Just to say how sorry I am on hearing that you lost your best mate today...

With Lola by your side I am sure you will do lots of crying together to grieve over this sudden tragedy for you & your family.

Love from magica & gang xxooxx

You are all so kind on here.  I feel Im amongst people who understand how I feel, my family just dont seem to.  Theyve always kind of made fun of me and the way I am with the dogs, its a standing joke, so I dont expect them to understand, but some of the things they have been saying have been so hurtfull.  My Mum has been great though, she saw Stavs and Lo every single day and loved them, but even she has asked (already!) if I will get another dog to keep Lo company.   No-one seems to realise that, to me, stavs wasnt "just a dog".  He couldnt be replaced.

I love Lola to bits and wouldnt be without her, but Lo was got for the kids mainly, stavs was always MY dog.  Without stavs I wouldnt have survived a really nasty divorce, stavs kept me sane, even though Ive got 4 kids it was stavs that stopped me from having a breakdown really.  He was by my side all the time, we nicknamed him "velcro-dog", bless him.  I couldnt even go to the loo without him following me and laying outside the door with his nose snuffling under the little gap of the door, if I nipped out to the shop up the road I would see stavs at the window, straining his neck to watch me walk up the road, his face full of worry.   Lola will stay in a room when I leave it, but stavs will follow me everywhere, he has to be able to see me. 

Thankyou for feeling as if you "know" (or I should say "knew") stavs.  I appreciate that hes not just a name to you. I feel I portrayed him in a bad light though, he was so so funny and a real clown,and the soppiest most affectionate dog ever, when I feel I can, I,ll share some stuff about him, and post some photos. 

Im dreading telling my youngest kids.  I wont be able to hold it together, I know that.  I dont know how they,ll take it?   I surprised at how the eldest have taken it, pretty much in their stride really, which hurts a little but I suppose I should be glad they arnt suffering.  So I just dont know what to expect with the youngest.   India (shes 7) will probably be like I am, shes a lot like me and wears her heart on her sleeve, so Im worried about how she,ll be, but Im not sure how my son will be, hes 9 going on 29!

Lola has been remarkable really.  She did see stavs on the floor after he,d gone (god, I cant bare to write that, i cant believe i am) and sniffed him, but she didnt react at all, she wasnt quiet after, or subdued, or bothered at all. Only by m,e crying, thats all.   Shes led snoring her head off next to me right now.  Im glad though, because if lo had been fretting then I would be upset at that so its better that shes not.

I keep wanting to come on here, probably because I can talk about this and know you all understand, but then I start writing about it and get upset again.  I keep reading all your posts because I know you all understand, but when I read them I cry again, so I just dont know what to do with myself at the moment.   I just want him here!   I want to cuddle him and see his silly face again.  And now Im off again...Ive never cried so much for years.
Thankyou all, I probably wont be on here tomorrow as I,ll be with the kids, and I dont know how that will go, but as soon as I can I,ll post.

Thankyou so much. 

So sorry to hear this and was wondering along the same lines as MarianneB as to whether maybe some health problem was a cause of the problems.

Be proud that he had a lovely life with you.

RIP Stavs.

Ive just moved a coat from the sofa, and stavs collar was under it.  I miss him so so much.  I can smell him on his collar.  Why did this happen, he wasnt old, he was fit, why him?   Maybe he was ill for a long time and I didnt know?  Would he have been in pain?  Can I ask someone who knows about these brain things, would he have been in pain when he went?  I cant stand this.

what breed was stavs? am i right in thinking a SBT? these dogs can suffer from brain tumours, which often show no symptoms until the very end, and can often just cause them to lie down like Stavs did. My friend lost a 3 year old bitch a few years ago, fit and healthy, doing excellent in the show ring, started seizuring one day out of the blue, they took her straight to vets, they kept her in, was referred 2 days later for MRI, and died in her kennel with no warning before she got it. brain stem tumour was suspected. :( very sad.

Sometimes Carmel in life we just have to accept what has happened..its so tough i and everybody else on here would know only too well..would you really want to know if he were in pain ? None of us would surely..

I still have my dogs old collar and used to sniff it just to see if i could still smell her..sometimes i come across it but i now just think of all the fun we used to have.. not the way she went to sleep.

Nothing will make you feel better but in time you will think of all the fun times you used to have and take comfort in that his spirit lives on elsewhere looking upon you...(i'm not religious but do believe there is more after this life and we one day will be together with our lovely animals once more)

Please try not to torture yourself with the ifs and buts..most of us do it i know but its not going to make this  heartbreaking time any easier for you...cry when you need to..laugh when you want to..remember the fun times and try a little smile in time.

Take care

Annee xx

Suzi, yes stavs was a staff.   I never knew they were prone to tumours?  

Annee, you are right, I really dont want to know if he was in any pain, what would that gain me? Nothing at all, its just another thing to hurt, and I shouldnt ask that question.  I just cant bare the thought of him suffering, thats all.  I want it to have been fast, I want him to have not known anything about it.  It was fast, it happened so sudenly, but the flailing around on the floor wont leave my head.  Was he suffering then? Would he have known?  see, Im doing it again, sorry, no I dont need to know these things do i.  Ignore me, I m all over the place in my mind tonight.

He was loved and he knew he was loved, thats all that should matter now.  Finding the collar threw me, I could smell him on it, Ive put it away for now but I,ll keep it and when I feel better I,ll probably be able to feel as you do, and think of the fun we had.  At the moment all I can think about is seeing him out there in the garden.

I have to go now, much as being here makes me feel better (yet sadder at the same time) I want to cuddle Lola.  What a fickle girl she is, shes lost her life-long companion but seems happy as larry and quite at ease! 
Thankyou again everyone.  There are no people like "dog" people. xx

You have my deepest sympathy - I am in the same state as you having lost my lovely Carly on Monday after fifteen years together - also from a haemorrhage. Time is the only healer and eventually you will have happy memories of your Stavs.

Hello
I understand exactly what you are going through having lost several (feline) very special fantastic members of my family to 'the bridge' over the past 20 or so years.  It never gets easier and it does take a while to get over it so give yourself time.  Maisie and Billy are my first two canine additions to the family and I don't even want to think about it with them!  I know that it will break my heart.  Like your Stavs, each one of those little cats was a special little character whose unconditional love knew no bounds as it is with my little dogs.  Don't take any notice of people and their thoughtless comments because for every one of them there are people who understand how you feel. 

My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Love

DavinaX

Hi,

I'm sorry for your sudden loss.  It's all so raw at the moment and you will still be in shock so nothing will make sense.  It's so hard to lose a dog that is your soul mate.

It was fast, it happened so sudenly, but the flailing around on the floor wont leave my head.

I've got epilepsy and with grand mal fits like Stavs had you are completely unaware of what is going on, it's horrible for those watching but the person/animal having the fit is not aware of what is going on.  Sometimes people and I would assume animals too feel a bit spacey or sense a smell just before they have a fit but certainly nothing painful.  It sounds like he passed without knowing anything about it, you knew him too well to not recognise whether he was in pain that morning or feeling unwell.

I lost a soul dog nearly two years ago and she was only just over a year old and felt very cheated and couldn't understand why these things had happened to her so can relate to some of what you are feeling.  Someone sent me the poem below which I found of comfort, maybe you will too in time.  While I still miss her every single day, I'm so glad she came into my life even for a short time and know she learnt what it was to be loved and taught me so much, I really do believe she was meant to come into my life and I'm sure Stavs was with you.

Lend me a Pup

I will lend to you for awhile
a puppy, God said,
For you to love him while he lives
and to mourn for him when he is gone.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years,
or maybe for two or three
But will you, till I call him back
take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you
and (should his stay be brief)
you'll always have his memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise that he will stay,
since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below
I want this pup to learn.

I've looked the whole world over
in search of teachers true
And from the folk that crowd life's land
I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take my pup back again.

I fancied that I heard them say
"Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done,"
For all the joys this pup will bring,
the risk of grief you'll run.
Will you shelter him with tenderness
Will you love him while you may
And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay.

But should I call him back
much sooner than you've planned
Please brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand.
If, by your love, you've managed
my wishes to achieve,
In memory of him that you've loved,
cherish every moment with your faithful bundle,
and know he loved you too.

So sorry for you hun. I hate it when we forget that are pets will not live as long as us and to lose one before its time is so unfair. A peace of your heat has left too. There is nothing anyone can say to make it better , but know we feel for you as we all know what it feels like to lose the best friend anyone could ask for. Maybe you could set up a website and dedicate it to him with photos and storeys .  BIG BIG HUGS . :(

I really don't know what to say to you, i've had tears running down my cheeks from reading the posts through, we've all gone through it and it seems many of us in the last 6 months or so, it does bring it all back but i really feel its good to have a cry out. It releases you somehow to allow you to keep going.

I can't imagine the actual situation you have gone through seeing Stavs like that, all i can say from reading your actual posts you do seem to be doing remarkedly(sp) well.

RIP Stavs and run free with all our beloved dogs up there, they will for sure look after you and show you the way..

I have to ask have you or are you planning on burying him in your garden or havign him cremated? The only reason i ask is if your 2 young ones, depending on age may be very upset it may help them and you to create something for a headstone as an example or a poem to read to him.. Its only a thought.

My thoughts are with you at this heart wrenching time, the pain does ease, we all know that and all the good times you had with Stavs will be at the forefront of your mind rather than what you saw at the end. Its coming to me now for Bentley, i saw him in a horrific state at the vets and that stayed with me for months and months, i now see and recall the laughter and fun times we had together and his beautiful face.

karenclynes, that post really helped me. Thankyou. I want to think that stavs knew nothing about what was happening, and that post helped me to do that.
As for that verse, well...Ive tried reading it twice now but dont get very far without being unable to read because Im crying, it is so so beautifull and has made me think.

Im not religious at all, but I do think Stavs was SENT to me.  Stavs was the kind of dog (breed and temperment) that would likely have been passed around from owner to owner, and end up in the wrong hands. Im going to tell myself this from now on.  With his many problems he would very likely have had a short life. been put to sleep early, if owned by someone else.  I gave him a good life here and I tried my best for him.  I made a lot of mistakes and wish I could put them right, but I cant, so no use feeling guilty over them now. But at the end of the day, stavs was happy here and forgave me every mistake I made and loved me no matter what.

My children are home any minute so I,ll have to prepare myself for that, its going to be so hard to hold it together but they are only kids and will need me to be strong for them, so I will be. But thankyou all again for such kind words and support, you have all helped me a lot. x

sorry crossposting then sue. I will be collecting stavs ashes and keeping them. I didnt know what to do at first as I was doubtfull that they would actually only BE stavs ashes, but apparently there is a disclaimer that states it IS only the ahes of stvs.  Im going to take them to the farm where Ive been taking stavs and scatter them I think. He could run free there, the only place he could, and I think it was his happiest time running around there free with Lola, so that seems to be the ideal place.  I will be going there with Lo often even though she doesnt need to be taken so far out, because its such a lovely place and she loves it there too, so we can always sit there and think of stavs.  I sat under a tree there only 3 days ago with stavs, so maybe i can even put a little plaque there or something? 

best of luck talking to the kids. i hope it goes ok.

i feel for you so much, you put so much love and work into him, you can tell that from your posts. he sounded a very special boy.

my goodness im so very sorry for you.
how awful.
xxxx

I'm so sorry :(
(((((((hugs)))))) xxx

I also wanted to give my support for when you tell the kids. I hope they can draw comfort from your dog Lo who seems a happy, stable girl. She is accepting events and now getting on with her little doggie life. I think being able to see Stav will have helped her and I'm glad for you that she is not pining- much better for you all.

That awful heavy feeling, that we all know when we have lost an beloved animal, will go, it just takes time. I'm glad you have his ashes that will help you.  

So sorry to hear about Stavs, what a terrible shock, my heart really goes out to you.

R.I.P Stavs x

I'm so sorry for your loss. Stavs sounded like a right little fire cracker. You are lucky to have had him in your life, even if his time was cut tragically short. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Take care and remember to smile, as he'll be giving you that staffy grin from where ever he is now.

M
xx

dont feel you have to scatter the ashes anytime soon. a friend of mine who has lost several over the years always keeps them for about a year before scattering them on the downs with her other dogs and her dad.

If it's of any help, there is a book called "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee which I found very helpful when I lost my dogs over the years. It is a mix of practical and has sad poems in it by Kipling and so on, but although it made me sad it also gives help such as what to tell children, and discusses things like what if the dog was just lost and didn't ever return? It may not be your cup of tea, but maybe google it and see what you think :)

Sending more {{hugs}}

Lindsay
x

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through but I am thinking of you - big {{hugs}} xx

So Sorry for your loss what an awful shock for you.
Run Free little man.

So very sorry to hear about Stavs, it must have been such a shock.

Like others have mentioned, I can't help but wonder if there was always a problem lurking and affecting his behaviour, if the vet didn't spot it at the time then you could hardly be expected to.   It's perfectly possible that Stavs was enjoying having a roll just before and knew nothing about it.

You gave him the best life he could have had, no-one could have done more for him.

So sorry to hear you've lost your special boy. I hope it goes as well as it can with your children. All of you can truly feel that you did your best for him.
Run free Stavs x

Thankyou for your words, they mean a lot.

Today has been horrible, telling the children was worse than Id even prepared myself for.  My youngest Daughter is totally distraught, and my son is much much more upset than I ever expected him to be, but is also very angry. He was angry with me, but I know grief does do that sometimes.  I feel much worse today than I did yesterday even.  The kids are all asleep now, obviously at this time in the morning, but I cant sleep,  I feel like the bottom of my world has fallen out,  Im not coping well at all today. I feel like Ive lost a limb, this house just doesnt feel the same as it did a few days ago.  I just want him back here.  Its not right without him. Walking Lo today I was just on autopilote really, we went to the park but it was a big mistake because I was in tears all the way around, and obviously other dog walkers I know from there were asking what was wrong, so I had to keep telling people about stavs and I didnt want to keep talking about it, in the end I cut short the walk.

Lo is behaving as if nothing has happened. I cant beleive that she simply doesnt seem bothered at all that stavs isnt here, surely thats not normal?   She has never known life without stavs here, he was here when she came and has always been around, theyve never been apart, so how can she adjust so easily to him not being here anymore?  Its good, I know that, but at the same time I almost feel resentfull that she seems to care so little, I know thats wrong of me though.  It makes me feel odd, kind of as if shes being disloyal to stavs, but I know that if Lo was grieving Id be upset for her, so its a strange mix of emotions Im feeling.  Im glad for Lola that shes not suffering, but unhappy for stavs that he didnt mean more to her. 

Thankyou again for all your kindness. The computer is going in the computer hospital tomorrow so I wont be online for a few days, I,ll miss being able to share stuff with you as you are the only ones I can really be open with about how I feel, people just dont seem to understand what stavs meant to me, and they say the wrong things. I know they dont mean to be glib about it, but they really dont get it...stavs wasnt "just a dog", he was MY dog, he was special and unique and my hearts broken. 

Your children are understandably upset and as you are the one they are closest to then it's you they will lash out at,I'm sure they do not mean to be horrible to you,think they simply dont know how to deal with grief and as they are children it can be hard for them to know how to cope with their emotions.

Lola is simply being a dog,and sometimes it can appear as if they dont care but really dogs dont feel grief they way we do. I know some dogs do grieve but I think by and large dogs do not grieve over other animals the way we do.
When I lost one of my girls many yrs ago the mother and daughter I had who were not related to her were happily playing together as if nothing had happened and I went through a phase of disliking them. As I came to terms with losing my girl it got easier and I am sure it will get easier for you in time.
Remember its very early days and the shock of losing your precious lad is still very raw right now.There are lots of people here who know and understand what you are going through so please dont beat yourself up and there will always be someone here that you can talk to when it all gets too much.
God bless

So sorry Stavs for your loss. I know how you feel as we had to have one of our girls put to sleep last year. Have some comfort that your other dog isnt pining at the moment as ours did and it was horrible. She wandered the house crying and when we had to leave the house she totally howled and wrecked the place which she hadnt done before. In our situation it was best for us to get another dog, not a replacement for our departed girl, just a new addition to our family. I was worried that rosie wouldnt take to the pup but she settled down immediately. I often cry about tanya but a lot of those tears are for the joy she gave us and the priviledge it was to have her in our lives. We all go through what ifs and regrets about the things we might or could have done but you did your very best for your boy when lots of people would have given up. I totally understand when you say that some family and friends dont realise the loss you have suffered and how hard it is for you to keep it together for your children. Animals are for life and you gave him a great life, he loved you and still knows that you love him. As the poem says they are only loaned to us and we take the best care of them. Make those tears, tears of happy memories with him and laugh at all the silly things he done. My heart goes out to you.
Loving thoughts
Donna x

I have just caught up with this and want to say that I am so very sorry, (((((hugs))))

Run free Stavs.

Stavs, so very sorry to hear of your sad news. Thinking of you and your family.

Ann

> Lola is simply being a dog,and sometimes it can appear as if they dont care but really dogs dont feel grief they way we do. I know some dogs do grieve but I think by and large dogs do not grieve over other animals the way we do.
>

exactly. we shouldn't humanise them, dogs are driven by the moment or else in the wild they would not have survived so getting on with things should be expected.

also, i should think its maybe possible she had more warning than the op...dogs can tell huge things about our and each others health, if this has been there for a while she may have been expecting it?

> but they really dont get it...stavs wasnt "just a dog", he was MY dog, he was special and unique and my hearts broken.

We all get it, we understand. It seems impossible to explain to others when our whole lives have been turned upside down by the loss of a pet :(

Here is a poem I wrote for my lovely 3 year old moggy, Molly, after she was run over by a car and left to die in agony on the road, I'm so glad we spotted her, bless her, she died as my OH gently lifted her off the floor :(

A simple petal on a rose,
that rose on a bush of roses.
Who would feel the loss
when a single petal fell,
dry, lifeless on the ground?
You would -
if it was your petal.

Here's another poem I wrote in memory of all my loved and lost pets.

Where you once sat
is now empty.
Where your footsteps once sounded
there's silence.
where once I could hold you
you're not there...
But I still see you, still hear you,
still feel you,
you'll always be
in my heart.

I hope these help you see that we do know what you're going through. Don't feel guilty for grieving, we all know there is no such thing as 'just' a dog, and it seems as if Stavs was one of those extra special dogs to you.
Take care of yourself.
xxx

Sorry to read about Stavs.  Hugs to you and Lola

RIP Stavs

Just take it day by day that's all you can do for now. Your head is going to be in bits for a long time in coming to terms with whats happened I'm sure. It will be a raw open wound for a long time yet.

I lost my beloved cat she was only 6 years old suddenly 2 weeks before Christmas and even now thinking of her I well up and cry very easily, its the young age that is hard to comprehend that they are taken from us that is hard to bear. She had a very loving friendship with my dog tinkerbell she is only a year younger and not seeing her actually dead has affected her as she is confused as to were she has gone- actually it brought me & tinker more closer together as she was always my sons dog and we grieved together she would come and cuddle me when I was crying my eyes out about it. Maybe if she had seen her dead then she wouldn't react the way she did when I or my son said her name, the poor dog would look about for her- heart breaking to see.Maybe that is why your girl Lola as come to terms with it, she knows exactly what has happened and dogs I'm afraid can be very logical in there.  It most probably would of been different if they had been living together for 10 years + I don't know for sure? I have all that to come with my lot now I have 3 dogs living here the eldest being 10.

Saying about your kids, my son took losing our cat badly he even put it in the same loss as losing his Father & Granddad in 06 then my mum his nanny in 07.
Him saying to me after our cat was put to sleep- Are we going to suffer another death in our family every year. Which showed how much he values our pets.
 

So sorry for your loss....what a terrible shock. But its true time is a great healer.T

And with regard to your other dog remember dogs live in the moment, she accepts because dogs don't think, "oh where is Stavs" they just accetp the present.

Take care 

having just joined this today i came across your story...been sat here in tears reading peoples comments..we have an 18 month old brown labrador retriever called hero and even now after only having him 17 months i know my family would be devastated if anything happened to him so i just wanna pass on my condolancies to you on your sad loss...your dog or anyones come to that, well they really do become a part of the family...
RIP STAVS.....

gary

I dont know what to say. I am so sorry. I can only imagine how you are feeling as I have yet to go through the loss of one of my girls. I do think about it and cry, even though they are all well. Its just that we know our lovely babies have such short lives compared to ours and because of that we have to make those lives as good as we possibly can, just like you did for your Stavs. Take comfort from the lovely messages you are getting. Although we never really get over such a loss, time does make it easier to bear and in time you will look back and smile at all those lovely times you had with each other, and the crying will ease.  Run free Stavs. ((((((((((((((())))))))))))))