Sure I'm being really dim here, but not knowing anything about weddings, I thought I'd ask you folk to clarify something for me.  A friend (not a really close friend) has emailed me with a 'save the date' thing for her wedding.  She emailed it personally, not as a bulk email to everyone she knows.. but what does this mean!!!?  Does it mean I'm going to be invited (I am quite surprised if that's the case), or is it something people do just to tell the world... and don't really want me to 'save the date' (but perhaps would like a card!).  I do find these things very confusing... one of the reasons I don't EVER plan to get married :-D

I think she is saying I think I am getting married on this date, save it to your diary so yes you will get an invite!!

We had a save the date card when a friend got married, i thinks it's becoming more common now it's just something you send out before your invites so people don't double book the day.

I would say that you are invited as it's something you send the guests you will be inviting to the big day.

I would pressume it means you're invited to the whole thing.  I have to say, I don't really see the point of them.  Surely you tell you're close friends and family the date when you've booked the venue and if they choose not to 'save' it, then that's their call.

I wouldn't take it as being the equivalent of an invitation, so don't be disappointed if you don't get invited to the ceremony.  Many people just send out Save the Date cards so extended family/friends know what is going on and can send cards/gifts etc.  I know that I will send out Save the Date cards to people I won't be inviting to the ceremony - but then maybe I'm just mean :-)

I would assume that if i received a save the date card i would be invited to the ceremony- otherwise why save the date??!!
I think its a great idea as somany weddings are booked so far in advance :-)

Well that's what I would have thought, but I'm really surprised to be invited, so I wondered if actually it's just what people did to announce their wedding... then worried about guest list later!!  Guess I'm more popular than I thought hehehehe... got a  year to decide what I'm going to wear too :-D

Save the date cards are normally issued 1 year from the event, the guest list and invitations are finalised about a month before. (well, that's the theory)

it's all very complicated.. guess I'll just wait and see.  If I do/don't get an invite, I'll be sure to report back, for future reference for you all!

Yes please, then we'll all understand if we get one!:)  I would expect a wedding announcement to everyone and only those who are invited to 'save the date'.  If that's not the way it works these days, then I'm surprised that anyone 'saves the date'.  Doesn't seem any point? :(

My Step sone just got married and did the " save the date" to all day time and evening reception guests.

Part of my job involves being a wedding coordinator for a large city centre hotel and all of my brides send out save the date cards (I can't bring myself to refer to them by the initials only) to their intended guests when they book the venue.  At the moment we're taking bookings for 2011 and 2012 so the cards are sent out to let people know there will be a wedding on 12 August 2011 for example.  It's becoming more and more popular as people are planning so far ahead with holidays etc and also needing to budget if travelling is involved.

I would be very surprised if you won't get an invite to at least the evening do, if not the whole day.  I've certainly yet to come across a bride who hasn't invited those who've received a Save the Date card.

My son got married in July 09. The Save the Date cards were sent out with the Christmas cards in Dec 07 and the invites with the Christmas cards Dec 08 (saved a lot of postage :)) Save the Date cards were sent to all those who were invited to the main reception. Although there was no actual RSVP date on the invite, it was hoped that people would reply by about April 09 in order to have the opporunity to invite other people if some could not come :) The reception was booked in 2007.

> I know that I will send out Save the Date cards to people I won't be inviting to the ceremony - but then maybe I'm just mean 

I'm looking forward to receiving mine then :) :) :)

Daisy

> all of my brides send out save the date cards (I can't bring myself to refer to them by the initials only)

I'd be slightly alarmed if i received an STD card through the post :-) :-) :-)

> Does it mean I'm going to be invited (I am quite surprised if that's the case), or is it something people do just to tell the world...

This is right up my street as my save the date cards are going to be posted next Fri (1 year to go >eek<!).  You send them out to people who will be invited to the ceremony & wedding breakfast to ensure they can attend, quite key if you're planning on getting married during a busy time of the year e.g. August when most people have their holidays.

Bit strange that she's e-mailed but then again maybe it's a way of savings costs, I would imagine you will be getting an invite so might be worht 'saving the date' if you want to go!

I can't wait to send mine out, had so much fun making them!

I have never heard of this before, but would not see the point of 'saving the date' if the person was not going to be invited to the wedding.  It does seem an odd thing to do to me anyway, as I can never understand why weddings are booked for so far down the line! Most people won't even have a diary or calendar for the next year or the year after anyway so will probably forget the date.

> You send them out to people who will be invited to the ceremony & wedding breakfast

Never even heard of a wedding breakfast!!!  Is it just as it sounds!!?

> Never even heard of a wedding breakfast!!!&nbsp; Is it just as it sounds!!?

This term is used for the wedding dinner - in England, not really used in Scotland. Apparently it arises from the fact that the Bride and Groom would have fasted before the wedding ceremony. Does not mean they have a fry up with a cuppa unfortunately.  

> Never even heard of a wedding breakfast!!!&nbsp; Is it just as it sounds!!?

It's named a wedding breakfast as it is the first meal the couple will have as husband & wife!  You don't have a fry up or cereal!!! We're having a 3 course sit down meal. 

Oh! I'm loving all this wedding talk on CD, it's much nicer than all the nastiness that goes off on wedding forums!

Feel free to ask any more questions!!! I love it!! only 373 days to go!!

> as I can never understand why weddings are booked for so far down the line!

You need to book venues & registrar's at least 12-18 months in advance if you've got your heart set on a particular or popular venue, you'd be amazed how many venues only had limited availability when we were looking this time last year for 2010!!!

> Feel free to ask any more questions!!! I love it!! only 373 days to go!!

For fear this makes me sound ancient - is it usual to have such long engagements?

My OH asked me to marry him.  He asked in February and we got married in September (23 years ago)

Our nephew has just decided to get engaged - as though that were the final outcome.  When I asked about the wedding date he airily replied oh not for years yet!

Am I a bit old fashioned here or is it simply that it takes that long to be able to afford it.  I felt that as soon as we'd decided we wanted to spend our lives together that there was little point in waiting ages to start.  My nephew deciding to get engaged is like putting himself and his girlfriend in a 'holding' pattern with no arrival time in sight!

> is it usual to have such long engagements

I think it is becoming more common especially as getting wed is sooooooo expensive these days, the average wedding cost £11k!!  & also as I mentioned in my previous post many venues are booked years in advance so if there's somewhere in particular you want to have your ceremony you may not have a choice but to wait. 

We've waited until next year for a couple of reasons 1) to save up & allow our parents to save up, 2) we've had a close couple get married this year & my BM is pregnant so wanted to wait until she'd given birth & 3) we need time to get everything organised esp as I'm trying to do as much as possible myself rather than paying someone else to do it to save some money e.g. making own invites etc

I do think a lot of couples get engaged as the next stage in their relationship with no real intention of getting married which I'm not convinced about, to me you get engaged to be married not as the next step in a relationship, although you do get a nice bit of bling out of it :)

> It's named a wedding breakfast as it is the first meal the couple will have as husband & wife!  You don't have a fry up or cereal!!! We're having a 3 course sit down meal.

Rubbish... I'd have liked a nice brekkie before it all started, as long as there were hash browns.  Nevermind...  If I ever change my mind and want to get married, I will be sure to provide my guests with an actual wedding breakfast :-D

> Nevermind...&nbsp; If I ever change my mind and want to get married, I will be sure to provide my guests with an actual wedding breakfast

sounds a good reason to me. especially if there are hash browns...

(joking! lest i be accused of mocking the sanctity of marraige)

(joking! lest i be accused of mocking the sanctity of marraige)
Daddy? or chips?  Marriage? or hash browns?  It's a tough decision.

> (joking! lest i be accused of mocking the sanctity of marraige)

now we wouldn't want that... but if you throw in chocolate cake, and some really really good presents, it almost sounds tempting :-D

> 'd have liked a nice brekkie before it all started

You can have brekkie if you want before, I think I'll be too nervous to eat maybe I'll have a champagne brekkie!!! :)

see, marraige with hashbrowns is the best senario :)

> as I can never understand why weddings are booked for so far down the line!

>Am I a bit old fashioned here or is it simply that it takes that long to be able to afford it.  I felt that as soon as we'd decided we wanted to spend our lives together that there was little point in waiting ages to start.  My nephew deciding to get engaged is like putting himself and his girlfriend in a 'holding' pattern with no arrival time in sight!

This is something that has always puzzled me to.  Also being engaged for years?

For me a couple of months ahead, and the engagement is the time between deciding the date and it arriving.

Pretty sure that both times I have married it was only about 6 months from deciding to do until the day.  It would drive me mad planning for something so far away so much could happen in that time.

>My OH asked me to marry him.
>Our nephew has just decided to get engaged - as though that were the final outcome

Something I've never understood is when people say that they're 'getting engaged next week'. Surely an engagement is an agreement to marry - and as soon as you've agreed to marry, you're engaged. How is it possible to post-date it?

My OH asked me to marry him in the February and we got married in October the same year (silver anniversary this year!).

> Oh! I'm loving all this wedding talk on CD, it's much nicer than all the nastiness that goes off on wedding forums!
>

I know, some of those forums are unbelievable - full of bridezillas talking about "sacking" bridesmaids, disinviting people, complaining that their parents haven't given them enough money / the vicar insists on mentioning God during the ceremony / pregnant sister might get more attention than the bride / someone in the family has the cheek to get married in the same year as them.  Lots of virtual stamping of feet and wailing "it's my day, and everyone else has to do what I want".  Then the threads where they compare engagement rings to see who has the biggest one. You're right, CD is a much healthier environment.  I'm sure if most men saw a wedding forum they'd never propose to their girlfriends!

It was the same with my parents 25 years ago but as someone said nowadays the nice wedding venues get booked a long time in advance :-)

>as someone said nowadays the nice wedding venues get booked a long time in advance

I suppose it boils down to what is considered more important - the wedding day or being married ....

Ah ..that was then, this is now!

We got engaged (when I wasn't quite 18 !), then we saved for a HOUSE .....the wedding was planned according to what my parents (and OH's parents) said we could go to ......and we saved for the honeymoon.

The wedding was planned - well as much as we planned weddings all those years ago - when my dad came back from a function at a local hotel and told us that he'd come to an arrangement with the hotel manager & we could have the "wedding breakfast" there - just make sure with them before we booked any dates.

We got married just two years later, moved into our brand new house as we came back from our honeymoon (2 weeks on the Norfolk Broads, on a yacht called, appropriately, Ecstasy :D).   Furniture?   My bed from my parents' home, two easy chairs from OH's parents, brand new cooker (on HP from Eastern Electricity) and kitchen table & chairs which cost 5 guineas!

During our engagement, I had a "hope chest" - and bought sheets and blankets, crockery, pots & pans etc during the sales - people gave us presents etc - it was  fun going through everything and planning out the marrage.

But then - that was then (46 years ago) - and this is now!

I think if you are going to do it once then you should have the best day of your life :-)

With the right partner it'd still be the best day of your life even if it was held at the side of the main road in the rain!

Yes i agree but why not celebrate in style?? Couples earn a lot more than they did 25 years ago, why not spend it on celebrating the happiest day of your life ??

> I suppose it boils down to what is considered more important - the wedding day or being married ....

That sums up how we felt....when we decided we were going to be married we did not want to wait ages for a particular venue. We found somewhere that could fit us in a few months later, and clubbed together our money for a simple day which we could afford.   I am amazed at the sums that seem to be spent because I would have thought when you get married you need money for buying and furnishing your first home.

> I suppose it boils down to what is considered more important - the wedding day or being married

I do agree with you on that point JG but also as a girl I've always wanted a reasonably big wedding with all my family & friends around me & if I'm being honest me being the centre of attention (yikes!! :)) for the day & having all that but in a beautiful setting making it all the more meaningful to me. 

I know everyone will have different opinions & I agree that getting married is becoming more of an experience than actually making a commitment for life but I think you can have the perfect fairytale wedding day & it still be a celebration of your love & commitment to each other.

Does any of that make sense - who knows, it's a Friday & I'm tired, ready for the wknd! :)

> Yes i agree but why not celebrate in style??

I suppose it just boils down to personal taste, we are the kind of people who hate fuss or extravagance so wanted a simple day with the focus on the future, which to me is the happy part rather than just the wedding day. 

Nail on the head, honeybee! :-) It's all personal preference - I know that I didn't want to wait a moment longer than necessary to be married to the man I loved! The church was important (neither of us had been married before so that was an option) so we got the first available date at the parish church. The reception was held in the village hall then we were joined at the pub by our friends. A truly brilliant day - I loved every minute of it - and the money we saved meant we could afford the deposit on a house of our own.

Aah that sounds lovely Gembo. Far better worded than i could manage.
In this day and age many couples live together and have a furnished home so dont need to save for all that sort of stuff like generations before needed to. You dont have to spend tens of thousands of pounds (like the media lead us to believe) to have a good time but i cant imagine anything worse than getting married and years down the line wishing you had got married somewhere more beautiful or looked at your pictures thinking they would have looked better had it been set at another venue.
I dont see the need to rush to get married. Why not spend a few months planning the fairytale day of your dreams., And you know what they say "Marry in haste ......." :-)

> And you know what they say "Marry in haste ......." :-)

It's not really marrying in haste if you have already been together for years as boyfriend and girlfriend before deciding to get married.

> i cant imagine anything worse than getting married and years down the line wishing you had got married somewhere more beautiful or looked at your pictures thinking they would have looked better had it been set at another venue.
>

We certainly do look back now and then at the wedding photos and giggle at how ridiculous we look (fashions change...!_)but nothing like that really matters as we are still together and happy! 

Gembo, I do hope you have a wonderful day, and that you live happily ever after!  You deserve every happiness.

I do admit to some concern about the amount of money that some people are prepared to spend on just one day - talking to a friend yesterday, she was telling me that her god-daughter's wedding cost over £40,000!

And - what makes that seem insignificent now - they broke up just 18 months after the wedding - and we still paying for the wedding day :(

>Save the date cards are normally issued 1 year from the event, the guest list and invitations are finalised about a month before.

Good grief! What an enormous insult to people who've possibly rearranged their own plans to fit around the bride and groom, and then aren't considered good enough to receive an invitation to the big event!

>> Save the date cards are normally issued 1 year from the event, the guest list and invitations are finalised about a month before.
> Good grief! What an enormous insult to people who've possibly rearranged their own plans to fit around the bride and groom, and then aren't considered good enough to receive an invitation to the big event! <IMG class=qButton title="Quote selected text" height=10 alt="Quote selected text" src="/images/mi_quote.gif" width=20>

I've never heard of someone sending out a save the date and then not inviting that person to their wedding - that would be a recipe for offending people.  If anything, save the dates are sent to those you particularly want to attend.  I haven't sent out save the dates - I'm only having a small wedding and told everyone more informally when the date is a couple of months before sending out the invitations.

> Gembo, I do hope you have a wonderful day, and that you live happily ever after!&nbsp; You deserve every happiness.

Aww thanks Loki's mum - I hope we live happily ever after too & hopefully in a new house we've just had an offer accepted on! Wedding & moving house - argh!

> wedding cost over £40,000

That is ridiculous, I have a friend who had a beautiful day in a gorgeous setting with a decent size number of guests who's budget including a 10 day honeymoon to St Lucia was less than £8k.  You can spend as little or as much as you want I guess but I've got to admit even if I had £40k (no where near in fact is what we have!) I wouldn't want to spend it all on one day.  There are things I'm happy pay a bit extra for e.g. food & photographer but you can go completely over the top with free bars, expensive favours, entertainment etc etc, this list is endless - you have to draw the line somewhere.  Our budget is about average with most weddings although we are paying a huge chunk to the National Trust for using one of their venues so that's a charity donation really!!