Last night my neighbour came around and was complaining about the noise now the kids where dancing in the bedroom to nursery rhymes I didn't relise they where upsetting nx door but this wasn't my issue he was well with in his rights to complain and I did apolagise and stop the noise.  My problem was the way he went about it he was shouting at me waving his hands and was very threatening I was home alone with two young children which he knows if my oh was home I don't think he would of spoken to me like.  I really feel cross that he made me feel so intemidated when i'm alone with my children it was about 8.00 and I was just giving the dogs a bath before putting the kids to bed usually they would of been in bed by then just time go away from me if you know what i mean.  My oh says he wants to go around and have a word but I told him not too as i don't want it to end up worse or coming to blows at the same time I do want to tell him or I was thinking of saying to his wife I'm sorry about the noise and if you ever have any issues with us I would rather you come and say but If your husband comes around shouting throwing his weight around i'll call the police.  Maybe i'm just better to leave it? They own their house and we rent ours off my mum so we class it as ours and we plan to be here for a very long time.  He is a grumpy man and hes always shouting at the kids/teens for standing in front of his house etc.  Maybe theres just no talking to some people?

If it was me I would do the following, step back send a bunch of flowers to the next door neighbours wife saying sorry. Make him appear an absolute prat and show you have better manners.

Thats me. All else would inflame the situation and you could end up with a neighbour that complains all the time. the guy or his wife could be ill.  Either way she would appreciate the gesture and deal with you direct instead of him?

Your home is your castle, rented or owned, it is the place where we feel safe, for ourselves and our children. It's where we can laugh, cry, dance and sing as much as we like, as long as not during late hours or continuous loud music etc being played.

Your children dancing and singing in their bedroom at 8pm is no reason whatsoever for this neighbour to knock on your door.  To be honest my husband would have knocked down the guys door if he had done that to me.

You are left feeling scared now and worried and you should not be asking your children in their own home having fun to be quiet incase the guy next door gets upset, it's your home and the guy for the reasons you have given is bang out of order.

You need to get that message across to these neighbours,  unless this is a build up over weeks or months of excess noise and the guy snapped that day only you will know, but no-one is going to say that children dancing and singing to nursery rhymes at 8pm is noise nuisance, so he should not have knocked on your door, he has no right and you need to tell him so. If you want to talk to the woman and you think she can sort out her husband then do so, if not let your husband do it, but your not to be bullied by any neighbour, if it comes to the police being called because he is aggressive then you'll have to do that, they will soon tell him he is in the wrong, maybe you will need to do that.

But you should never be frightened in your own home, or feel you can't laugh or sing there.

I feel for you.I am on my own and have two kids and the walls are dreadful as you can hear everything. Previous neighbours were awful and new ones not much better. He is aggressive and no one likes him and known for having a temper. Well like you, he didnt come round tho but has twice banged on the wall when my kids are arguing or dancing to music. To the point where my kids tell me they hate living here as I am constantly telling them to keep the noise down.
My friend has the same problem up the road with her neighbours. Common sense tells me to just live our lives as if he doesnt like it, he either puts up with it, moves or soundproofs his house. Ironically they have horrific rows and I have had her shouting through the walls for me to call the police, at very unsocialble hours in the morning.
I have absolutely made my mind up that if he ever knocks on my door that I will call the police. You cannot reason with the unreasonable and I am not prepared to be intimidated by him . I hate bullies I really do as I would never treat people like this. Last time he knocked I knocked back.

Carrington, your post was great and I might bookmark it to read everyday to keep me in this frame of mind.

Ponk that sounds terrible, we have been her just over 2 years and never had a problem before I think its because it was in my bedroom which goes over a aly way and conects to his house.  I do feel i need to say something I submitted when he was shouting at me and after I felt like i should of said something but he is a bully I bet he wouldn't of talked to my oh like that and he knew he was out at work.  Oh is not happy I don't want this to esculate so I feel like I need to apolagise for the noise but tell him if there is a next time or anything else arises then atleast lets sort it out like adults not kids shouting in the play ground.  I'm not going to feel uncomfortable walking up my garden path or crossing him in the street.  And he really doesn't want to get on the wrong side of my oh he suffers from Bi-polar and if he stresses him out he may not control his temper too well.

The problem where I live is the walls, they are sooo thin. What annoys me is that knowing this then neighbours should not be complaining but doing something about it. My neighbour will only shout once as I will not accept it. I put it with moaning neighbours for years before they moved and I refuse to go there again. My ex OH did go round to them and all hell broke loose. With hindsight I wish I had nipped it in the bud before it escalated. On a positive note my house is up for sale!

You apologised when he came to your door - there is no need to say anything else.  These things can escalate beyond control.  He may be someone who is intolerant and can't speak to people in a decent way.  If so then just say good day to him - be polite but have nothing to do with him.  Keep dialogue going this way but don't be apologetic and don't let him bully you.  Some people are just dying for a fight and you really don't want to go there believe me.  He may just have had a bad day - who knows but keep your distance - don't let the children make an excessive noise in that room again - I don't mean go around whispering - just be normal.  I know someone who actually moved house because they couldn't stand the children throwing balls against their one wall.  They are now in heavy dispute with their new neighbours over land issue.  I am sure that their neighbours would never had cause to look at their deeds closely and find that their land extended beyond their fence into next door if some dispute hadn't arisen and mishandled completely.  Some people just can't sort things out in a polite way.   Rise above his rudeness and keep your own council.  If either of you give vent to your feelings then you may feel satisfaction for a moment but you can't take back those words and you loose face in the long term.  If he comes to your door ranting again.  Just say politely I will listen to what you say when you speak to me properly and close the door if he doesn't make the effort. 

I went around to see him I've been simmering all day so I was now at boiling point thinking how dare he etc....anyway first i said i just wanted to apolagise for the noise last night and clear the air but i went on I also would just like to ask if you ever have any issues then please could we talk about it rather then you shouting on my door step because as you know i've two young children its not very nice for them and i did feel quite threatened by you last night espically as I was home alone, he apolagised and said he didn't want any hard feelings and admited he could of handled it better he ment nothing by it and was very sorry if he upset me or scared me or the children as that wasn't his intention he shock my hand and had the general chatter and said he didn't want to fall out etc.  Basically he did a fair bit of groveling lol I think he just blow his fuse and i was in the line of fire.

good on you for being brave enough to go and see him, I know I couldn't have done that. Now you can put it behind you.

Very well handled - well done you.

Sorted!!  :)