
I havn't slept all night I have cried and cried till I have no more tears and my eyes are so puffy i can hardly see through them.
I have spoken at length with my daughter, family and friends who know Shady very well and all feel the same, that if everyone knew what a difficult over the top dog Shady was mentally (excitable is really far to mild a word for her) they would say straight away don't put her through it as she will end up hurting herself with the totally irrational way she behaves and thinks. (She is a rescue dog with serious mental health problems). They also feels like me this op would be the end for Shady but in a very painful way.
She will need to be kept so heavily sedated to stop her kicking off at the slightest sound, we would not be able to manouver her safely down the step to the garden for the toilet as she is so big and heavy. How will we lift her in and out of the car when we get her home and have to take her for checks, I don't have a hubby or anything, but most of all Shady would go insane without exercise for so long drugged or not.
On top of that she will then need to have the other leg done and go through it all again and the calcification lower in her leg is going to cause her problems in the near future too, the specialist told me that.
Shady is already a very difficult dog to manage and people have described her as a time bomb with her aggression towards children and other dogs and animals, without frustrating her even further.
I wouldn't be able to give her the rehabilitation walks she needs as I can't walk her out of my front door there are too many children, cats and other dogs always loose to make it safe and I can't lift her in and out of my car to take her somewhere for them and anyway even in the car she spends the whole time spinning and rushing from one side to the other to bark and get worked up at all those things we pass.
Whats the alternative though? To bring her home on strong painkillers, give her some quality time and then have her put to sleep, everyone that really knows her day to day thinks thats the kindest as they feel she would go through this and then end up hurting herself and still end up being put to sleep with me never forgiving myself for making her last days so frustrating and painful and its not just this she will still have other leg problems and this op could also set in arthritis on top.
I just feel damned if I do and damned if I dont and all I really know is the whole situation is breaking my heart because I love her so dearly, but I have to admit in 40 years of dogs I have never met one who is as nuerotic as Shady. I've had over excitable dogs but not anything as crazy as her.
I will have to phone the surgeon at 8am otherwise she may have already been taken down for the op, but i don't know what to do or say for the best.
I just don't know what to do all i know is I love her to bits and feel like my heart is being ripped out. Is this where that saying quality not quantity should come into play?.