it is one of my dear 'bridge 'dogs. For this reason I quite often talk to all my dogs past and present even though the men in white coats could turn up at any time!

Just know that you did the right thing for your dear boy and that he will still be there even though you can't see him. A new puppy will never take his place but I am sure your heart has enough room to offer love to another needy little soul when the time is right.

Hi guys, Thank you Kate H. My husband came to bed and read me your story last night. I thought it was a lovely story. I slept a little lighter last night. Sillysue thank you I do hope your right. I am open minded and pray there is something later on. I feel the air is a little clearer today. When I am out my judgement is clear and I know what I did was right. When I am in the house the memories cloud my thinking and I regret it. I did not want suffering. I believe we could have brought him home a little longer but not sure how long. His sparkle was gone. He like another kind post could not be bothered getting on my bed when being given a full passport to get on. He would not get on the couch either which he loved. Today I wonder if water tablets would have relieved him a bit longer. In my heart I know these choices would be selfish and I did what was best in the end. He was giving me paws as he was falling to sleep. I feel so guilty. He was my loyal mate always there when i needed him and I put him to sleep. I have had three dogs in the past and all have been put to sleep each time I hope that this one will go in his sleep. They never seem too. I say each time never again, never again. Rooney was a perfect dog, fab with kids, layed back, the most chilled dog I ever knew. I could walk him during thunder and fireworks he wasnt bothered. He didnt bark, he was clean loving amazing. I think now that any dog would have a massive act and job to follow. This is the only reason I think maybe no more this time. All my previous dogs were naughty in one way or another, like bad round food, a little dirty in the house, and one was rubbish with kids. I hope time will heal. I do believe too that lymphoma is not hereditary. His parents were very healthy. They were ages 5 and 6. They were amazing. They lived together so got to view both. The owner had no issues when letting my now 8year old but then 2 near them. They loved him. I knew there off spring would make fab pups. Roons wad the pick of the litter. He was the biggest, fattest pup. Full of fun. He was such a healthy pup. I dont think there is anyway of knowing which will get it and which wont. I am not sure if lymphoma is common but he was robbed too early thats the hard part. He was too young. It is a little easier to accept when they are older though grieving is just the same no matter what the circumstances. Thank you everyone for your lovely posts x x

I lost my beloved Golden Shola to this awful disease 2 years ago on the 10th July. I still grief her as though it was yesterday. I too went through Chemo and she was great, okay, there were days when we had to really tempt her to eat but in the main she was brilliant and she went into remission after two treatments. We were really bouyant about that but knew that every day was going to be a blessing. Unfortunately it sneaked back on us after her 13th treatment and we weren't able to get her back into remission. I would say that I was one of the lucky ones. She only really went downhill on a Tuesday night with what appeared to be cystitis. Unfortunately it wasn't, it was the nodes causing discomfort. I knew during the Wednesday night as I slept alongside her that that would be her last night and we made the decision on the Thursday morning and the Vet came by 12 noon. I say I was lucky in that Shola did not lose her zest for life until Thursday morning. She even went for her normal walk around the park with the others but walking back to the car was very laboured so I don't believe I left it to long and allowed her to suffer. In the end she was sleeping when the vet arrived and really I believe I was losing her at that point. She appeared to be in no pain just very very tired. I believe you did what was right for your boy. It is very hard to come to the right decision and know you have done it at the right time. I miss Shola all the time but she has left me a legacy with her daughter and her grandchildren and I see so much of her in them, I am a lucky person to have had her in my life.

Hi AlisonGold, Thank you, I am sorry for your loss, your post brought me comfort though. I thought I was turning a little corner yesterday but today was a bad day. Its when i return from a trip or look to throw away doggie scraps from the fridge. It felt right at the time. I had photographs processed today as my son is doing a presentation in school tomorrow on the dog. I looked at past and present pics and know i did the right thing. He has left a huge hole in our heart. My house will never be the same. So quiet. Lymphoma is a quiet disease. I think Roons was at a disadvantage as dogs previously on Pred do less well. He had skin disease so was on pred quite a lot in his little life. So i think the chemo was certainly less effective. I think if (a big if) i was ever to get another dog and it developed allergies or skin disease i would consider a nore hollistic or herbal appraoch and try to leave pred alone at all cost. You never realise that you need it to be so effective at a time like lymphoma. Think that i would always live in fear of it Lou xx

dear rooney, time heals, i lost my pug rupert nearly two years ago,he was 4 years old,he was a gorgeous healthy happy chappy until he had a massive fit and never recovered or gained conciousness.i lost ten pounds in weight the week he died.I kept trying to put food down for him,calling his name to get him in from the garden,my other pug george looked lost without him.it took a long time before i could look at his photo  or even at all the rosettes he had won and his first place at crufts.a couple of weeks after he died i saw george my other pug doing the pug run in our garden,he was looking in the area that rupert always hid from him and it made me smile, it felt that he was still around. i also said never ever get another dog,the pain was unbearable, i even wanted to put george down so i could get rid of the pain in one go,but time does heal, i manage now to look at his photo album and smile, i dont remember him as the pug screaming and fitting and choaking on his saliva, i remember  his cute cheeky face and the way his whiskers tickled my cheek when he kissed my ears, i have his ashes on the mantle piece which i kiss goodnight and i always put a birthday and xmas card there for him, he will stay there until i pass and go in my coffin so i wont be lonely. i now own a seven month old newfie and he has brought love and life to our home, he reminds me of rupert as he too is very cheeky and bouncy. it was so hard as you feel you are replacing them or the pain,but stan the newfie is his own dog, i got him for him,and god i love him so much,to me dogs are a gift,the most honest,loyal un judgemental creatures on earth, as much as loosing rupert hurt and so will stan ad geroge,i know i will always have dogs. give yourself proper time to grieve,cry scream and shout,it all helps.
god bless you and your family, maybe your doggy is up there playing with my rupert, if so he wont catch my rupert when he does the pug run as he was ace at that lol
jo

Hi Rooney,
I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your lad but you did what was right for him. There is a saying "rather a week too early than a day too late" and I dont think its right to let any animal suffer when the quality of life is slowly degrading and you can see the pain in their eyes. You did the absolutley right thing for your dog,the kindest most caring thing you could. I know how much it hurts to let your friend go,I as well as many here know that feeling only to well but you did the very best for your lad and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Kind Regards

Oh thank you both so much, your last posts are so nice, I know he was such a big proud boy I could not have let him suffer. The lymphoma was popping up everywhere. His little legs were swollen. Pug to a newfoundland Mmmm. I was looking for a border terrier and ended up with a bulliemastiff lol. My uncles had newfounlands. They are beautiful. Very similar to bullmastiff certainly in personality. Big and loyal. They know they have presence and strengh but use it so gracefully. My bullie never knocked us over or used his strenght against us. We respected him. We never smacked him to train him and used modern methods. When i put him to sleep i smelt in his ears. I smelt his feet. I pushed my nose right in the centre of his pads. He had the smelliest feet of a dog id ever known. I put my face on his muzzle. He had the softest velvety muzzle. My husband used to say that the dog got more kisses in the house from me than anyone including him lol. I know too. I have not eat much since Wednesday. My mum in law has been bringing me home made soup (love her) cos she is worried for me. I just been offered an allotment by the council. My friend and I wanted one for ages. We went and picked our plot today. Other plot holders had chickens. I felt guilty to be there. I kept thinkin Roons would love it here. I kept thinkin how can I get chickens ive just lost my dog. My son has Degus. The dog hated them. You can imagine the senario if he ever got to them. I feel guilty for giving them time. Its madness. I am a real animal lover. My allotment is next to a dog rescue. I think my friends kids and my son can voluntary dog walk whist we garden. It may make some sense of whats happen and help me realise that Roons was lucky to have had a nice home with love and care, thank you all my love Lou xx

But you will love again! I had another 4 dogs at home when I lost Shola, I love them all dearly but Shola was my heartdog and will always remain so. However, I do love all my others and can now look back on the memories of Shola and laugh at some of her ways. Yes, it still hurts that I lost her to such a lousy disease but I can laugh about her as well. Time does heal it just takes time.

How lovely to have her family around you. I would love to find some of Rooneys family. I would certainly get another if thought it would be in anyway like him. I think though they all have their own little spirits, Rooney is definately my heart dog, my first ever puppy. The house is so quiet and I dont know what to do with myself. I think that I have a cetain future with Bullmastiffs. They are definatley my breed. I hope my heart heals and I can givr another a home. I would feel disloyal if I were to do it now, so maybe... x x x