Just wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with a break up? :(  there seems so much to sort out, our house, bank accounts etc, and solicitor fees are going to be expensive. im feeling pretty rubbish just now, and any advice will be much appreciated.

No advise just cyber hugs I'm afraid (((hugs))) Hope you get it all sorted as quickly as possible.

Give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship. 

Don't rush into another, just because you don't want to be alone.

Feel good about yourself as often as you can.   {{{{  HUGS  }}}}

Huge hugs.............
First job is the solicitor. You have to find a decent one preferably by word of mouth, so ask around if that is possible.
Secure your finances without delay, do not trust 'fair play' .
Sit tight and be advised as much as possible by those who are most recently affected.
Try not to agree to quickly, you must not do yourself down for the sake of an easy life.

Karen :(

gosh not much advise i could give you on this just wanted to say sorry to hear your having to go thu it ,
Understandably its going to be a  Difficult time for you all i can say is take it one day at a time ,
i wish you all the best for the future xx

thanks, got myself a solicitor today, its a girl i was friends with years ago and our mums work together, she sent me a few emails today with price lists, im coming back as a solicitor in my next life, they must have a fair bit of money!
also saw the bank today and got myself a bank account, at the moment we only have a joint one. got some savings which im putting into as soon as its set up. viewed a house last week, its lovely, however, need to contact my mortgage provider and arrange my name to be removed. its all so much hassle, and the partner is not really helping :(
we would have been 8 years this coming wednesday, 1st july, instead im moving in with my parents on tuesday with the dog and cat, at least they stay with me, he doesnt want them :(

Just take one day at a time.

When I split with my first husband after 10 years I made sure I got good legal advice to make sure I was protected.  I also took a trusted friend with me which was invaluable for me as my mind was so numb I didn't know what questions to ask.  My solicitor did a legal separation agreement which I signed and was sent to his solicitor to be approved and signed by him.  It legally stated the date we split, who was to remain in the house, how we were both jointly responsible for debt etc. 

Although I was very lucky and my ex didn't try to rip me off or cause me financial issues I didn't know that at the time and wanted something 'legal' before the dust settled. 

The splitting of the bank accounts should just require a letter stating who is to be removed from the account which both of you need to sign and take to your local branch. 

Although I don't know your personal situation I would advise doing the legal stuff as soon as possible.  For me I just was left thinking that I really didn't know this person any more and that I could no longer trust him, I wanted him to sign an agreement before his guilt wore off.

You will get through this, talk to your friends and family and get the support you need.
(((big hugs)))
Mel

oh suz i am sorry :(

I'm so sorry to read this :(

As you say, at least he doesn't want the animals. Just a thought, is your dog in your soul name with the KC? If not, will he sign the form so he can be transferred to just your name?

need to contact my mortgage provider and arrange my name to be removed

They may well refuse to do this unless your partner actually buy's you out legally. The more names they have on the mortgage deeds the more people they can run after if he defaults on the mortgage! Do check very carefully...have been there myself.
It is very stressfull I know. Huge hugs coming your way. Get everything done by solicitors so there is no comeback on you. If your ?husband? falls behind with his repayments for anything that had your name on it ie..gas, electric hire purchase, etc.. they will come after you for the money, be warned, a gentlemans (Ladies to be PC) agreement is worth nothing if there is no paperwork.

Take each day at a time and remember to have fun...a walk with the dogs, a night out with friends, anything that you enjoy.
Aileen xxxx

> They may well refuse to do this unless your partner actually buy's you out legally.

really? :(   thought i could phone up and arrange an appointment, pay and administration fee and that was it? solicitor spoke about a seperation agreement we both can sign, that we agree what each of us takes from house, im taking pets, the car thats been paid off, half our savings (which isnt a huge amount) and some furniture, couch, tv etc.
i really need to sit down and write a list of everyone i need to contact, my heads all over the place, really not wanting all the hassle :(  

as much as i love my job (vet nurse) theres times i wish i was doing something which paid a lot more, i hate the fact that it comes back to money, eg solicitors fees and deposit.

with regard to the dog, he is in both our names, and he says he'll sign the kennel club paperwork to sign him over completely to me, thank goodness.

I know a couple who split last year and they wanted to remove one of their names from the mortgage. The mortgage lender wouldn't let them just do this as they need to be sure that the person taking on the mortgage is able to afford the payments.
jane

when we took out the mortgage i was still a student nurse, and my wages werent taken into consideration, just my boyfs, but both names were put on mortgage, so he is able to afford the payments, whether or not the bank decide to see it in the same way is questionable, i think they'll charge another set up fee :(  take every penny.

Mediation is sometimes a cheaper option than paying solicitors costs. They will have you in a room together and go through what you both want and what you are willing to give to the other person and come up with an arrangement you are both happy with. The mediator would then write this all up, send it to your solicitors who would make it into a legal document for you both to sign.
From experiance i know its roughly £1000 for 2 session, so £500 each but it was guaranteed to be sorted in 2 sessions. Cost a lot less than a solicitor sending letters and documents to and fro which you pay for every time but you would need a solicitor for the final document writing up and signing.

Don't have any advice Suz, just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.  Look after yourself, as you'll need all your energy to focus on other things.  And, as my favourite aunt says, it will pass.

Um they would not take my OH off the mortgage so i had to remortgage to get him off.  I thought the only way you could be removed is when you pay off your half of the debt.
You should both see a solicitor before you move out, possesion is everything.
A friend is divorcing now and they have frozen the bank accounts until both sort themselves out and agree who gets what out of the bank. I lost £16,000 first time out he kept the account and would not release anyfunds to me and my kids had to eat. That was a long time ago but unless he is really a good sort you may not be allowed to just move the bulk of the funds out.

Mediation is sometimes a cheaper option than paying solicitors costs.

As far as I understand it now, with a marriage, mediation is a legal requirement and has to be offered. I think you can refuse it but one of my friends is a mediator and she said she often see's people seperatly and it helps a lot. But the actuall finacial side of things will need to be heard by a court, it should form part of the divorce.  If this is a civil partnership then I am not sure, I do know the mortgage company will not just take your name off and will probably insist on the property iether being sold and the mortgage paid of then if your OH wants to stay he will have to arrange a new mortgage or him getting a new mortgage in just his name and paying off the old one that way. I had a very messy divorce with my ex and even though I walked away (Read was thrown onto the street..no dog's..no child! Yes a phsycological/abuser/bully can reduce you to this) with absolutly nothing (not a penny in my purse..no cheque book debit card..nothing) they still would not remove my name untill he sold the house and payed it off.
Divorce can be the hardest thing in the world to cope with, things get heated, and the knives come out. Do all you can to hold onto what you are entitled too. I was mentally unable to fight him and lost everthing I held close. I do now have a brilliant relasionship with my youngest who was 10 at the time but only through sheer hard work and commitment on my side and her ability to see him in his true colours as she has grown up and got a family of her own.
My thoughts are with you I know my case was the worst! and maybe you will be able to get through it with civility I hope so, but do make sure you are very clear about and outstanding debts you have in joint names.
Aileen

Oh Aileen how sad, I was lucky my ex was ok, he wanted the boys to have a home so i kept it.
But yes manipulative men can reduce you to your lowest point Im glad you survived and glad you have a relationship with your child. One of my very good friends has had no contact with her daughters for over 20 years, only the youngest contacted her not the older two. My friend had psychiatric (sp) help and when she recovered it was too late the girls were long gone.... She remarried years later had IVF ect but never any more children, she is still suffering now at over 50 from losing her girls.

> mediation is a legal requirement and has to be offered

I'm not sure if it has to be offered but i think solicitors offer mediation at it is cheaper than taking a case to court. Anything can be discussed in mediation, from finances to care of children. The only thing is you do need a solicitor at the end of it to write up any agreements you come to, just to make them legally binding.

:-)