Its Ben & Helen again, from a previous post last year they split up and got together again only to split up again.

He has been on his own for 4 months but she is back again, I had a phone call last night & OH picked him up. He is distraught and has lost about 2 stone in weight, cant eat, cant sleep and says he cant go on?

Im worried, at 21 I attempted suicide and Im afraid he might. We did the "she will not stay", you can change your life ect but to no avail. It appears she visited the other day and whilst not staying the night got "friendly", but she has another b/f but says she still loves Ben.

My question is do I interfer? he is 24 nearly 25 so not a kid !!but he is over 6'5" and at 12 stone looks bad. I did get some soup into him and a kip on my shoulder, Im his Mum after all, my OH is worried and my brother is but what should I do if anything?

Bloody kids!! But I will never stop being his Mum will I and Im worried bottom line! why cant she just go away and in time he will get better.

Poor lad, he must be feeling terrible. As you say, it doesn't matter how old they are, they're still your children and you love them and want - no, need - to protect them. Don't go down the tempting 'We warned you' route (not that you would anyway); he knows that and feels bad enough without having his nose rubbed in it. My instinctive reaction would be to go into the mother-hen role; hug him, tell him you love him, and generally do all the caring that you used to do when he was a child. He needs emotional and practical support - some time off work might help - but again he might need the distraction. A quiet word with his doctor wouldn't come amiss.

Whistler, doesn't sound good does it, we've all been through 'stuff' when we were younger relationship wise and we did make it through, we all need different things and tactics to get us through these things.

When I split with my ex finance all those years ago, I had a mother who basically gave me the stiff upper lip and told me to get on with it, no good, forget him kind of thing and a dad who cuddled me and wiped every tear, but do you know what did me the most good one of my brothers took me away with his wife for a fab holiday in the sun, that is what really bucked me up and gave me the strength to carry on and be independant again.

I really think that your son needs taking away from the situation, he's being given conflicting messages from his ex, on again, ex again girlfriend, he's in a state if he is loosing weight and yes, he needs his family, but mostly he needs to be taken away from the situation to think clearly.

If I were in your situation and my son was hurting so badly I would put work on hold no matter what and take my son away or find a good friend, sibling someone for him to go with, pay for it and look after him, he needs to get away, it is what I would be doing in your situation and most people won't turn down a nice holiday.

If you have real concerns that he is reaching the edge and may be suicidle then jump in with both feet to protect him, there is no age limit on looking out for our children. :-)

All the best, blooming girl messing him up like this.

I offered a holiday but he does not want to leave work at the moment. Ive paid for his IOW festival ticket and had a word about 10 mins ago so he's on his way to work. Im taking him out Sunday on his day off for lunch and a shop - I sent him home with chicken soup!! honestly I felt he was about 11 again.

Ive warned his flat mate she and her fiancee live with Ben but are on day trips out!! they know Helen and Im trying to advise someone to ask her what she is up to and leave him alone basically. But I had a long long cuddle last night and even OH gave up two cans of cider!!!and took him home as I had a migraine!!

Oh damn, damn ,damn we have just demolished our house so we are in a 1 bed flat or I would have him here for a week, he's got more space than me!!!]]Bloody girl I was so fond of her too!!

He's my baby

> Bloody girl I was so fond of her too!!
>

Couldn't you have a quiet word with her?  Maybe she needs 'sorting out' as much as he does? You have got nothing to lose really by having a chat with her!  :)

Sounds like your doing all you can, your a good mum Whistler, I feel very teary for you, your going to start me off! I may have all this to come in the future, all we can do is be there and hope and pray that they soon hold their heads up again.

What's another grey hair eh? :-)  Why weren't we warned that parenthood is 75% worry and the rest feeling proud, forever and ever and ever...................  ((((Big Hug)))) With such caring parents he'll come through.

Yes I know I havent got that far I do not know where she lives now but I am considering it I must say.

Thanks Im really sad and hurt for him, he is a kindly boy, no real ambition but friendly ect... maybe a bit too nice and definately loves strongly.

Good advise from Carrington. My son has been there, done that, got the t-shirt and a 10 year old son. He is still fighting a battle to keep his son (was in court a fortnight ago - again :-( )All you can do is to be there for him. Time is what he needs, and a shoulder to cry on when he needs it. It took my son a few months to come to terms with the type of person his ex really was, but once he realised that he was better off without her he took the bull by the horns and got on with his life.  I really liked his ex, but didn't like the way things were developing. I couldn't say anything to him then, but now we have a bit of a laugh about it.

Just let him know that you are there for him. He still needs his mum. ;-)

I am so feeling for you too. I dont however think you should speak to the girl...........
You are doing all the right things, just by showing love and support, BUT, as you can have no knowledge of what may come in the years to come it is important that you remain silent to/about her. It is the safest, as you are concerned by his mental health then carry on as you are, and take comfort in being allowed in as far as you are.
Lots of cyber hugs from me(((())))
Karen

Yes I am sure your right as a young Mum I had to stay stum when they were at school, to try to get them to sort themselves out. I have asked Carolina to keep an eye on him, she has written me a lovely email and she said H was being cruel. Anyway Ive asked him if he wants a few days away with his Mum and Im looking at Rome about £250 each with flights I will treat him for his birthday. Thanks you lot you are honest and give me views that i can consider.

But no one likes to see them unhappy and to have a "big boy" crying choked me and Colin up!!! Must have or he would not have parted with a cider!!