im still feeling really bad about this.I have a friend who has many dogs,all well looked after and trained.A while ago she asked if i would like her ten year old male collie,if it came to the push and she had to rehome him,as he and two other males dont get on.Irashlysaid I probably would.Ishould have had more sense,because my 14 year old bitch is a bit grumpy,and has never really accepted my year old pup.  But he s a lovely dog,ive known him a while,was told he s fine with bitches,and I confess,had this idealistic picture in my head of me and 3 lovely collies,wandering round the woods.Well,i walked him back here with my pup,whos walked with him twice before,left him outside while i got my old girl out,and took them for a short walk(half an hour,oldie cant do much more).there was  a bit of growling from the old girl on the way out,but nothing else.once back in though,different story.hes quite confident,and tried to take over.and within an hour had given my old girl two good pastings as she d grumbled and barked at him from her bed.After the second go(oldie didnt fight back) i stuffed him in a crate and cried!(i know,pathetic!)i ended up letting my friend have him back.Imnot a very strong type mentally-dont mean im mad,but a bit weak I suppose,and he s a very strong willed dog,and i didnt think i could handle him,any way I dont want my old dogs life made a misery-even if she did start it!My friend now thinks I ought to try again when the old lady passes on,but in not sure as the pup was a bit wary of him,and hid.my friend is a strong type and probably thinks i can cope like she does,but I cant!feel like a limp rag this morning after all the stress!what should I have done?

cant give you any dog advice I am afraid but just to say I empathize with what you did and how you must feel. I am similar and get myself into situations when really being stronger would have been better the "no "word is one of my problems find it really hard to say. Not mad as you say just not always very strong and would also struggle with a strong willed dog. my own gsd is strong willed and I have had and am still struggling to be in charge.
Friend isn't really thinking it through for your situation. Hope others can come and give you some good advice

I'm as bad as you for opening my mouth and saying 'yes' to friends without thinking it through first!

> what should I have done?

I think you did the right thing in giving the dog back.
Don't feel pressured into taking him back again, if you feel he's not the dog for you then that is that. We are all different with our individual likes, dislikes & strenghts. Don't feel like you should be stronger (for what it's worth, you are you - don't feel bad for being who you are :) ), what matters is this dog is not the right one for you.
It would not be fair on you, your dogs or the other dog if you were to take him back & try again.

Don't feel like bad, your've tried with this dog and it's not worked out. You've done more than enough allready :)

Ah you have tried your best, im the same say yes to anything without thinking, i once offered to look after a friends 2 gsd's, i told her they would have to live outside in my kennel as the female and my female didnt get on, they were litter sisters. (she was fine with this as they slept in the garage anyway), after 2 nights of her female crying all night and neighbours complaining i broke down and couldnt cope, i had to ring my friends hubby to pick them up as she had gone away with friends, i felt so guilty to let them down. So as i say you tried your best.

I agree with the others, I think you did the right thing for your current dogs in sending him back, which is a strong thing to do in itself, so don't beat yourself up. And don't let your friend pressurize you into taking him again if it doesn't feel right :)

thankyou everybody.I do wish it couldve worked out though.But you are right,hes not a dog I could feel comfortable around,especially now.,and il try to be strong and not have him back,I dont think itd be good for any of us.thanks for all your replies.

Being extremely hard hearted, because over the years I've learnt to be, I've learnt to not be so soppy or be taken for a ride or have my good nature exploited. I can be the kindest and most giving person on the planet but also the toughest and I think you will have to learn this lesson too. The dog is not your problem!

I wanted to run and hug you when you said you had given the dog back, I was so worried you were going to be a martyr and struggle in trying to cope with two dogs who don't get along so well, left to cope with the failing health, vet bills and working around trying to make everyone happy.................. you can't!

Human nature means we automatically want to help those who are struggling. You have to put yourself and your own family happiness first. Your dogs are your responsibility, their lifestyle, their happiness is your responsibility. Acts of kindness like this often end up with us having our hands bitten, can't tell you how many times I've done good deeds at my own expense. Listen to someone older and wiser and who learnt the hard way. :-)

When your old girl passes over, you can put everything into your pup, you don't want a grumpy old domineering dog coming to live with you even then, tell this friend you can't help, please, please, please, do not feel guilty. Friendship is not about guilt, if your friend takes it personally, she is no real friend.

Your a star to have offered, don't suffer for being a kind person.

hi colliepam, I learnt my lesson--I have ended up walking 7 dogs (3 of mine, 4 belonging to friends--2 collies, a Cairn and a JRT cross) and having to coerce my son during that week to help out. He wasn't impressed.

Not content with that experience, I then offered to look after the same dogs while she and her husband went on holiday for 12 days, they have 4 dogs and the kennel fees would have been substantial, so I volunteered to try to save them some money. The dogs all get on during the walks so I didn't think it would be much of a stretch. My friends put three in kennels, but the 4th dog was an elderly JR/whippet cross who came to stay because they weren't confident he's be ok in kennels. He was incredibly hard work, tried to bully everyone, wouldn't accept my boys and their routines at all and the crunch came when he attacked one of my boys (and me) after he refused to go to his own food bowl. I ended up making him sleep downstairs because he upset my boys' routine so much--I spent the whole time feeling guilty, even though I knew he was kept in my friend's kitchen and she later told me he had attacked her and her dogs in exactly the same way!!!! So now I have learned to keep my mouth shut.

I think that you've probably realised by now, that a lot of us have said yes when we should have said no. But, at the end of the day, we really owe our duties to our own dogs.

I looked after a desperately overweight GSD bitch when her owner went in for major surgery.  Things went wrong, he ended up in hospital for a very long time, and she ended up outstaying her welcome.

First off, she deliberatley piddled on every dog duvet in the house.  I guess I would say she's a 'top dog' type.  I did get a lot of pleasure from getting her weight down by over 11kg and, although I had been told that she couldn't get out of bed very easily, she ended up racing round with my two Beardie girls, and it was great to see such a huge improvement.

However, her dominance just escalated, and she attacked my elderly Toy Poodle girl, and removed her eye.  By this time her owner was out of hospital, and I returned her.  I felt wicked when he asked me if I could have her again, as he had to go back in for an op.  But I just had to say no, even though he wasn't pleased about it.

what a lovely reply carrington,I was really touched by it,and from all the other kind replies too,seems there are quite a few others like me,then!youve all made me feel loads better.Thanks very much!