ok ive found homes for most of my puppies and up until recently i had two left.
but ive been thinking about one of my homes to be and i just cannot rest over it,im not happy with the home hes going to.its hard because they are real good freinds of the family but i just cannot allow them to have a pup from me.i was ok at first and then some people started telling me about the couple who argue a lot and apparaently are borrowing money left right and centre.they are lovely people but i dont think i can send a pup of mine knowing theyre short on money,i want my pups to be secure and happy for life not suffer.and then theres the fact they really really argue a lot and with a young pup i dont like the idea of it

my problem is i dont know what to say to them,i dont want them to think ive been talking about them(i wouldnt like it)when people have said things about them.so to be polite i want to say something that they wont get upset with me over.
can anyone help me please.
i cannot be honest and say im sorry but your relationship just isnt stable enough.or ive heard you cant afford to but things.someone help me please this is so awkward for me and will be upsetting for them too.

your just going to have to be upfront to some extent-unless you lie and tell them that your pups have to go to other people that have left deposits etc.

you could just try and say something along the lines of, "im sorry but i really dont think you are in the position right now for me to feel comfortable with you having one of my pups. Im sorry your dissapointed but i really wont be changing my mind as the pup need a stable environment to be raised in"

they are likely to ask why- your just going to have to say that you have heard certain things that may or may not be true but either way it is enough to put doubt in your mind and you have to put the pups first.

Tamara,

How far had you got with this home? 

Had you promised them a pup?  Taken a deposit?  Said that you'd consider them? 

IMO the answers to these questions will determine how you let them down ;)  If you've promised them a pup already and taken a deposit then you will have to be very diplomatic about letting them down, but on the other hand you have to do the best for your pup ;)

How much do you trust what you've been told? 

> they are real good freinds of the family
> they are lovely people

These bits of your post sound like things you think or would say about this couple.  The rest of it is stuff you've heard from other people?

To be fair to the couple concerned it seems as though you'd be better off trying to ascertain whether you've heard the 'truth' about them.  Many people are struggling a bit with money at the moment and it may be a temporary situation for them - perhaps you could check what arrangements they are considering making about insurance?  If they do have short term cash flow problems then it's no wonder they are arguing...

I know you have to make the right decisions for your puppies but it seems very harsh to make a decision based on hearsay AND not to explain why you've changed your mind.  If you don't feel you can tell them what others are saying about them then you can at least find out how much it's true and whether or not that will be an issue for you.  Many people keep their shouting and arguing away from the kids and dogs for instance so that could be less of a problem than you think.  Just a thought...

I had a problem like this my BIL wanted one of our puppies, but even though they are lovely it just wasnt the right home,( they both work full time etc) I was diplomatic and said that unfortunatly they were all spoken for . My husband told his brother the truth and and hes not spoken to me since, but the puppy came first and has a wonderful home. Find out the truth and you decide

under normal circumstances when its people I dont know I am honest and tell them I dont think a ** breed of dog is right for them at this time.

I dont take deposits as  have changed my mind in the past ,I find when you get to know people waiting for thier pup they start to open up to you and you may hear something that you dont like and this leaves it open to change your mind.

With this situation you know them so you have to be diplomatic on what you say to stay friends with them and not cause a problem.

I would tell them that after scrutinising my list  I dont have enough puppies to go around and hope they will stay on my list for my next litter (in the hope that thier situation may have calmed down ) then keep it to yourself dont be telling other people as thats how rumours begin.

If thier relationship is rocky you may well end up with the pup back and you dont want to put a puppy in that position.

hmm, well im now more in doubt as i really dont know what to do.im not sure whats right and no ive not taken a deposit but have told them when they came to visit there would be a pup there for them.
i feel really bad but its my parents who have told me these things about them and as they know them better than i do i think id trust  them.my mum looks out for my pups too and wants the best homes for them as i do.
i dont think the money situation is because of the credit crunch apparently they have borrowed money to buy shopping for food a few months ago so it must be not too good.!!!!
I am going to go and do another home visit and see how i feel again.i will tell them my concerns and then tell them there and then what i decide.
this is so hard.

hi hun , when you go see if their garden is vey sercure ..see if you carnt find anyway that a pup could get out ??? and say to them thats the problem ...if theyve got no money they carnt get the garden done for a new pup ...just a thought ??? ...xx

If you've not taken any deposit, you could just say when they come over to visit that you're really sorry but another couple were so desperate that they left a huge deposit or something. Then spend the entire visit moaning about all the downsides to owning puppies and dogs, so they think they're lucky not to end up with one just now! :-)

I know people that temperament test their pups so that the right pup goes to the right home. Could you not tell them that you don't think you have a suitable pup for them in this litter but would be happy for them to wait for another time and another litter? Tell them that the pup you thought would be suitable for them has turned out not to be so. That way you could vet them better for the next time, or they may go elsewhere ;-)

You know the saying "Mum knows best" ? I really think your story is certainly a case where this is very true. I would trust your Mum's feelings on the matter, I really would - she knows them better than you. I don't think you should be beating yourself up over this as much as you are - your pups are your priority in all of this and not this couple.  Can you not just say you have now decided to keep another pup back for yourself and so sadly on this occasion you don't have a puppy for them after all ?

If these people are friends of the family, and you have a good relationship with them, what about having a sit down with them, and talking to them about what you have heard.  Say something like "are you sure this is the right time to bring a pup into the house".  Surely, if they are good friends of the family, someone in your family may know more about what is going on.  If they are borrowing money left right and center, then it would make me wonder too. 

Tell them (if you are wanting to not sell them a pup) "If these things I am hearing are true, I dont want to add to your problems with the added stress and financial burdens of a new puppy.  I want what is not only best for the pup, but for you as well." 

> I know people that temperament test their pups so that the right pup goes to the right home. Could you not tell them that you don't think you have a suitable pup for them in this litter but would be happy for them to wait for another time and another litter? Tell them that the pup you thought would be suitable for them has turned out not to be so. That way you could vet them better for the next time, or they may go elsewhere ;-)

well this is what i was going to say to them.
i was thinking of saying hes very dominant and maybe next time i do decide to have a litter id consider them.
its really hard though lol.
im finding it all really stressful

Very difficult I know and I am sure you will resolve this and de-stress. I did a home check once and the people were lovely but the more questions I asked the more I knew it was a no go. I just would not of been happy etc they reeled off a couple of dogs that had to be re-homed for various  reasons. They came across as impulse purchasers to me.

Anyway I think they thought it was a done deal but I said I would not be certain unless they passed the vet check that all my pups had before leaving.

you guessed it he failed! They werent upset because I in a-round-about way had done them a favour. I had been 'honest' and spared them very expensive future vets bills!

In your position, I would stick as closely to the truth as possible and keep it as simple as possible, any 'lies' you tell, no matter how well meant, are likely to come back and haunt you as these people aren't strangers to you or your family ;)  Not easy for you, but then homing puppies is never easy if you are trying to ensure the best possible homes, you will always agonise over something, no matter how many litters you have ;)

Just a thought if they are having money problems they may be looking for a way out as well.

> Just a thought if they are having money problems they may be looking for a way out as well.

they were definatly not looking for a way out! as id hoped they would be.when i got there he offered me the full amount for the pup and asked me to go shopping with them to get the right equipment for him,things id advise and things i wouldnt ect,but i still refused and left a very unhappy couple sitting in the front room.
i feel absolutly gutted and its awful to hear the tone of a really annoyed voice say yea see ya!!!
i still feel really bad but have made it better because this feeling will go when his new parents come to see him(when is yet to be decided as i do noty have anyone in mind yet)ive turned down some fab homes this year but picked the best all round.
all in all its been a crap day but im off out tonight to de-stress!!
thanks to all youve been great.x.x.

Well Done, you have to do what you think best for your pup.

Its odd how when you refuse people they think you can be swayed by the cash , I had a similar problem a few years ago although I didnt know them just realised after a few conversations that they were spinning me a few lies but I caught them out and questioned them when they came to view the puppies at 4 wks I told them straight I had changed my mind and told them why, first words out of thier mouths were 'I will go to the bank now and give you the cash' .....two hours later (couldnt get rid of them as they did thier best to persuade me to change my mind ) they left .
Just shows you how many new owners think we are in it for the cash...how wrong they can be.

> Well Done, you have to do what you think best for your pup.

thank you it wasnt easy,and as for people who think we're in it for the money you can tell those people a mile off.first thing my father in law did when he heard she'd given birth to 6 puppies was get his phone out and 'DO THE MATH' i was furious and told matt to not tell me what his dad says again(matt was visiting his dad and said they all arrived safe and that we're pleased its all over and bellas safe ect ect)
then the post man says cor you'll be alright for cash wont you,if they only knew how much time and effort goes into them they'd see its blooming hard work,sweat and tears are shed in this house(im not good with lack of sleep let alone no sleep lol)
we were lucky to not have to do a c section like so many do but ive certainly spent my fair share on vet visits for pups and mum and the milk for pups as they wont drink normal pup milk.theyre five weeks old and ive bought every brand now of baby milk goats milk and whelpie ect and they will drink cow and gate for hungrier babies.some may not aggree with me feeding this but i had to give them some kind of milk.
anyways its most certainly not about the money all i can do when someone mentions how much PROFIT i get is roll my eyes.i have no time for them im affraid.

It must really irritate you. It is bad enough being asked how much I paid for my boys..

> It must really irritate you. It is bad enough being asked how much I paid for my boys..

yes it does but unfortunatly you have to learn to rise above it,or you'll go mad.
its a money orientated world we live in sometimes.its a shame.

'DO THE MATH'

Ok I will:

-Stud fee: x amount of dollars
- health testing: x amount of dollars
- food for bitch:  x amount of dollars
- formula:  x amount of dollars
- whelp box:  x amount of dollars
- showing of bitch before mating:  too much dollars
- c section (if you need it):  here is my leg as payment, arm to soon follow
- KC costs:  x amount of dollars
- vaccines:  x amount of dollars (per puppy)
- well puppy check ups: x amount of dollars
- ultrasounds, xrays: x amounts of dollars
- food for puppies once weaned: x amount of dollars
- advertising the litter: x amount of dollars

See how this adds up not in the breeders favour??? 
Oh the last one:
COFFEE and CHOCOLATE (for the breeder, since they need it!)

So when people say "do the math" tell them the above.  You have and money isnt there to be made.  Money hardly gets recouped in the end, let alone, made. 

and also alot will take time off work so 8/9 weeks off work with no pay ..id say money isnt the reason at all as we all know :) .xx

If only some people realised the cost, not only financially but all the love, care, heartache, worry etc that goes with raising a healthy litter.

I had a couple come to visit our 1st ever litter of 9 puppies and the very first thing the man said to me was 'i bet you thought all your christmases had come at once'!!!!!  To me that was such a massive personal insult.  Needless to say i didn't let them have one of my precious puppies.

I still remember the weird couple where the bloke phoned and seemed so keen to have a puppy he was saying 'if we bring the cash with us can we take the dog then?' and I kept explaining (a) the puppy wasn't old enough yet and (b) they were coming over so we could meet each other and see how we all got on with each other. In the end I persuaded them that they couldn't just turn up and 'take the dog', fixed a date for a meeting, and they never turned up. I phoned when they were about an hour late and he said his wife was ill and they'd call the next day to fix a new time. I never heard from them again.....