Hi all, think I just need abit of a rant.

Im feeling quite down :-( Ive got such a lot of amazing things, house, boyfriend, dogs, maybe im just being ungrateful. I just dont really have any real friends, I was making a guest list for our wedding and as I looked at it realised I didnt have any friends on there. I have one friend that we dont really see each other much anymore since she got with her current boyfriend and I finally had enough of her always thinking of herself.
I think alot of people judge me by my age, I am 22 but really dont act like many 22yr olds, ive been through so much and matured at such a young age. Ive been with my boyfriend since I was 17, we have our own house, I have two jobs, he is a plasterer, so not really the same as many other 22 yr olds. I think im just feeing abit sorry for myself and need a good kick up the bum to get myself going again :-(

It is the run up to Blue Monday which may be a contributor.  Allegedly the most depressing day of the year but others say a cunning ploy by marketers to flog stuff.  I'm in the depressing camp.  this week has been horrendous even though nothing particularly bad has happened - gloom, gloom and more gloom with a dollop of snow thrown in.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/blue-monday-the-most-depressing-day-of-the-year-433235.html

i know just how you feel, im in same type of situation. have loads of wonderful things but when things get me down they get me really down. im medicated for it now tho lol so things have been much better, hehehe :-D
things will improve again soon, keep your chin up, its good to have a rant and get it off your chest, you'll wake up tomorrow and feel a bit daft over the whole situation, im sure of it.
i had a really bad day the earlier this week where i was sure i had offended everyone i knew, it was one of those days you wished you'd stayed in bed.
sending you a smiley :-) and a stiff drink (except im not quite sure how to draw a drinking glass) >--| ( thats supposed to be a wine glass lol)

Kiger, I know how you feel about the friends thing - I'm lucky in that I have a nice home, a lovely OH, good health, enough money to get by, but I have no close friends at all.

In fact, I don't really have any 'real' friends if I'm completely honest, I have a lot of acquaintances or 'mates', and am friendly with my work colleagues, but at a push, if I needed someone to go out with tonight (apart from OH) there's no-one I could ask.

It struck me last year when we thought about having a BBQ to 'celebrate' finally finishing our patio, that everyone we would invite would either be male friends (OH's mates/mutual friends) who I do get on well with, or neighbours, or workmates, but there were no 'girlfriends' on the list for me :-(

I think I'm not helped on the girlfriends front by being a bit of a tomboy on the surface, I race a car, love outdoorsy / practical things etc, but those who get to know me realise I do have a very girly soft side too, I guess it's just not obvious to begin with.

I'm going to try and make an effort to change that this year, I'm going to meet up next week with a couple of old school friends who still live locally, we've kept in touch a bit, but I'm really going to make an effort to see more of them, and try to make some new friends too.

I think January can be a depressing month generally though, the 'aftershock' of Christmas, damp, cold weather, a long time until payday etc can get us all down a bit.

Keep your chin up everyone :-)

Claire

p.s. Congratulations on the wedding Kiger!!

Are you deducing from this reflection that there is something wrong with you in not having loads of friends?

You know there are all types of people in this world, some of us love our lives to be filled with lots of friends and are real people, people, others make a beautiful world for themselves just with the important people in their life and really don't need anyone else to make them feel complete. Both ways make us content. ;-)

You've felt complete and enjoyed this way of life. I've been to huge weddings, but also more intimate, the only thing any wedding needs is two people in love wishing to share their day with people they love and care about, it's absolutely not about how many people are there.

I know we will all look forward to you posting your wedding pictures online, you have lots of friends here who would like to share your day (post wedding :-) ) so plenty of people to show your dress off to, but as for your day it should be shared with those you love.

Cheer up, here's a hug!  ((((hug)))) and get on with those wedding plans. :-)

No your not your normal!! You have everything you want but maybe not everything you need yet, that comes later. I think the main thing coming in your mail was your not dead keen on you?
Friends come and go through life one or two will stay for a long time but I made my friends, real friends when I had children, they have lasted well over 20 years.
I dont even see many of my family that I was brought up with. Are you lonely? boys seem to attract mates and one of mine has about 10 he has gone through school and college with, the other about two if he's lucky. Some of us dont need "friends" so much we need family. For me its my OH and sons, plus one old friend who has moved away and we still text or talk daily sometimes, but i have never let anyone else get that close. I was really unable to make good friends until i got to like who I was first.

I used to go to a pub with a crowd work out I wasnt really happy, wanted there, and go home to sob... I was a real wet weekend in my twenties. It took me to my thirties to chill out find some inner peace and be able to offer friendship to others. But I still find I do get let down occasionally by 2friends" apart from Ang,  My OH and I sit down sometimes work out who our friends are and we have worked out we are anti social gits!!! But we have a great time with my brother and his wife, a friend I went to ante natal classes with and her OH who ended up a scout leader with my OH and a friend of my brothers that it!!!! could not fill a pub if we tried.

It will come my friend, now go buy some shoes and feel better, weather is c--p, economic situation is dire, government is hopeless but your ok with someone who loves you. Dont beat yourself up so much - kick duly given..

I'm in the anti social camp too. I have my partner, my kids and one couple we socialise with maybe once a month. I've always been a little that way and there's only maybe 2 people I am still in touch with from years ago - albeit the rare email or call.

I used to think I didn't have time to make friends, I was a wedding planner and then a landlady. When I left the pub last year I was lost without a crowd around me until I realised that it was all so very false.

I'm happy now to know that I have all the people and time I need (still working on the money side lol) but when we talk about our wedding we talk about booking a table rather than a hotel ;)

Are you happy Kiger ? If you are then b**ger what everyone else thinks. Be proud of what you and your partner have achieved at your age. I feel the same as you although am 24 in February.
In your life friends come and go. I have one or two that have been god friends since school but i have lost many friends that i now realise were probably just mates that dropped me as soon as something else came along (normally boyfriends!).
As long as you have your loving partner, family and of course pets :-) i really wouldnt worry :-)

I don't have any friends either , but my hubby is the best friend i could ever have .

When i left work to have my kids i thought that i would make lots of new friends at post-natal club , toddler group etc but all the mums were going back to work and i felt very lonely but wanted to be at home for my children and husband .
I now have women i speak to every day at the school gates but they are not friends . I think there are many friendless people today due to the way society is now .

Remember that you always have your CD friends .  XXX

> Im feeling quite down :-(

I signed in to CD today and was thinking I might have a rant lol pretty much like yours! So instead I'll just join in with you, you know if you can't beat em join em! :-D

Maybe I am being selfish and ungrateful to, for I know there are worse off people out there than me but I do feel quite down as well.
Lots of things have gone on recently which have probably attributed to my depressive like feelings.
I have posted here before about my daughter which was hard for me to do as its such a personal topic and heart rendering, she is doing a bit better now.
At the beginning of December we had to have our lovely cat Fifi-Lee put to sleep, then just over two weeks later our little boy Fudge, having totally devastated the family and still trying to take it in, my OH dad was taken into hospital on Christmas Eve, he was allowed home and came to us for Christmas day, then last Sunday (3rd) he suffered a stroke, was back in hospital for four days. He has not been the same since his wife passed away two years ago, nor has my OH really.
Then at this time of year, like most people we have money troubles, me and OH have been disagreeing a bit lately probably from all the worry.
I sat here today thinking oh dear! But then, come on Diane pull it together things are a little bit down but there are also so many positives!
I have been looking for a job since finishing my course and not being getting anywhere, next week I have two job interviews! and I am chuffed to say the least.

> I just dont really have any real friends

Much like you I don't have many people whom I can call friends, really only two that I actually trust, people have hurt me in the past and it makes it difficult to trust people. I do have few "mates" who I socialise with but there not friends but it does not bother me to much as I have always been able to talk to my OH.
Just try to think of all the positive things, I know it can be hard but in the end you'll come through it :-)

I don't have a OH or any family.  So you could be worse off!  Yes, I have colleagues at work, but that's it.  I don't go out with them at all.  They all have their own families and friends.  I really can't say that I have anyone that I could call a friend.  It's just me and the dogs.

Like everyone else I've been feeling down too. This week has been a horrible week but for no particular reason (apart from yesterday when one delightful pup was so excited to see me in the garden picking up poo he charged to see me, couldn't stop and slammed into my face, splittng my lip and giving me lots of swelling and bruising!! Just about summed up this week for me!) OH works away alot and it has been his first full week away since I had my hand operated on on 17th December so I don't know if that has caused me to feel down. We have just had a row on the phone because he s wanting to move away from the area because of his work and although like you I don't have handfuls of friends I do have one who I see alot plus my Mum and my Grandparents are here plus my daughters grandparents on her Fathers side and indeed her Father, I have ME and although on the whole I have it under control I still have the odd day where I need help doing the dogs and horses and I just can't imagine beng away from my support system. So he is now on his way home no doubt in a foul mood so tonight will be a lovely atmosphere!!

Don't worry about friends. As long as you are happy in your life then it doesn't matter how many friends you have. You could have hundreds of friends but it wouldn't make necessarily make you happier. Anyway you have the best friends you could want in your dogs!!! You'll never find anyone more loyal or loving!!! I had my daughter quite young at 20 when none of my friends had chldren, so I had to grow up sharpish whereas they didn't so I lost touch with alot of my friends from school and college. I then surrounded myself with a new set of friends but when I split up with my daughters Dad they all seemed to not be interested in me, to me it wasn't about taking sides but they obviously thought it was. I have now decided there is no point in surrounding myself in shallow friendships. I have a couple of people who I don't see that often but no I can ring and they'd be there for me and vice versa they are the real friends. I also have my family who will stick by me when friends wouldn't necessarily. And of course my animals who adore me!!!

I hope you feel better soon, but if not remember only YOU can make yourself feel better.xxx

Life could be worse :(  :  you could be 66, knowing that the best of life is probably behind you, with an OH who is at the start of something which will not get better, and family half way round the world :(

Oh yes - and a viral infection that has hung around for over two weeks and leaves you without a brain but a head that feels as if its full of mashed potato!

Kiger at 22 you have plenty off time to make bonds with people that can last a lifetime.
None of my closest friends were known to me at 22 so its early days !

To all the other people who only have their 'other half' then be very careful to be satisfied with that.
They say in the end...love is all there is and if you only have the love of one person you really are putting all your eggs in one basket.

Let more people into your life, look outwards into the world and if possible spread your reliance onto more and trustworthy people throughout your life.......you never know when you may need them.

Loneliness is the worst thing.
Why not volunteer to help really lonely people.....it sure puts things into perspective.

Kiger,

When i read your post it could quite easily have been me that wrote it, i feel exactly the same so your definately not alone, im quite shy so dont really make new friends easily, dont get me wronge i have aquaintences and 1 best friend but not loads of friends like some people NEED to have, in fact this is how sad i am,if ive read something interesting or funny on here and i tell people i sometimes pretend a "friend" told me just so i seem to have more friends than i do, but im happy.

Oh boy its really going about this feeling down on ones self isn't it.
They do say that this monday coming is known as 'blue monday', one of the most depressing days of the year for people in general.

I've had a bad week, the other day i had just got up and my sister had popped in, she just went into one at me, which was so out of the blue seeing as i'd not said a word to her other than 'hello'. She went through a huge deformation of my character and how she and my family are worried about me as i'm 'obsessed' with dogs. How my friends aren't real friends and when i was bullied at school and work it was all my fault and i deserved it due to my character.. :-(  I sobbed my heart out all day, can't bring myself to speak to her.
My dad heard it and walked away saying nothing, which hurt a lot too.

They say i'm selfish, which in some respects i am as i feel like i'm pushed out of the family. I do all the cleaning in a large 4 bed house, buy all the food, clean up after dogs and father.. I just don't get it..
So much so i'm now trying to find a house share where i can take my dogs with me and be happy..Which is not easy as not many people will accept 2 large dogs, but i have registered with many online houseshare sites and will see what happens.
Besides my family being like this i am happy and very grateful i have some good friends, great job and 2 wonderful dogs to share my life with.
If anyone does live in Sussex and has a spare double room and will be happy with my dogs coming along too then give me a shout, or if you know someone..

To everyone else out there who has posted, you are all great people and we should all learn to love ourselves and if its one or more people who have the issue then yes sod em, but i can see how others can get you down.
Even if you have so much to look forward to, which i do have, right there and then you can feel down and we all have our moments otherwise we'd not be human. No one is perfect and we all come with faults, we just have to learn to live with them and love ourselves..

geeze must be this weather

i got antidepressants today.    Thing not been right for a while and been feeling off colour to. Got a diagnosis so thats good and start tabs tomorrow  so hopefully will soon feel like a new woman.

i have always had a very small  circle of friends. i am better with animals than people. My oh has been my best friend for 16 years but recently we have started to have some problems. I think possibly down to me not feeling well all the time. This has made me really depressed hense the anti depressants.But i really miss having someone to talk my problems through with. Thinking i might need to spread my wings and make some more friends.  I know lots of people but not many i could call a close friend.

Wow thank you all so much! I cant belive how many of you have wrote such nice things, Thank you all so much, it really does mean alot to me.

I do need to learn to think more highly of myself. I tend to think there must be somthing wrong with me thats why I dont have any friends.
Im going to join a walking group when Ive passed my driving test (fingers crossed that will only be in a few weeks) they do regular walks in different areas, and would like to join the gym, well curves, not really a gym same sort of thing though so will maybe make a few new friends doing that.

Thank you all so much my great CD friends :-)

> do need to learn to think more highly of myself. I tend to think there must be somthing wrong with me thats why I dont have any friends.
> Im going to join a walking group when Ive passed my driving test (fingers crossed that will only be in a few weeks) they do regular walks in different areas, and would like to join the gym, well curves, not really a gym same sort of thing though so will maybe make a few new friends doing that.

Hello Kiger... I don't know what sort of dog you have (GSD from pic?) but have you thought of doing more with your dog? If you do already then accept my apologies! How about looking into Working Trials, or just more training classes? Agility? HTM? At least you know that everyone there is as dog-obsessed as you!

Or what about volunteering for a charity... My New Years resolution is to look into volunteering for my local Search & Rescue group (if they'll have me!). They always need people who are willing to pose as a 'body' - sitting in one place for an hour or so until 'found'. There are also volunteer dog sections - what could be more fun than reading a book or watching wildlife in a secluded safe place (ok so it might be raining!) and then being 'found' by a gorgeous bouncy happy dog?

I, too feel isolated a great deal at the moment... due to various reasons, but I thank my lucky stars every day for being able to have my lovely dog... (even though he is a little sod!) and I know that when the days start lightening up a bit, and I am not sitting at home online hugging the heater, I will be happier and have more energy. I lost a close friend and neighbour suddenly a few months ago so it has truly been a bitter winter for me... but what I look forward to is doing something new, for the community, in his name, as soon as I feel able.

I don't know where you live, but we have had snow on the ground for a week or more, and not being able to go out for fear of falling on the sheet-ice has certainly contributed to my low mood - not even being able to take my dog out because of the ice, makes me feel guilty as well. Walking him does wonders for beating the blues.

I do understand... and give you a virtual hug. xx

I did working trails and obedience with my GSD but as shes got older she has really lost intrest in it, so didnt go to dog training much anymore. The trainer started doing displays so lost alot of people going as she was more into the displays than everybody wanting to do training with their dogs. There is only one other training place near so think im going to check them out, my GSD is just loving the easy life! But my Chihuahua would love to do obedience, he is really good. So think that may be another option. Ive got in contact with old friends on facebook tonight and will see if they want to meet up.

I know Im being stupid, there is people in such bad positions and here I am moaning about not having any friends, I have my health! Im sorry for moaning everyone!

Dont worry about moaning looks like a lot of us feel the same way and feel better to talk.
You comment about joining a walking club when you have passed your driving test made me laugh thats really funny.!!
Shame we live at opposite ends of the country would love to get Mia and Tiger together. I would like to do some obedience with Mia she is such a clever little thing but  she really belongs to my daughter and she doesn't want me to incase Mia behaves better for me than her so I shall have to wait a bit LOL 

I feel exactly the same way as you do. I feel like Ive got a massive black cloud and several gremlins sitting on my shoulders. This week Ive been 'got at' by two people at work (I work in a school) and I dont deal with that sort of thing very well at all, I get very upset inside, especially when it was because of someone elses crossed wires and not because anything Id done.  Ive got no OH, as due to a large domestic violence court case three years ago, myself and my children had to move 300 miles away for our safety and my family are still there, so 300 miles away from me. Ive seen my mum twice in the last year, as shes travelling to and from my grandmothers who has leukemia and as it takes her some three hours to get there, on the weekends she doesnt go, she is too tired to have the boys and I stay for the weekend.  Ive made three friends since Ive moved up here, and they are all a bit fair weather and through the school run.  So this christmas for the first time ever, I actually spent christmas day completely on my own as the children had their first ever christmas day with their dad.  I had sausages for lunch and not a single christmas present, as there wasnt anyone to buy anything for me and my mum and sister just buy for the children now.

Today my eldest son bought home his mock gcse results...a total of one U, three F's and two E's.

Its one of the reasons I started Puppy Walking for Guide Dogs, I wanted to meet some new people, do something that would actually 'mean' something and have a definate purpose for getting up in the morning.  Ive got my job which I do like, but being a single parent, working in a school, sometimes I feel as though my whole life revolves around children and I never got any time to be me.

Just wanted to let you know you werent alone.  At least you have an OH, you are planning the next stage of your life, you are settled and looking forward to the future.  Who needs lots of friends when you have someone that loves you enough to want to marry you :D

oh gosh Alfieshmalfie schools ! I teach in a secondary and know just what you mean great places for miscommunication  I tend to be someone who doesn't show how I feel inside until I explode.
You son still has time to make improvements in his gcse and if not it isn't the end of the world even if it may feel like it. He will still be able to get into college if that is what he wants just may take a little longer.
good luck and I hope thinks improve for you this year puppy walking sounds great

> Who needs lots of friends when you have someone that loves you enough to want to marry you :D

That sounded so lovely it made me cry... I don't have an OH but there again, oh yes I do have a dog that would lay down his life for me, and any of my/his friends. OK so he's not a person but it's still a close soul, and so many ppl go through life without even knowing that.

All of us having a bitter winter, for whatever reason... is there any way we could chat together on our own and support one another? When the bright days come, we could get together and celebrate being ourselves; with our dogs, or without our dogs - it doesn't matter... wouldn't be here without them! Would be lovely to have a private place for ppl to talk...
(without my dog.... he is so sensitive, he picks up on anyone who is troubled and licks them to death! he'd have made a very good human counsellor apart from the obsessive licking!!!).

kiger, when I was your age I thought I had lots of friends.  It wasnt till I got older that I realized what good friends were.  Now, I have a lot of people that I can chat to go out for a meal with etc. but I have only one true friend that I have had longer than any husband.  We speak on the phone each week, meet up when we can.  This isnt easy and not as often as we would like but we have been friends for almost 30 years.  I once gave her a framed thingy that said, 'you will always be my best friend, because you know too much'!  there is nothing we cant speak to each other about. the lovliest thing she ever said to me was many years ago, she suddenly said to me I was like a sister to her.  To which I laughed as I have a sister that I love and we are close but I dont speak to her about many things.

p.s.  she loves her cats and I love my dogs

I found my best friends when I was around 30 years of age :)

One is the mother of my ex boyfriend - we are very close and have been for nearly 20 years.
Two others are from dog training - we used to meet up and go for walks, then it moved on from there :)
Another is actually from my schooldays - we lost touch for a while though and got closer in our 30s!

Don't worry and don't panic - when I was 22, I probably didn't have many good friends either :)

Lindsay
xxx

I will be your friend. I wish I had our own house, wouldn't have this trouble with renting and the dogues. I think I am older than my years/ boring as I don't drink, therefore can't really enjoy a night out too much where I live. I would much rather go for a meal or to a doggy orientated event. I'm really looking forward to crufts and I don't think I'd have many ppl to invite to a wedding either. That's if I ever got married. To much law involved and not enough love.

Kiger, I posted on here a few months ago asking how to make friends.

I had my son when I was eighteen so lost contact with all my teenage friends. I then moved seventy miles away when I got married so when I got divorced and came home everyone had moved on. When I was single everyone seemd to be married so I never got invited to events becasue I was on my own. I found it easy to make friends at work but I work fifteen miles away so nobody lived locally so as a single mum it was too expensive to pay for taxis to go out so I stayed in with my kids.

I'm now forty and my kids have grown up and have loads and loads of friends and I do feel envious. I do have a boyfriend and he maeks comments about me not having any friends but at my age its difficult.

You are young enough to make friends and now with email and texting its alot easier to keep in touch than it was when I was young.   

> I think I am older than my years/ boring as I don't drink

Im sure your not boring! You dont have to drink to have fun. Im looking forward to crufts too, I get holidays from work at crufts time and work my holiday around it making sure I get there for as many days as I can! lol :-)

I can't wait for Crufts too!!! If you are boring for not drinking thn so am I as I don't drink which is possibly one of the reasons I lost touch with alot of people as their be all and end all is going out drinking every weekend.

need a friend now, oh is leaving me :o(( totally devistated and no idea how i am going to manage. Definatly a blue Monday today

Oh Lumphy I'm so sorry. 

Oh no. Big (((((((hugs)))))). Have things been rough or was it totally out of the blue? You may have no idea how you will cope now but I promise things will get easier.

Oh no that is very sad. Have you talked about getting some help to see if you can work through things ?

If you have been depressed that is a big reason why you have been going through problems. Don't mean to pry but is there anybody else involved or is it down to you not being yourself and he couldn't cope with it ?

Lx

I am so sorry, hopefully your anti depressants will kick in soon  and help see you through this miserable time..(((hugs)))

Karen

Sending you {{hugs}} - be strong

So sorry to hear this. Things have a way of working out. A few years ago my sister was in a similar position, now she is so glad her ex was strong to enough to make the break. She was forced to make changes to her life, and now she is so happy and to top it all has met someone else.
Sending a big cyber hug to you.

need a friend now, oh is leaving me :o(( totally devistated and no idea how i am going to manage. Definatly a blue Monday today

So sorry Lumphy,  ((((((((Big Hug)))))))))

You know, many of us have had similar things happen, I know it won't feel like it now and maybe for a long time afterwards, but for those of us who have had it happen we all have come out on top again eventually, and we look back and say, that happened for a reason, it was meant to be, you'll feel the same again one day.

Try to keep your chin up, you know you always have us.

thanks all hugs very welcome.

quick update

hubby has gone. he is renting locally so he can have regular contact with children.  im ok. go from sobbing mess to hating him lol. but will get through this and hopefully will still have him as a friend.

i now an going to have to get a life of my own.  good thing is i have droped half a stone in less than a week :))

> and hopefully will still have him as a friend.
>
>

Good for you !  As a child of divorced parents i remember the tense handover of me on a Friday and Sunday , but they became almost friends eventually .

Kiger - I havent been on CD for a while and not on Facebook anymore but just wanted to say - hope you are ok and I'm thinking of you!! xx

Lumphy - I am so sorry to hear your news, sometimes its not as bad as you first think (I know it might not seem it at the moment) but I went through quite a hard break up before I got with my current partner (I've been with him nearly 3yrs now) at first I was really scared of being on my own, but it did become apparent that it was for the best. We didn't have children or even a dog together so I can only sympathise (in a non patronising way) but I am a firm believer in "things can only get better" and "everything happens for a reason" :-)