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By Goink
![[gb]](/images/flags/gb.png "United Kingdom")
Date 14.11.02 16:30 UTC
Hi all - am looking forward to your opinions on my cocker's behaviour at home!
He's nearly 18 months old now and the most loveable, gentle but naughty boy you could wish for. However, his behaviour puzzles us, in as far as trying to understand how he sees my husband and I! This is what normally happens, if I'm home he follows me around like a shadow - even if he's resting and I go into another room he follows, even tries to get into the bathroom and whines outside when he can't!! If my husband is home alone - it's completely different and he'll hardly see the dog if he's working upstairs. Yet, in the evening or morning when he comes up to the bedroom to say hello(!) he'll be desperate for cuddles from my husband and certainly pays him more attention than me! He is also far more submissive to my husband than me because he tends to be much firmer and has from the start whilst I am obviously too soft!!
Just would be interested in your views - it's not a problem (except I suppose I need to improve his obedience (the dog, not husband!) just interested!
Thanks
goink
By Jackie H
Date 14.11.02 19:01 UTC
Without seeing what is happening it's hard to be sure, but it sounds as if he sees your husband as the boss and you as an equal. If you are all happy, no problem with that J:)
By BullBoxer4Life
![[us]](/images/flags/us.png "United States")
Date 14.11.02 21:47 UTC
It sounds to me like your dog has you very well trained. The reason he probably doesn't pay as much attention to your husband is because he knows he won't get much out of him. Do you give in to him when he whines? Do you try and comfort him everytime he whines or give him what he wants when he wants it? If this is the case then your dog probably feels he has you very well trained. It's a very common case of mistaken identity.
This can lead to major problems in the future in that your dog may come to the conclusion that since he gets whatever he wants from you, he outranks you on HIS social ladder. This can be a very dangerous situation in that he may become aggressive towards you as he gets older. It really depends on your dogs temperament and breed. Try purchasing a book on puppies and training. I find that the "Dummies" series is quite helpful and well organized. Good luck!
By Goink
Date 15.11.02 11:34 UTC
Hi again interesting responses so far - just to add a few extra comments.
While I am fairly soft on him I certainly don't give into to whines and he doesn't always get his own way. He is obedient to me in as far as I can groom him, take things out of his mouth, put his tooth gel on, bath him etc., without any fuss whatsover (hubby doesn't do any of these things!) He has never shown the slightest agression, even play biting or during fairly rough play sessions. We're both guilty of giving him plenty of cuddles and affection - it's hard not too when he is so loveable. The worst time for me is out on walks when he pulls like a train and he is better for my husband who from the start has pulled him back quite hard.
However, you have raised concerns and if you really think this, then what would you suggest I should do to readdress the balance, I certainly don't want any future problems.
Thanks for your input.
Goink
By eoghania
![[de]](/images/flags/de.png "Germany")
Date 15.11.02 11:58 UTC
Goink,
I remember some of your past posts :) It sounds as if things are working out better than they were a while ago :) :D
On your latest query........Personally, I think he realizes that you are the "source of all that is good" and wants to
BE with you as much as he can ;) He might be missing out on something good if you're not together. :rolleyes: You also might not be safe or he might not be safe if you're separate from one another :P :)
Your hubby might be the authoriarian, but while he respects him, your dog feels that desire to have the reassurance in the morning/evening of connection. He doesn't really care one way or another when your husband is home -- he's probably secure and very used to his absence. But the morning/night routine is what he's developed as a habit to 'keep things right in the world of ______ ' :) (you never gave his name, so I can't input it ;) :D )
The pulling bit on the leash --- well, you didn't communicate to him that you really cared one way or another if he did this, so he's been able to ignore you to keep doing it. In his view, if it was really important, there would have been a 'limit' placed on this.
Yeah, I know, complex thinking for a dog.... but I swear I can hear the gears working in my dogs' heads when I change or insist on doing something a certain way :) Better than that blank look I recieve from my hubby ;) :P ;) :P
None of this is scientific, but it's just a view that I've developed over the years of observing dogs :) :D :)
regards,
toodles
By 9thM
Date 15.11.02 12:15 UTC
If it's any consolation, Al's labrador is fine with me when there's just me, but as soon as Al comes home, she doesn't want to know me. And the TH is the reverse, she tolerates Al when I'm not there, but as soon as I'm home, she's totally and completely mine and just "puts up" with Al.
But they both know that Al and I outrank them and they're happy with their respective favourite human.
Stinky just does her own thing. She's a collie after all ;)
By BullBoxer4Life
Date 15.11.02 13:34 UTC
Sounds to me like Eoghania is pretty much correct. Your doggy keeps mental notes to himself about who is more lenient, who is "top dog," who he can get farther with, who is more affectionate, etc.
Ok, think of it this way. Let's imagine your dog is a 6 year old child and your the traditional mother who is always there for her child no matter what and your husband is the traditional father who wears the pants in the family and basically is in charge of everything. The child is probably going to love you both equally, but enjoy the company of the individual who "spoils" him the most right? However, since your dog is not a child, he respects a strict hierarchy. Thus, every morning and evening he greets your husband with great exuberance because he feels secure knowing that the "top dog" accepts and loves him as well. Furthermore, he may do it as a sign of respect towards your husband.
To sum it all up, I believe your doggy pays more attention to you because your more lenient with him and your husband is more strict. Why would he want to spend most of his time with someone who he knows is not going to be as soft on him? However, since your dog recognizes your husband is apart of the pack and distinguishes him as the alpha, he isn't going to completely ignore him.
Basically, it's all a matter of preference. He prefers to spend most of his time with whoever he is going to get the farthest with. That would explain why he is more submissive towards your husband.
Think about it, when you were a child did you want to be around the lenient parent who gives in the easiest or the authoritive figure who is more strict? However, this doesn't mean your going to completely ignore the authoritive figure. I think Eoghania hit it right on the head with his theory as to why he follows that morning/night ritual as well.
I have a 14 year old pup and it's raised by me and my girlfriend. I'm the stricter one always enforcing the rules with an iron fist and she's the more lenient one who gives in to his whines. You BETTER BELIEVE he knows this too! We both cuddle with him but he obviously prefers my gf over me. I usually feed him and take him for walks and play with him, but she gets most of the attention in bed. It's not fair but what can you do? I'm the playmate and the teacher and shes the cuddly teddy bear who spoils him. That's my theory, hope it helps you decipher the mystery! Good luck with him!
Rob
By 9thM
Date 15.11.02 13:43 UTC
Hmnn. I did
ALL TH's training and disciplining and she still prefers me over Al
By nouggatti
![[ie]](/images/flags/ie.png "Ireland")
Date 15.11.02 13:47 UTC
same with me Kate, i do all the disciplinary stuff, training, etc etc and Fintan feeds the dogs but they all come to me first.
Theresa
By issysmum
Date 15.11.02 13:48 UTC
That's because she's awkward :D :D :D :D
Fiona
x x x
It's cos she's a bitch (TH I mean)...say no more ;) :D
Melody - Who notices Hudson lurves soft Stephen ;)
By BullBoxer4Life
Date 15.11.02 15:51 UTC
Like i said before, it's all a matter of preference. Naturally, your dog is going to prefer the more easy going, lenient owner.
By Jackie H
Date 15.11.02 17:43 UTC
Not always, some dogs prefer the strong bossy type. J:)
By Sharon McCrea
Date 15.11.02 18:37 UTC
Does anyone have any idea why dogs pick particular people? I do most of the training and feeding and all of the dogs are treated in the same way. Most of them are 'mine' but a few have decided to be Ian's right from the start. Pixie was his to the point that if he went outside but was still on the premises she would lie behind the door waiting for him to come in again, Teelin adores him and Brett arriving aged 6 months came back from the airport with his chin on Ian's shoulder and would have it there permanently if possible. Then there is wee Ben, who is suspicious about people in general and men in particular, but loves the retired farm manager who lives down the road. They must have some reason, but I can't find any pattern to it except that dogs pick 'their person' very quickly, and don't ever seem to change their primary allegiance.
By issysmum
Date 15.11.02 19:56 UTC
Holly is more my dog than Chris's but I always assumed that's because I'm at home with her all day. I feed her but Chris walks her.
Ebony is definitely more my dads dog than mums though even though they're both at home during the day (both retired) and mum is the one that feeds her and dad walks her.
It's odd how they choose but there's nothing better than knowing that your dog loves you the most :D
Fiona
x x x
By eoghania
Date 15.11.02 20:02 UTC
Why do some people become close friends and others with all of the same interests do not????
Dogs probably just find one person "feels" more right than another. :) :)
To quote someone from "Shakespeare in Love" ;)
"It's a mystery" :P :P :P
By issysmum
Date 15.11.02 20:06 UTC
To quote someone from "Shakespeare in Love" "It's a mystery"
Wasn't that Toyah Willcox ???
Fiona
x x x
Fiona , no ....that was
It'th a MythteryLOL
:D
Mel
By SaraW
Date 15.11.02 20:13 UTC
ROFLOLWTSDMF @ Melody :D :D :D :D
By issysmum
Date 15.11.02 20:18 UTC
ROFLOLWTSDMF?????
I get the ROFLOL but it's the WTSDMF that's got me beat.
Fiona
x x x
(With tears streaming down my face)
;)
Mel
By BullBoxer4Life
Date 18.11.02 04:06 UTC
Maybe it has something to do with the dog's personality. It might be possible that some dogs prefer more lenient people because they are easier to "get over" on and some dogs may prefer stricter people because they need structure and rules in their lives for them to feel secure.
By eoghania
Date 18.11.02 05:03 UTC
I just sum it all up to individual "chemistry" and leave it with that.
I really don't think leniency/toughness has anything to do with a dog's preference one person over another. There's really not much logic or firm ruling behind the choice. Sometimes, we just overanalyze too much. I'll take a page out of my dogs' book and just accept it for what it is :)
It's my humble opinion and I'm sticking to it, whether or not others agree with me, that's individual choice too :P :P :) :D
By nicki
Date 16.11.02 09:45 UTC
Sounds just like our cocker Ollie (loveable but naughty) although not as bad as he was when he was younger (now 3). The major problem we had that started at about 18 months was his snapping at other dogs who came to say hello, I believe he felt he was pack leader and it was his duty to protect me. Now although we tried all sorts to try to reverse the pack leadership thing, (and at one point ended up with an v. unhappy dog) nothing really changed (he is good and does as he is told 90% of the time, the other 10% usually involves food, his first love!!!). However in the last 4 months he has NOT snapped at another dog and I do not worry any more when we pass one on our walks. I am not sure why this suddenly stopped, although on a couple of occasions when the other dog snapped back Ollie (all mouth and no trousers) would run away wimpering or squealing. Also on someones advice, I started to reward him for passing other dogs or letting them greet him without him snapping, so I suppose this helped.
I am resigned to the fact I am unable to change the 10% naughty bit, but I am happy he is better behaved with other dogs.
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