Hi I'm looking for a bit of advice please.  I'll try to keep it brief ...

I have just found out that my ex best friend's mum died on Thursday.  Her dad died about 20 years ago when she was in her late teens or thereabouts.  Although we never fell out initially, she just stopped seeing us and would only call when she had something to tell me (they were going on holiday, she'd got a new car, getting a new kitchen - you get the idea).  This was about four or five years ago.  When I had my little one she put a card and voucher through the door the day after I'd given birth knowing that I would still be in hospital and she wouldn't have to see me.  She's come into a restaurant in the past where I've been sitting near the door and not bothered to speak to me.  A few months I bumped into her in the supermarket and it all came to a head as I said hello, then walked away and left my husband with her.  In truth I've now got absolutely nothing to say to her.  I was hurt about her behaviour for a long time and now feel that she doesn't even know me.  She stopped me as she was leaving the supermarket to say that I was rude not even speaking to her, I told her what was the point of making polite chit-chat just because I'd bumped into her when she quite clearly didn't want to be friends and socialise with me anymore.  Her parting comment was, 'I was right about all the things I've said about you'.  I just walked away, as I couldn't see the point in arguing with her as it wasn't going to change anything.

Anyway, now her mum's died what do I do?  I am sorry that she's lost her mum, her mum was a lovely lady whom I'd known for many years and been welcomed into her home on many occassions, but I don't want to go round to her house or call her.  Should I send her a condolense card and, if so, what do I write in it?

Any advice, even if you think it's not the advice I'm looking for, is welcome.  I really don't know what I should do; what's right.

i would send a card, despite your relationship with her, you knew her mum very well, so if it was me i would send a card x x

Send a card and say how fond you were of her mother and what a lovely lady she was etc etc. Say that you know how much your friend will miss her. Don't let your arguement prevent you doing the right thing :) :) :) You don't need to mention anything about your arguement to your friend.

Daisy

I would send a condolence card i think Daisy has said some v sensible things.

Agree with Daisy and if you send a card, you won't end up regreting anything.

After that can I give some advice?  Stop beating yourself up over something that you can't resolve.  Move on, you've done nothing wrong.  :-)

Thanks everyone.  I'm definitely going to send a card.

Thanks Jean, I guess these things just happen.

Im the same as the the others. Send the card
Jean

something very simlair happened to me a few months back but this time it was my  x friends  husband, who died very suddenly.  i sent her a card saying how sorry i was. Also reminded  her she knew were i was if she needed a shoulder at any time. i put my mobile no on the bottom of the card as she didnt have it.  i have not heard from her but i feel i have done all i can on my side.  i also felt i could not let his death go without doing something as i had no arguement with her hubby and was very fond of him.