Hello, I am new to these boards so please be gentle.

I have been made to feel something of a pariah and that I must not be a "true" dog-lover. Why? Because, in a conversation with some newish acquaintances which turned to pets, I explained how my o/h & I had to rehome our beautiful Golden Retriever a little while ago. The comments I received were along the lines of "I would NEVER 'get rid' of my dog" and "oh, how could you?" The reason we had to take this heart-breaking course of action was because we had both been made redundant and our country home with garden etc was being repossessed. We were moving to an inner-city first floor flat with only a shared yard, and my o/h who was part-time, would have to take a lower paid job involving longer hours. Belts are having to be tightened.

When I challenged these acquaintances as to what they would do in the circumstances, the best they could come up with was they would "manage somehow". Yes, I bet - the way my new next-door neighbour manages with her Dalamation and Staffie-cross in the flat next to mine...the dogs live in the yard, howling and barking constantly (I can hear them as I type, at 11.45pm). They are unruly and over-boisterous, presumably because they don't get sufficient exercise. I could never condemn Bracken, who was used to riverside runs and spending hours "helping" us in the garden (well, she was good at digging!) to this life of virtual imprisonment.

We - and more importantly, she - are lucky. We have friends who run a caravan site less than half a mile from where we lived. They have adopted her and love her as we do. She has their black Lab to play with, unlimited space and human company, and because they live so close to our old house, even some of her walks are the same. We are able to keep in touch - already we have received photos of her in her new home and she is still the happy, confident dog we adore.

It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make. We didn't make it lightly, but we knew our new enforced life was no life for a big bouncy retriever and we did it for her. I KNOW we did the right thing, but nevertheless I stupidly feel upset that our motives were sneered at, and that these people so obviously think we were just "sick" of looking after a dog or that we considered her an "inconvenience". So many people keep a dog for selfish reasons, without considering what is best for the dog. I can't be one of them, even though I miss Bracken so much it hurts.

Hi
I think that what you have done was done for the good of the dog.
I too have a Goldie who I love to bits but I live where there are fields
I would never think that you are not a true dog lover if you have looked
at finding him a home where you know that he will be happy.I don't think
that anyone on this board would ever judge you badley for doing the best
for your dog.
Nina

I think you made the right choice and made your dog come first. Its what you feel is right, not what other people think is what counts. Your dog sounds happy and thats the main thing. :)

I don't think you have to justify your actions - what you have done is probably the second hardest decision that any responsible dog-owning/loving person has to do - your circumstances had changed to the point that you were unable to give your dog the quality of life it was used to. Don't beat yourself about this - I just hope that your circumstances change again, and that you will either be able to be reconciled again with your pal - or if not, that you may be able to "rescue" another dog in similar circumstances to those you find yourself in at present.

Margot

Hi GM and welcome to the forum.
Please don't feel like a pariah. You did the best thing possible for your dog and made sure she had a good home. I had to do the same for two siblings I had a long time ago. I had no choice in the matter either.
I've also adopted a dog from people who could no longer keep her. I have to say that I was always grateful for the care her former owners had provided. I was in no situation to have a puppy and she loved the childfree life we gave her. :)

Please don't feel bad at all. Circumstances change and dogs ARE a luxury to maintain..no matter how emotionally close we are to them. I hate thinking of it that way too. But it's true. :(
Take satisfaction that you did a wonderful job of finding her a proper place to live. You did not take the "easy" way out by dumping her along the road side that many people do. You also did not keep her confined in small quarters because it would not have been in her best interest and cruel......only because you 'couldn't' give her up---that would have been selfish.
You were/are responsible and caring about your dog.
It's nice to meet you :)
regards,
toodles

Morning,
I think you made a very brave and hard decision which put the dogs welfare first and your own feelings second .I think you did the right thing and I hope that if ever I have to make that kind of decision I will be big enough to do the same ,:)
Liz

I agree with all that's been said. The happiness and welfare of your dog was your prime concern and no one should condemn you for that. It must have been a very hard decision for you to make.

The people I feel less kindly towards are those who get rid of their dogs when the first baby comes along - not because there's a specific problem, just because they can't be bothered with the dog anymore.

I do hope your circumstances improve in time.

Joyce

Tell the new aquaintance to mind their own business its a sacrifice to give up a dog for his own good,maybe when things change in the future you can get another dog.

I think what you did shows you really loved your dog, not a soppy oh I couldn't bear to part with her love but a I want what's best for her love.
I commend you for what you did and I hope that you will be able to have some contact with dogs, have you thought about volunteering to help at a rescue or do you think it is too soon.
Whatever you decide you can have an honourary ownership of my dogs
Anne

Hello and welcome GM Seed,

There will be a few people on the board faced with similar circumstances at one time or another. I know most people find this hard to talk about as they do feel guilty.

You did the best thing for your dog and were not selfish at all. If fact it would have been selfish probably to keep him in unsuitable circumstances.

It sounds like he has a great home now so focus on this.

You are probably at the mixed emotion stage where you miss him and feel guilty but you do not have to.

Welcome ot the board. You imput will help others in this situation.

BFN

Pam

Hi there

Yo made the right choice, you do not have to explain your choice. I can tell bt reading your post how much you really love that dog and you thought of the dogs welfare, good on you and welcomr to the forum

DOGS

You made the right choice.

Lucy

I agree with Mattie you should tell them to mind their own business. You made an unselfish decision for your dog who is now happy and well cared for, you did the best you could for your dog under the circumstances and IMO was the right thing to do.

Best wishes

Clair

Hi GM
Well, I would ditch the new friends!
You made a tough descision, which involved heartache for you so that Bracken could continue to live life to the full. In some ways I feel that is possibly harder to continue to live with than the death of your pet, as you will continually beat yourself up about abandoning her and feel jealous that someone else is enjoying her love and devotion and even the temptation to go see her. :(
However, you did what you thought, and clearly still believe to be, right, in which case it was the right thing for you to do. :)
I wish you well.
Nicky

As a breeder I have had people find that they needed to rehome theri dog for the best and worst of reasons, but ultimately it was in the dogs best interest, as they went to homes that could give them what they needed.

You did not dump your dog, or take it into a rescue centre, but homed it with love and understanding for its needs!

Well done.

I agree, well done :)

You put your dog first, and she is with people you trust who have given her a wonderful home :)

I call that an incredibly brave and inspiring decision :)

Lindsay

Poor you!! You did what was best for your doggie - don't feel bad! These new aquaintances would do well to get down off their high horses - i'd have done exactly the same in your situation, and i think anyone who wouldn't would be thinking about their own feelings, not the dog's welfare, after all Bracken wouldn't've been happy. They'd have "managed somehow" because they'd be thinking of themselves and not the dog!!
i currently live in a semi rural area and i do live in a flat. My dogs are only happy living in a home with no garden because of the countryside walks they get. i don't know for certain if i could put my own feelings aside if i had to move somewhere unsuitable for them, but i truely hope i could. i think you're very brave.
i'd definately get some different aquaintances if i were you!!

I think you did a very hard and brave thing and you should be praised and not pilloried (sp ? ). When my husband got divorced, he had to give up his two beautiful lab dogs and it broke his heart (more than the wife running off).

People's circumstances do change and you did the best for your dog at a difficult time.

Who's to say that your circumstances won't change again and you'll be maybe be able to offer a loving home to a dog of someone in similar circumstances.

Keep your chin up. Things WILL get better.

9th & The Mutts

Thanks to everyone for your kind & supportive messages. I literally had tears in my eyes as I read them - what a wonderful bunch of people you are. I think I knew, really, that we made the right decision, but couldn't help feeling "is there something else we didn't think of" and these acquaintances - notice I never called them friends! - just put extra doubt in my mind.

Anne - I would love to have honorary ownership of your dogs! Please describe them, and give them a hug from their new honorary "auntie".

You have also inspired me to *do* something rather than sit here feeling sorry for myself. There is a small local shelter who re-homes dogs and cats. They also (like most places, I guess) have some dogs who are unsuitable to be rehomed for various reasons. I rang them this afternoon and have made an appointment for this weekend to go up and meet some of their dogs with a view to joining their sponsorship scheme. Similar to the NCDL I assume - I will pay a monthly amount which goes towards my chosen dog's upkeep. They did say that depending on the dog's temperament, my own experience and the number of sponsors the dog already has, I may be allowed to take "my" dog for walks in my free time.

I will have another dog one day. I don't think there will ever be a chance of being reunited with Bracken - her new mum, Angela, already loves her as if they'd been together for years. In the meantime, however, I intend to keep up to date with the world of Goldens, research bloodlines, attend shows (in a little while - a bit too painful right now) and update my tiny pedigree database against the day when our circumstances improve and we can hopefully give another gorgeous Golden as much love as we gave Bracken.

Thanks again, my new friends.

GM SEED

Sponsering is a great idea!!!

Wow it will be great for you and you will never loose that contact in the doggie world

Hope everything works out well for you

Dogs :)

Hi, with acquaintances like that, who needs enemies :-(? Hope that you are still able to visit Bracken, and that you are soon in a position to have another goldie. I can't offer a Golden as an honorary dog (great idea Anne :-)), but if you fancy a deerhound or wolfie, there is a queue here :-). Seriously though, a friend of ours had two deerhounds in the past but couldn't get another when his last one passed away because his wife's GSD is dog aggressive. So for several years now he has 'borrowed' our Megan (wolfhound) and Flea (deerhound) when he needs a hound fix. Do any of your friends have a Golden that would like a 3D auntie who could take them for walks, buy them presents and have them for visits sometimes?

Megan and Flea sound gorgeous, I would be honoured to join the queue to be a "virtual" auntie. Lovely breeds, both.

Yes we are still able to visit Bracken - the caravan site that her new owners run has a sort of "Country Club" attached (not as posh as it sounds!) and her new mum has made my hubby & I life members. We are trying to strike the balance between visiting her to keep in touch, and staying away enough so as not to seem like we are "taking over" and to give Bracken and her new mum time to bond.

Most of my local friends are cat people, strangely - must be because we now live in such a built-up area. My aunt has a GSD/Rough Collie rescue, so I can have a doggy fix when I'm able to get over there. She's quite elderly now though & has developed OCD in her shoulders, so our playtime & walks have to be quite sedate. Also, my friend down South has a black Lab and sends me photos etc via e-mail. When she came to visit recently, I think I spent more time with Inca than I did with my friend!

The queue is of hopeful hounds looking for honorary and virtual aunts and uncles - my crew are no mugs and they know that their uncles and aunts provide more treats than mum & dad :-).

I know what you mean about striking a balance. We had to re-home a dog with a lovely couple this year because of a 'bitch spite' and don't like to visit as often as we would prefer in case we disturb the apple-cart.

Have emailed you privately GM but Cava and Una send wags and licks to Auntie :-)
Anne