I think Hubby is hoping that the threat will be enough to keep him off the stuff.......really don't know what I think at the moment.

The problem in making a threat like that is you have to stick to it, which you don't want to do, (really do you?) it's the last thing you want for him to leave home.  Your son will either know you both well enough to know you won't really kick him out, and so will now have carte blanche to continue as there is nothing you can do to stop him, or he will go just to prove a point and make you suffer. Or your husband will be forced to stand his ground and not damage his own ego. It's a no win situation really. :-(

Our children grow up with us and know us well, they know our morals and our opinions on most things in life. I am behind you a 100% in your stance against him taking drugs, there is no carefree attitude that it is a phase (from myself either) and he should be able to do as he pleases. My boys have grown up to understand the word NO! So has yours, you need to stick to your guns, but the car threat and a dressing down and then a talk about why he wishes to use a drug that destroys his mind and become a sheep doing as his friends do, should suffice and the mere fact it distresses you, that alone would have my son stopping, they love us too much to hurt us like that.

You have a good boy there luvhandles I can tell by all the other indications you've given, he won't wish to cause you pain, that's what you need to show more than anything.

My card up the sleeve has always been my words that "I've spent my life raising you and keeping you safe, don't do anything to undo all that hard work."

Only just saw this thread and i agree with what carrington has said. I dont think it will help to threaten to throw him out but refusing to allow him to drive may just make an impact - especially when you make it clear that it is a choice for him to make, drugs and drving just don't mix.

Kids are so difficult - why do we persist in having them :-D

The trouble with issuing threats such as "these are the rules - you obey them - or out you go" is that they ARE a challenge - and to a young man such as your son - will he rise to such a challenge?

I know that if I had issued such a challenge to my darling daughter - she would have fought it - and gone - so it was never a challenge that I/we as a family could win - so I never dared to issue it  - it was never, ever issued (and had it been so, it certainly wouldn't have been on drink/drugs).   My sons - a different story - I could say "this is the line - cross it at your peril" - and I knew that they never would.   But only you know your child - and how best to work with them.   And you do have to work with them - although they think at 16/17 they can conquer the world, you know that they can only do with with your help.

You may well have to rein in your "alpha male" husband here, Luvhandles - you will know just how far you can test your son - and you really do need to keep him within your sights.

Craigles did this brilliantly - by sending her son to her mother's - you may need to use this sort of strategy yourself!

Margot

Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me here - It really has made a huge difference to me and I don't feel so alone. At the moment I just cant get my head around the whole situation. Both husband and I are struggling to speak with Son although we did have a brief chat this morning before work/college. Son mentioned that he plans to book in for his driving theory test tonight after college so it gave us an opening to put to him that he needn't bother if he wishes to continue with the cannabis as he won't be getting behind the wheel of his car at all. I went on (and used Carrington's tactics - thankyou Carrington) I told Son that I had spent the past 17 years dedicating my whole life to him putting everything I had into raising the beautiful, healthy, intelligent, caring person that he is and that it was breaking my heart to think he is putting his health and future at risk by going down 'that' road........by this time Son's eyes were swimming with tears, I was in tears and he told me not to worry so much and that he isn't risking his health no more that we are by drinking alcohol - by this he means the couple of beers hubby drinks in the evening and the occasional glass of wine that I have mainly at weekend although I admit to having a glass of red a couple of nights this week when sitting out in the evening sun. I didn't really know what to say to that but I explained that our lungs would be a lot healthier than his if we could take a look at them and also that the fact that cannabis is illegal and our odd tipple isn't is enough for me to end that argument.  Hubby has asked Lewis to come straight to work tonight after college where he is going to sit down and have a good talk with him. We have taken on board that it maybe isn't such a good idea that we threaten him with the door so we will emphasize on the fact that the car will have to go if he persists. There is no way that I can just sit back and ride the storm so to speak and turn a blind eye to what he is doing, let alone give him my blessing which I think is what he expected me to do by the way he owned up and explained to me how he has 'researched it' and would never let it lead to anything stronger and the fact that he is doing so well at college and is in work reflects that he is getting on in life so it can't be affecting him so badly.........he cant see the side to him that worries us - the moods at times, laziness where he wants to just lay in bed more hours than he is actually up and active and for such an intelligent boy (which he is) the forgetfulness and general gormless behaviour that he often shows which always coincides after nights out :-(  I have argued this with him but he just brushes it off as nonsense.
Once again, thank you everyone for helping me through this. I will come back and let you know how we get on. x