theres only one thing i ask of my other half and thats if i can have another dog,to help you understand i have a female rott 3 years a male rott 3 years and my toy poodle.

he didnt want the second dog but i went out and got the puppy anyway.i didnt tell him about lola cos he'd argue with me so just went.

he goes football, night fishing, day fishing and weekend fishing, out with freinds spends his own money and does nothing AT ALL with my dogs accept maybe lay with them.i ask nothing of him not money or washing up any more he does nothing in this house for me so why do i feel i should ask him to add to my dogs.its like i need permission from him,i would buy my own puppy and go alone to find the puppy.i ask absolutly nothing of him.theres no point cos hes not interested at all.ive said to him before in years to come when we get our next dog we could go together hes answer was no you go your best with all that doggy talk.

bottom line is i want to know who makes the decistions in your house,and what would you do in my situation??

> what would you do in my situation

It's not another dog I'd be looking for ;-)

lol well its not.but how eles do i describe the bubba without you all thinkin im off my trolly.

its most certainly not like that theyre not just 'dogs' in my house!anyone will tell u lol

ah sorry, I meant from the way you describe your oh and your relationship, I'd be looking for another oh rather than a dog :-)

So would I!

LOL LOL LOL no,hes not a bad man hes just lazy around the house with tidying up ect.hes a lovely person and an excellent father he just dont want another dog and im not sure if im taking the mick by just doing  like he calls it 'what i want without asking him first'.

theres no point in saying to him im thinking about a new puppy,cos he'll not talk to me for weeks.not that i care lol

i was brought up to share and enjoying doing things as a couple but its not his idea of fun as is buying things together ect.i wish he could see what i see but he dont so what do i do accept it and 'do as im told' or do what i want eoither way i lose.

ive said to him before in years to come when we get our next dog we could go together hes answer was no you go your best with all that doggy talk.

As a breeder I would not want to sell a pup under those circumstances -it has to be wanted by everyone in the family.

I'd be looking for another oh rather than a dog

cos he'll not talk to me for weeks.not that i care

Me too I'm afraid.  What does he add to your life?

i know that sounds harsh but he loves all the dogs,even when i bought lola home i caught him that night saying on the phone to his football team mate 'shes well cute'.

i think he just remembers the destruction that troy caused as a puppy and sees THAT all over again.

but i do see your point..

> What does he add to your life?

hes a man what do you think.as much of a pain in the back side he may be i love him.it sounds like ive described a monster lol hes not hes lovely.his downfall is he dont spend no time with his family doing family things.but iv come to accept it. ill take all the kids over the park and walk the dogs ect he'd sooner be indoors on the x box.or watch footy.he wont do nothing with me but it kinda works somehow.

i just dont like being told no!

Having dogs has got to be a decision by both of you - after all if you are ill - who is going to look after them!  It is not just a question of who pays etc.  I see to all my dog's needs but my OH walks her when he feels like it.  I had to have him agree with me when we got her in the first place.  I would love another dog to train up for agility in a few years time but I know that it will be a serious decision because dogs are a real commitment by both of you - even if one of you does most of the work.

I know this thread isn't about your relationship Tamara but I'm saddened to think that people settle for a bit of a relationship when with the right person they could have the whole package. Shared interests or at least interest in your ohs interests :-) emotional support and bonding, conversation, love, caring and understanding, joint decisions etc all this is available when you find the right person :-)

Anyway, sorry I digress, and it's not my place to question your relationship. In your circumstances I guess I would just go out and get another dog on my own.

We both make the decisions in our house. My OH loves the dogs :), I would love a nice bitch to show. But he has, for the moment said no, we are however making provisions now for when we do add a 3rd :).

I can see his point, Im pregnant and am loving spending time with the big boy I have at the moment. But in a couple of years I will be wanting another.

My OH loves his football, Playstation etc, BUT we ALWAYS do things together. We spend 4 hours at weekends walking the dogs. We both train them, oh picks up the mess at the moment for obvious reasons, we both feed them, clean up after them and we wouldnt have it any other way. We also have time for each other, in the evenings we have to cuddle up and watch rubbish films. But the dogs come 1st and they have to have been walked and fed, neither of us is happy until our boys are settled down next to the sofa.

Im just lucky that the man I spend my time with is as potty about dogs as I am lol :)

Its a difficult one but as long as the new dog would get all the love and attention, training etc that they need then I would say go and do what your head says.  Don't follow your heart when getting a new dog - if I did I would be running a zoo lol! 

I have recently moved in with my OH and he is not used to dogs (only living with a JRT whilst growing up), we started off with 2 (the others live with my mum 2 mins away) and have already added another.  He always knew and still does know that I would want more dogs and accepts this.  I am always mentioning that I will want my GSD but I am happy to compromise and only get this new member when I do not have one of my current dogs - hopefully the oldest will still be going for another 5 years!

I have to add my OH has taken a particular shine to my Akita and she has to him, he generally walks her but will take the Rottie's out.  He will get up and let them out in the morning, feed them, put fresh water down and many times I have caught him playing in the garden with them.  I have to say I am much happier knowing my OH loves the dogs and wants to do stuff with them.

I think if u really want another dog then go for it. He has his hobbies and the dogs are yours. As long as the new addition is not a means of you filling your time because your finding yourself at a loose end while  your OH is off doing his hobbies.
I'm in a similar situation at the moment, but it is me questioning wether we should get another. My husband has terminal cancer and wants us to get another dog before he goes. I'm just not sure dealing with his impending decline and a new pup would be a good idea.
Maybe try and get him on board, getting his opinion on different breeds etc and take it from there. If he still can't be persuaded then either put it on hold for a while or just go for it anyway.

In answer to you question, I generally make the decisions in our house if it was left to hubby we'd never decide anything. At the moment though I'm having to following his decisions which is difficult especially as we know what the outcome will be.

I have to be honest, I wouldn't sell a puppy if only one half of the couple came with a view to buying.  I ask the whole family (only those that live in the house the puppy may be going to obviously :) )to come as I want to see how everyone acts with the dogs.  Even if your other half came but sat back and didn't participate I am afraid it would be a no.  Everyone in the house has to want the puppy.

I also wouldn't sell a puppy to a family where everyone wasn't keen.  Although one person is always the main carer, a dog actually affects everyone in the house.  I always insists that everyone, including all the children, come to visit before I decide that they will be the right home for one of my puppies.

fifi and WestCoast -glad to see this, started to think I was the odd one out!

thanks for all the different opinions,i dont like him walking the dogs as he lets my bitch pull on the lead and it messes up her training,he used to walk them wrap the lead around his wrist and let her drag him and it frustrates me so much cos then im left to deal with her pulling again.so hes not allowed to walk them.and anyway i enjoy our evening walks it helps me relax.

as for the odd jobs he will pick up the mess if i havent got round to it,its done twice a day so its not an awful job,if hes in the garden doing stuff with his palms the he may very well jeyes the back down but again id sooner he didnt as he will say later ive spent hours cleaning up after the dogs.
BUT all that doesnt mean hes horrible to the dogs he does love them,for instance one of his gold fish died and he went and burried it!!hes a kind person just dont want another dog................until he sees it and gets the puppy kisses.

i want another because i love my dogs and ive just got into showing,id love another dog to show as well as lounge around and i dunno i just love having them around me.

what i wanted to know was am i being selfish by doing what i want even though he aint interested,i never stop him doing nothing but i feel guilty because i want another and he dont want me to.

i think ill be having a chat with him

> Even if your other half came but sat back and didn't participate I am afraid it would be a no.

no he wouldnt be like that,lol hes not cold hearted.if i managed to actually get him to the breeders he'd be the one acting like a kid lets have this one no this one oh god how do we choose.

its getting him interested.like i said once theyre here he loves them totally.

im not explaining this very well i can see.

ive just got into showing

Now there's a reason not to have another puppy at the moment!! :)  Showing takes a lot of time and money.  You have an apprenticeship to learn. :)  In a couple of years you'll understand about the different types, lines, and have a very clear view where you want your next show puppy to come from! ;)

Take your time to learn Tamara and use your time wisely.  :) :)

I do a lot around the house but OH walks the dogs and Jake is his. Trouble is I sense very little respect for his view anyway so just go do it.

Im not meaning to pick an arguement but if he went off could you afford more dogs? My OH lets me get away with murder but I do know his limit and I dont step over the line, but then he's my BF and I love him, but you sound really disillusioned with your OH. What would I do, look as tro why I need another dog! or another OH?

Very well said Westcoast :)  Tamara if its another poodle you are thinking off listen to what westcoast has said.  If I remember correctly you were looking for grooming advice etc.  In poodles most  folk will be reluctant sell you a good dog to show if you cannot trim well (and thats not a criticism, everyone has to learn) because a bad trim can make a good dog look average or worse, but if people see you concentrating and learning with the dog you already have and making a huge effort to learn and accept advice they may be more likely to sell you something better in a couple of years time.  Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear but it is unfortunately reality in trimmed breeds.  I have shown poodles for over 30 years and prefer to still have only one in show coat at a time because of the work involved, and also if I take more than one to a show I cannot do justice to the dogs.

If you can afford and have time for both the purchase and the upkeep, on your own salary and without asking him, than I would get one. But then I come from a long history of weedling extra things out of my hubby! :-D

I guess the reason why you feel you need to ask is a dog is very much like a child, it's a longterm commitment, your a couple so whoever ends up looking after the dogs it still shares both of your lives, the dog is still part of the family, whether he does anything to care for the dogs is beside the point it's living in the house with you both a house that he pays for too if not altogether. Hopefully you are independant with your own money and if you seperated down the line you could care for all your dogs, if your not and dependant on his wage then it is a much larger consideration for him as he would have to provide for another mouth, kennel fee, vet bill etc too.

IMO when you share a life with someone bringing in a living creature is different to a bike, car, golf, football hobby as they are material things, not living things. I've never brought anything into our home without discussing it with hubby and I am completley independant of him, if he disagreed I would just flutter my eyelashes at him and he would cave (how sad, but true) IMO you need to ask him why he is not keen, what are his worries and legitimate reasons in saying no, if the points he raises are not valid and he is just playing at being Mr Macho, then go get your next dog I wouldn't tolerate that.

But, if he comes up with genuine reasons and concerns then you need to listen. :-)

> fifi and WestCoast -glad to see this, started to think I was the odd one out!

No Marianne - I feel exactly the same as you, Fifi and WestCoast - the OP certainly wouldn't be getting a puppy from me either!

OP - in your shoes, I would think very, very carefully about getting another dog - or about adding any additional strain on your family.   It doesn't sound very stable, imo, and just think - if everything fell to pieces - you might be having to look for accommodation for you, your children AND three dogs - and as some posters know, that just isn't very easy :(

Concentrate on the family that you have now - including your OH - maybe you can train him instead! :)

> it sounds like ive described a monster lol hes not hes lovely

Na, not a monster - it sounds like you've described my OH!! Except my OH doesn't get to have any money - it all goes into my purse & I have the final say on what it can be spent on :) (He's not very sensible with money atall :( ).

I agree with carrington - if your OH has a good reason for saying 'no' (space/money etc) then listen to what he has to say (then make a good job of finding solutions to any reasons :) ), if he is just being a grumpy git, get a dog anyway :-)

My OH knows how important dogs are to me and he would never deny me the pleasure of having one, just for the sake of saying no. He also knows that if he did make an unreasonable protest - I wouldn't listen to him anyway :)

ok all very good points and exactly what im after the truth.

but this is MY house i pay the bills rent c tax my own food petrol dog bills absolutly everything....oh actually im sorry he buys his fish food....the rest i pay...he moved in with me!!
he buys what he wants with his money and thats it so if we split id be better off paying for one less lol.

we've been together 9 years now and i aint lookin for anyone eles i couldnt be bothered if you ask me.

i am on hold now thinking.but i really do think its just him being a bloke and trying to pull the reins in,he knew how i was when we met and he accepted it but somehow he seems to think he can change me but its not gonna happen i have a strong head im affraid.im just wondering if its me bein a moo.

I would do as you like then, but I would advise waiting for the good reasons West Coast and Fifi have given regarding spacing your dogs and your entry into the show world.

You should have fun showing and learning with you current dog, and once you have perfected your trimming and show skills,a and done as well as you are likely to with him and he is ready for retirement, then you will be so much better placed to get your next dog.

You will have developed an idea of which bloodlines appeal most, and even more which particular individuals you admire enough to want one of their progeny, and be in a position to convince a breeder that you have the skill and ability to do one of their pups justice if bought for show.

Of course by the time you decide he is ready for show retirement, you may want to take part in other activities, may decide the breed ring is not what you want, and may decide to do Obedience or Agility, both requiring quite a lot of commitment, again best to concentrate on one dog at a time.

Your breed are pretty long lived, so you also need to think how many dogs you wish to have at time on a permanent basis.

I knew right from the start that ideally I wouldn't want more than 5, with 6 as an absolute maximum.  My breed generally live around 13 years, but some go on to 15 plus.  I currently have my five between 12 1/2 and nearly two years, and will probably have 6 by spring, as my youngest made up to a champion rather early.

Even though my hubby took me on when I had the four dogs, and the fifth was born shortly after he moved in, (had already had five at one time, but two died fairly close together), the decision to have more are joint ones, though he knew the long term plan anyway, but I would expect him to be reasonable ;) LOL

what i wanted to know was am i being selfish by doing what i want even though he aint interested,i never stop him doing nothing but i feel guilty because i want another and he dont want me to.

of course your being selfish! but good for you- i wish i had your nerve. i have to beg permission if i so much as bring a goldfish into my house and im sick of it

> of course your being selfish! but good for you- i wish i had your nerve. i have to beg permission if i so much as bring a goldfish into my house and im sick of it

I am the same!!! No chance of me having anything without permission!!!!!

It would be a joint decision in our house.....:)

Agree with showing, we are new and have so much to learn.... though my boy is a good learning dog, it wouldn't be right for me to get a good quality bitch as i wouldn't get the best out of her :)

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

lol tigger2, after years of trying to balance the impossible equation I gave up to making myself happy and got three dogs to share my life. I know that if they were able they would do the dishes, take me out for dinner, etc. I am firmly convinced that no other human being will want to share the dog hair, mudpuppiness etc, and I feel very happy about it. They certainly won't be giving me grief over the next dog. Wish I could say the same for my family.

I didn't bother telling the family I was off to get a third dog...it was worth the 450 mile round trip to see their reaction! ;)

hi tamara, it took me a long time to work out that being a moo was infinitely better than trying to keep the peace. The more independent and strong willed you are the worse it gets. My (ex) partner could not believe I'd choose a dog over him and was floored when I chose two dogs over him--and he was actually a pretty nice guy when all's said and done, I just wanted the dogs more.

Life is short, so make it sweet!

> but this is MY house i pay the bills rent c tax my own food petrol dog bills absolutly everything

Oooooh I know that one!  Don't take as long as me to wake up!  Living under my roof, and me asking his permission about stuff!! 

Glad to say it's still my roof, but like JAY, it has dogs under it!  Never been happier or more content.  :-)

So totally agree that he knew who you were when he moved in.  If he doesn't want to share YOUR roof with the dogs - it's his choice!

My life changed around when he said "any more dogs and I'm going"

I looked into 3 pairs of brown eyes and said "and we'll miss you"  :-)  :-)  :-)

"I am firmly convinced that no other human being will want to share the dog hair, mudpuppiness etc"

Strange thing to say there are loads of them.

Jeff.

If my husband said " any more dogs, I'm going" I would rethink our situation. He has rights and I care what he thinks.
In a long term relationship it is abject selfishness to ride roughshod over anothers feelings.

The numbers of dogs, like everything else in our lives, have evolved by joint agreement.

My husband adores our dogs but he does like a beautiful house, being able to have other interests and good holidays....why should my wishes be more important than his.

To be fair I did pick the right man and did not settled for the wrong one - then try to change him.

> Oooooh I know that one!&nbsp; Don't take as long as me to wake up!&nbsp; Living under my roof, and me asking his permission about stuff!!&nbsp; <IMG alt=eek src="/images/eek.gif">

im soo glad im not the only one

>
>

> My life changed around when he said "any more dogs and I'm going"
>
> I looked into 3 pairs of brown eyes and said "and we'll miss you"&nbsp; :-)&nbsp; :-)&nbsp; :-)

i actually laughed so loud my son asked mum what you looking at.lol.hes watchin tv on my bed waiting for me bless his heart,
ive told him and boyfreind b4 him you'll go b4 they do(i was talking about horses before and just one dog)and HE left.and good ridence too.

look i love him i really do, but i dont see why i should live my life to keep him or anyone eles happy,my children matter the most and then the dogs.it IS my roof and MY life im home from a celebratory drink with an old pal and im thinking more clearly (NO IM NOT OVER THE LIMIT LOL)
im just thinking i know what i want and why should i ask for it....
oh and hes on the sofa right now.....different story but i assume that soon enough he wont be on MY sofa and in his own home.ive had it with OH PLEASE ill never ask again,im bored of playing wifey to keep him happy and be miserable myself and its not just the new pup its everything.i was happier on my own anyway.
jeanSW i shant be taking long to come to my senses im a nicer happier person on my own.

> i wish i had your nerve

oh but you can,you just have to realise that life is too short to live it for someone eles.yes there are compramises to be made but your happiness has to come in somewhere.think about it.xxx

Personally I think the decline of the garden shed is in inverse proportion to the breakdown of relationships. Not many animals above the size of a bacterium thrives on being in relentlessly close and constant quarters with their own species.

:-) Couldn't agree more!

ha ha I adore my hubby and never ask permission for anything and he doesnt ask me but we do tell each other what we are thinking about doing etc.  we got our first two dogs as a joint decision, I wanted a 3rd two years ago as my other two were 5 & 6 and I compete in agility, the perfect litter came along and I bugged him about it but he just said no way and I respected him for that decision.  What I didnt know was that he had booked the particular pup I wanted behind my back so I ended up with her anyway - you cant get better than that!

> Personally I think the decline of the garden shed is in inverse proportion to the breakdown of relationships. Not many animals above the size of a bacterium thrives on being in relentlessly close and constant quarters with their own species.

LOL that and football on the telly..... Football is much more fun if he watches from the terrace....for us BOTH!!

Most decisions are joint but sometimes I tell him!!

But dogs are like kids they have to be wanted by all concerned IMO

Relationships  with humans can be tricky but the dogs love and loyalty is constant.I have experienced so many traumas in my life,divorce, widowed,bankruptcy, cancer ,major house fire,bereavement,to name but a few,if I wrote my life story you would think it was fiction!But I am still surviving,sane and,not even looking my age so I am often told,and why is that? Dogs of course!I was 10 when I was given my first dog,she shared all my teenage years as a ,constant companion and confidante,and the pattern was set for life,No matter what life throws at you,you just have to pick yourself up,dust yourself down because the dogs need you.Its a case of love me love my dogs, or keep away in this house,My lovely caring partner of the past 6 years ,was not that keen on dogs when we met,but knew better than to suggest I parted with any,and now gives them as much attention as I do,they have completely won him over.Should he ever say "its me or the dogs",he would have to go,just because forcing me to make that choice would be so selfish fortunately he understands that.I dread the day when I am too old and incapable to look after a dog properly,because that is the only time I will consider being without them, 

You've said it all, Rhona. My dogs have always been there in the very worst and best moments in my life, and made all the difference to me. I thank my parents for understanding that a dog could be the making of a child and for helping me learn that very early on. When we couldn't speak to each other during teenage crazy years it was my saluki who was the only bridge of understanding and love between us--run free, Zeyd, I've thought of you every day now for 40 years.

i got one just like him,
although he does have his moments doing diy etc,
The dogs are all mine but he will trim them ( he's much better at it then me ),
he evan shows my youngest now ( and doing very well ).
I would love him to do more round the house but hey he's brought me three beauiful dogs so can't moan about him too much.

Whenever they need feeding, poo needs picking up etc he says they your dogs you sort em out.
you gotta love em'?

> If my husband said " any more dogs, I'm going" I would rethink our situation. He has rights and I care what he thinks.
> In a long term relationship it is abject selfishness to ride roughshod over anothers feelings.

>

True, but when you are daft enough to realise that YOU have supported HIM for 24 years, it's time to call it a day.   So I did!

> True, but when you are daft enough to realise that YOU have supported HIM for 24 years, it's time to call it a day.&nbsp;&nbsp; So I did!

Good for you! I got rid of my OH 10 yrs ago and I have to say it was the best thing I ever did. Life is so much better with my sons and dogs.

Well sorry to say but if i were in your boat,  I'd start thinking about ditching the OH and then go and buy another dog, lol

you say he does nothing , he's out all the time doing what he likes ,.

wheres your life together???

kick him to the curb, get the dog you want then find yourself  a new man who'll be interested in you and your dogs ,
someone you can share your life with and the things that you enjoy, someone who'll enjoy long walks with you and your dogs,

hope you work it out,

best of luck to you, xx