I've just taken a very upsetting phone call from my wedding planner, basically the venue we have chosen for our reception have decided to carry out essential works to the building meaning we will have to our reception in a marquee!!! I'm absolutely furious, I don't want my wedding in a marquee, we choose this venue for the character & exclusivity of the grounds - how can they do this to us?!  They know everywhere else is booked now so we have no alternative to choose plus they're not even making any special allowances for this inconvenience, we've paid over £1500 for the venue hire which did not include a marquee, I'm so upset, nothing ever goes right for me  :(

Well if you can't make a better of it, make the best of it, tell them you want a discount as you paid for the building not a tent! It will all be fine so don't panic but I would be getting the wedding planner to make sure that it is the most fantastic tent ever - loads of flowers etc and i would also get her to get you a partial refund, after all she is being paid to organise it so you don't have all the worry. On the bright side, the grounds will still be there!!

I'm sure your day will be fabulous, don't let this spoil it for you

How disappointing for you. :-( What I would do is ask for a discount because of their not fulfilling their side of the contract. If it's any consolation, some years ago I was invited to the reception of my father's employer's son; if an Earl can have a reception in a marquee, with several members of the Royal family as guests, then anyone can!

i can see why your upset as you paid for what you paid for, but like has been said make the most of it.
a lot of people WANT their wedding in a marquee, get a discount on it and spend it on gorgeous flowers everywhere. i think marquees done nicely look lovely.
you might be thinking of it as a tent but most marquees look fab.

JG and mahonc are absolutely right, a marquee can be made to look beautiful, so please don't let it upset you, it won't look like a tent at all (my wee joke :-D), I'm sure you have lots of wedding mags around, have a look through them for a marquee decorated in a way you can live with then get them to organise it for you. They should not get away scot free for disappointing you

Gembo, I would be furious, it's not what you paid for, firstly I know it's last minute but often other places do have cancellations, might be worth a chance of ringing around any other places that were on your short list to see if there is anything available, then book it and ask for a full refund, you are entitled to it, just mention trading standards and solicitors.

Secondly, if you have no choice but to have it there you need someone, finance, dad, uncle (not you, you don't want stress before your day) who is good at having a good old slanging match on the phone, ask to speak to the manager there or the HQ and have them explain how devastated you are and how the wedding is not what you wanted,  you should have some sort of refund for the inconvienience.

And thirdly, as others have said if it is to be in a marquee, I'm sure they will make it beautiful and you will make the best of the day, gembo I would be furious though at this point, they would have to do the building work after my wedding, but if nothing can be changed let the anger go, you have to or you won't enjoy your day.

I agree with all the above, i would be demending a better offer from them to get some money off, its not what you paid for and its a special day, you want the very best, i do think you should try ring for cancellations though at other places? Got to be worth a shot as some do have cancellations and then you may get it cheaper if last minute?

If you cant get a new venue, demend the best marque known to man!! You can get some really nice ones!

Gembo have you spoken to a solicitor yet?  As you have a contract with the hotel once the money is paid I believe.  Get your money back and have a lovely wedding in the marquee :-)  Naturally they will say it is a "goodwill gesture" but you are well within your rights to get all if not a good chunk of your money back.

just look how beautiful these are.....

http://www.marqueecelebrations.co.uk/some-looks.htm

Thank you all so much for kind words & advice, I've just been out for a walk to clear my head & I feel a bit better but I'm still upset.

I know marquees can be lovely & the pictures they've sent me of the proposal looks really nice but it's not what I want & certainly not we were sold or paid for.  The reception venue is based in private rose gardens, has high ceilings, balcony for the string quartet, private area with sofas to chill out in, bar & games room - the marquee has none of this.  Plus we can't even get to see until March next year!!!  It will have views of the house & that's about all.

I know it's not my wedding planners fault but she really isn't helping matters, states were not entitled to any monies back (we've paid over £2000 already) & that she thinks this is an upgrade!! well it's not her bloody wedding is it?!! Arrrggghhh!

Spoken to OH who is equally furious, he is going to call them this afternoon to discuss possible discounts etc, he buys for a living so is a lot better at negociation than I am so I guess we'll see what they say. 

Thank you again.

i thought these wedding planners were insured? surely you are entitled to another similar venue for the same price?

They surely can't now charge you for the venue hire?  Your wedding planner should be able to negotiate some kind of discount with them.
I have to say I've seen some absolutely gorgeous marquee setups, though.  It's not for everyone, but there are companies such as http://www.haremnights.co.uk/moroccan_bedouin_tents.htm  which do sumptuous, moroccan-style marquess.
I think I might have a worse wedding disaster story than you, though:  it must be the day for them.   I have just (literally today) had to cancel my wedding - we were going abroad and the cost was in US dollars.  Since booking the pound has fallen 40% against the dollar, and we just couldn't afford or justify the trip any more.  So we've lost the cost of the deposit and flights, as well as our dream wedding.

> know it's not my wedding planners fault but she really isn't helping matters, states were not entitled to any monies back (we've paid over £2000 already) & that she thinks this is an upgrade!! well it's not her bloody wedding is it?!! Arrrggghhh!
>
>

now that would get me angry!!!!!

i believe things happen for a reason, perhaps this will be far nicer than what you booked. either way dont get stressed this is your special day and you should try and chill and enjoy it.

Oh my gosh rosemarie, I'm so so sorry, you must be so upset.  I've got some friends who are getting married in Cyprus in May & they are having similar problems plus lots of guests pulling out as they can't afford it now the £ is so weak against the Euro.  What's your alternative going to be? Do you have a back up plan or is it back to the drawing board?

I feel so silly now for getting so upset about this when you've had to cancel yours, I'm so so sorry.

With regards paying etc & deposits I'm going to see if I can get in touch with other couples who are getting married there & see if we can pull together & put some pressure onto them, power in numbers if you like.  Most bride to be's are registered on 2 particular wedding forums so I'm off to post (angrily) on them!

Post angrilly away!  Hell hath no furl like a bridezilla :-)
I've decided to elope - OH will agree to that I'm sure.  So just the two of us to run off abroad and do a very private ceremony.  Big party when we get back though of course.

This really should be up to your wedding planner, what on earth are you paying her for otherwise? 'an upgrade' sounds like a cop out to me - is she involved with the venue perchance? I would be on her case as well.

But it will be beautiful so don't worry :-)

That's a good idea seeing if you can track down other couples - do you go on [url=]www.youandyourwedding.co.uk[/url] ?
I was pretty upset for a while about the prospect of cancelling the wedding - after we'd booked (when it was over $2 to £1) we watched the pound go down and down, so could see it coming, really.  We're now planning on having a very local wedding just before Christmas - luckily we live in an idyllic little village, and will get married in the tiny church, with the reception in the neighbouring village - a lovely country pub with gorgeous food, mulled wine, log fires, etc.  It's the complete opposite of what we'd planned, but at least our close family, friends and neighbours will be able to come.   The people in the village were very disappointed that we were getting married abroad as they love village weddings, and since they've known we're changing our plans they have been really lovely, offering to make the cake, take photographs, etc, so that has cheered us up a bit.
I do hope you manage to negotiate something with your venue - it does seem wrong to expect you just to accept such a drastic change. 
There's a saying that if you can survive the run-up to the wedding, that shows that you are meant to be together.  I'm beginning to see the truth in that!

Aww rosemarie your 'alternative' wedding sounds lovely, so nice to hear the village are helping you out too.  You'll be able to have lots of red, gold & green colours, cinnamon & mulled wine smells - sounds amazing!

Thanks for the link, I joined a while ago (when I was a bit of a bridezilla) so have just posted in the 2010 section, hopefully there will be some other B2B's out there.

Just to clarify we've booked the venue (National Trust House) through a events management firm & my wedding planner works for them (does that make sense?) so yes she is affiliated to them I guess.  OH has left a message asking her to call him asap, he's got his angry voice on!!

Just been looking at some gorgeous dresses, trying not to let this incident put me off after all it's about making a commitment to my OH & shouldn't really matter where we do it, but I'm a girly girl at heart & have dreamed of getting married my whole life (sad I know!!)

I would certainly ask for a reduction in the price since it is not what you had wanted, but probably it will be absolutely lovely anyway, I've been to a wedding reception in a marquee and it was gorgeous.
I remember quite a few things at our wedding didn't go as planned. Not to mention the honeymoon which was such a disaster we packed it in and came home early! But really, it is just the beginning of the rest of your life and we found it was best to take it all with a sense of humour, things rarely go perfectly but if you are sharing it with that special person that is what really matters. Just enjoy the day because after all that planning it passes so quickly!

Best thing about the "new" wedding plans is that our dogs can now come!  Are yours going to be part of the proceedings?

> Best thing about the "new" wedding plans is that our dogs can now come!

oooh ring bearers? there is a site i saw a while ago where they make a little cushion that you can tie rings to and then the cushion is fastened to the dog........

not the site i saw but cute none the less

http://www.bridalpeople.com/ring-bearer-pillows/5736.asp

I'd love for Molster to be there but OH has said no &I kinda agree, she'd cause havoc having all her favourite people in the world in the same room! Doesn't bear thinking about the havoc she would cause!

http://www.wedding-venues.co.uk/

Not sure if you have seen this site but maybe there is another good venue out there ?

Hi Gemma,

sorry to read your new but hopefully you will fnd something more to your liking or alternatively warm to the idea of a marquee.  It's such a shame that this is hanging over you when you thought arrangements were in place - it seems ridiculous that any venue would alter plans when reservations and desposits were made in good faith.

sincerely hope you manage to sort things out and don't let this tarnish you very precious day :)
best wishes, Teri

Hi Rosemarie

I read your intial post with my heart aching for you but see since then you have turned things around and your newest plans sound wonderful :)  It will still be the day of your dreams and, importantly, with your soul mate :)  No location can compete with what this day means to you both anyway - it's easy to get caught up in the party atmosphere or planned trips to exotic places but it's what's behind the finery and flowers which matters most!

very best wishes for a long, happy, prosperous life together.
Teri :)

Thank you, Teri - you're absolutely correct, of course.  It's the being married that's the important bit.

I love the ringbearer's cushion idea!  Though I can see my dogs spending the whole ceremony trying to remove it!  Am going to do lots of heelwork with them so they can walk down the aisle with me.  Hopefully everyone will look at them instead of me (I don't like being the centre of attention and that is the bit of the day I'm dreading)!

No take them my lot were doggie bridemaids and I even made special collars with roses round it. Luckily as well the hotel were very dog friendly and they were allowed free access to all parts before during and after the ceremony and had a great time especially scrounging food off everybody !

> we've booked the venue (National Trust House)

There should be something which can be done in view its National Trust i would of thought. Can you say which house it was that have done this to you, i do have contacts in the NT that may or may not be able to assist if you were interested.

I'm sorry that they have done this and there is no way that i would let them get away with this and not give you any form of discount, you are getting less than what you actually booked and paid for.
Lets hope that they can deck the marquee out in the style which you want at the very least, i would be expecting this at the very least.

> Though I can see my dogs spending the whole ceremony trying to remove it!

We had our 6yr old son as ring bearer (yes I know that's the wrong way round!). When I was saying my vows I could see him out of the corner of my eye struggling to get the rings off his thumb. I could see us having to use ring pulls  and then go to the hospital on the way to the reception (also in local village pub)! He managed to get them off just in time and without dropping them down the grating. You know what they say about children and animals.
Having said that my friend had her flatcoats as flower girls and ring bearers (she and her husband met through flat coat activities)  they were impeccably behaved and the photos are lovely, she had them carrying the rings and posies in little baskets

oh gembo! i'd be going mad!! get in touch with your wedding planner and have them make the hotel give you a hefty discount because that is just appaling!

failing that, maybe look around to see if maybe somethings free and if so demand a refund.

oh mahonc they are lovely!!

> have to say I've seen some absolutely gorgeous marquee setups, though.  It's not for everyone, but there are companies such as [url=http://www.haremnights.co.uk/moroccan_bedouin_tents.htm" rel=nofollow]http://www.haremnights.co.uk/moroccan_bedouin_tents.htm[/url]  which do sumptuous, moroccan-style marquess.
>

they are so cool :)

> oh mahonc they are lovely

the venue or doggy ring bearers???

> have to say I've seen some absolutely gorgeous marquee setups, though.  It's not for everyone, but there are companies such as [url=http://www.haremnights.co.uk/moroccan_bedouin_tents.htm" rel=nofollow]http://www.haremnights.co.uk/moroccan_bedouin_tents.htm[/url]  which do sumptuous, moroccan-style marquess.
>

they are so cool :)

rosemarie thats awful, i'm so sorry

lol the venue. if/when i get married my boy is certainly not coming, i can see flying dribble right down my dress (shudder)

Id be more concernd about the two muddy prints on a cream dress! ;) LOL

Bit of an update on the wedding, National Trust have agreed to refund our fee to them (£1400) if we decide not to proceed with the wedding however the events management firm are still refusing to refund the deposit paid to them (£500 plus vat).  We are disgusted at the why the whole matter has been handled & have made a formal complaint about the firm, OH is awaiting a phone call from the MD, however based on past experiences I doubt they will get back to us.  So it's back to the drawing board...hours venue hunting only this time the availability is going to be a lot less....argh! :(

I honestly thought that when I got married it would be the most magical time of my life, so far the organising has led to heart ache & stress, I can clearly see what some people either don't bother or go abroad :(

Not sure if this is an option, but could you not get married abroad? I feel this country creates and causes problems when there is no need.
Many other countries you can choose to get wed where you like, there is no need for it to be licensed. The idea of being married on a remote beach, away from prying eyes of a resort to me would be ideal, yet it just wouldn't happen over here, for the choice of beach/location that i would like.

Its only a thought..

Gembo just remember that weddings are not about where you do it,what you eat, what flowers you pick etc, its about standing in front of your nearest and dearest making a promise of love & devotion for the rest of your lives - thats what is romantic and magical-not the other stuff - thats just what makes the pictures look good.
I understand your upset but try to keep things in perspective :-)

Have you spoken to Trading Standards  to get their take on what you can reasonably request back when firms change the goalposts. They may give you some advice as to what to do.

Hi Gembo,

Don't post very often but thought I would today! I got married in October last year in this country and at times I felt like ripping my hair out, it was extremely stressful (I wont bore you with it all) but please believe me when I say that the end result was so worth all the original stress and worry. We had the most wonderful day and everybody really pulled together to make it a day we will never forget. I still smile and recall little bits of the day! IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER IN THE END. Stick together, talk it all through and make sure you have time off from talking and organising the wedding because it does become the only thing that seems to matter in your life!

When you do find somewhere else (try and forget the first attempt!) make sure the wedding co-ordinator is helping you every step of the way. They do it all day every day at the venue you choose and if you find a good one they will help. Mine was fab the whole way through, I was ringing and emailing constantly and she was always extremely helpful. She was there on the day, the whole way through and did a fantastic job.

You wont believe me now but remember the day is all about you and the man you are marrying and the people you love the most being there. The little bits matter but after you will realise they didn't matter as much as your first thought! So just enjoy all the planning, try and chill out (easier said than done, I know!)

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Sarah x

Thank you Sarah, it's good to hear I'm not the only one!  I know it's supposed to be about declaring a commitment to each other & that's all that counts but a big part of me wants an extra special day surrounded by all my friends & family in a stunning & memorable setting.  All the reasons we chose the original venue & I think this is why I'm finding it so tough :(  I don't think I'm being too much of a bridezilla, I just want a nice day!

Going abroad is not an option, especially with the recession at the moment it would simply cost far too much & it wouldn't be the same without family & friends who I know couldn't afford to join us :(

We have wedding insurance with M&S who we are going to consult to see where we stand, however I hope it doesn't come to us having to take legal action against the events management firm.  I don't think we are being unreasonable with our request I think they just want to make a bit of money out of us now, again reinforcing the image I have of being ripped off when organising a wedding in the UK - why do we stand for constantly being ripped off?!?

Anyway  I need to try & be positive & move on, thank you for all your kind words.  Hopefully I'll be posting with some more positive news! :)

Have you threatened legal action as that normally works to get a result in issues like this. What does the contract say about refunding deposits ?

We have told them we are consulting with our insurance provider to see where we stand legally, we can't see anything in the contract signed about deposits & we've only ever been verbally told it is non-refundable.

Unless there is anything in writing saying non refundable deposit they really do not have much standing in retaining the deposit expecially as the venue you booked ie the rooms etc are no longer available. Good luck and if the insurance do not come up with anythings did you pay the depost by credit card by any chance as that will be another way of getting it back failing that the small claims court will be the next option.

If they have nothing in the contract that says non-refundable then I would imagine that they are legally bound to refund. I would fight this one if  I were you.

I'm hoping it doesn't have to go that far but they know we're looking into where we stand legally which as you say normally works.  They wanted to charge a 2.5% handling fee if we paid by card so we sent them a cheque some months ago now.  We've still had no response from them even though we were promised a call...typical they're doing nothing to make us even consider staying with them.

I'm slightly concerned about an alternative venue, everywhere I've spoken to so far is booked....best keep looking!

We maybe able to come up with some ideas of places over here, what area are you looking for, what type of place and rough cost? Oh yeah and the date would help too..

Any help would be appreciated as I think work are getting annoyed with me looking for places at work...

We are looking for venues in West Yorkshire or Nottinghamshire

Something with a bit of history to it would be nice, must have great grounds for photos etc

Provisional date is 25th Sept 2010

Approx numbers are 65-70 for the day & 100+ evening - a lot of venues have a minimum number requirements during May-Oct

Cost isn't really an issue but within reason obviously!

Have you looked at Newstead Abbey in Notts?